how to find a girlfriend?

[Hanon435]

i want to find one in real life. i'm not good at it. but i keep trying. i know what i'm looking for too. i think.

 

[FatherMuck]

i want to find one in real life. i'm not good at it. but i keep trying. i know what i'm looking for too. i think.

Be yourself. If you're not yourself, you're going to have someone loving you for someone you're not, which will catch up with you sooner or later.

And don't be afraid of rejection. Seriously. More women will say no than yes. Start by going up to random women and just talking to them. Not sexually, not with any particular goal in mind, just get comfortable talking to women you find very attractive.

This is opinion, not fact, by the way.

 

[ipldk]

Make friends with lots of women - even ones you dont fancy. You will find an endless supply of their mates who will already be willing to talk to you and will think you're a good guy because you're mates with their friend - then just be cool and let things develop.

job done!

 

[Eilan]

Don't act desperate, even if you are. Desperate men and women aren't sexy.

 

[Hanon435]

what does it mean if i don't hear back from them? i emailed one but she didn't reply after we emailed back and forth a bit. i emailed again later, but i don't want to email again too much. then again, she could just be busy.

 

[TheEru]

what does it mean if i don't hear back from them? i emailed one but she didn't reply after we emailed back and forth a bit. i emailed again later, but i don't want to email again too much. then again, she could just be busy.

If you've e-mailed her a couple of times since you have last heard from her, all you can do is wait. If she's interested in chatting, it will happen. If not, you'll have to move on.

Something that helps is to not be nervous when chatting with a woman or expressing interest. Lots of guys are nervous about what happens when a woman isn't interested in you. The answer is that, for the most part, it's flattering to be approached, as long as the approach is not unduly strong. Remind yourself that a rejection does not mean that the person thinks you are a bad guy or looks down on you. It just means that you need to keep your eyes open for the next opportunity.

 

[demon_driven]

with no intention to offend browsing your other posts you come off as very needy or desperate

also do not rely on the internet for a relationship that actually turns into something special, especially sites like this

while the oppurtunity is there the chance is very slim that you will find a really good relationship

i've experienced a few women that i've met online and honestly i can't say that it has ever been a great experience, while some of them were truly great women you can never get a feel for a persons true self through the internet

i suggest and going out and looking into some of your interests and put yourself into more social situations, strike up conversations with new people, new women but go into the conversation with no expectation, just talk to them as you would a friend

women aren't all that mysterious, you don't have to trick them, and there is no secret to it, just be genuine and courteous to ever woman you talk to without being over the top about it and it'll happen

the next time you find yourself in a conversation with a lady out in the real world and she seems genuinely interesting and she seems receptive to you just ask her to join you for a coffee or lunch

at worst she will say no and you won't be any worse off than before, you can't take every rejection or the fact that someone doesn't email you back as an insult you just have to take it as what it is. she probably is't interested if she hasn't gotten back to you within a week.

it tends to be that if someone is interested, they usually are eager to contact you

the most important thing is to get yourself into more social situations with women, just go do things within your interest and meet others who enjoy it

meet men and women, the larger your network of friends is the more potential you have to meet someone special as well

almost every relationship i've been in i've been introduced by someone else i know

good luck

 

[subwannabe]

It would be helpful to know more about you but I have to agree that you sound more desperate than anything else. This will turn off all the "good girls". The only ones you will be able to meet like this are the ones you are better off without. Even though I met my wife over the internet I would advise you to turn off your computer and meet real women. The strategy you are using now isn't going to work over the internet. I believe the only way to meet good women over the internet is to feel confindent enough about yourself face to face with women first and then you may get lucky finding someone online.

 

[Over_Lord]

Finding a girlfriend is easy peasy - although, usually, they're someone else's...

 

[SweetErika]

I agree that the real world is your best bet, although it probably wouldn't hurt to look at how you're coming across online as well.

Your profile here, for instance, doesn't portray you in a very positive light, IMO. It sounds like it's coming from a needy, desperate guy who's in his teens/early twenties, primarily interested in getting off/sex, and is focused on finding "girls" with good appearances. Add in the IM-speak and failure to proofread and use spellcheck, and you don't seem like a prime candidate for anything.

Is that how you truly are? Or are you a 32 year old who's reasonably intelligent, educated, interesting and seeking friendship and a relationship with a kind, intelligent, fascinating woman?

I'm not suggesting you change who you really are or appear to be something you're not, just that you take a good look at how you're likely coming across and try to present yourself well, online and off. In real life, make an effort to go out and be your best self: spruce up your appearance and hygiene if necessary, smile, be confident, don't be afraid to start conversations (with everyone, not just women you're interested in), focus on establishing friendships, engage in activities you're passionate about, etc. If you're not getting positive responses, reassess your image and actions; maybe your interest is coming across as creepy, you're giving off creepy or desperate vibes, you're not presenting your physical self as well as you could, you're focusing on sex or making offensive comments, etc.

If you have female friends, or even male friends who seem be attractive to other people, ask how they think you might improve your appearance and interaction with people.

And while you should make an effort to meet people, focusing on getting sex or a relationship will greatly decrease your chances of finding either. Think about practicing your social skills, learning about yourself and others, doing things you enjoy and meeting interesting people for friendship and more along the way.

 

[breezyblue]

looking at your profile a few things struck me as needing improvement. It comes across as sounding very immature and far far too focused on fucking. You don't develop a relationship based around one person being very horny - what do you have to offer a potential partner besides a cock? for example in the occupation section you say you supervise women's orgasms and give them advice???? i mean its a nice sentiment but what do you do? you must work or go to school or something interesting - what can you put there that will help show people what you are really about? if you are really looking for a partner/girlfriend focus on what you have to offer and what else you are looking for in a woman besides a pussy to fuck and her being 'cute'. Because frankly just about all guys are looking for that...what makes you so special that a woman would pass all of the others by and fall for you? certainly not the idea that you are willing to fuck her. good luck.

 

[juggler]

Take cue from her looks

Well, I've had my share of experiences..both good and bad. I think the best think that works all the time is to find the emotions going through her head when shes looking at you for the first time. I bet you'll come across a lady who wants you to open up and talk to her. Shes the best bet and now don't be shy and lose the opportunity. If you do, no amount of advice is going to help you. Good luck with the better sex.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You dont find girlfriends, they find you.

Trust me, theyre out there looking for the best deals.

Dont get me wrong, girlfriends are great, but they absorb your life and take the attitude that you exist to carry their burdens and plow their fields plus provide them meat & milk.

So relax! Enjoy having a life while you can.

 

[Hanon435]

i'm not looking on here anymore. not for a real gf. i want to find one in real life. here i'm looking for nice times, friends.

i did think that if i dont do much she wont expect much. if i do a lot she would want that all the time. i dont have time for that.

 

[SweetErika]

i'm not looking on here anymore. not for a real gf. i want to find one in real life. here i'm looking for nice times, friends.

Perhaps not viewing the women here as real or Lit as a part of real life is part of your problem.

There are a lot of fake personas online, but a lot of Litsters, for instance, are very real, genuine people who express themselves here just as they do in brick-and-mortar venues. I know because I've had the pleasure to meet and talk to quite a few people from this community and other sites. I'm the same person here as elsewhere and I start real relationships online and offline. I'm not alone in that, either.

i did think that if i dont do much she wont expect much. if i do a lot she would want that all the time. i dont have time for that.

Honestly, if you're seeking a relationship expecting to give less than your best, you're not ready for a relationship at all. You're wrong about giving less leading to people expecting less for the most part, and a relationship with someone who is willing to settle for less than your best isn't going to be a good/successful one. If you don't have the time/energy/whatever to really work at a relationship and give it your all, there's no reason to have a relationship.

Your best bet with this attitude is to pony up the cash for an escort or hooker, enjoy your time with them and go home without any expectations by either party. You might be able to find a non-pro woman who doesn't want anything more than the occasional date, sex, or whatever it is you're seeking, but to do that, you'll have to put yourself out there and show potential partners you have something to offer. No one worth your effort wants to spend time or have sex with someone with little to offer for free.

 

[infinity706]

Well, if he wanted to fuck a guy, there are many more that will put out with little to no effort. I've hooked up with guys that all I did was stare at them naked for a few seconds in a lockerroom. I also have 2 single female friends that prefer their sex hot, dirty, and with no strings attached. Of course, the majority of women that you'll find with no strings are married. I know a few that do hookups and their expectation is mostly just show up and bring beer. Getting a free fuck without a hooker is a lot easier than you make it sound. The only problem is, the women that do such things are very discreet about it, so you'd have to either randomly run into them, hitting on women or get to know them. They do seem to reveal their dirty secret easily to likeminded friends, though. Most of them even privately brag about their lists with as much enthusiasm as any guy. One I know of them even has her special list of how many married guys she's fucked. Many of the "easy" women are well worth the effort outside of the sex part, though. Serveral, I've been good friends with for years. They're just like any other women except they like hot, random fucks where they can be as wild as they want without being judged.

Well, Ms Erica, it looks like there's an area of sex that you know nothing about, but that's understandable, since it's not your thing. Of course, I'm pretty sure you're openminded enough to be ok with it existing even though you don't want any of it.

I agree with you, though, about there being real people on the internet. I've met and talked with some, too, and there are a lot of good ones. My brother even met his wife on the internet.

 

[Hanon435]

uh no guys. yuck. my stomach is turning now.

there's no point going all out. i doubt the first person i find will work out.

i wonder if i'm being too picky. a few women did respond but things just dissolve soon after. i think it has a lot to do with seeing them. i realize they are not what i'm looking for. i wonder if i should lower my standard but i also would rather be single than spend time with some people. maybe i'm destined to be single forever.

 

[subwannabe]

I guess it all comes down to what type of relationship you are looking for. I felt Erika made a terrific post but she, like me, was assuming finding a meaningful, good, long term relationship. If you are looking for something else then, of course, you can still find that too. I do have to point out that even though most people will not have the first person they find work out, it seems kind of negative to me to just assume that the first person isn't going to work out. With that kind of attitude I doubt the second, third, fourth, or fifth will work out either. You don't want to set your seights too high but then again you don't want to set your sights too low either. You have to be realistic with the expectations of what you want and whether the other person would want you.

 

[alyssawesome29]

Well okay, so I'm a naturally shy person and I started using the internet when I was 10 (so in 1999), and I started using the internet to find online friends on chat rooms to chat with and stuff ... Well, now I'm quite a bit less shy but I still use some dating sites to help ... Honestly, I went to OkCupid.com (no, I'm not advertising) and within the first few months I met my boyfriend for a year now ... You start off chatting on AIM/yahoo and learning about people you find attractive and then you take it slow ... Iono, maybe that will work w/ you (b/c I've always been naturally shy, too) ... So good luck

 

[Hanon435]

i could start a new identity, be myself and search online that way. it's so hard online with weirdos and spam. you never know who you're talking to. if you make them prove themselves by going on cam or mic some get insulted.

 

[Hanon435]

i keep moving. that's the problem. i'm never in one area for too long. i figure things can't last but i couldn't have some nice moments.

 

[shycoyote]

My suggestion would be to get involved in some activity in the real world that would give you the opportunity to meet women. Like a hiking club or painting class or political group, whatever interests you. That way you might find someone with similar interests - or at least one similar interest... plus you'll be able to get to know them without just straight asking them out.
You might find someone to go for some dates... sounds like you don't really want a "girlfriend" if your reason is that you move a lot.

 

[SweetErika]

i could start a new identity, be myself and search online that way.

So you're saying you're not yourself online currently?

Yeah, being yourself (while being aware of how things might come across) would be a really good start. Even if you're a weirdo, there's likely many good matches for you.

it's so hard online with weirdos and spam. you never know who you're talking to. if you make them prove themselves by going on cam or mic some get insulted.

Start by using your head. It's usually pretty clear that someone's not as they appear when the answers to good questions are off/inconsistent, they don't want to share much or anything important, seem too good to be true, ask for money/gifts, live abroad and really want to meet you, etc.

You can exchange friendly (fully-clothed) pics after getting to know someone a bit and suggest meeting for coffee a while later. If they keep putting off meeting or don't show up w/o a very good reason or phone call, ditch them.

This is what I do, and I've never been stood up. I always meet at a time and place that's convenient for me so it's not a huge deal if they don't show up or I want to end the date early. I expect them to give me their email and phone number before the date and I usually give them mine. I've met some people who reveal they're a little nuts after a couple of dates, but it's never been necessary to verify over cam or mic first, probably because my bullshit detector is pretty damn good and I ask tons of questions before even suggesting meeting. I only consider locals for relationships, too.

i keep moving. that's the problem. i'm never in one area for too long. i figure things can't last but i couldn't have some nice moments.

Why do you keep moving?

Honestly, though, you're coming across like you're chock-full of excuses. You're not yourself. There are too many fakes. You move too much. You don't want someone to have expectations of you. If there's even a remote possibility that you're making excuses, you need to figure out why that is and fix it before you look at dating/starting a relationship. If you don't, you're always going to make excuses for why people aren't good enough for you, the relationship won't work, you can't make promises or follow through, be a good partner, etc. And you'll always end up right back where you are now.

I'm not trying to be hard on you or negative, but this is a very real issue for some (a lot of, even) people, and if you're one of them, you'll only be doing yourself a huge favor by fixing it now, rather than later, when you might ruin the relationship with the woman of your dreams due to your bad habits of making excuses and looking for problems in people/relationship.

 

[linus4550]

I'd say, don't look.

You know when you're driving and you're trying to get some place in a hurry?
Usually you have car trouble or traffic sucks or all the lights are red and everybody seems like their pulling out in front of you?

Still amazingly, you get there on time.
And if you're lucky, you haven't forgotten anything.

 

[subwannabe]

I think I said before that you can't find success online until you have had success in the real world first, otherwise when you first meet up with someone you found online, chances are it isn't going to work out because you haven't yet mastered your real life skills yet, and that is what you need practice with.