How to escape an abusive bf?

[CaliChiklkk]

I have the same boyfriend that I've been with for about 2 years, and now we're both out of school, he has been abusive to me and I'm worried that if I decided to leave him, he will spread the videos and pictures he has of me. My parents would kill me if they saw

 

[ColtonWrites]

Do you have access to any of his devices? Can you delete the photos?

Your parents would be more upset that you had sex than that your boyfriend is hurting you? If that's true, leave them both. You're out of school - move out.

You'd be happier with an abusive boyfriend than someone maybe seeing a photo of you naked? Think about your priorities. You say your parents will "kill you." No. They'll be mad. Your abusive boyfriend? Might ACTUALLY do it.

 

[Zolitair]

Dear i think your parents would want you to be safe and happy!!!
If his is hurting youm they will be more interested in that, than those videos and photos.
Like above said, try to delete those videos and photos from his devices. At least here where i am, posting videos or photos of someone is illegal and can lead to many years in prison.

I think you will be much happier when you dump him.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

Get out. Right. Now.

The future maybes don't mean anything if you're not around to worry about it.

Will you parents be upset? Maybe. But if you leave. You'll maybe find out. Know what happens in an abusive relationship? It gets worse. Every. Single. Time. Get out now.

The only thing that matters is you leave that relationship NOW. Everything else comes second. Leave the home. Leave your belongings. Leave it all. All that is material and that can be replaced.

And please please please, see a counselor. Abusive relationships hurt you emotionally, physically, and mentally. Take the steps. You already know what you have to do.

Don't let the fear of the maybes be the reason your friends and family stand by not knowing you're getting hurt.

 

[NightL]

everything that @LatinaCarmen1980 said and if a polite request to delete all files in your presence is not respected or trusted go immediately to the police and ask them to follow it up asap. Hopefully the weight of legal consequences would scare him into complying.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

He can't do that he will be arrested for porno on the internet of which is a felony and if he posts them he will show everyone his ip address and where he is and if you are in nude photos and you were under 18 then that is kiddie porn and that has prison time for him and check the laws where you live , and if he does then file a police report for porn on him ,, that jail time big time

I know what you mean but most of the time stuff like this never gets, there was more than one incident of my school where somebody posted pictures of a girl but she said didn't nobody ever got arrested because nobody know who it was

 

[EmmAgain]

You can’t change him. You can’t save him. The only person here who can be saved is yourself.

The longer you delay, the harder it will get. Please get out.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

You can’t change him. You can’t save him. The only person here who can be saved is yourself.

The longer you delay, the harder it will get. Please get out.

thank u

 

[sexfest2016]

I have the same boyfriend that I've been with for about 2 years, and now we're both out of school, he has been abusive to me and I'm worried that if I decided to leave him, he will spread the videos and pictures he has of me. My parents would kill me if they saw

Get out. He will not change and you will get seriously injured or killed. I have a daughter not much older than you. If I found out her boyfriend had compromising pics or video of her, frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised in today’s world. If I later found out she stayed in an abusive relationship because she was afraid I would be angry with her about them, I would be devastated. Please get out. And thank you for posting. I’m gonna have a frank discussion with my daughter…

 

[ColtonWrites]

I’m gonna have a frank discussion with my daughter…

SAME.
Daughter says shes aro-ace but I still want her to know I'd be on her side in something like this. I'd have said the same about not being into sex at 16, but at 18 I met a guy in a hotel room and let him take pics.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

Get out. He will not change and you will get seriously injured or killed. I have a daughter not much older than you. If I found out her boyfriend had compromising pics or video of her, frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised in today’s world. If I later found out she stayed in an abusive relationship because she was afraid I would be angry with her about them, I would be devastated. Please get out. And thank you for posting. I’m gonna have a frank discussion with my daughter…

I hope your daughter feels safe knowing she had a great father

 

[sexfest2016]

Thank you. But I've got my challenges just like everyone. Give your parents the benefit of the doubt and get out. Don't let that keep you somewhere you don't need to be. It might be a good opportunity for you to have a conversation with your parents that needs to be had...

 

[Michael_Keaton]

I'm going to echo what everyone else has said and tell you to GET OUT and not worry about what might happen.
Your parents love you. They wouldn't be pleased about your lack of good judgement in allowing the pictures/video but they'd be even less pleased that you are staying in an abusive situation because of what *they* might think.
As to your friends, if the pictures got out and they saw them they'd be understanding. They would know that sometimes people do some stupid things when they're in love.

Walk away, hold your head up, and get on with your life. This, like everything else, will blow over in time.

 

[Blackbird93]

Your parents will be willing to work through the pic/video situation with you if it means you are out of an abusive situation. My wife was afraid to admit to her parents about where an ex was being emotionally manipulative and abusive because it would mean admitting she had sex before getting married.

 

[ColtonWrites]

I want to add one more thing to this thread.

DO NOT RUN OFF WITH ANOTHER GUY RIGHT NOW. Especially not an older one.

A post like this will have creeps crawling out of the woodwork to offer to "help" you get away from both your bf and your parents. Dont do it! It WILL be worse than just talking to your parents.

If you are genuinely worried your parents will HURT you or will throw you out of the house, have a plan for how you tell them and where you can go. Talk to your friends. People you know IN PERSON.

 

[jehoram]

We have an organization here called WEAVE (Women Escaping A Violent Environment). They have a hot line you can call and the person on the other end will be in a position just like yours, with access to all the tools you may need.

 

[velona]

For everyone posting that her parents would rather she be safe and will be willing to work this through with her - it’s lovely that you can’t imagine a world in which parents would disown a child for something like this but it does happen. It may be fear talking but just glossing over with “don’t worry about your parents” is very dismissive unless you actually know her parents and how they would react. That is not to say that she can’t or shouldn’t leave the situation but it adds another thing to think through, especially if she is financially dependent on them.

My advice - call the WEAVE hotline or another hotline for domestic/intimate partner abuse. Let them help you figure out a safe plan for leaving him and managing any fall out. Even if the worst happens, you can get through it.

 

[AwkwardMD]

For everyone posting that her parents would rather she be safe and will be willing to work this through with her - it’s lovely that you can’t imagine a world in which parents would disown a child for something like this but it does happen. It may be fear talking but just glossing over with “don’t worry about your parents” is very dismissive unless you actually know her parents and how they would react. That is not to say that she can’t or shouldn’t leave the situation but it adds another thing to think through, especially if she is financially dependent on them.

My advice - call the WEAVE hotline or another hotline for domestic/intimate partner abuse. Let them help you figure out a safe plan for leaving him and managing any fall out. Even if the worst happens, you can get through it.

This. As a parent, I can't imagine caring more about my daughter's reputation. As a child, I 100% would flinch at my parents finding out some shit. They are not understanding people.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.7233

 

[fool4u]

Ok Cali
There are 2 threads you have started on this.
This one and https://forum.literotica.com/threads/my-bf-likes-to-be-too-aggressive.1645437/
Is this a BF of 2 years or 4 months? Lots of difference there, especially if you are only 18 as you say in the other thread, and a BF has been taking photos for 2 years, that would mean he has underage porn, a seroius offense. That is enough for the police to take action now. Those photos could then never end up anywhere as he would be in so much shit if they do.

 

[apantyhoselovr]

seriously call police file a restraining order. when he shows up call them.

 

[Sultice]

dear
its not a joke
this all can break your future life
vids and photos with you its shit... What he’s doing – using imgs to control you – is often called image-based abuse. It’s illegal.

 

[Noor]

I have the same boyfriend that I've been with for about 2 years, and now we're both out of school, he has been abusive to me and I'm worried that if I decided to leave him, he will spread the videos and pictures he has of me. My parents would kill me if they saw

Tell your parents first. They would rather have you safe and alive. Increasing abuse doesn’t stop

 

[Noor]

seriously call police file a restraining order. when he shows up call them.

Also be prepared that restraining orders don’t always work.
When I was in my 20s I went to file one and the judge suggested I not do it because it would inflame my ex more, it would expose my new address and I would still be in danger. I didn’t file it.

 

[Noor]

Get out. Right. Now.

The future maybes don't mean anything if you're not around to worry about it.

Will you parents be upset? Maybe. But if you leave. You'll maybe find out. Know what happens in an abusive relationship? It gets worse. Every. Single. Time. Get out now.

The only thing that matters is you leave that relationship NOW. Everything else comes second. Leave the home. Leave your belongings. Leave it all. All that is material and that can be replaced.

And please please please, see a counselor. Abusive relationships hurt you emotionally, physically, and mentally. Take the steps. You already know what you have to do.

Don't let the fear of the maybes be the reason your friends and family stand by not knowing you're getting hurt.

Ditto, and don’t go back for belongings even with a friend, only go if the police are literally holding him somewhere else, like jail. I haven’t seen any known of two many abusive exes who have killed or tried to kill them and the other person when they went back for belongs, once even with sheriff dept in the house!

 

[Donald1961]

Ok Cali
There are 2 threads you have started on this.
This one and https://forum.literotica.com/threads/my-bf-likes-to-be-too-aggressive.1645437/
Is this a BF of 2 years or 4 months? Lots of difference there, especially if you are only 18 as you say in the other thread, and a BF has been taking photos for 2 years, that would mean he has underage porn, a seroius offense. That is enough for the police to take action now. Those photos could then never end up anywhere as he would be in so much shit if they do.

I already told her that and since I'm retired police officer, I think I know more than you, I'm also retired attorney