How to deal with your friend...when he/she is a flagrant asshole

[biggieds]

Ok, one of my best buddys has a stick up his ass. When I say stick, Im talking the eiffel tower. About every week, he flips out over something, and ends up bitching, and moaning, and crying, and all that crap, and on top of it he makes me feel like shit, and he turns all the women off! Now, just about everyone I know (my other friends) hate him, and say I just give him the finger and abandon all hope. No one really likes him but me. And I want to stay his friend, but I just dont know how I should/can cope with his shit for much longer...its just too much. One of my friends told me I spend too much time trying to be his friend, instead of having fun. Do you guys have any suggestions?

Dave

 

[Hairgrip]

tell him
nicely
be fair, be honest
be prepared to listen, cos sometimes people behave in such a way for a hell of a lot of reasons...
is there a theme to the things he flips over?
point out the positive things about him, and counteract them with the negative
parents are encouraged to say to kids 'i think it is brilliant when you...****..., but when you do ....zyx.... it is a real shame, do you know why you do that? is there another way you could deal with the situation?'


bonne chance
pob luc

Hx

PS excuse any waffle am off work sick

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Ok, one of my best buddys has a stick up his ass. When I say stick, Im talking the eiffel tower. About every week, he flips out over something, and ends up bitching, and moaning, and crying, and all that crap, and on top of it he makes me feel like shit, and he turns all the women off! Now, just about everyone I know (my other friends) hate him, and say I just give him the finger and abandon all hope. No one really likes him but me. And I want to stay his friend, but I just dont know how I should/can cope with his shit for much longer...its just too much. One of my friends told me I spend too much time trying to be his friend, instead of having fun. Do you guys have any suggestions?

Dave

Ouch Dave! This is a tough question to answer without knowing why he flips out so easily. As Hairgrip suggests maybe pointing out his positive attributes and then telling him that when he acts in a negative manner, its difficult to reconcile the two?
Maybe this friend has a disorder and needs professional help. Could that be an answer? It seems that so many people today have some mental tick that prevents them from controlling their anger and therefore they seem to blow up at the slightest provocation.
Maybe it was all of the chemicals in the drinking water when their mothers were carrying them, who knows??
Dave the decision before you is not an easy one to make, and its ultimately up to whether or not you wish to continue having this guy bring you down. Or, if there is something there that you can't turn your back on. Not an easy choice one way or another my friend, but only you can make it.
Good luck Dave

-kym- Feeling empathy for Dave's quandary

 

[biggieds]

thanks a lot, I appreciate it, and your advice worked well, like really well tonight. On the phone to me, he was on the verge of flipping out, and I just pointed out the positives and it worked like a charm.

He isnt crazy or stuff, but has really bad family problems. His brother is a drug addict, his dad is way to leaniant with problems, and his parents were divorced since he was 4. Also, he neevr sees him mom, etc etc. All of this i think causes the "flip outs," but thanks so much guys

Dave

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

thanks a lot, I appreciate it, and your advice worked well, like really well tonight. On the phone to me, he was on the verge of flipping out, and I just pointed out the positives and it worked like a charm.

He isnt crazy or stuff, but has really bad family problems. His brother is a drug addict, his dad is way to leaniant with problems, and his parents were divorced since he was 4. Also, he neevr sees him mom, etc etc. All of this i think causes the "flip outs," but thanks so much guys

Dave

Great news Dave! Now that you have given a little background on your friend, maybe it might be a good move to try and get him to see someone? As in a counseler type of someone? There's nothing wrong with talking over your problems with someone who is trained in these sort of matters and it may well help him to come to terms with all that is happening in his life before he either looses you as a friend or does something as a result of his anger. How awful it would be for him to loose control of his anger at the wrong moment and have something happen that would change his life forever! You may be the only person who can help him Dave. If this is the case, I wish all the best my friend!


-kym- Hoping Dave can help his friend get help

 

[Hairgrip]

Hey there Dave
Am glad all went well on the phone - has it continued in that vein? Sure hope so.

Re all the issues... i figure pretty much everybody has stuff going on in their lives, it's a matter of dealing with it all, in a way that means that life goes on well. some people can, many can't.
good friends are prepared to try when others give up and run away, well done mate!
Hx