As a long-experienced crossdresser with many starts and stops, purges and splurges, and no small amount of depression caused by frustration, it's taken me many years to get a grip on how to be a happier CD. We're all different in many ways, but we're all the same in one way: We love dressing in women's clothing. Why? Who knows? Probably for many of us there is a genetic factor; for others perhaps some quirk of early childhood development; or some combination of both.
It's all immaterial. The clear reality is that we have this need, this feminine side that's like an itch that needs to be scratched. It may come and go, or it may be ever present, but it's a part of us, there. always, in our consciousness. We may fight it for a lifetime, but fighting it destroys a part of our humanity, our soul, if you will. We look in a mirror and avoid eye contact with ourselves. We may come to hate ourselves. Or simply give up and lead lives of quiet desperation
Fortunately, there are ways to live with what until very recently has been called transvestism. And while my answers may not be yours, I think there are some things which all of us can incorporate into our femaleness, and at the same time limit our suffering--perhaps even attain some happiness. So the following are my rules for making the best of the sometimes confusing world of crossdressing. Maybe some of them will work for you.
1) Lose weight.
2) Lose weight. As Truman Capote said 50 years ago, you can never be too rich or too thin. A fat woman does not look good in women's clothing. A fat man even less so. If Marie Osmond can lose 50 pounds. so can you. It's amazing how really good many men can look in lingerie, skirts, blouses. etcetera if they are slender. Eating less can save you money, save your health, and save you from appearing pathetic in a maid's outfit.
3) Pay attention to your personal hygiene, just like most attractive women do. Bathe daily, keep your nails trim, shave away as much body hair as you can get away with. If you still have hair on your head, keep it clean. Think of it this way: Nobody (or almost nobody) finds a dirty, unkempt woman with body odor very attractive.
4) If you can't dress full-time, and most of us can't, then dress in whatever you can whenever you can. You can always wear panties, assuming you are reasonably careful. You can integrate certain women's clothing into your wardrobe and, again, if you are careful, get away with it. Reasonably unisex shorts, jeans, khakis, shirts--even shoes (NOT high heels).
5) For those times when you actually can dress fully, dress like a pretty woman, not a Jersey Shore bimbo (unless that's your aim). And try buying your women's clothing from a department store, not always Goodwill. Not necessarily expensive designer stuff. Pick a nice feminine outfit, take it to the counter and purchase it, try it on in privacy at home, and return it if the size doesn't fit, or you're not happy with how it looks on you. You'll soon learn what your sizes are in female clothing.
6) Go easy on the makeup, unless you're purposely trying to look like Irma LaDouce. Foundation in moderation, reasonable mascara or false eyelashes, eye shadow, a little correctly placed blush, and a judicious selection of lipsticks. And pluck your eyebrows with that same judiciousness.
7) Watch the way beautiful women walk, and learn. Good posture, no slouching, head up, don't swing your arms like a Marine on parade, take smaller steps--start observing how sexy looking women walk, stop, start, turn and pause.
8) Study Bruce Jenner's transformation on TV. Maybe you can't afford to have your nose fixed like Bruce, but much of what Jenner is doing you can do as well. If a world class athlete like Bruce can switch gender identification, chances are you can too.
9) If you have the chance and have the money (which most of us do not), you can go even further without giving yourself totally away. Facial electrolysis done gradually over several months. Collagen injections to your lips, discreetly, not like the Housewives of Orange County who end up with fish lips (use a Board Certified plastic surgeon, for God's Sake). Maybe a unisex haircut from a really good stylist who knows just how far to push it without going over the line.
10) Realize that without surgery and years of training, in all likelihood your voice will never be feminine, unless you are one of the lucky few who can pull it off. Don't let this demoralize you. You can still be a woman, just that rare woman who doesn't open her mouth very often.
So that's it. As I said before, use whatever you can and discard the rest. But the real point is to let your feminine journey go as far as circumstances permit. And to be as happy as you possibly can
It's all immaterial. The clear reality is that we have this need, this feminine side that's like an itch that needs to be scratched. It may come and go, or it may be ever present, but it's a part of us, there. always, in our consciousness. We may fight it for a lifetime, but fighting it destroys a part of our humanity, our soul, if you will. We look in a mirror and avoid eye contact with ourselves. We may come to hate ourselves. Or simply give up and lead lives of quiet desperation
Fortunately, there are ways to live with what until very recently has been called transvestism. And while my answers may not be yours, I think there are some things which all of us can incorporate into our femaleness, and at the same time limit our suffering--perhaps even attain some happiness. So the following are my rules for making the best of the sometimes confusing world of crossdressing. Maybe some of them will work for you.
1) Lose weight.
2) Lose weight. As Truman Capote said 50 years ago, you can never be too rich or too thin. A fat woman does not look good in women's clothing. A fat man even less so. If Marie Osmond can lose 50 pounds. so can you. It's amazing how really good many men can look in lingerie, skirts, blouses. etcetera if they are slender. Eating less can save you money, save your health, and save you from appearing pathetic in a maid's outfit.
3) Pay attention to your personal hygiene, just like most attractive women do. Bathe daily, keep your nails trim, shave away as much body hair as you can get away with. If you still have hair on your head, keep it clean. Think of it this way: Nobody (or almost nobody) finds a dirty, unkempt woman with body odor very attractive.
4) If you can't dress full-time, and most of us can't, then dress in whatever you can whenever you can. You can always wear panties, assuming you are reasonably careful. You can integrate certain women's clothing into your wardrobe and, again, if you are careful, get away with it. Reasonably unisex shorts, jeans, khakis, shirts--even shoes (NOT high heels).
5) For those times when you actually can dress fully, dress like a pretty woman, not a Jersey Shore bimbo (unless that's your aim). And try buying your women's clothing from a department store, not always Goodwill. Not necessarily expensive designer stuff. Pick a nice feminine outfit, take it to the counter and purchase it, try it on in privacy at home, and return it if the size doesn't fit, or you're not happy with how it looks on you. You'll soon learn what your sizes are in female clothing.
6) Go easy on the makeup, unless you're purposely trying to look like Irma LaDouce. Foundation in moderation, reasonable mascara or false eyelashes, eye shadow, a little correctly placed blush, and a judicious selection of lipsticks. And pluck your eyebrows with that same judiciousness.
7) Watch the way beautiful women walk, and learn. Good posture, no slouching, head up, don't swing your arms like a Marine on parade, take smaller steps--start observing how sexy looking women walk, stop, start, turn and pause.
8) Study Bruce Jenner's transformation on TV. Maybe you can't afford to have your nose fixed like Bruce, but much of what Jenner is doing you can do as well. If a world class athlete like Bruce can switch gender identification, chances are you can too.
9) If you have the chance and have the money (which most of us do not), you can go even further without giving yourself totally away. Facial electrolysis done gradually over several months. Collagen injections to your lips, discreetly, not like the Housewives of Orange County who end up with fish lips (use a Board Certified plastic surgeon, for God's Sake). Maybe a unisex haircut from a really good stylist who knows just how far to push it without going over the line.
10) Realize that without surgery and years of training, in all likelihood your voice will never be feminine, unless you are one of the lucky few who can pull it off. Don't let this demoralize you. You can still be a woman, just that rare woman who doesn't open her mouth very often.
So that's it. As I said before, use whatever you can and discard the rest. But the real point is to let your feminine journey go as far as circumstances permit. And to be as happy as you possibly can
