How to avoid premature ejaculation

[hothotmess]

This has become an issue for my partner and obviously for me. It is really starting to kill the mood for me to the point where I enjoy masturbating by myself more than having sex with him. It's very frustrating that he is done within a couple of minutes and I am left hanging. I want him to get back to the point where we can both fully enjoy the experience. Does anyone have any tips that actually work? I have tried getting him to slow down or stop before it happens, but that kinda kills the mood. Please help!!

 

[silverwhisper]

a: for how long has this been an issue, and how long have you been sexual together?

b: has had been under stress, begun any new medications or had a change in his diet recently?

obviously, this hasn't always been the case so he's gotta be aware of it too. have you discussed it yet?

ed

 

[NippleMuncher]

1 - What silverwhisper said.
2 - Make sure he gives you YOUR COOKIE FIRST!
3 - Any partner worth being with will be concerned about your needs as well as his own. If he isn't trying to make sure you're getting a cookie, or at least getting enough attention to be satisfied, then rethink continuing the relationship with him, as this behavior has to be well manifested outside of the bedroom as well. Who got time for dat?
4 - Assuming that he does care about you, then he will work with you to extend his stamina. He can jerk off before your bedroom sessions, he may not get another orgasm, but he will be able to stay hard much longer. You can jerk him off, then back off when he nears orgasm until he regains composure, then start again, this is called edging.

Increasing stamina takes practice and training of both mind and body. Like I said, if he's not willing to work with you on this, then maybe he doesn't deserve your company.

 

[Kalamain]

A question first then a couple of suggestions..

Can he wank himself off alright?

As stated up above...Get him to bring you off first....Or afterward. I guess you have some toys you play with?

One other thing that may help is for him to have a quick wank a little earlier...It will take the edge off him...See if that helps.

Also....Get him to put a condom on...It will dampen the feeling a little for him and with luck will last a little longer.

Most important....You have to help him through this. The biggest problem with this is that its self sustaining if not dealt with.

If he starts cuming too early then he will get stressed and then next time he will have performance anxiety.... And so on.

Maybe you could get him to have some play time simply for you? If he enjoys going down on you or playing with toys then let him do that. Just don't let him touch himself until you come off. Then you can either bring him off together or just watch him wank while you watch him. But keep talking sexy to him and lead him on.

If all else fails go see a doctor...It may be that something is wrong... Best to check anyway.

 

[ShavedGuyFor69]

go twice or more?

 

[hothotmess]

a: for how long has this been an issue, and how long have you been sexual together?

b: has had been under stress, begun any new medications or had a change in his diet recently?

obviously, this hasn't always been the case so he's gotta be aware of it too. have you discussed it yet?

ed

He just recently moved in, and he's had major lifestyle changes since then. Quit going to the gym, eating differently, and probably added stress of adjusting to life together. We sort of discussed it, his suggestion was to just have sex more often, but I honestly think that won't work well. I will try out some of the suggestions everyone has posted and report back. Does anyone have an article/how to website about edging? Thank you!!

 

[Kalamain]

Does anyone have an article/how to website about edging?

http://letstalksex.net/edging/

http://tantrictransformation.com/2012/08/15/edging-and-ballooning-two-exercises-to-help-cure-premature-ejaculation/

Thank you for being understanding for your man.
Too many women just make it worse by stressing out a guy....I saw this first hand with a good friend of mine. They are no longer together because of the way she acted about it.

 

[boutrosboutros]

What I do is try to remember the exact sequence of train stations on the Yamamote line that loops around central Tokyo.

It works like a charm...in that I orgasm more or less instantly.

Just kidding - Tokyo subway stations and trying to remember Manic Street Preachers song lyrics are two fail-safes for prolonging the experience.

Another option is just changing position. Keep changing position every minute or so and it sort of eases off the pressure.

 

[eljefe999]

Lots of good advise from others. My $0.02 is to have him double down on the oral sex for you (or get a toy) and make sure you get off first. He will love watching your orgasm. 69 is another way to control it. If you know he is a quick draw, dont sart sucking him until you are close to the O yourself.

I speak from experience.

good luck

 

[pplwatching]

.....

 

[hothotmess]

I'm reading between the lines, but it sounds like you've gone from good sex to early ejaculation rather than what might be textbook clinical P.E. Based on what you've added about your living arrangements, I think that the problem might be circumstantial.

My guess is that now that he's moved in with you, things are "more serious" in his head. That could mean anything from suddenly feeling more responsible, or just more responsible for your happiness and sexual pleasure, to second guessing the decision to move in. Perhaps he's feeling a little claustrophobic in the relationship, or just plain wound up and unable to relax in his hew home. Either way it sounds like he's overwhelmed by these changes and hasn't had a chance to relax and catch his stride.

I know that when I'm unable to relax, I am unable to control how long it takes me to orgasm. If I've had a bad day or am wound up for some reason then I am usually not able to last long enough for my wife to enjoy herself. If that happens over a period of days, weeks, or even a month, then of course performance anxiety creeps in which adds to the problem.

I will try your methods with him as well. We currently don't have much of a foreplay anyway, so this is a good excuse to get him into it. When I read your post, I really felt like it was him speaking to me. Living together and learning about each other's habits and such has been very stressful on both of us, but especially him. I think with a bit more work we'll have things going good again. Thanks again to everyone for the advice!

 

[Kalamain]

Who normally leads in bed?

If its him then maybe he doesn't like to be led? Is there any chance that you could lead and just let him relax a little?

pplwatching above had some great advice. Stress is a real killer in the bedroom.

Have you ever showered together? Showering and washing each other is a good way to start foreplay. Can't hurt to try.

 

[Carnevil9]

I just jump out of the way!

 

[Elixxxher]

1 - What silverwhisper said.
2 - Make sure he gives you YOUR COOKIE FIRST!
3 - Any partner worth being with will be concerned about your needs as well as his own. If he isn't trying to make sure you're getting a cookie, or at least getting enough attention to be satisfied, then rethink continuing the relationship with him, as this behavior has to be well manifested outside of the bedroom as well. Who got time for dat?
4 - Assuming that he does care about you, then he will work with you to extend his stamina. He can jerk off before your bedroom sessions, he may not get another orgasm, but he will be able to stay hard much longer. You can jerk him off, then back off when he nears orgasm until he regains composure, then start again, this is called edging.

Increasing stamina takes practice and training of both mind and body. Like I said, if he's not willing to work with you on this, then maybe he doesn't deserve your company.

Definitely agree with the practice and training part. Try a bit of intercourse then have him stop and use his fingers to stimulate you for a bit, then he can go back in for some more. If he can get you off wiith his fingers he may be less anxious about cuming too fast. Use some lube to reduce stimulation and take a break to do other kissing (up top and down below) as it's not all about pounding pussy after all. Enjoy being together and practice, practice, practice.

 

[MeekMe]

Try blowing him first (completion or no completion) than have him go down on you. During or after your orgasm, have sex. This is really good stuff

If you blow him to completion, usually by the time you get off he'll be ready to go again (though, everyone is different). Generally, after that orgasm he should last longer (warning: he may not come a second time).

If that doesn't do it for you, during sex just slow down, come to a stop, or switch positions. If slowing down or coming to a stop doesn't sound good, it's always nice to get some finger action on the clit either from you or him.

That's just some stuff that has worked at times for me.

 

[Noor]

If I come hard and/or a few times during foreplay I don't care about premature ejaculation at all and often my not caring seems to make it disappear.

Not all guys come from blow jobs, but if he does I would play some control games with him and try to get him not to come, back off when he seems almost ready, that way maybe he will get might in tune with his body and learn to slow himself down.

 

[boutrosboutros]

This is a rather unromantic option, but I've always found that if I'm about to enjoy myself too soon, so to speak, it helps to pinch the tip or the base of my penis between finger and thumb for about 5-10 seconds. The pain kills the climax, but isn't enough to kill the mood.

 

[NippleMuncher]

If I come hard and/or a few times during foreplay I don't care about premature ejaculation at all and often my not caring seems to make it disappear.

Not all guys come from blow jobs, but if he does I would play some control games with him and try to get him not to come, back off when he seems almost ready, that way maybe he will get might in tune with his body and learn to slow himself down.

In a somewhat sadistic "payback" kind of way to get his attention, you could follow this, in that you could pleasure him in any manner that works for him, and just as he's starting to get to "that point", you stop and walk away. A time or two of doing this will get his attention, and you can explain that this is EXACTLY what you are going through with his selfish ways.

To be clear, this is NOT what I am recommending you do, as it is a petty game, however, if you are dealing with someone who is selfish in the bedroom, the only way you're going to get through to them is to give them a bit of their own medicine. Ultimately, if you cannot talk about and resolve this as two caring partners, then there is no hope of resolution, much less a meaningful relationship.

I do wish you the best and hope you find resolution quickly and painlessly.

 

[manINcharge26]

I am a guy who suffers from premature ejaculation. It is very embarrassing and leads to some very stressful sex sessions. In order to counteract this "issue" I always dedicate 100% of my energy to my partner. This involves lots of kissing, fingering, licking and I spend a lot of time going down on her. I make sure that she gets what she is looking for. Then, once she is ready, we have sex and I ejaculate. Often I'll go back to taking care of her till I'm ready for round 2, which is usually much better.

The best thing that you can do is be understanding and know that he likely cant help it and feels very embarrassed about it. Try openly talking about it and making little suggestions on ways to make it better. Good Luck

 

[lemmesee]

This has become an issue for my partner and obviously for me. It is really starting to kill the mood for me to the point where I enjoy masturbating by myself more than having sex with him. It's very frustrating that he is done within a couple of minutes and I am left hanging. I want him to get back to the point where we can both fully enjoy the experience. Does anyone have any tips that actually work? I have tried getting him to slow down or stop before it happens, but that kinda kills the mood. Please help!!

When I was much younger than I am now and I occasionally had this problem, I'd masturbate and ejaculate just before I left my apartment for the date....and if it was a long social date, like a dinner or movie or a concert, I'd sometimes do it again quickly in a restroom....this generally solved the problem until aging and nature solved it for me

 

[MollyKat]

This is a rather unromantic option, but I've always found that if I'm about to enjoy myself too soon, so to speak, it helps to pinch the tip or the base of my penis between finger and thumb for about 5-10 seconds. The pain kills the climax, but isn't enough to kill the mood.

Maybe not ideal but can be turned into an intimate part of play, especially if the chemistry is right. Some of the best times was with an old boyfriend who used the "grab the base of your cock" method to prevent early ejaculation. Experimenting and testing his limits together was sexy ... him asking and letting me hold the base of his cock for him was even sexier.

 

[Noor]

In a somewhat sadistic "payback" kind of way to get his attention, you could follow this, in that you could pleasure him in any manner that works for him, and just as he's starting to get to "that point", you stop and walk away. A time or two of doing this will get his attention, and you can explain that this is EXACTLY what you are going through with his selfish ways.

To be clear, this is NOT what I am recommending you do, as it is a petty game, however, if you are dealing with someone who is selfish in the bedroom, the only way you're going to get through to them is to give them a bit of their own medicine. Ultimately, if you cannot talk about and resolve this as two caring partners, then there is no hope of resolution, much less a meaningful relationship.

I do wish you the best and hope you find resolution quickly and painlessly.

I would never be mean or "payback" a lover. Control games are only for fun for both of us. I tend to fool around before I have intercourse so my lovers already know their foreplay...

 

[NippleMuncher]

I would never be mean or "payback" a lover. Control games are only for fun for both of us. I tend to fool around before I have intercourse so my lovers already know their foreplay...

I was not suggesting "payback", per se, only that if the OP has an insensitive partner, that this would be a means to get his attention, that he wouldn't like being left high and dry and would then understand her plight.

In a perfect world, partners communicate about issues and work together to resolve them.

 

[matt8387]

I kinda have this prob. It may be just because he is so turned on by you. Your best bet is to get him to help you finish

 

[johnj000]

This stuff will do the trick: STUD 100 Male Genital Desensitizer, http://www.extremerestraints.com/penis-desensitizers_425/stud-100-male-genital-desensitizer_1557.html. Only ever used it myself with a condom on, as a note if you spray too much and it goes inside of the urethra (sp?) it doesn't feel the greatest. Usually I last about 5-15 dependent on how fast I want to go though with this stuff I went 2 hours easily once.

A vibrator might help as well at the same time.