How to avoid online creepsters

[Nameless_Rose]

Hello all! As a newish sub, I've been finding it rather difficult to make good contacts in the online BDSM world. I have a subscription to a BDSM personals site and of course I've noticed that there are a lot of creepsters out there, both Dom and sub alike. Although I can't give much of perspective on the creepy subs, I have noticed certain tendencies which I see as warning signs of a creepy Dom (creepy here means they just want to get into your pants or use you as a punching bag, or do any number of other unpleasant internet predator things). I wanted to share my list here not only to help out subs even newer than I am, but also to add to it. If anyone has any other warning signs, I'd love to hear them. Also, if any of you Doms would like to share what you try to avoid when searching for subs online, I'd be very interested in hearing about that too. Here is my list so far:

Avoid Him/Her if:

-His/Her first line is: "GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES SLUT"
-He/She seems to only to be interested in your kinks/physical attributes rather than your personality traits
-He/She immediately tells you to address Him/Her as Sir/Ma'am
-He/She immediately wants to cyber (not as much a warning of a creeper, as of someone who just wants some online ass)
-He/She tells you to do things which would compromise your family/work life
-He/She wants to meet after 5 minutes of chat
-He/She immediately begins describing all the naughty things He/She will do to you
-He/She asks for pics/personal info. but refuses to give you any
-He/She automatically assumes that He/She owns you after one or two chat sessions
-He/She keeps pressuring you to reveal things like your address/phone number/last name, etc.

Feel free to add to it or share stories about creepers you have encountered.

 

[myinnerslut]

these are all good things to avoid... i dont have anything to add at the moment. you might want to check out the thead ni the BDSM cafe about asshat pms....

 

[SpencerAlanMacLeod]

I am a switch who prefers to top. I have a dominating personality and I have been described as an Alpha by others more than once. Yet I have several things to add to your list. Before I married, I have had to leave a B.D.S.M. personals sight more than once for the following reasons.

I have encountered subs who:
Demand to serve me in ways they want, whether I have expressed a desire for that to or not,
Send unsolicited naughty pictures of themselves in compromising positions and demand reciprocity,
Verbally attack me when I tell them I’m not interested (I am more than a living whip),
Ignore my stated interests and limits.

 

[CutieMouse]

I am a switch who prefers to top. I have a dominating personality and I have been described as an Alpha by others more than once. Yet I have several things to add to your list. Before I married, I have had to leave a B.D.S.M. personals sight more than once for the following reasons.

I have encountered subs who:
Demand to serve me in ways they want, whether I have expressed a desire for that to or not,
Send unsolicited naughty pictures of themselves in compromising positions and demand reciprocity,
Verbally attack me when I tell them I’m not interested (I am more than a living whip),
Ignore my stated interests and limits.

Good point- online creepy people can fall on either side of the power spectrum.

 

[LadyAria]

Hello all! As a newish sub, I've been finding it rather difficult to make good contacts in the online BDSM world. I have a subscription to a BDSM personals site and of course I've noticed that there are a lot of creepsters out there, both Dom and sub alike. Although I can't give much of perspective on the creepy subs, I have noticed certain tendencies which I see as warning signs of a creepy Dom (creepy here means they just want to get into your pants or use you as a punching bag, or do any number of other unpleasant internet predator things). I wanted to share my list here not only to help out subs even newer than I am, but also to add to it. If anyone has any other warning signs, I'd love to hear them. Also, if any of you Doms would like to share what you try to avoid when searching for subs online, I'd be very interested in hearing about that too. Here is my list so far:

Avoid Him/Her if:

-His/Her first line is: "GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES SLUT"
-He/She seems to only to be interested in your kinks/physical attributes rather than your personality traits
-He/She immediately tells you to address Him/Her as Sir/Ma'am
-He/She immediately wants to cyber (not as much a warning of a creeper, as of someone who just wants some online ass)
-He/She tells you to do things which would compromise your family/work life
-He/She wants to meet after 5 minutes of chat
-He/She immediately begins describing all the naughty things He/She will do to you
-He/She asks for pics/personal info. but refuses to give you any
-He/She automatically assumes that He/She owns you after one or two chat sessions
-He/She keeps pressuring you to reveal things like your address/phone number/last name, etc.

Feel free to add to it or share stories about creepers you have encountered.

Wants to meet you privately the first time
Wants to play the first time.
Doesn't respect your limits (i.e. makes jokes or wants to talk about things you've already stated you have no interest in) or does not take the word no well.
Has online "moments" directed at you only to recover later and apologize
Wants you to pay for any part of his trip to met you or expects you to take him in your home his visit without asking

 

[Snoozebutton2]

You forgot to add posts pics of their cock first post . Mentioning this as they sometimes forget to make a file have to open and we innocent bystanders get sausagefested and not pleasent.

 

[ShyVixen]

That is the one thing that worries me about finding a dom online. I've already had two PMs offering to cyber - although I don't recall posting anywhere I was looking to cyber! lol

 

[ecstaticsub]

I found my DOm on-line but it wasn't through a personal ad or even on a BDSM site. We both were on a wifesharing discussion board. He had been on the board for years before I joined. Getting to know him by direct interaction in the more public arena of a discussion board and also being able to watch his interaction with others made it easier once we went to the more private IM and phone chatting.

 

[RawHumor]

This is good stuff.

Also, if the perv's username has the words "raw" or "humor" in it, he's probably one to be avoided.

 

[CutieMouse]

This is good stuff.

Also, if the perv's username has the words "raw" or "humor" in it, he's probably one to be avoided.

That made me laugh.

 

[graceanne]

This is good stuff.

Also, if the perv's username has the words "raw" or "humor" in it, he's probably one to be avoided.

Actually the best way to avoid online creepsters is to stay offline. Of course then you gotta deal with the r/l creepsters.

 

[RawHumor]

That made me laugh.

Thank you.

But it's still pretty solid advice.

 

[RawHumor]

Actually the best way to avoid online creepsters is to stay offline. Of course then you gotta deal with the r/l creepsters.

That's true... the internet just lets you find a wider array of creeps; creeps you couldn't have ever hoped to interact with previously.

The internet is not a good place for the terminally naive.

 

[HottieMama]

That is the one thing that worries me about finding a dom online. I've already had two PMs offering to cyber - although I don't recall posting anywhere I was looking to cyber! lol

Here's a really good piece of advice that a friend gave me a long time ago...Ignore the ones that ask for cyber and give the ones that don't a chance. You never know what you might find...could be a loser...but it could also be a good friend or the Dom of your dreams...

 

[CutieMouse]

That is the one thing that worries me about finding a dom online. I've already had two PMs offering to cyber - although I don't recall posting anywhere I was looking to cyber! lol

If you aren't interested in random PMs asking you to cyber, you might try adding a note to your profile saying you don't- there will still be people out there who won't bother reading it, but it should help reduce the number of random "UR hawt! Git on Ur nees!" contacts.

 

[graceanne]

That's true... the internet just lets you find a wider array of creeps; creeps you couldn't have ever hoped to interact with previously.

The internet is not a good place for the terminally naive.

On the bright side it's easier to ignore an asshat online - you hit the 'ignore' button. Their's no ignore buttons in r/l. I know - I tried the 'mute', and it only works on the TV. *pouts*

 

[SweetErika]

People (I deal with subs, mostly, but not exclusively) who:

- Are "do me" subs - they talk a lot about their fantasies fairly early on, have a laundry list of restrictions usually, in spite of claiming they want to serve... it's all "me, me, me"

- Send C&P'd messages and/or clearly haven't read my profile

- Refuse to meet in a public place after a reasonable period of time

- Insist they want to move in with me soon after first contact, or want to move from another state/country to "serve" me

- Call me Ma'am, Mistress, etc., and act like they're "devoted" to me immediately

- Insult me when I'm not interested, or in an effort to get their humiliation fix

- Talk about how unfair society is to men, male subs, white people, etc., or are bitter about all of the perceived advantages women have

- Want more pics, my chat info, ask if I have a webcam, etc., early on, usually with "There are a lot of fakes out there, so you have to prove you aren't one of them."

- Won't answer questions about who they are, their interests, limits and philosophies and/or only want to know about me.

 

[Chicklet]

If they specify they're looking for inexperienced subs only

can you say PREDATOR?!

 

[RawHumor]

On the bright side it's easier to ignore an asshat online - you hit the 'ignore' button. Their's no ignore buttons in r/l. I know - I tried the 'mute', and it only works on the TV. *pouts*

Yeah, that takes a restraining order or a mini-bat. *thunk*

 

[CutieMouse]

If they specify they're looking for inexperienced subs only

can you say PREDATOR?!

Mmmm I wouldn't agree 100% with that; some people might honestly enjoy watching/being with their partner as he/she explores things for the first time.

I also question if an inexperienced person is automatically at risk of being taken advantage of. My personal actual face to face real life "experience" wouldn't fill a teacup, but heaven help the person who thinks that means I'd be an easy target. (I do wish there were a common sense test people had to take before launching into BDSM relationships, though...)

 

[FurryFury]

On the bright side it's easier to ignore an asshat online - you hit the 'ignore' button. Their's no ignore buttons in r/l. I know - I tried the 'mute', and it only works on the TV. *pouts*

If they live with you, other than making rules about how one is to "fight fair" and have "respectful discourse", you are stuck.

However, if they don't live with you, that is what the locked door, eye hole, talking through the door as well as, answering machines and caller I.D. boxes are for.

I am well practiced in the somewhat provocative art of avoiding toxic people in our real life.

 

[FurryFury]

Hello all! As a newish sub, I've been finding it rather difficult to make good contacts in the online BDSM world. I have a subscription to a BDSM personals site and of course I've noticed that there are a lot of creepsters out there, both Dom and sub alike. Although I can't give much of perspective on the creepy subs, I have noticed certain tendencies which I see as warning signs of a creepy Dom (creepy here means they just want to get into your pants or use you as a punching bag, or do any number of other unpleasant internet predator things). I wanted to share my list here not only to help out subs even newer than I am, but also to add to it. If anyone has any other warning signs, I'd love to hear them. Also, if any of you Doms would like to share what you try to avoid when searching for subs online, I'd be very interested in hearing about that too. Here is my list so far:

Avoid Him/Her if:

-His/Her first line is: "GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES SLUT"
-He/She seems to only to be interested in your kinks/physical attributes rather than your personality traits
-He/She immediately tells you to address Him/Her as Sir/Ma'am
-He/She immediately wants to cyber (not as much a warning of a creeper, as of someone who just wants some online ass)
-He/She tells you to do things which would compromise your family/work life
-He/She wants to meet after 5 minutes of chat
-He/She immediately begins describing all the naughty things He/She will do to you
-He/She asks for pics/personal info. but refuses to give you any
-He/She automatically assumes that He/She owns you after one or two chat sessions
-He/She keeps pressuring you to reveal things like your address/phone number/last name, etc.

Feel free to add to it or share stories about creepers you have encountered.

I love that you have learned something and wish to share it!

Bravo!

Your points are very good ones too!

Other's have added great things on this thread as well.



To all who want em!

 

[Nameless_Rose]

wow

I feel special. I wasn't expecting this thread to get this many replies. Yeah! And thank you to everyone who responded!

 

[graceanne]

(I do wish there were a common sense test people had to take before launching into BDSM relationships, though...)

Do you think the DMV could give that test, too? You know, before issuing drivers licenses. Or maybe vital statistics before issuing marriage certificates. . . . Screw that, their's a billion things a common sense test would come in handy on.

 

[SweetErika]

Do you think the DMV could give that test, too? You know, before issuing drivers licenses. Or maybe vital statistics before issuing marriage certificates. . . . Screw that, their's a billion things a common sense test would come in handy on.

I'd vote for someone doing a common sense test before people are allowed to have children, too. Every good parent makes their fair share of mistakes, but there are some people who are just too stupid to raise children.