How start out?

[MissShelly]

I'm new here, this is my second post. First one was in the introduce yourself thread.

Husband and I have been married for about 12 years now. I want to get into BDSM and my husband is on board with giving it a try. How we discovered I would like it a little rough.. I was always biting him and he didn't like it. So one day, in the shower to "teach me a lesson," he bit me back, way harder than I ever bit him. OH MY GOSH, it did it for me. Totally backfired on him. LOL

Anyway, he's held me down some, bites me, pinches, and does a little spanking. I want to get more into, but not sure how to transition into "more." He's on board with it (as I mentioned earlier). He has admitted that he likes it when I'm wound up and he can tell I'm going to want it a little rough.

SO.. any suggestions on how to get from very minimal play into something.. ."more?" He's been working out of town for about two months now, I'll see him in a few weeks over the weekend, then it'll be at least a month before I see him again. Would be fun to have some "play time," when he comes for a visit!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

There are any number of ways for you and your husband to get into "more". Depending where you live, or where he works, you may have an active BDSM/kink community where you can attend classes on "How to..." or relationship issues or whatever.

There may be a dungeon or play space that is open where you two can see what others are doing, how they are doing things, use equipment that you don't have at home, etc.

There's pretty decent sticky at the top of the forum: BDSM Library

You can both read books on the subject. Over on FetLife I keep this list handy for people wanting to learn more about BDSM/Kink/Leather.

I want to keep this list handy when people start asking about where to get good information. I'm sure I'll update from time to time... Most of these are in my personal library:

From Mystic Rose Books - http://www.mysticrose.com
Screw The Roses, Give Me the Thorns by Miller & Devon,
To Love, To Obey, To Serve by viola Johnson
and if you like erotic fiction -
The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou

Depending on your orientation and inclination I recommend the following (in no particular order except as they occur to me):
At Greenery Press - http://www.greenerypress.com
Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual by Christina Abernathy
The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Easton & Hardy
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Easton & Liszt
When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Easton & Liszt
Partners in Power by Jack Rinella
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
Safe, Sane, Consentual and Fun by John Warren
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

At Daedelus Publishing - http://www.daedaluspublishing.com/ :
SlaveCraft by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin
The Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin
The Master's Manual by Jack Rinella
The Compleat Slave by Jack Rinella
Leatherfolk edited by Mark Thompson
Leathersex by Joseph Bean

From Uncle Abdul - http://www.uncleabdul.com/UAweb22.htm (note: site is currently down)
JUICE--Electricity for Pleasure and Pain by Uncle Abdul. Available from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

From Cleis Press - http://www.cleispress.com/authors.php
Public Sex by Pat Califia
Sensuous Magic by Patrick Califia
Speaking Sex to Power by Patrick Califia

Also from Gloria Brame - http://www.gloriabrame.com (her website links to http://www.amazon.com for the book)
Different Loving by Gloria Brame, William Brame and Jon Jacobs
Come Hither by Gloria Brame

Available at http://www.lulu.com
Order for Discipline and Service Handbook by Order for Discipline and Service (the late Master Jack McG)

From The Nazca Plains Corporation - http://www.thenazcaplainscorp.com/index.aspx (book links direct you to amazon.com to order)
Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fireplay by David Walker and Robert J. Rubel, PhD.
Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave by Robert J. Rubel, PhD
Squirms, Screams and Squirts: Handbook for Turning Great Sex into Extraordinary Sex by Robert J. Rubel, PhD

The Big Blue Book of Etiquette by Emily Post (Mine is a 1937 edition)

Recent Publications:
The Complete leatherboy Handbook by boy Vincent L. Andrews - available from Adynaton Publishing - http://shop.adynatonpublishing.com/The-Complete-lea… (I have the first edition, which is no longer in publication)

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr. Charley Ferrer - http://www.bdsmthenakedtruth.com/ available as a pdf, Kindle or eBook download

The Control Book by Peter Masters, in Kindle format, http://www.amazon.com
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino (http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Guide-Kink-Eroti… Paperback or Kindle.
Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams (http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Well-Others-Discoveri… Kindle & Paperback

Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household by Machelle Kindle (Master Fire)
Ropes, Bondage, and Power: Power Exchange Books' Resource Series by Lee Harrington
Living M/s; A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships By Dan and Dawn Williams - all 3 of the above are published The Nazca Plains Corporation - http://www.thenazcaplainscorp.com

I could go on, but I think that's enough BDSM/kinky reading to keep any pervert busy and happy for quite a while! evil grin

Safe journeys,
- Geoff

 

[IrisAlthea]

I'm new here, this is my second post. First one was in the introduce yourself thread.

Husband and I have been married for about 12 years now. I want to get into BDSM and my husband is on board with giving it a try. How we discovered I would like it a little rough.. I was always biting him and he didn't like it. So one day, in the shower to "teach me a lesson," he bit me back, way harder than I ever bit him. OH MY GOSH, it did it for me. Totally backfired on him. LOL

Anyway, he's held me down some, bites me, pinches, and does a little spanking. I want to get more into, but not sure how to transition into "more." He's on board with it (as I mentioned earlier). He has admitted that he likes it when I'm wound up and he can tell I'm going to want it a little rough.

SO.. any suggestions on how to get from very minimal play into something.. ."more?" He's been working out of town for about two months now, I'll see him in a few weeks over the weekend, then it'll be at least a month before I see him again. Would be fun to have some "play time," when he comes for a visit!

You could try to find what it is you want more of. What about "rough" is it you like? Is it helplessness, being overpowered, pain, contol? What kind of pain/sensation is it that works best for you?
Ask him to think about his side of things. What does he like? Is it the control, your reactions etc?
From that you might find some common themes. You could use a check list to give you some ideas.. Just google and you'll find some.

Take a look at Stellas essay too:
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=42017419&postcount=148

 

[MissShelly]

Thanks so much for the resources to check out!

 

[Felix_Jones]

I'm new here, this is my second post. First one was in the introduce yourself thread.

Husband and I have been married for about 12 years now. I want to get into BDSM and my husband is on board with giving it a try. How we discovered I would like it a little rough.. I was always biting him and he didn't like it. So one day, in the shower to "teach me a lesson," he bit me back, way harder than I ever bit him. OH MY GOSH, it did it for me. Totally backfired on him. LOL

Anyway, he's held me down some, bites me, pinches, and does a little spanking. I want to get more into, but not sure how to transition into "more." He's on board with it (as I mentioned earlier). He has admitted that he likes it when I'm wound up and he can tell I'm going to want it a little rough.

SO.. any suggestions on how to get from very minimal play into something.. ."more?" He's been working out of town for about two months now, I'll see him in a few weeks over the weekend, then it'll be at least a month before I see him again. Would be fun to have some "play time," when he comes for a visit!

Don't bother. Get a divorce, they are expensive because they're worth it.

 

[IrisAlthea]

The fiercest anger of all, the most incurable,
Is that which rages in the place of dearest love.”
― Euripides, Medea and Other Plays

 

[orinocoflow]

If you're both definitely on board with the idea of taking it further, I would suggest looking around for an adults-only/fetish club in your area. You don't have to participate in anything, but you may be able to watch others engaging in various BDSM roles which may help you both understand BDSM a little more, or give you ideas of what you want to try with each other.

 

[MissShelly]

I am absolutely sure there is not one here in this very tiny town. There might be one back home in the larger city we're from, which is where we'll be returning to sometime in the near future. How do you go about finding a club like that?

Can anyone recommend an appropriate flogger for first timers? Something that doesn't hurt too much, but has a bit of a bite just to get a feel for it?

 

[Stella_Omega]

What do you think about getting your pussy slapped?

 

[MissShelly]

It has never happened. So im not sure.

 

[Felix_Jones]

It has never happened. So im not sure.

It's ubiquitous.

 

[MissShelly]

Not sure what you mean by that.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Not sure what you mean by that.

A lot of people do it, loads of women I've been with loved having their pussies spanked.

 

[MissShelly]

Ah. Okay.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Ah. Okay.

ghkjggkgk

 

[MissShelly]

Thanks for the tip.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Thanks for the tip.

hjkkh

 

[Socratic_Wisdom]

Am I the only one that sees the whole "journey rather than the destination" thing here?

I think there's a lot of self-discovery and satisfaction to be had exploring things for the first time. While all of the clubs and books are great, jumping right into them can be overwhelming and ultimately limit the way you think. I would say to first explore a few locked up fantasies you have stored away in your head before you do it the "right way"

Pussy spanking, rather spanking in general, is a good start.

 

[MissShelly]

Thank you! That's basically what we have planned for our first round of kink.

 

[Glycanthrope]

When we first started to explore our kink side, we would loot the house for any everyday household object that could be used in a kink connection: clothespins, candles, wooden spoons, clothes line... Then we just incoorporated it into foreplay without setting up an actual "session". Just playing around and exploring new sensations

As we grew more confident that we both enjoyed this, we bought a proper "flogger for beginners" - called "Whipping Willow" from Doc Johnson. It is pretty soft-core and can be used absolutely everywhere on the body.

We've moved on since then, but always gradually and gently.

 

[MissShelly]

Thanks, Glycanthrope!

 

[kingkoll]

pm sent

 

[IrisAlthea]

pm sent

Why not post here, where other people can make use of your ideas?

 

[Stella_Omega]

pm sent

You're kidding.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Am I the only one that sees the whole "journey rather than the destination" thing here?

What makes you think anyone here doesn't see the journey?

I've just provide some roadmaps that may, or may not, be used to help them figure out where they want to go along the way.

With SM play, ignorance isn't necessarily bliss, it can be bloody dangerous. And while the level of danger involved with a little spanking isn't the kind of danger one would encounter while engaging in fire play or breath play, or scarification, dismissing information that one may find useful for keeping their mutually enjoyed activities within the boundaries of any of the mantras used in the kink community to separate consensual SM play from abuse (Safe, Sane, Consensual; or Risk Aware Consensual Kink; or Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink) does them a disservice.

Having some info about HOW to "explore a few locked up fantasies" might be useful, n'est pas?