How reading online erotica helps me understand women better?

[elsol]

How many fucking frogs do I have to kiss to get a good story.....GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT?!?

what-the-fuck are they teaching people in school?

how fucking hard is to maintain tense... it's verb tense for fuck's sake...pick one and stick to it!

And jesus-mohammed-buddha-thetaoguy-themormomprophet-shiva-satan-and-everyotherdeitytypethingaround... is it too much to ask for someone to write a first sentence that does not make me hit the back button like I was in a hospital with the morphine button in my hand and a GW-Bush speech on TV!!!

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Purple Sage]

How many fucking frogs do I have to kiss to get a good story.....GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT?!?

what-the-fuck are they teaching people in school?

how fucking hard is to maintain tense... it's verb tense for fuck's sake...pick one and stick to it!

And jesus-mohammed-buddha-thetaoguy-themormomprophet-shiva-satan-and-everyotherdeitytypethingaround... is it too much to ask for someone to write a first sentence that does not make me hit the back button like I was in a hospital with the morphine button in my hand and a GW-Bush speech on TV!!!

Sincerely,
ElSol

Apparently so, grasshopper...

 

[Huckleman2000]

How many fucking frogs do I have to kiss to get a good story.....GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT?!?

what-the-fuck are they teaching people in school?

how fucking hard is to maintain tense... it's verb tense for fuck's sake...pick one and stick to it!

And jesus-mohammed-buddha-thetaoguy-themormomprophet-shiva-satan-and-everyotherdeitytypethingaround... is it too much to ask for someone to write a first sentence that does not make me hit the back button like I was in a hospital with the morphine button in my hand and a GW-Bush speech on TV!!!

Sincerely,
ElSol

ElSol,
Sometimes, you just have to go with the visual sort of stimulation.

I don't know why, but sometimes, the stories just don't do it for me.

You're right, though. When I'm getting my freak on, even typos get in the way. Is a cursory proofread too much to ask?

Huck's internal monologue:
Oh yeah! I've been there. That's just how I felt. Oh, yeah, that's just how she looked! I'm sure she had nipples just like that. Yeah, she was SO into oral. I never actually KNEW that, but that's just like I thought it was about with her, she just wanted to go down and I just fucked it up by bringing up my problem with perspiration, but she was SO ready to blow me... If I just knew when to shut up and let nature take its course, you know?...Yes. That's just when she would have walked into the room in sexy lingerie. And that's what I would have said! THIS STORY IS SOOO FUCKING HOT! I'M SO CLOSE, JUST HIT THAT 'NEXT PAGE' BUTTON, AND I'M HOME FREE!!

Wait a minute. Wasn't this 'first person' a moment ago? Okay, who is watching this? And why can't they spell? So, this is what she is thinking now? Wait... I'm confused. Who is trembling on the virge of release? And what is my role in this act? I don't have a 12" penis, for chrissake! Where did that come from?

 

[impressive]

You might have to pay for it.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

First line from a Work In Progress tentatively titled "Skin":

She came into the shop late on a Friday afternoon and took a seat in the waiting room just as he was finishing up a butterfly on the upper inside slope of Sally Anister's left breast.

Unfortunately, it then goes on to say:

She took his dick in her hand and gives it a kiss and he moans as he held her big tits that he will have had taken from her bra and with what I just said about his dick was squeezed and was feeling as good to him as it does to her breasts too, if you know what I mean.

I'm working on it.

 

[chris 44]

First line from a Work In Progress tentatively titled "Skin":

She came into the shop late on a Friday afternoon and took a seat in the waiting room just as he was finishing up a butterfly on the upper inside slope of Sally Anister's left breast.

Unfortunately, it then goes on to say:

She took his dick in her hand and gives it a kiss and he moans as he held her big tits that he will have had taken from her bra and with what I just said about his dick was squeezed and was feeling as good to him as it does to her breasts too, if you know what I mean.

I'm working on it.

Chris nods sagely.
"I see your problem Doc. That first sentence just has to go... "

 

[rgraham666]

If you're going to invoke all the deities, elsol, I find that "God, Allah to Zeus, take your pick!" covers all the bases and is quite efficient.

 

[TxRad]

If you're going to invoke all the deities, elsol, I find that "God, Allah to Zeus, take your pick!" covers all the bases and is quite efficient.

How come there are no deities with numbers?

Now there's a new question. Where's weird harold when ya really need him........

 

[oggbashan]

How come there are no deities with numbers?

Now there's a new question. Where's weird harold when ya really need him........

But there are.

The Tibetan Lamas are trying to list all the names of God and they include numbers in their designation.

Since they bought computers, the progress in the last twenty years to creating a complete list was moving fast...










Until they installed Windows.

Og

 

[Selena_Kitt]

She took his dick in her hand and gives it a kiss and he moans as he held her big tits that he will have had taken from her bra and with what I just said about his dick was squeezed and was feeling as good to him as it does to her breasts too, if you know what I mean.

*SNORT*


Damn!

First iced-tea spew of the day!!!!

 

[Belegon]

But there are.

The Tibetan Lamas are trying to list all the names of God and they include numbers in their designation.

Since they bought computers, the progress in the last twenty years to creating a complete list was moving fast...










Until they installed Windows.

Og

Good, I don't want the stars slowly going out....






(for those who don't get the reference, it's a classic SF story ending...)

 

[rgraham666]

Good, I don't want the stars slowly going out....






(for those who don't get the reference, it's a classic SF story ending...)

Beat me to it, Bel. That was a good one.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Good, I don't want the stars slowly going out....






(for those who don't get the reference, it's a classic SF story ending...)

Now, there's a name to curse with;
Asimov take yer miserbul black hide!

... Or was it Pournelle? It's been a long time...

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I doubt that WH is really a "God", but he IS rather cool.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I doubt that WH is really a "God", but he IS rather cool.

He must have hit demi-god status at least once or twice...
Thanks, Severus, now I know which anthologies to look in for that story
(edited to say- Wait a moment, no I don't!
Who is W.H.?

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

He must have hit demi-god status at least once or twice...
Thanks, Severus, now I know which anthologies to look in for that story
(edited to say- Wait a moment, no I don't!
Who is W.H.?

You're welcum, but which story?

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

He must have hit demi-god status at least once or twice...
Thanks, Severus, now I know which anthologies to look in for that story
(edited to say- Wait a moment, no I don't!
Who is W.H.?

Weird Harold.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Weird Harold.

LOL! I thought you were telling me which story it was in which the stars disappeared...
Betcha it was Asimov.(edited to say) that was easy enough on google- Arthur C. Clarke

 

[BlackShanglan]

Who is W.H.?

Reference to Oscar Wilde's "Mr. W. H."?

(Oh, I know. But any excuse to run to Wilde.)

 

[Stella_Omega]

Reference to Oscar Wilde's "Mr. W. H."?

(Oh, I know. But any excuse to run to Wilde.)

When geeks collide!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

When geeks collide!

I hope you have "geek collision insurance". Then again, the Universe is liable to be destroyed, leaving the point rather moot.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I hope you have "geek collision insurance". Then again, the Universe is liable to be destroyed, leaving the point rather moot.

I blame modern technology...

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Lmao. :d

 

[3113]

How many fucking frogs do I have to kiss to get a good story.....GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT?!?

Okay, so now you've got me wondering....
Should I be wounded to to quick because you kissed me and I'm a frog...or insulted because I haven't been kissed? And do I want to know the answer?

 

[Stella_Omega]

You have to kiss the right frogs, really.

What kind of woman do you want to understand better, Elsol? There are as many types of feminine mentality as there are for men- atheletes and geeks, right- and left- brainers, optimists and pessimists, Ivory-tower-dwellers and salt-of-the-earth, peasentry and royalty. And about seven hudred other categories. and every combination thereof...

On the other hand, if you're looking for women-written smut without grammer issues- There are more than a few of us here, and we all have links in our sigs.