SissyBrandi19
Daddy's Little Sissy
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2025
- Posts
- 183
As someone who has just completed their [REDACTED] decade of life as a free human (minus a smattering of ever-so-brief periods where institutionalization was gently urged suggested mandated by the courts), I realize that there are many young people out there, wondering. I would like to give back by stamping out that wonder and turning it into a disgusting puddle of lost innocence, thereby helping guide the youth of today down the path of developing a hardened heart. I cannot be selfish and hoard the Earth’s supply of cynicism, despair and abject hopelessness. I need to be better; I need to share. We’ve all heard ‘sharing is caring’ and I’m here to tell you that rhyming grants an idea no validity, whatsoever. Seriously, stop it, you look foolish. Still, I would like to provide my unsolicited advice, as solicitation is at least a misdemeanor in most jurisdictions.
Both individuals reading this essay have the goal of writing a book. I had a similar goal which I met a decade ago. A not-as-stupid-as-my-typical question occurred to me: How many words are contained in the average book-length book? As one can imagine, if one was born prior to the internet, an invention that has killed the brain’s ability to imagine, this question can be answered in multiple ways. One could ask the experts – those who have authored novel-length novels. Because I prefer grace over condemnation, I forgive such idiocy. While this question has many possible approaches, it has but one correct approach, the quantitative approach. Duh. I am an analyst, a person for whom quantitative reasoning is akin to an old, tattered but beloved security blanket. In a word, I am 'very weird'. Yes, I know - I said 'a word' and wrote two - it's called 'margin of error' my friend - welcome to the analytical world, a world in which I preside and you are but a casual and confused tourist. Let’s explore my world, shall we? Come on – follow me!
I asked myself this question prior to penning a single word of what became my first book, which, since its 2015 debut, has sold. I determined to start my project correctly, as the perfectionist I enjoy telling others I am. It is, after all, the optimal self-applied adjective to effectively elicit faux admiration. I also realized that in order to finish this project, I would be required to bring it to completion. Achieving completion would require my project remain a secret.
Psychology informs us that revealing a goal can lower the likelihood of meeting said goal. This is due to the faux validation one receives resulting in dopaminergic activity in the ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbens - stuff we all learned about in kindergarten. [Side note: I still remember the rhyme "Roses are red, Violets are blue, the dopaminergic reward path involves the nucleus accumbens, something-something Anhedonia"].
My vow of secrecy was aided by the fact that I am sans family, friends, acquaintances, well-wishers or anyone interested in any aspect of my life, with the sole exception of correspondence that is 'an attempt to collect on a debt'. Who needs others for validation when you have Excel 2016 and are gifted, i.e. born with the proverbial ‘Big Brian’? This led to me creating an Excel-based ‘Project Progress Tracker’. This mouthful of DIY dork genius had one goal – follow (i.e. track) the process of completion (i.e. progress) of my endeavor (i.e. project). Look, you can envy me but do not hate me. Or hate me, if you suffer from Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). It is not my fault that you are the one who is ODD.
One issue - how do you track progress to a goal if you have not defined that goal? Defining my goal thus became my pre-goal – I considered creating a second Project Tracker but quickly realized I was a moron which, though beside the point, gave me pause. Then I built some statistical models because that's what I do. Anecdote: I was once asked by a female human what I did for a living. Being the honest albeit homely person I am, I responded: "I model". This caused the inquiring human to laugh so intensely it caused what is known as an 'adverse medical event' - specifically, Incredulity-Induced Oxygen Deprivation Syndrome. I realized my response lacked the precision necessary to prevent possible choking for the person inquiring, so I now add 'statistical'.
A good statistical analyst might say "according to my model a book averages (M = x) words". I am not a good analyst; I am an amazing AF analyst, so my average includes a 95% confidence interval, because who wants to be caught with anything less than 95% confidence? You might as well be pants-less. More confidence? Arrogant prick. My model came up with a goal of 68,500 (74,500 UL; 62,500 LL) words. This was a shocking result nearly causing me to abandon my project altogether, until further research informed me that using the same word more than once is perfectly acceptable. Girded with the Sword of Knowing Stuff, I proceeded confidently. You now can, as well. You're welcome.
Both individuals reading this essay have the goal of writing a book. I had a similar goal which I met a decade ago. A not-as-stupid-as-my-typical question occurred to me: How many words are contained in the average book-length book? As one can imagine, if one was born prior to the internet, an invention that has killed the brain’s ability to imagine, this question can be answered in multiple ways. One could ask the experts – those who have authored novel-length novels. Because I prefer grace over condemnation, I forgive such idiocy. While this question has many possible approaches, it has but one correct approach, the quantitative approach. Duh. I am an analyst, a person for whom quantitative reasoning is akin to an old, tattered but beloved security blanket. In a word, I am 'very weird'. Yes, I know - I said 'a word' and wrote two - it's called 'margin of error' my friend - welcome to the analytical world, a world in which I preside and you are but a casual and confused tourist. Let’s explore my world, shall we? Come on – follow me!
I asked myself this question prior to penning a single word of what became my first book, which, since its 2015 debut, has sold. I determined to start my project correctly, as the perfectionist I enjoy telling others I am. It is, after all, the optimal self-applied adjective to effectively elicit faux admiration. I also realized that in order to finish this project, I would be required to bring it to completion. Achieving completion would require my project remain a secret.
Psychology informs us that revealing a goal can lower the likelihood of meeting said goal. This is due to the faux validation one receives resulting in dopaminergic activity in the ventral tegmental area and nucleus accumbens - stuff we all learned about in kindergarten. [Side note: I still remember the rhyme "Roses are red, Violets are blue, the dopaminergic reward path involves the nucleus accumbens, something-something Anhedonia"].
My vow of secrecy was aided by the fact that I am sans family, friends, acquaintances, well-wishers or anyone interested in any aspect of my life, with the sole exception of correspondence that is 'an attempt to collect on a debt'. Who needs others for validation when you have Excel 2016 and are gifted, i.e. born with the proverbial ‘Big Brian’? This led to me creating an Excel-based ‘Project Progress Tracker’. This mouthful of DIY dork genius had one goal – follow (i.e. track) the process of completion (i.e. progress) of my endeavor (i.e. project). Look, you can envy me but do not hate me. Or hate me, if you suffer from Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). It is not my fault that you are the one who is ODD.
One issue - how do you track progress to a goal if you have not defined that goal? Defining my goal thus became my pre-goal – I considered creating a second Project Tracker but quickly realized I was a moron which, though beside the point, gave me pause. Then I built some statistical models because that's what I do. Anecdote: I was once asked by a female human what I did for a living. Being the honest albeit homely person I am, I responded: "I model". This caused the inquiring human to laugh so intensely it caused what is known as an 'adverse medical event' - specifically, Incredulity-Induced Oxygen Deprivation Syndrome. I realized my response lacked the precision necessary to prevent possible choking for the person inquiring, so I now add 'statistical'.
A good statistical analyst might say "according to my model a book averages (M = x) words". I am not a good analyst; I am an amazing AF analyst, so my average includes a 95% confidence interval, because who wants to be caught with anything less than 95% confidence? You might as well be pants-less. More confidence? Arrogant prick. My model came up with a goal of 68,500 (74,500 UL; 62,500 LL) words. This was a shocking result nearly causing me to abandon my project altogether, until further research informed me that using the same word more than once is perfectly acceptable. Girded with the Sword of Knowing Stuff, I proceeded confidently. You now can, as well. You're welcome.
