How many of you have....

[Bobmi357]

In a post on the main how to board, the prime poster stated that he had managed to talk this wife into shoving a dildo up his butt. She did it, but apparently didn't enjoy it. He also stated he had problems talking her into giving him blow jobs.

Which leads us to the question of "How many have done something for their SO which didn't really turn them on?" "Did you tell your lover before or after that this wasn't a turn on for you?" And finally if you did tell, did you continue doing it again in other sessions?

For myself I can't think of a single thing my wife has asked for which didn't turn me on. Hell, if she asked me to smear turtle wax on her and buff her to a nice shine with my own body I'd do it with a goofy grin on my face.

But by the same token if I knew that something wasn't a turn on to her, I'd doubt I ever ask for that again. There is a difference I suspect between getting pleasure from the fact that you are giving the person you love pleasure, and going through the motions doing something that repulses you, just because your lover asks for it.

 

[Ezzy]

Not exactly the same thing as we are ready for anything sexually, and as you said it is all a turn on to hear what the other has in mind.

But I have gone on three or four hour shopping expeditions when I have had a hard day at work, and I would rather have vegged in front of a TV or computer, but I went because I know it helps her to be happy having me around to bounce buying ideas off.

It is part of being a couple to some extent, the give and take in the relationship.

But if you are asking for sexual things outside of the norm of the comfort zone, then you should talk through the wants and needs and find a level still inside the relationship comfort zone.

 

[HerVeryOwn]

Hmmmmm...interesting question, and something my wife and I have been circling in discussions here and there over the past couple of months.

Both of us seem to derive pleasure from each other's reactions to what's being done. In short, if I like what she's doing, and react with obvious pleasure, she's turned on by that. The converse is also true.

The flip-side of that is that, if I know that something isn't arousing for her, it isn't arousing for me in the slightest. She has expressed the same sentiment for her part in the matter.

I don't think that there's anything that either of us wouldn't do or allow to be done to tread upon unexplored regions of the sensual side of our relationship. I don't read negative reactions (spoken or not) from her, nor can she get such negative feedback from me.

It has recently become more evident that there are times that she would prefer to take more of an aggressive role in love making than she feels comfortable allowing me. I don't really have a problem with that in that I am quite fulfilled in the interactions between us, and I know without question or hesitation that she loves me as much as I love her.
I am, however, very curious as to see where she will go with that, given assurances that she has full latitude to do as she likes; as well as the assurance that I will indeed stop her if she goes too far and causes discomfort, pain or emotional duress.

She is currently plotting something relatively assertive for her.
She's also carefully sizing me up to see if she can reasonably expect positive feedback from me in response to what she's considering; or if I'll misconstrue her intent as being an attempt to usurp my masculinity or otherwise humiliate me.

After 20-some-odd years, this is a departure from her so-called "norm," and I'm interested to see what she has on her mind.

 

[BlueSugar]

We've all walked around the mall/store when we'd rather be vegging out... and seen movies we wouldn't normally see for our SOs. I suppose I don't count any of that, because compromise and doing things together is part of a healthy relationship.

As far as in the bedroom... there aren't too many things that spook me. Personally, no family, no children, no animals, no bodily fluids/excretions except semen, saliva, and girly juices, and usually no anal.

That last one is something that I don't like to do, ::shrug:: just can't, tried a few times... never liked it. I try for the person I'm dating at the time, I've never been with an anal fanatic - so its never a repeat experience in any of the relationships I've been in. I'm perfectly happy with that, they've been perfectly happy with that.
Just something they had to get out of their system and thats it.

If by chance, I do meet an anal fanatic... I wouldn't do it because he/she liked it. I have my lines, others have their lines - and they need to be respected and accepted.

so far that has been the only thing I did for the other person that I didn't care for at all, to make them happy. But it wasn't a secret that I wasn't into it at all, and was doing it for curiousity's sake. I don't hide my likes and dislikes - it keeps my partner informed and comfortable in telling me their likes and dislikes... which makes for uber awesome sex


::shrug:: If one day it happens to be good - then I'll accept it into my practices. But so far. No thank you.

 

[Eilan]

In a post on the main how to board, the prime poster stated that he had managed to talk this wife into shoving a dildo up his butt. She did it, but apparently didn't enjoy it. He also stated he had problems talking her into giving him blow jobs.

I didn't respond to that thread because I figured that any advice I could give had already been given by the people who had already posted. That'll teach me to take a day off from Lit!

I get somewhat annoyed by the "How can I get/make/convince/ my SO to. . .?" threads, because the simple answer is: you can't. You can't get, make, or convince someone to do something that he or she doesn't really want to do. Well, OK, maybe you can, but the potential for misunderstandings and resentments is enormous.

I think that this guy's wife was probably a little overwhelmed by the fact that all of a sudden, her husband wants to try all these new things to "spice up" their sex life. There's nothing wrong with that, but when trying new things, it's probably best to start with the feather rather than bringing in the whole chicken!

It's never come up in our bedroom, but if my husband wanted me to shove an 8-inch dildo up his butt, I'd probably do it. My biggest concern would be with hurting him, but once I got over that, I'd be really turned on by doing something that brings him pleasure. However, if I wanted to shove the dildo up his ass and he said no, then I'd drop the issue. He'd do the same for me.

 

[sxylegs]

Great statements Eilan.....Im in complete agreement.
It is a shame that a lot of people cant even talk about things with their SO......
My problem is that if I ask mine he has to debate himself and think about it....so when he has an answer .....i dont really care........**** ....huh????

 

[SweetErika]

We've done a few things that I didn't get a lot of physical pleasure out of, but I can't think of anything I haven't enjoyed mentally or been aroused by his pleasure/ the excitement of trying something new. But it's a two way street, and we agree fulfilling eachothers desires makes for a hot, satisfying sex life. We have similar boundaries, so I can't think of an act within those that would really be a turn off, but I'm willing to try just about anything that he thinks will be pleasureable.

Unless I was really uncomfortable and didn't want to repeat the act, I would not tell him it wasn't a turn on because I think that would detract from his enjoyment of it in the future. I'm more likely to find new ways to make it more pleasureable for me... like we've had a few not-so-great experiences with anal, but we keep trying new things, and have found using a vibe helps me relax and adds a lot of pleasure.

 

[Lynxie]

My husband's fantasies differ from mine, but relationships are all about compromise. If he wants me to dress a certain way in the bedroom, I usually agree to do it...even though I usually feel pretty foolish at first. Why do I do it, even though I don't enjoy it specifically? I do it because it turns him on, which in turn gets me going. The silly feeling lasts only briefly, until I see his reaction to what I'm wearing/doing. Then it's all worthwhile.

We're the same in terms of non-sexual activities. We don't always like doing certain things, but we do them out of respect for the other's desires, and our own desire to see that person happy and satisfied.