How many of you have problems with your MOTHERS?!?!

[Devilish1]

My mother, i love her, but she is never happy with anything i ever do.

Ive never been slim enough, never wore my make up or hair or clothes that suited her.
never had the right friends, DEFINALLY didnt marry the right man.

I either get onto my son to much or not enough.
If i spank him in front of her i spank him to hard, if i dont spank him at all and just get onto him, shes on me for not spanking him.

My mom is 58 yrs old and is disable. Shes on oxygen 24/7 and takes alot of medicine for her emphesima(SP?) Shes grouchy( not all the time) she critizes everything i do or dont do.
Today we got into it and she said i dont give a damn about her, my son no one. She said she was going to start telling people how i REALLY am???? I told her to go ahead and run me down like a dog, she said she wasnt making things up but just telling people the damn facts.
My mom has ALWAYS been on me for every little farting thing ive ever done in my life.

She doesnt like it that i dont care what others think of me, She complains to me that i dont wear make up every single day( why should i? Im not working and i dont have the money to buy more when i run out) She complains about who im dating, who is sleeping over( Which BTW no one is). Tells me i dont give a damn about her. I see her every single day, at least twice a day, i go to the store for her, i get her medicine for her, if she wants something from TacoBell, i will go get it for her.
Ive been doing my parents bills for them every since i was big enough to see over the banks counter. ( my dad cant do it because at 63 he is still working 64 hrs+ a week and cant take off to do their bills). I cut their grass, i take the little dog out when im there so she wont have to get up to do it, i wash their dishes when they need it, i dust the furniture. I will do what house keeping there is for me to do when i see it needs done.
But NOTHING is EVER ENOUGH for her.
My dad has called me and told me to just bite my tongue around her cause shes sick and shes the only mama i got. I totally understand that but good god! How much more can i take???? Or should take???
My mom had another daughter who is never around, i havent seen my half sister in 4 yrs. She lives less than 40 minutes away and NEVER comes to visit our mother. But im the one that dont give a damn about anyone, especially my mother!!!!!

Is there anyone out there that is either going through the same hell or has gone through it with their mom i would LOVE to know how you handle them.

I love her but damnit i cant take the hell she puts me through sometimes.

 

[Amaterasu]

wow, and here i was thinking that it HAS to get better.......

i'm 23, been out of the house for 2 years now and i get guilt trips that i don't call, don't spend any time, etc...... same thing, nothing i ever do is right...... busting my ass getting my masters but i don't spend enough time kissing her family's ass......

I don't do NEARLY as much as you do for her........

but i feel your pain


K

 

[Freya]

I hear ya! I have always been the disappointment in the family. I just ignore it...nod and say "Yes, I know" whenever they start.

In your mother's case, she's feeling helpless from her disease and probably hates to have to rely on anyone...especially her child, so she takes out that anger on you. Sucks but I doubt you'll change her.

 

[Pyper]

The only problem I have with my mother is that she is a devout Catholic and I am an atheist. She gets upset when I criticize religion/God/The Bible and always wants me to go to mass or Confession. This is a pretty big schism between us, but we get along well if we stay off the topic entirely.

 

[Devilish1]

I hear ya! I have always been the disappointment in the family. I just ignore it...nod and say "Yes, I know" whenever they start.

In your mother's case, she's feeling helpless from her disease and probably hates to have to rely on anyone...especially her child, so she takes out that anger on you. Sucks but I doubt you'll change her.

Thats what i was hoping too but she hasnt always been sick, just in the last 6 yrs.
This has been going on with us for the past 33 yrs and since i got divorced, doing my own thing, raising my son alone it seems to have gotten worse.

I know she hates depending on me and my dad but by fighting with her about stupid shit only makes it harder between us.
My own mother called me a slut on my birthday last year because she didnt like the man that stayed the night with me the weekend before( the man i was involved with).

I wished i could ignore her but its hard to do when she depends on me for so much.

 

[427cobra]

I guess I'm one of the luck ones. My relationhip with my parents is pretty good. They know better than to give me shit about anything for two reasons: one, they know I'll do it just to spite them and two (here's the kicker) I don;t give a flat damn if they like what I do or not and I make sure they know it. So we keep things even keeled by actully talking rather than telling each other what and how to do. you should drag your useless half sister into the situation. Living 40 minutes away is no excuse for not lending a hand. 40 minutes is nothing these days with people driving farther than that to work. I'd show up at her house and lay down the law if I were you.

 

[Freya]

Thats what i was hoping too but she hasnt always been sick, just in the last 6 yrs.
This has been going on with us for the past 33 yrs and since i got divorced, doing my own thing, raising my son alone it seems to have gotten worse.

I know she hates depending on me and my dad but by fighting with her about stupid shit only makes it harder between us.
My own mother called me a slut on my birthday last year because she didnt like the man that stayed the night with me the weekend before( the man i was involved with).

I wished i could ignore her but its hard to do when she depends on me for so much.

I'm sorry hun, I wish I could offer real advice. But like I said, I just nod and agree when mine start telling me how they are disappointed in me....yet again! Like I haven't figured it out after 32 years! Get over it already!

Actually my mother has finally laid off. I think she has accepted that I'm probably never going to be issuing wedding invitations to her, and that I actually have sex with men I'm not in love with...imagine that!

 

[Devilish1]

I guess I'm one of the luck ones. My relationhip with my parents is pretty good. They know better than to give me shit about anything for two reasons: one, they know I'll do it just to spite them and two (here's the kicker) I don;t give a flat damn if they like what I do or not and I make sure they know it. So we keep things even keeled by actully talking rather than telling each other what and how to do. you should drag your useless half sister into the situation. Living 40 minutes away is no excuse for not lending a hand. 40 minutes is nothing these days with people driving farther than that to work. I'd show up at her house and lay down the law if I were you.

I would show up at my sister but the problem is i dont know where she lives now. She moved like 20 times last year.
Shes already been told by me that when our mother dies, shes is not welcome to the funeral and if i see her their i will PERSONALLY kick her ass out to the parking lot. If she cant see our mother when shes alive shes not going to see her when shes dead!

 

[Devilish1]

Actually my mother has finally laid off. I think she has accepted that I'm probably never going to be issuing wedding invitations to her, and that I actually have sex with men I'm not in love with...imagine that!

LMAO!!!!!! Well now that i have cola sprayed all over my screen and keyboards.......LOL

Maybe thats my moms problem, she knows im enjoying sex and im not married anymore.

Way i look at that and have told her this in the past, what i do in my home is my business, im not hurting anyone and my son has never seen me with different men in my bed. Im very protective of who my son sees me with. If im a realtionship i let my son be around them, but if its just for sex or whatever my son never sees them.
Now i just wished i was having some sex........LMAO

 

[Freya]

LMAO!!!!!! Well now that i have cola sprayed all over my screen and keyboards.......LOL

Maybe thats my moms problem, she knows im enjoying sex and im not married anymore.

Way i look at that and have told her this in the past, what i do in my home is my business, im not hurting anyone and my son has never seen me with different men in my bed. Im very protective of who my son sees me with. If im a realtionship i let my son be around them, but if its just for sex or whatever my son never sees them.
Now i just wished i was having some sex........LMAO

I am totally hearing you with this one too! If I have the ability to have sex with men I'm not in love with, why can't I find one to do it with?

 

[nike]

*on acount of the "Eye"*

 

[Meltzer]

im 20 been out on my own for over 2 years now and my relationship with my parents has always been great. we just know how to communicate with each other. Wifey's mother however is a different story. she's one of those nothing is ever good enough hell spawn mothers. She tried to tell me how to raise my boy one day and i had to put her back in her spot. i told her he's mine not yours and if you cant realize that you wont see him. she backed off. its hard to be the adult with you're parents. in fact it sucks but some people just dont know how to treat others.

 

[Devilish1]

im 20 been out on my own for over 2 years now and my relationship with my parents has always been great. we just know how to communicate with each other. Wifey's mother however is a different story. she's one of those nothing is ever good enough hell spawn mothers. She tried to tell me how to raise my boy one day and i had to put her back in her spot. i told her he's mine not yours and if you cant realize that you wont see him. she backed off. its hard to be the adult with you're parents. in fact it sucks but some people just dont know how to treat others.

Ive told BOTH of my parents that. ive told my dad that im over 30 yrs old, i know they dont like the way im living or raising my son and im sorry but he is my SON not theirs, they have raised their kids, now let me raise mine.
That last maybe a week???

This is how bad i feel about things with my mom, ive told my ex-husband while we was still married if i EVER,EVER start treating our son like my mom has me he is to shoot me LMAO

I dont want to treat my son the same way that she has me, I cut the apron strings but they havent seem to cut them yet.

I hate fighting with my mom. I know she doesnt have alot more years here on earth but she is so DAMN HARD HEADED!!!!!!

 

[naughtygirl]

Devilish...oh man, what you started with this thread!!! LOL My relationship with my mother ---- well ITS WHACKED! Im 30...and nothing I do is ever good enough and this is continously pointed out to me. It sucks. and lately...well lately all I seem to do is ignore her calls...because when I do talk to her, she is extremely hurtful to me. Im never good enough in relationships...thats why they fail according to her....she treats me like Im a moron about money and basic household stuff even though she has sent my 16 year old brother to my home for me to care for, I still dont shop properly or cant remember to have him do this, or that....its always something...and well I also have made all the wrong decisions about my career even though its where my heart is.

The thing is -- and is one thing that stops me at times from completely cutting off all contact with her --is that I dont think she does it intentionally, you know? She had a rough childhood...her mother was awful to her...and so I think this is the way she has been "programmed" to communicate. Im not making excuses, cause its not a good excuse for her behavior, Im just trying to understand her. and so now when I do actually talk to her -- if she starts in with the negative B.S....well, I tell her Im NOT going to get into a conversation like that and I hang up. Before she can say anything I just hang up. She asked me tonight why none of her kids want to talk to her... I asked her in turn, "why do you think that is Mom?" She said "I dont know." I almost believe that she doesnt.

Good Luck. Its a difficult relationship to navigate.

NG

 

[freakygirl]

My mother, i love her, but she is never happy with anything i ever do.

Ive never been slim enough, never wore my make up or hair or clothes that suited her.
never had the right friends, DEFINALLY didnt marry the right man.

I either get onto my son to much or not enough.
If i spank him in front of her i spank him to hard, if i dont spank him at all and just get onto him, shes on me for not spanking him.

My mom is 58 yrs old and is disable. Shes on oxygen 24/7 and takes alot of medicine for her emphesima(SP?) Shes grouchy( not all the time) she critizes everything i do or dont do.
Today we got into it and she said i dont give a damn about her, my son no one. She said she was going to start telling people how i REALLY am???? I told her to go ahead and run me down like a dog, she said she wasnt making things up but just telling people the damn facts.
My mom has ALWAYS been on me for every little farting thing ive ever done in my life.

She doesnt like it that i dont care what others think of me, She complains to me that i dont wear make up every single day( why should i? Im not working and i dont have the money to buy more when i run out) She complains about who im dating, who is sleeping over( Which BTW no one is). Tells me i dont give a damn about her. I see her every single day, at least twice a day, i go to the store for her, i get her medicine for her, if she wants something from TacoBell, i will go get it for her.
Ive been doing my parents bills for them every since i was big enough to see over the banks counter. ( my dad cant do it because at 63 he is still working 64 hrs+ a week and cant take off to do their bills). I cut their grass, i take the little dog out when im there so she wont have to get up to do it, i wash their dishes when they need it, i dust the furniture. I will do what house keeping there is for me to do when i see it needs done.
But NOTHING is EVER ENOUGH for her.
My dad has called me and told me to just bite my tongue around her cause shes sick and shes the only mama i got. I totally understand that but good god! How much more can i take???? Or should take???
My mom had another daughter who is never around, i havent seen my half sister in 4 yrs. She lives less than 40 minutes away and NEVER comes to visit our mother. But im the one that dont give a damn about anyone, especially my mother!!!!!

Is there anyone out there that is either going through the same hell or has gone through it with their mom i would LOVE to know how you handle them.

I love her but damnit i cant take the hell she puts me through sometimes.

OMG!!!!!! I didn't know I had a sister.

You described my mother to a tee.. except my mom is disabled from a stroke.. and I live with her.

Talk about being insane. My mom bitches that I'm ignoring her.. as soon as I leave the room. Yet when I'm in the room she doesn't say two words to me. Can't watch tv in the living room because she doesn't leave it on one channel long enough. She watches atleast 3 shows at one time. She won't watch the news because it's depressing and all they talk about is cops shooting someone.. someone shooting someone else.. kids being kidnapped and the sports. Yet she watches all the "true crime" shows on Courttv, Discovery channel and A & E.. Law and Order (did you know it's on different channels atleast 10 times a day?).. NYPD Blue (reruns on several channels).. and the Mariners Games. *shakes head* I just don't get her thought process.

Lets see.. I'm not raising my kids right. She dearly loves my ex husband (now that he is my ex) and hates my current boyfriend (she'd love him if I'd break up with him).

I don't dress right.. I don't eat right.. I spend to much time online..

She wants me at her beckon call 24 hours a day.. 7 days a week. Yet when I'm around she says she doesn't need my help.

I think my Aunt was right. after mom had the stroke my Aunt told me that mom delayed going to the dr just long enough that she'd have to be taken care of the rest of her life. Mom has been "taken care of" since the day she was born. She is the #2 baby of twins. She was sick all her life.. after she married my dad he did everything for her. After Dad and my brother died I was left to do all. I did it because I thought I should. Now I'm wondering if it's to late to get out.

 

[glamorilla]

the one time i ever brought a guy home to mom she burst in on us screaming at the top of her lungs "no fucking mens asses in my house!!!"

we were eating sandwiches and listening to weezer.

 

[Elizabeth]

My mom is in LA..I'm in Michigan. This is a good thing.

 

[Freya]

the one time i ever brought a guy home to mom she burst in on us screaming at the top of her lungs "no fucking mens asses in my house!!!"

we were eating sandwiches and listening to weezer.

OMFG!!! I'm sorry but that's almost funny! I would have died!

 

[intrigued]

I can relate, and I'm sorry for all of you. It seems though that most of you are still trying, and I commend you.
My relationship with my "mother" has always been sad, painful and empty. It has been so horrible all of my life that I am embarassed to even discuss it here. At the age of 40, I parted ways with her, for the most part. I never really had her to begin with.

It seems once you finally truly stand up to them as an adult, it gets better. I hope that will be the case for you guys. And realize this, in most cases, they are just being "mom's", just trying to push you to be the best "you" that you can be.

 

[Laurel]

My parents are evil incarnate.

But I don't talk to them, so I have no problems.

 

[celiaKitten]

My parents, all in all, are fantastic, amazing people. They both came from horrifying homes, married before age 20. They had five kids, it took dad 20 years to get his bachelors, another 4 to get his master's, but he did it. Mom got her associates at the age of 52. All of their children have gone to college. From the early 60's to the early 90's, they were working so hard to make ends meet. Now they're enjoying grandkids, going on trips and having fun on their own, finally.

I mean, they aren't perfect .. no one is. But looking at the whole picture, I'm glad they were mine.

My momma and poppa rock

 

[MechaBlade]

I hate my mother!

sums it up.

 

[AzureAngel]

Problems, yes. But the relationship is still pretty good, due to a good bit of work.

 

[mischeviousmisti]

i hate my family and my inlaws. my parents disowned me whne i told them i was pregnant and they asked about my husband and i's marriage plans and were really pissed when i was it was a surprise elopement, that we had been planning for almost a year. they wnted to me to have a church wedding with lots of familyl members. they somehow wanted me to undo my pregnancy for the sake of their saving face becuase i wasnt' married yet. i hate family gatherings, i hate most of my family. i hate the step-bitch-in-law even more but she's a whole other story. even has a thread devoted to dealing with her here on the general board. why do family members have to be sooo damn annoying and hard to deal with? i feel your pain

 

[Midazolam]

I hear ya! I have always been the disappointment in the family. I just ignore it...nod and say "Yes, I know" whenever they start.

Can I relate to that or what!!! I have always been the blacksheep of the clan! I was the wild one of my sibs...never got into legal trouble, although I don't know why! Hell, I am about to graduate and enter a very competitive profession and still, I have yet to ever earn my mother's approval.

However, being the ripe old age of 36 has taught me that I must gain acceptance from myself before anyone else can truly accept me. When I finally learned that, about 12 years ago, my life turned around and I have been able to be very successful as a person and in relationships since.

Life has never been better...and mom is still a major pain in my ass!