How Many Hours a Day Do you Think
- Thread starter lavender
- Start date
Re: But how do you know...
Exactly!! Thank you p_p_man...
lavender, how do you know that the kids are not at school...or doing homework...or at a friend's house...or in bed...or wherever? You don't know what goes on in other people's houses.
p_p_man said:they're on the board continuously?
Sometimes I look as though I live here but in between posts I'm doing plenty of other things.
Exactly!! Thank you p_p_man...
lavender, how do you know that the kids are not at school...or doing homework...or at a friend's house...or in bed...or wherever? You don't know what goes on in other people's houses.
Texan
'nuf said
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doing what???
lavender darlin..... contrary to some opinions, kids don't want to spend all their time with their parents.
Besides, some of us are multi-tasking. Like p_p man said, we can do lots of things and keep up with a few threads on this board.
Just this afternoon, I managed to post more on the board than I have in ages, while helping my wife learn how to use a computer. (She finally broke down and decided to learn. She has her own computer in another room.... no way in hell I'm sharing mine.) I also paid bills, helped my nine-year-old with his homework and cooked dinner. In a little while, I'm going to the airport to pick up my 17 year-old.
I understand what you mean about some appearing to be here a lot, but since I don't follow all the threads, I can't judge if they are neglecting anything for their time here.
lavender darlin..... contrary to some opinions, kids don't want to spend all their time with their parents.
Besides, some of us are multi-tasking. Like p_p man said, we can do lots of things and keep up with a few threads on this board.
Just this afternoon, I managed to post more on the board than I have in ages, while helping my wife learn how to use a computer. (She finally broke down and decided to learn. She has her own computer in another room.... no way in hell I'm sharing mine.) I also paid bills, helped my nine-year-old with his homework and cooked dinner. In a little while, I'm going to the airport to pick up my 17 year-old.
I understand what you mean about some appearing to be here a lot, but since I don't follow all the threads, I can't judge if they are neglecting anything for their time here.
lavender said:
If you were talking to me a year and a half ago, I would have "personalized" this thread. At the moment, I have NO guilt whatsoever about the amount of time - make that QUALITY - time that I spend with my family.
If you will notice in my above post...I was speaking in a generalized manner.
Have a nice day!
(oh, btw...until a person has a spouse and children of their own...I don't feel that they have any right to judge those that do.)
freakygirl
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my day in a glimpse
I'm a mother of 4.. only one of them is living with me at this time
She is 6 and attends school
5 am.. up, dressed and out walking the dogs...
7 am.. get daughter up... feed, bathe and dress her..
8 am..take her to school
8 am to noon...laundry, clean two story house, tend to my mothers needs (usually get her up and out of bed, to the bathroom, help her dress and put on her brace and shoes)
noon-12:30... fix lunch for my husband, myself and my mother
12:30-2:30... turn on computer.. clean some more of the house if needed..Post a little at Lit and a few other message boards.
2:30 pm... pick up daughter from school.. go to the grocery store on Mondays.. Library on Tuesdays.. straight home on Wednesdays.. Visit brother in Jail on Thursdays.. grocery shop again on Fridays
after that.. read with my daughter.. play with her.. cook dinner.. clean the house.. post on Lit until about 6pm
6pm..eat dinner..
7pm daughter to bed..
after that.. the night is mine..
My computer is in the living room.. my daughters playroom is thru a door to the right of the computer.. I can see her from my chair.. and she can see me.. I turn off images, av's and sig lines during the day so she can't see them.
On the weekends that we have no kids (every other weekend) I might be here 14 hours.. LOL.. weekends that we have all kids I'm not here at all...
*got my daughters progress report today.. she is at 5th grade reading level.. and a third grade math level. her teacher asked that we stop working with her on these subjects, so she doesn't get any further ahead of her classmates
I'm a mother of 4.. only one of them is living with me at this time
She is 6 and attends school
5 am.. up, dressed and out walking the dogs...
7 am.. get daughter up... feed, bathe and dress her..
8 am..take her to school
8 am to noon...laundry, clean two story house, tend to my mothers needs (usually get her up and out of bed, to the bathroom, help her dress and put on her brace and shoes)
noon-12:30... fix lunch for my husband, myself and my mother
12:30-2:30... turn on computer.. clean some more of the house if needed..Post a little at Lit and a few other message boards.
2:30 pm... pick up daughter from school.. go to the grocery store on Mondays.. Library on Tuesdays.. straight home on Wednesdays.. Visit brother in Jail on Thursdays.. grocery shop again on Fridays
after that.. read with my daughter.. play with her.. cook dinner.. clean the house.. post on Lit until about 6pm
6pm..eat dinner..
7pm daughter to bed..
after that.. the night is mine..
My computer is in the living room.. my daughters playroom is thru a door to the right of the computer.. I can see her from my chair.. and she can see me.. I turn off images, av's and sig lines during the day so she can't see them.
On the weekends that we have no kids (every other weekend) I might be here 14 hours.. LOL.. weekends that we have all kids I'm not here at all...
*got my daughters progress report today.. she is at 5th grade reading level.. and a third grade math level. her teacher asked that we stop working with her on these subjects, so she doesn't get any further ahead of her classmates
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MidnightsBlue
Really Experienced
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As a mother of 3 the only time I am on here is when they are napping and the oldest one is in school or when all of them have gone to bed for the night.
I can't spend time on the computer when they are up otherwise they would be swinging from the curtains and beating each other up.
I can't spend time on the computer when they are up otherwise they would be swinging from the curtains and beating each other up.
SweetCherry
Sex Dork
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I'm home 24/7 woth my kids. They are in school part time, and I do spend a bit of time here and chatting. Most of my "online time" tho is when they are either sleeping (early morning) or when they are occupied with something else. They are typical kids and would often rather play with their toys in their rooms. My pc is connected onine most of the day, and I pop in and out when I have a few minutes to spare. Considering I'm the only adult in my house tho, and have very little contact with people outside my own home, I consider this a life-saver. It gives me a chance to take a breather, forget the stress and just be plain silly now and again. I need grown up talk now and again. My 5 yr old may be smart, but I'm not about toexplain the sexual innuendos that I put out on the boards.
So how many hours a day do I spend with my kids? I've never clocked it, but during my daywhich runs from 3am til about 8 or 9pm, I chat, cook, clean, do laundry, read and crochet, all while doing for my kids. If a child wants something from me, I drop what I'm doing and give them my attention. I think that's about all any parent can do.
So how many hours a day do I spend with my kids? I've never clocked it, but during my daywhich runs from 3am til about 8 or 9pm, I chat, cook, clean, do laundry, read and crochet, all while doing for my kids. If a child wants something from me, I drop what I'm doing and give them my attention. I think that's about all any parent can do.
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Rubyfruit
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How many hours a day? I don't know the answer to that.
My brother and sister in law both work full time and drop their children at daycare before dawn. They pick them up at 6pm and put them to bed at 8:30. That's 2.5 hours a day, most of which is spent making dinner, eating, cleaning up, doing laundry, homework and baths. Is that enough? The kids seem pretty happy and well-adusted to me.
I'm home with mine 24/7. Like most of the other people before me have stated, I pop in here when I get a break - when my son is at school and the girls are either in their high chairs eating or taking a nap. Sometimes they all go upstairs to play nicely for a few minutes and I'll come to the computer for adult interaction.
In the evening, the twins go to sleep early and my son likes to play Nintendo with his dad, so that's usually my time.
Lavy, people are taking this personally because it sounds like you're being judgmental, which is really easy to do before you have kids of your own.
"I'm just asking this because there are so many parents who spend many hours on this board.
If I can't spend the majority of time at home with my kids, I will choose not to have them."
I'd like to talk to you in 15 years and see if you actually do put your career and paycheck on hold to stay home with your kids.
My brother and sister in law both work full time and drop their children at daycare before dawn. They pick them up at 6pm and put them to bed at 8:30. That's 2.5 hours a day, most of which is spent making dinner, eating, cleaning up, doing laundry, homework and baths. Is that enough? The kids seem pretty happy and well-adusted to me.
I'm home with mine 24/7. Like most of the other people before me have stated, I pop in here when I get a break - when my son is at school and the girls are either in their high chairs eating or taking a nap. Sometimes they all go upstairs to play nicely for a few minutes and I'll come to the computer for adult interaction.
In the evening, the twins go to sleep early and my son likes to play Nintendo with his dad, so that's usually my time.
Lavy, people are taking this personally because it sounds like you're being judgmental, which is really easy to do before you have kids of your own.
"I'm just asking this because there are so many parents who spend many hours on this board.
If I can't spend the majority of time at home with my kids, I will choose not to have them."
I'd like to talk to you in 15 years and see if you actually do put your career and paycheck on hold to stay home with your kids.
mistyc
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I have 3 kids ranging from 13-20 and while it is summer vacation here, they are spending most of the time with their friends. At their ages, they don't wanna hang out with their mom and dad. Didn't you know it's not kewl to be seen with your parents these days once kids reach the teenage years.
I'd like nothing better than to go shopping with my 2 daughters, but their idea of shopping and mine are completely different. They wanna shop for boys, and I wanna shop for lingerie. Now that they think is gross. LOL.
There is no way you gonna get me to go fishing with my son. That's his father's department.
We do spend meal times together, and catch up on all the days events then. After that whichever kid doesn't go out with friends at night, they are the ones who want to spend time on the com.
Every household has a different agenda. If the kids were younger, then yes spend that time with them, other than that, it's up to the kids on how much time the wanna spend with poor old mom and dad.
I'd like nothing better than to go shopping with my 2 daughters, but their idea of shopping and mine are completely different. They wanna shop for boys, and I wanna shop for lingerie. Now that they think is gross. LOL.
There is no way you gonna get me to go fishing with my son. That's his father's department.
We do spend meal times together, and catch up on all the days events then. After that whichever kid doesn't go out with friends at night, they are the ones who want to spend time on the com.
Every household has a different agenda. If the kids were younger, then yes spend that time with them, other than that, it's up to the kids on how much time the wanna spend with poor old mom and dad.
Shy Tall Guy
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As many as needed; quality is the key though - whether you spend 15 minutes with them or 15 hours, the difference is the quality and sometimes just 15 minutes can be enough to let them know they are loved, that they have your attention, and to prevent them from getting into trouble - it is all in the quality.lavender said:
I don't think anything can be assumed by the amount of time people apparently spend on Lit.
KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
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I spend most of my time on the computer. Most of that time is spent actually working. When I'm not holding down a "real job" as the father-in-law puts it, I'm writing. A lot of that involves things like research, which I do online mostly. I don't talk on the phone unless forced to or I get a wild hair up my ass. I don't IM very much either. Those of you who have me on your IM lists already know that it's generally set at away or busy. Why? Because I'm writing and IMing gets in the way. I put out almost 500,000 non-bulletin board words last year, only about a quarter of that went to Literotica.
Do I spend too much time on the computer? Yes. My guy isn't really fond of it because I'm here most of the time. However, I am a writer. It's what we do. We spend most of the time on the computer because it's the most efficient way of putting words to paper. I'm here a lot because in between writing spurts I post. I don't go to other BBs very often, if ever anymore. I don't IM. I don't chat. I barely read the stories here.
Am I defensive? Fuck yes. You just called me a bad mother, lavy. You just claimed that you would be a better mother than me because you would put your children first. You have no idea where my child is in my life beyond the random postings you see here. You don't know what's going on behind this monitor. You aren't even a mother and you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be one. You don't what sacrifices there are and what sacrifices you would be willing or unwilling to make once they get to you. That's a little supercilious and a lot judgemental.
Do I spend too much time on the computer? Yes. My guy isn't really fond of it because I'm here most of the time. However, I am a writer. It's what we do. We spend most of the time on the computer because it's the most efficient way of putting words to paper. I'm here a lot because in between writing spurts I post. I don't go to other BBs very often, if ever anymore. I don't IM. I don't chat. I barely read the stories here.
Am I defensive? Fuck yes. You just called me a bad mother, lavy. You just claimed that you would be a better mother than me because you would put your children first. You have no idea where my child is in my life beyond the random postings you see here. You don't know what's going on behind this monitor. You aren't even a mother and you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be one. You don't what sacrifices there are and what sacrifices you would be willing or unwilling to make once they get to you. That's a little supercilious and a lot judgemental.
Silverlily
Kitty Mama - East Coast
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KillerMuffin said:
Add wife to that as well.
There really isn't much I can add except to say this thread is incredably condescending. Perhaps that was not your intention, but unfortunately, that was the result. Stick to things you know.
Texan
'nuf said
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In lavy's defense
I think all of us know, or have known, people who got sucked into a cyber-life to the extent they neglected some of their real life responsibilities. Lavender didn't mention a single name, and I doubt she was thinking of anyone in particular. Regardless of lavender's choice of words, I think her post was right on target.
Whether here or in IM's or chat or computer games, there are people who are spending too much time online. Parents who neglect their children or their spouses are probably not much worse than employees who neglect their work.
Each person here has different life circumstances, we each have different responsibilities. Some people could spend 16 hours per day here without neglecting anything of importance. Sometimes, if I go online for as much as 15 minutes, I probably left some responsibility neglected. I don't think Lavender was specifically criticizing anyone. I do think she is right to bring up the topic, if for no other reason than to remind people to occasionally blink twice and glance over their shoulder to see if there is a real world that is being neglected......
I think all of us know, or have known, people who got sucked into a cyber-life to the extent they neglected some of their real life responsibilities. Lavender didn't mention a single name, and I doubt she was thinking of anyone in particular. Regardless of lavender's choice of words, I think her post was right on target.
Whether here or in IM's or chat or computer games, there are people who are spending too much time online. Parents who neglect their children or their spouses are probably not much worse than employees who neglect their work.
Each person here has different life circumstances, we each have different responsibilities. Some people could spend 16 hours per day here without neglecting anything of importance. Sometimes, if I go online for as much as 15 minutes, I probably left some responsibility neglected. I don't think Lavender was specifically criticizing anyone. I do think she is right to bring up the topic, if for no other reason than to remind people to occasionally blink twice and glance over their shoulder to see if there is a real world that is being neglected......
Rubyfruit
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lavender said:
Lav, before I had kids, I admit to being fairly judgmental about parents. I was one of those who thought "can't you keep that brat under control?," as I searched for peace on an airplane seat behind a 2 year old who kicked my seatback.
I know your intention wasn't to be judgmental in this thread.
Let me just say this, Lavy. I had the same fears as you when I was your age. I thought there was no way possible I could give up shopping at Nordstrom in order to feed and clothe my young.
But when you're ready (even when you're not, really), it's magical what happens between you and your baby. Something overtakes you. At first, nothing matters but the baby. You live and breathe for him/her. But then you realize that you have to save yourself in order to be there for them.
I know you'll find the balance one day too sweetheart.
freakygirl
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Here is an example of what Lavy is talking about..
My ex boyfriend (my youngest daughters father) and his girlfriend met online.. she moved here from California to be with him. He has one son from a former relationship and she had his child 3 years ago. Both of these people LIVE on the net.. The 3 year old climbs into his mothers lap and lifts her shirt to nurse when he gets hungry, the children are forced into a locked (from the outside) bedroom or put into the bath tub for hours.. it's sick.. they do nothing but be online all day long. I have them on my IM's and they are there no matter what time of the day I log on. My daughter tells me that she can use the microwave at "Davids" house because Kathleen taught her how to make oatmeal in it, so they won't be bothered by the kids. My daughter isn't allowed to get a snack out of the cupboard at home.. I do that for her.. I sit down with her at meals.. meals at "Davids" house are.. the kids in the kitchen.. David in front of the tv.. and Kathleen on the computer (or other way around)..
I hate them.. I hate the fact that I named this man on the birth certificate.. i hate the fact that my daughter has to go there... I can't change them.. I've tried.. the state says "the house is within livable conditions and there is food in the house.. he has the right to see her and raise her has he wants".
My ex boyfriend (my youngest daughters father) and his girlfriend met online.. she moved here from California to be with him. He has one son from a former relationship and she had his child 3 years ago. Both of these people LIVE on the net.. The 3 year old climbs into his mothers lap and lifts her shirt to nurse when he gets hungry, the children are forced into a locked (from the outside) bedroom or put into the bath tub for hours.. it's sick.. they do nothing but be online all day long. I have them on my IM's and they are there no matter what time of the day I log on. My daughter tells me that she can use the microwave at "Davids" house because Kathleen taught her how to make oatmeal in it, so they won't be bothered by the kids. My daughter isn't allowed to get a snack out of the cupboard at home.. I do that for her.. I sit down with her at meals.. meals at "Davids" house are.. the kids in the kitchen.. David in front of the tv.. and Kathleen on the computer (or other way around)..
I hate them.. I hate the fact that I named this man on the birth certificate.. i hate the fact that my daughter has to go there... I can't change them.. I've tried.. the state says "the house is within livable conditions and there is food in the house.. he has the right to see her and raise her has he wants".
