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How is a soft little smack offensive?? :/

T

Thevirginwriter

Really Really Experienced
Joined
Feb 2, 2013
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Don't get me wrong! I'm asking that in a totally non sexual way (though I wonder the same thing about the other way). Anyway what got me thinking was that I was sitting behind this guy in my class and I was given some sheets to pass down to him. I've never talked to this guy and don't even know his name. I tried to poke his back with the sheets but I guess he couldn't sense it. I guess a girl poking a guy with a bunch of sheets is a pretty interesting scene cause by the point I decided to try something different, everyone was starting curiously. What I did next was roll up the sheets and smack his arm with it, softly, if I should mention. I'm still confused why everybody laughed so hard. And the guy finally turned, glaring at me like I'd just smacked him with a hammer! Now, tell me, was that really that bad of a thing to do?!
 
Your classmates laughing may have been to "break" what was probably a very awkward moment. It is a typical response. If you had simply said, "Excuse me?" no one would have noticed.

It's possible, too, that your physical contact, while only with the papers, was being seen as a mild flirtation. Especially if you took the time to deliberately roll them up. ;) I don't know why he would feel the need to glare at you (was he unaware that papers were being passed? Maybe he should be paying closer attention!) unless he disliked having attention drawn by the laughter.

I wouldn't worry about it unless he tries to roll up a telephone book and smack you back!
 
Maybe the people in your class are too easily amused and the guy thought that they were laughing at him?
 
A couple things. It's not that this is "bad" in that you did him harm in any way.

It's bad in an etiquette sense, as physical contact is usually something that is only done socially if invited. For instance, hand shaking when first meeting.

When you get to know a person better and a person's temperament better, you can tell whether or not they'd welcome physical contact in the form of a hand on the arm, or, say, a whack on the arm with a rolled up paper like he was a dog whose attention you're trying to get.

Also I'd assume he wasn't happy being whacked AND being laughed at by classmates. You started it, so you get the frown.

The whack wasn't "bad" and the frown wasn't "bad" but the frown is more understandable than the whack.
 
Hmmm...

Ellafun said:
Your classmates laughing may have been to "break" what was probably a very awkward moment. It is a typical response. If you had simply said, "Excuse me?" no one would have noticed.

It's possible, too, that your physical contact, while only with the papers, was being seen as a mild flirtation. Especially if you took the time to deliberately roll them up. ;) I don't know why he would feel the need to glare at you (was he unaware that papers were being passed? Maybe he should be paying closer attention!) unless he disliked having attention drawn by the laughter.

I wouldn't worry about it unless he tries to roll up a telephone book and smack you back!
Click to expand...

well, that's reassuring! :)
Btw I didn't say excuse me because English isn't my native language. They look at people weird if they say it (ridiculous, right!?). And I couldn't think of any suitable thing to say. But, you're right, he didn't know sheets were being passed down. He came in late, and the girl beside me had an extra piece so she asked me to pass it down to him.
 
Recidiva said:
A couple things. It's not that this is "bad" in that you did him harm in any way.

It's bad in an etiquette sense, as physical contact is usually something that is only done socially if invited. For instance, hand shaking when first meeting.

When you get to know a person better and a person's temperament better, you can tell whether or not they'd welcome physical contact in the form of a hand on the arm, or, say, a whack on the arm with a rolled up paper like he was a dog whose attention you're trying to get.

Also I'd assume he wasn't happy being whacked AND being laughed at by classmates. You started it, so you get the frown.

The whack wasn't "bad" and the frown wasn't "bad" but the frown is more understandable than the whack.
Click to expand...

yeah, so it was offensive! Great! :(
 
Don't let him near the BDSM forum if he can't take being brushed with sheets of paper. Tsk, some people... :D
 
mdbigdee said:
Maybe the people in your class are too easily amused and the guy thought that they were laughing at him?
Click to expand...

I think they were actually laughing at what I did. And I smiled at him totally nicely when I did that, I swear! You're right, my classmates are easily amused. But I don't blame them, the class is so boring that they get amused if someone sneezed! :D
 
Thevirginwriter said:
not if he hates me. I'm nothing but nice to people. :(
Click to expand...

Well, if he's that easily made grumpy, it's maybe a good thing.

If I were him I just would have said something like "Whoah, lady, buy me a drink first." or just ignored it.

I don't think you need to flog yourself. I mean, unless you like that sorta thing, then go for it.

No real harm done.
 
Lol

Recidiva said:
Well, if he's that easily made grumpy, it's maybe a good thing.

If I were him I just would have said something like "Whoah, lady, buy me a drink first." or just ignored it.

I don't think you need to flog yourself. I mean, unless you like that sorta thing, then go for it.

No real harm done.
Click to expand...

well, flogging does seem a bit extreme. Specially if it's about a total stranger.
 
afriquemystique said:
Random floggings were so popular in the 16th century. I thought we had evolved. This is not evolution. We've regressed to prudish Quaker-like classrooms...
Click to expand...

There's just too much going on in people's brains and hormones and bodies to predict what's going to happen when you touch someone when they aren't expecting it and don't want it, or do want it, for that matter.

I'd rather give the impression that an individual's preferences default to "no" in an institutional setting.
 
Recidiva said:
There's just too much going on in people's brains and hormones and bodies to predict what's going to happen when you touch someone when they aren't expecting it and don't want it, or do want it, for that matter.

I'd rather give the impression that an individual's preferences default to "no" in an institutional setting.
Click to expand...

Quaker talk :D
 
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