How I write sex scenes

8letters

Writing
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May 27, 2013
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A common comment I get on my stories is that my sex scenes are hot. This is what I do to write hot sex scenes. YMMV

Make the reader want the couple to have sex before you start the sex scene
In my opinion, the more the reader wants the couple to have sex, the more likely they are to find the sex scene hot. I typically do a long build up by the end of which hopefully the reader likes the two main characters and wants for them to get together.

Make the sex scene different
I'd guess that most LitE readers have read two people having sex on a bed over a hundred times. Make the sex scene stand out by having something different about it. Maybe they're having sex outside or in the back of a mini-van. Maybe they're having to be quiet so they won't be overheard. In one of my stories, the couple watches Disney's "The Beauty and The Beast" while taking breaks to have sex. Don't get too weird as that will turn off the reader.

Get the reader into the room
What does the room look like? What does the furniture look like? What are the two people wearing when they start making out? The more the reader can picture, the more immersive (and hotter) the experience.

Make the sex scene long
It takes a while to build up the heat. The longer the sex scene is, generally the hotter it is.

Go slow
* Describe the foreplay
* Have the characters talk
* Describe what they are feeling, both emotionally and physically
* Describe the action in terms of all five senses

Have an emotional climax to the sex scene
Sex is a bonding experience in my stories, and my sex scenes have emotional build ups during them. As the couple moves through foreplay, oral sex and coitus, so should they move forward in how much they love and are committed to each other. The sex scene should provide emotional satisfaction in addition to providing enough erotic stimulation for the reader to cum.

Set up important lines/situations that you want to use in the sex scene
A line or an action will have more punch if you can set up how they resonate with a character beforehand. For example, if the female character says earlier in the story she wants to be more in charge in her next relationship, then them having sex with her on top will have more emotional punch then if there’s no set up.

Use porn videos as a resource
I’ll have an idea for a sex scene, and then go looking for porn videos that are similar. It’s a lot easier for me to transcribe a porn video than it is to make up the action from scratch.

An example of how I do it
I just finished the first draft of a story where the POV is from Jackson and the FMC is Penny
* I’ve been building up the romantic tension between them the whole story, and the final scene is time for them to succumb to their desires.
* To make the final sex scene a little different, it happens on a couch
* I knew before I started writing the story that I wanted the final sex scene to be on a couch so I’ve mentioned the couch several times in the story and it’s emotionally significant to both Jackson and Penny.
* The sex scene starts when Penny moves so she’s standing right next to Jackson and looking up at him. Jackson has been fighting his attraction to Penny, and Penny being so close triggers another fight for him. 415 words
* They kiss. I pulled up some lesbian kissing porn videos until I found one that kind of had what I thought the first two kisses would be like. I wrote those kisses, describing Penny and Jackson’s actions as well as what Jackson felt physically and emotionally. 134 words
* Jackson pauses to think about what he’s doing. He wrestles with his emotions, advancing in how he thinks about Penny. Penny says a line she had said much earlier in the story in a very different context. 151 words
* They resume kissing. Again, a lot of what I wrote was describing what I saw in lesbian kissing porn videos. 68 words
* Jackson thinks about what’s going on. He decides he wants to do more than kiss. 50 words
* Jackson moves to the next “base”, feeling up Penny’s butt while kissing. 496 words
* Jackson pauses to think about what he’s feeling. 72 words
* Jackson moves to the next “base”, feeling up Penny’s tits while kissing. 82 words
* Jackson pauses again to think about what he’s feeling. 87 words
* More action, this time with some dialogue. 144 words
* Penny and Jackson talk, eventually both saying “I love you”. The emotional journey takes a huge advance. 85 words
* They move to another “base” when Penny gets naked and Jackson begins rubbing her clit. 365 words
* They talk, pushing their commitment forward some more. Penny says Jackson is her future now. They quote true love lines to each other from “The Princess Bride”, which is Jackson’s favorite movie and that they watched earlier in the story. 86 words
* Jackson makes Penny cum. 87 words
* Some banter between Penny and Jackson, pushing forward the commitment even more. 112 words
* They start fucking. 340 words
* More banter which pushes the commitment forward some more. 48 words
* The rest of the fuck. 345 words
* Post-sex conversation that emphasizes they love each other and are going to be living together. 141 words

All told, 3308 words, which is almost a full Literotica page. As the sex moved through the bases, so did the emotional journey move forward.
 
This is good stuff 8letters. For the most part I do most of these suggested elements. It's thoughtful of you to share this.

But, while I was here I noticed your Blog link and visited it. I'm wondering if you'd care to elaborate on how that works for you, is it a tool for feedback, building a following — or just for fun, etc. ?
 
8Letters, this is excellent. Even if they don't agree with every single thing, writers can profit by reviewing your summary.

I would add a few things:

1. In the buildup to the sex, it's better and hotter if there is tension/conflict -- there's a reason they haven't had sex, and that reason has held them back despite their desire. It could be an incest situation, or employer-employee, or resistance to having sex in public, or to having anal sex, or it could be something not necessarily involving sexual taboo -- a conflict of personalities. Like Gone with the Wind -- everyone reading the story knows immediately they are meant for each other, and so does Rhett, but Scarlett can't, and her stubborn blindness creates tension in all their interactions. Sex can be the same way. So I think some description of this conflict -- the thing holding that's been holding them back from sex -- should be dealt with right up to the moment that an actual sexual encounter begins. It may even continue while they are having sex. An excellent example of a Literotica story that does this is Al Steiner's Miss Darling. She is determined to be a virgin until marriage, and the story creates delicious erotic tension in every scene because the reader wants to see how far she will go short of actual intercourse. That conflict is constantly present. The ending is great.

2. "Make the sex different" is a great idea. It can be anything. But something different will make it more interesting.

3. Re the room -- I agree to a point. The author should emphasize aspects of the setting that are relevant to the sex. If it's a dank castle, describe features that emphasize the dankness and it will give the sex a gothic, thrilling feel. But you don't necessarily have to describe all the colors of the Laura Ashley linens -- unless they're relevant. For instance, if it's the female virgin's bedroom, describe features that suggest innocence and purity, because they mirror her personality, and it creates the idea that the innocence of the room, as well as the room's occupant, is being lost.

4. The factors you list under "Go Slow" are crucial. I would get one step more mechanical -- as you write the sex scene make sure you are mixing up paragraphs so you are alternating physical description of the act, dialogue, description of internal sensations, and description of surroundings, so the reader is fully immersed AND there's enough variety to avoid tedium.

5. Point of View. Most of the time, but not always, it's better to tell a sex scene from one person's point of view. I think an author could use your outline to consider from which point of view the sex scene would be hotter.

6. Porn videos. Totally agree, with one caveat: In a porn video, you don't get the description of feelings, and if you only ape a porn video you're going to give short shrift to that element. The feeling element is absolutely critical to a first rate sex scene in writing.

7. Length. I suppose it's true that longer is better. But I'll throw this out to you and to others: is there an ideal length for the sex itself (not including the buildup before sexual contact begins) in terms of words?
 
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7. Length. I suppose it's true that longer is better. But I'll throw this out to you and to others: is there an ideal length for the sex itself (not including the buildup before sexual contact begins) in terms of words?
No. I have one recent chapter where the erotic content is two words. Mind you, it's one of my lowest chapter scores, so some people just don't get it. Damn philistines ;).

Seriously though, I've strung out long scenes over two or three thousand words, so on the whole I'd agree with 8letters there, what with the ebb and flow and undoing buttons.

I personally get very little inspiration from porn vids because I think most of them are so artless and cliched - I tend instead to compile collections of photos of women I see as my leading lady, to visualise a presence. Tumblr is my friend, in that regard.
 
To me, the key that's often missing is that the taboo has always be reminded and worked in the sex.

For instance, if it's a teacher/student story, the teacher must reflect on how it's wrong, or if it's incest, there's gotta be narrative about how it's wrong.

When that's blended in between the sex detail, then it's a great story.
 
Interesting.

I don't usually write sex scenes. So, why do I post here? It's very good question. Maybe to give the one-bombers an easy target? I think it's working. :)
 
Interesting.

I don't usually write sex scenes. So, why do I post here? It's very good question. Maybe to give the one-bombers an easy target? I think it's working. :)
You post here, Sam, because you write erudite and gentle human observational pieces. The fact that readers are voracious hump hands who just want crudity and quick release is a reflection on them, not your good self. I'm sure we all here recognise a man who writes ass with class :).
 
My main rule is that the sex scene should have some kind of a point beyond just "my readers want a sex scene". I try to approach it like a conversation (and usually it includes conversation): each person wants something out of the interaction, and their actions are driven by that. It might be about comfort, control, emotional intimacy, a "fuck you" to somebody else, or about getting paid, or not wanting to hurt somebody's feelings.

But whatever it is, that motivation and how they attempt to act on it will give the scene some shape and interest beyond just "visual of people doing sexy things".
 
You post here, Sam, because you write erudite and gentle human observational pieces. The fact that readers are voracious hump hands who just want crudity and quick release is a reflection on them, not your good self. I'm sure we all here recognise a man who writes ass with class :).

Thank you, EB. Where I grew up, it's 'arse' with 'clarse', but thank you. :)
 
I personally get very little inspiration from porn vids because I think most of them are so artless and cliched - I tend instead to compile collections of photos of women I see as my leading lady, to visualise a presence. Tumblr is my friend, in that regard.

As a general rule of thumb, I consider porn to real sex as a Michael Bay movie is to real law enforcement.

And while that certainly has its place, I would use caution if I were using porn as inspiration in a story that wasn't a stroker. I've read many stories that had a solid plot and emotional heft, only for the sex scenes to seem plastic and staged, and I was left with the impression that the writer had used porn as a guide. The unreality of porn, if executed poorly, can serve as one of those "pull the reader out if the story" situations.
 
As a general rule of thumb, I consider porn to real sex as a Michael Bay movie is to real law enforcement.

And while that certainly has its place, I would use caution if I were using porn as inspiration in a story that wasn't a stroker. I've read many stories that had a solid plot and emotional heft, only for the sex scenes to seem plastic and staged, and I was left with the impression that the writer had used porn as a guide. The unreality of porn, if executed poorly, can serve as one of those "pull the reader out if the story" situations.
I only use porn videos for "how does this look?" help. In my example, I used it for ideas for describing the kissing part of the scene.
 
No. I have one recent chapter where the erotic content is two words. Mind you, it's one of my lowest chapter scores, so some people just don't get it. Damn philistines ;).

Seriously though, I've strung out long scenes over two or three thousand words, so on the whole I'd agree with 8letters there, what with the ebb and flow and undoing buttons.

I personally get very little inspiration from porn vids because I think most of them are so artless and cliched - I tend instead to compile collections of photos of women I see as my leading lady, to visualise a presence. Tumblr is my friend, in that regard.

I agree. I don’t think there’s an “ideal length” and I personally find porn uninspiring. I feel like I can tell when I read a story that it’s been transcribed, e.g., “He put his right hand on her left hip as he bent her leg to a ninety degree angle. And then he plowed her. And she came.”
 
But, while I was here I noticed your Blog link and visited it. I'm wondering if you'd care to elaborate on how that works for you, is it a tool for feedback, building a following — or just for fun, etc. ?
I like to write extended author notes where I talk about the details behind the reporting. Originally, I posted the extended author notes in my blog, put a link in the biography part of my profile, and then put a link in my story to my profile that said the extended author notes for the story were there.

As a part of that, I tried to create a content regularly for the blog. Status updates, comments on comments, thoughts on writing, etc. My readership never got big enough to make the content creation worthwhile.

I went to a new way of posting extended author notes, so I don't need the blog for sharing those. I rarely post to the blog now, mainly status updates. I'm a very slow author, so there's pretty big gaps between my stories.
 
I personally get very little inspiration from porn vids because I think most of them are so artless and cliched -

I couldn't agree more and avoid porn videos like the plague. UNLESS I add the word Amateur in front of the genre. That gets you a lot of home videos and the cliché shit disappears. They're far more realistic and those I study carefully for ideas and clues.

Sex looks so different from the outside. :D
 
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