How far have we come?

[rikaaim]

Let me first introduce myself here. I'm a Lit author, who hasn't submitted a new story in some time. I usually hang out in the Author's Hangout. That's were many of my friends are. Lately though, I've been wanting to acknowledge, accept, and inccorporate my bi nature into my full being, instead of it being a curiosity to keep hidden in the closet of my fantasies. Any others feel that way too?

My question pertains to something that I've been reading lately. It's a book about bi people and the struggles of being bi. It gave me many insights that I did not even think about as a bi person. I think the reason I didn't think about them is because I've only "come out" to a few people. All of my family knows, except for my grandpa and extended family, i.e. cousins etc. . . and some of my friends know. I think it's the fact that only some of my friends that bothers me. There's a part of me that still fears the homophobic straight societal opinion. I will say this, all those that mean the most to me know. They have accepted me, and really haven't changed their opinon about me any. However, they have yet to see me with a man. Up until now, I really wasn't ready to be with a man. Now, I'm in a fantastic monogamous relationship with a great woman. So, they won't see that for a while. Sorry for the tangent.

My thinking is this. The book I'm reading describes the various individuals dealing with their real life copings. However, the book was written in the 90's. So, a lot of talk about AIDS and the 80's attitude is very present. Have we made strides to come together as a full community in the new decade/century/melenium? Has 10 years really changed much, if anything? I know Lit is a very open community. But, as a whole American society, because this is where the book referenced it's societal views, have we made steps to unify? Did I miss out on my opportunity to be involved in the bi process? I've recently heard many, many people say that everyone is bi now because it's trendy. After seeing what so many people had to go through just to be visible, I can't see it as being trendy at all, but rather an image that has been fought hard to finally be seen.

Living where I do, I don't have the broad scope of travel and the totallity of knowing what the nation thinks. However, if others chime in here and give me their thoughts and opinions of what's been going better, what's been going worse, and what hasn't been changed at all, I'll have a better understanding myself.

So, I guess those are my questions. Being bi, I know that others before me faced many prejudice from both the straight and gay community. Gays said the bi people were just fooling themselves to pass as straight so they didn't get the harrasment from the straights. Straights said they were gay. The bi group felt torn all around. Have things gotten better or worse or about the same?

I have to go tend to real life matters for a while, but I hope the question stays up to ponder for a bit. Hopefully when I'm able to come back, some interesting conversation can take place. At least it's something to think about.

 

[playwithlezli]

Interesting question, just to let you know I am thinking on how best to answer, but am short on time today. Hang out a bit on the GLBT Vibe though if you want some friendly voices, gay, straight, bi, kinked and otherwise!

 

[rikaaim]

Interesting question, just to let you know I am thinking on how best to answer, but am short on time today. Hang out a bit on the GLBT Vibe though if you want some friendly voices, gay, straight, bi, kinked and otherwise!

Thanks for the interest. I thought the bi only aspect might upset some folks, but being that's where I'm coming from, and out from sorta speak, that's what I chose to focus on. To be honest, I know nothing about bi history. That's the reason for my question. Most of what I see on GLBT is the bi-curious guy status. Either that, or someone is trying to sneak around their S.O. I'm hoping to really find a community to share myself with. Openly, friendly, anything that's constructive and a shared interest. I hope some others find this topic intersting. Maybe it's just me, but I've been looking for a good open chat.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

You do see a bit of bi-curious questions or some people posting a hook up thing which probably shouldn't be in this area.

However, that said, you are in the right area as far as the types of discussions you're bringing about. This group of people are open minded, intelligent, and very well informed on a lot of things. They're also probably one of the most sensitive and caring groups I've met yet.

Give us a chance. I think you'll be glad you did.

 

[rikaaim]

You do see a bit of bi-curious questions or some people posting a hook up thing which probably shouldn't be in this area.

However, that said, you are in the right area as far as the types of discussions you're bringing about. This group of people are open minded, intelligent, and very well informed on a lot of things. They're also probably one of the most sensitive and caring groups I've met yet.

Give us a chance. I think you'll be glad you did.

I already am to be honest. I'm not really frightend about being open here at Lit, and the GLBT area to be specific. I've always sorta let the "societal" viewpoint direct my life. Only in the past two years have I really tried to change that. Accepting and loving me, all of me, is part of that. Thanks for the welcome Night. Or do you prefer some sort of other shortend name? Others can call me Rika if they wish. It's nice to be here and discussing these matters that mean much to me, and I'm sure others as well.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I go by almost anything - lol. NJ, Jasmine, or Night. Whichever you prefer.


And I'm glad you're giving us a chance. At least your family knows about your preference, mine has no clue yet.

 

[playwithlezli]

A disjointed discourse on my thoughts....

I think in many ways, it depends on the circles in which you travel and how comfortable you are with yourself. And how fluid your sexuality is. And how you would like to live.

Do you want to just have meaningless sex with other folks of either sex or do you want to feel "free" to having a relationship with a person of either sex? Or live in a triad?

Being gay is a non-issue, somewhat of a surprise to me, even in red necked city I live near and the smaller town I do a lot of my business in.

Being bi is a head scratcher for many folks, because they are used to binary constructs, yes/no, male/female, gay/straight, night/day etc. They don't know where to plug you into their way of thinking.

I did find some bi people did it superficially, that it was part of a sex game they played with their spouse. That is wasn't a serious (or perhaps seriously acknowledged) part of their personality.

Then again, unless you can find the right 2 people, and live in a triad, you will have to make some choices. I don;'t think our society is ready for triads or moresomes quite yet. But we are making some headway with gay being a non-issue in my opinion.

For me, very few people were surprised when I more officially came out as bi, then as having a girlfriend. I had always been forthright in my polictical opinions that homosexuality wasn't a crime, nor morally abhorrant.

It made for an easier seque when the time came.

That being said, I did find in some situations, that in was nerve wracking at first to come out. Then it just got easier and easier, until now I am at the point where I hardly think of it at all. Sort of like doing anything for the first time, tough, then easier!

For most of my adult life I was willing to have a relationship with a person of any gender as long as the relationship was good, but I always prefered the softness of a woman.

I know that for me, being bi was my chosen label when I was looking for a lady, now I call myself a lesbian because I am in love with a woman, and if this isn't actually a permanent relationship, then I would continue to date only women because I prefer not only the physical body but the emotional aspects. (My gf doesn't feel threatened when I can do a "guy" thing better or if I am smarter.)

Personally, I would love to come back in a few generations and hopefully, we won't even have labels because no-one would care who or what you did when you were naked because we only cared if people were happy.

Don't know if this will help but I hope you find your comfort zone. And happiness.

 

[playwithlezli]

Imho

PS.

I know that this is thought by some to be a contentious attitude, but I consider it to be my responsibility to live "out", to make it easier for the next generation. Help make it ok for people to live as they are from the get-go, less pissing around and more living large.

 

[rikaaim]

PWL, I've been thinking and pondering a few of the things that you've said. I agree that it should be easier for the next generation to have it better than we've had. That should seem to be a given, but let's think about two things here. Rather, I've thought about two things here.

One, without the struggle, does it make what we've accepted and appreciate as special? I'm thinking that if I didn't have to do all this soul searching, I wouldn't really love and accept who I am as much. I think more so, I wouldn't have found my strength as much. I wouldn't know how strong I really am inside.

Two, there are always going to be those uncomfortable seeing certain things. This brings me to ask a question, which I think I already know the answer to. Is it "our" problem for being open and affectionate in public? Or. Is it the problem of the viewer? Meaning, should we change who we are in order to keep a number of others comfortable, or do we show ourselves proudly and tell the others to deal with it? Really, no one should be forced to compromise who they are. A big part of my personal problems arise because I let others influence me way to much, in all aspects of my life. I'm learning to get over that.

This leads to labels. Labels are everywhere. Labels affect everyone every moment of the day, in one way or another. I don't think that people could really handle a world without some sort of label. It brings order to chaos. Lays down a guiding road where empty space once existed. Bottom line, it uses little effort to sum up a part of oneself. I.E. a job description. When someone asks, what do you do? The job title is usually the answer. Myself? I'm a lead pharmacy technician. What image and information do you get from that simple statement? Probably a lot. Well, I think people don't necesarily ask about sexual orientation, but that label helps possible interested parties find out quick if they think there is a chance to be with someone or not. For example, the other day a person was interested in me, or so I perceived. It was natural for me to slip into the conversation that I was in a relationship, by saying that I had a girlfriend. This is because I don't want to ruin the relationship I'm in. I think labels can be good and bad. It's all in how you use them. Like other powerful tools, in the right hands they can be constructive and useful, in the wrong hands, dangerous and harmful to others.

That's just my thoughts on those two matters. However, I'm still hoping that some can give their insight as to whether or not the middle ground of being bisexual is becoming more legit. I honestly think it is. I don't think there is as much negativity from the homosexual or heterosexual side of the fence. I do agree that I don't think main stream life is ready for relationships with more than two people. It grates against most people's morals I think. Isn't that what leading an alternate lifestyle is all about? Going against what others think is right? Maybe that's the real question. I don't know.