How do you...

[WanderingWiccan]

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I need help and moral support if you can loan me that as well. I'm an almost 19 year-old male living in central Alabama, the heart of the Bible belt. Since the beginning of puberty I've always felt attracted to males as well as females.

For years I would repress those feelings as best I could but they couldn't always be hidden. After gym class I would change after all the other guys had left the locker room to keep my hormonally raging body from displaying an erection to every other guy around me and being, most likely literally, beaten down in the locker room right then and there.

What made those feelings even worse is when I became a Southern Baptist a little over 2 and a 1/2 years ago. I felt like a horrible, wretched soul for betraying the beliefs I held and going against God. Everyone I knew was a Christian and no one would be willing to accept the fact that I had sexual thoughts of a less than straight nature.

However, just before my 18th birthday in November I found and fell in love with Wicca. It has been such a great experience for me and the people are so much more accepting of me than any others I have met.

Here is my problem: I have told most of my friends (and lost a good many of them) that I am Wiccan and bisexual. My mother already knows that I'm Wiccan and is alright with it but my father is a devout Methodist and so I have no idea how to tell my parents that I'm bisexual.

Any advice or suggestions? And any moral support you guys and girls can lend me will greatly help.

Bright Blessings and Much Love,
WW

 

[WhisperHaven]

Are you at the point in your life where you feel the need to be "out" to your parents? Think of it this way: What will you gain from telling them? Personally, I don't care to know details about my parents' sex life (my dad's Viagra story just about made me puke), so I try to show them the same consideration.

Perhaps now isn't the time to tell them.

On the other hand, you may be feeling as if they are pressuring you. If this is the case, maybe they already suspect you may be trying to hide something from them.

There are a few other threads in this section about coming out. I've seen lots of great advice and just personal anecdotes about coming out and I think they are well worth the read.

Good Luck.

 

[Queersetti]

I agree with WhisperHaven that the first thing you have to consider is how important it is to you to come out to your parent at this time.

I am always supportive of people who feel they need to come out, but I also think it ought to be done in a way that causes the least harm to you.

If you wouldn't mind, could you provide a little more information for us to work with?

You say you turned 18 in November. Would I be right in thinking that you have just graduated high school? Will you be going to college, moving out of the house? Can you support yourself if your family was to cut you off?

All those things matter. I think that in order to come out without putting yourself in a precarious situation, you need to be able to take care of yourself, and if possible, to have a support network of friends behind you.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Hey Wandering,

I'm the mom of a bi-girl (17) and a Christain-Wicca (does this make my regliously bi?). As you can guess I know a lot of Wiccan teens, and a few of them are bi and gay, includeing my adopted fairy godson.

Since your dad is having a hard time with the Wiccan question if you come out to him as bi also he will no doubt blame Wiccan and because he loves you do his damnest to "save" you from both.

This can lead to years and years of heartbreak for everyone involved.

If you had come out to him as bi frist it would more likely be different since Wicca is the only reglion I know of that openly accepts all sexuality types. By becomeing Wiccan after comeing out it might have been seen as a way to find acceptance and still have a path to God.

You should use the search option above to look for "The Pagan Corner", it has all us Wiccans and Wicca Curious on it. Further down on this board (page two I think) is Glamzilla's "Gays and reglion" thread which I posted some thoughts.

But, in my humble opinion, my advice is to practice your sexuality and reglion queitly and lead by example by being the kind of person others want to emulate you don't always have to be the one standing up and yelling.

(Which is not always the advice I give, but is speific for this person, at this time.)

 

[cremebrulee]

Originally posted by WanderingWiccan
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I need help and moral support if you can loan me that as well. I'm an almost 19 year-old male living in central Alabama, the heart of the Bible belt. Since the beginning of puberty I've always felt attracted to males as well as females.

************************************

What made those feelings even worse is when I became a Southern Baptist a little over 2 and a 1/2 years ago. I felt like a horrible, wretched soul for betraying the beliefs I held and going against God. Everyone I knew was a Christian and no one would be willing to accept the fact that I had sexual thoughts of a less than straight nature.

However, just before my 18th birthday in November I found and fell in love with Wicca. It has been such a great experience for me and the people are so much more accepting of me than any others I have met.

Here is my problem: I have told most of my friends (and lost a good many of them) that I am Wiccan and bisexual. My mother already knows that I'm Wiccan and is alright with it but my father is a devout Methodist and so I have no idea how to tell my parents that I'm bisexual.

WW

I have a few things to respond to, sweets.
FIRST~ I have been to the Bible belt several times. It can be rough for those not the "norm". HANG IN THERE!!!!

NEXT~ I am a Christian (and bi-sexual )with my own belief system (if that makes any sense). One thing I have learned, not just from bumper stickers, is that being a Christian does NOT make you perfect nor are there any pre-requirements that you be perfect in order to stay a Christian. We wouldn't need God if we were perfect. And preaching to people? It's just not right. It's all about example and openness and acceptance of EVERYONE.

FURTHERMORE~ As far as WICCA goes, just be sure that you are not only serving yourself. The biggest thing with any belief system is that if you remain open to others and it is not all selfishnes, then people will understand a lot better your openness (by example) and the good it has done you personally.

As far as your Father goes, there is a United Methodist Church that accepts EVERYONE ~ gay, bi ~ even criminal and addict etc, and that might be something to check into to find a happy medium to bridge the gap initially.

My parents didn't understand a lot of what I went through as I was discovering my sexuality and belief system, but they love me unconditionally in spite of everything I have "experimented" with.

In my own experience, I have checked out Buddhism, New Age, Catholicism, Christianity and Native American beliefs to learn who I am and what works for me. It took me long time to realize that "god" is not someone out to get me when I do wrong and stuff. God is there as a friend and role model, if that makes sense.........

I am on a roll, LOL
I am sure to get lots of replies and slams for this, but I can understand and have been through what you have and are going through. I'm here for you........... and no way will I EVER preach that my ideas are the only right ones.
You're doing well, trust me.

~Creme

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Thanks Creme, and actually, we are pretty flame free on this board so far....

 

[pollyjean]

I think you have already received many good suggestions.

I’m posting to let you know I am sort of in the same situation as you. But realizing that “you can only just be you”, and hopefully love ones and friends will accept you no matter what.
But you are young so take your time.