How do you want to go out?

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I attended 2 funerals recently, a few months ago my best friend's wife passed away after a very long and awful illness. The funeral was amazingly upbeat, lots of friends, recalling good times, and happy moments. Photos all over the place showing a joyful and happy life.

Today, it was a sad one based on a sudden passing of a troubled soul. There were many greiving friends and family about, and it felt like the room was just filled with sadness, They had a few photos but nothing that showed what kind of fellow this was. I only knew this fellow for a very short time, but in all the times I spent wiith him, he always had a smile, and was good for a great laugh.

As I believe most of you know, I have been faced with my own mortality, and it made me think how I would want to go out. I think that a gathering of people to celebrate my life as opposed to mourning my death would be my choice. Have a party, stay away from anything that remotely resembles a funeral home, or a church (synaguoge, for me). I want to be looking down, or up depending on who's choice, seeing and hearing laughter from all who attend. I want music, not sloppy organ playing, or Musak, but music, maybe some Rythymn and Blues, or the like. I want food there, wonderful, decadent food with strong smells, and tastes. I have had fun this life, if i went today, I am happy with my choices, and have no regrets.

Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile.
- - - - Julie Burchill

With that said, how do you want to go out?

 

[Quint]

Good question. Part of me would really like the whole funeral experience as catharsis...Barber's "Adagio for Strings," full ceremony with mass, complimentary pack of kleenex with the program. Get the grief out in the open and out of the way. But I don't think that's really who I am. The most loving and conclusive ceremony I went to was a wake; just an informal meeting of family and friends to talk about their favorite experiences with the deceased. That was all the kinship and closure that I could wish for my loved ones. So that's probably how I would go.

Either that, or the timeless classic "Monty Python" theme funeral...anybody up for a little "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"?

 

[graceanne]

K and I have kinda talked about this. I don't want to be cremated, he does. We both want specific songs played. He wants 'Go rest high on that mountain' (Vince Gill) and I want this song that we sing at curch called Blessed be Your name. A link to the words is below, but the ghist of the song is that when things are bad and when they're good I'll still praise Him.

I also want a Emily Dickenson poem read that goes:

When tolling bells I ask the cause
A soul has gone to God
I'm answered in a lonesome tone
Is Heaven then so bad?

The bells should joyful ring to tell
A soul has gone to heaven
Would seem to me the rightful way
A good news should be given.

I personally look forward to being in heaven. In heaven I will be healthy and strong.

http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/tree63/blessed-be-your-name.html

 

[His_pita]

I personally look forward to being in heaven. In heaven I will be healthy and strong.

Me too

As a Christian that believes in the Rapture I have this dream I won't die, but just be caught up in the air and live forever. *Don't go flaming me if you don't believe that *

If I don't get that blessed I say dump me in a cheapo box and stick me in the ground. My family already knows not to go over board with the grief. Just say, "she was a wonderful girl that lived her life the best she could." Then eat some chocolate cake in my honor.

 

[graceanne]

Me too

As a Christian that believes in the Rapture I have this dream I won't die, but just be caught up in the air and live forever. *Don't go flaming me if you don't believe that *

If I don't get that blessed I say dump me in a cheapo box and stick me in the ground. My family already knows not to go over board with the grief. Just say, "she was a wonderful girl that lived her life the best she could." Then eat some chocolate cake in my honor.

I believe in the Rapture. I also don't think it's going to happen any time soon. It would be great if it did, though.

 

[FurryFury]

I love the idea of a celebration of life. We did that with my Dad, after he died. Well, actually we planned to have a party before he died and he be there. That didn't work out so we went ahead.

Few understood it but I think it was a great way to do it.

Many wanted the whole open coffin thing.

He wanted to be cremated so that was what we did.

It was a joyous celebration with pictures, stained glass, paintings and other things that were part of him. We sang songs he had written and other song just because. We had the food and drink he wanted. All this was at a public lake house we rented with swans and ducks outside. I was the MC which was not the best thing for me but someone had to do it. What I found really interesting was how people from different walks of his life got up and talked about him a bit differently. He inspired many.

All that was much better than my grandfather's funeral which was open casket. At it, my grandmother literally threw herself on the casket. My mother and her entourage were drunk, dressed with butt cracks showing and unpleasant.

What do I want???

A beautiful picture of me, if such a thing is obtainable and people telling funny, happy stories whilst drinking and partying. I don't care what happens the body I inhabit. Just have a good night and remember me kindly please. Hopefully people will see the end of a journey well lived.

Fury

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I don't care what happens the body I inhabit.

I meant to discuss this in my original post, it is important that if you have decided to be an organ donor, you make your family aware of this.

All too many people who chose to be donors don't get to donate after they have died because they didn't express their wishes to their family, if your family doesn't know, it is hard to get permission in their time of grief.

Many states have recently begun to adopt databases for donors, but many healthy organs go unharvested because our families don't know.

I am awaiting a heart transplant, I know this firsthand!

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Personally, if I survive long enough for it to be feasible I want to be launched into space towards the north star. Failing that, cremeate me and divide it into 7 and drop one into each ocean. That way I'm not pinned down to any one place. But I want the launching or spreading ceremony to be upbeat, a celebration of life. Not grief for me for I will be beyond grief. Nor do I want my friends and family overly grieved that I am gone but concentrating on pleasent memories of the times shared during our lives. Oh yeah...with lots of whiskey.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

.... how do you want to go out?[/B]

While most of my family is of German descent, There is a good part of my heart that's Irish....

Strip me body o' anything useful and donate it t' others, cremate the rest. Tote me ashes t' me favorite waterin' hole, fill me a pint or three an' place 'em on the box, while the rest o' ye remember and sing and dance and hoist a glass in me 'onor! An' after the wake, scatter me ashes in space or at sea so that I'm everywhere, an' nowhere, and I finally get t' do th' travellin' I ha' been puttin' off fer years!

 

[graceanne]

Personally, if I survive long enough for it to be feasible I want to be launched into space towards the north star. Failing that, cremeate me and divide it into 7 and drop one into each ocean. That way I'm not pinned down to any one place. But I want the launching or spreading ceremony to be upbeat, a celebration of life. Not grief for me for I will be beyond grief. Nor do I want my friends and family overly grieved that I am gone but concentrating on pleasent memories of the times shared during our lives. Oh yeah...with lots of whiskey.

LOL You know, I think your wishes are too small, you need to expand . . . aim for the stars! (pun intended)

 

[Epona's Chylde]

I want to be cremated (can't stand the idea of rotting in the ground.)

I also want a non-religious memorial service with pagan-esque overtones. I say that because I'm pagan and I always feel very uncomfortable at funerals. I have to sit there, while I'm grieving horribly, and listen to how I'm going to hell if I don't change my ways. No thank you. I don't want anyone at my funeral feeling like they are being judged.

 

[h_i_s]

How do you want to go out?

This question caused me to think long and hard. "Going out" is a subject that has become far too real, at all times during the past 16 months, and is one that i prefer to keep far away, & at the 'back burner' of my mind.


For myself, i wish to go out with none of the 'customary' fan fare.
i do not want a truck load of ridiculously priced floral arrangements delivered to a costly funeral home.
i do not want to be displayed dressed in my 'Sunday best' in shiny cold expensive casket.
i do not want my family to sit in a line at a wake where everyone i know will greet them one by one and share in their tears as morbid organ hymns play muted in the background.
i do not want to be paraded to a church for services that i've rarely put much importance in attending while still on this earth.
i do not wish to look down on my family and friends and witness their tears, heartache and sorrow as they say their last goodbyes.

i want to go out the same way i was told it was as i came into this world. i want only tears of joy.
i want anyone who has thoughts of sending flowers, to instead direct their money elsewhere. i don't even care where they choose.
i want my family to find the least costly & legal method of disposing of my body as they choose (i doubt i'll be needing it where i am going, and it the end result is nothing more than the bugs devouring the flesh from my bones, they'll do so whether i am in a pine box, or an expensive casket. i'd be fine with cremation, as long as they MAKE CERTAIN i'm dead! i'm not afraid of fire, as long as i won't FEEL it).
i want my family and friends to be invited to gather in my home, as we always have for any happy occasion. i wish for them to feel the warmth and love that lives here and gather strength and joy from that, and all of the wonderful memories that had ever been created here. i want everyone to indulge in those memories, and happy times rather than focus on grief. i want them to laugh, dance and sing, and if there are any tears to be shed, i wish them to be tears of joy in appreciation for all of the happy times of the past, and those which have yet been lived and shared. i want them to find peace in knowing that we will all be reunited again, one by one, as each of us reaches 'our time to go out'. (And i wish that any who go before me find SOME way of making it certain that i KNOW that they are THERE and waiting ... so that i will not be afraid to go when it IS my time.).
i want to be buried/cremated in my lowest rise jeans, and a thick, soft, off the shoulder sweater, sans panties and bra, with my hair down, no makeup, nails manicured/pedicured in red and barefoot (**This is how Master appreciates me to look, and is how i feel most beautiful. One of us has to go first, and while i hope that we are both senile and in our 90's by the time one of us leaves the other, i want to look my best when we find each other again, on the 'other side').
**Ok, so He actually prefers me naked, above all choices, so ... let them bury/cremate me butt naked with the exception of my collar and wedding ring.)

i don't know of anyone who would WANT thier loved ones, family and friends to grieve and experience heartache when it is their time to go. i'm wise enough to know though, that the grieving process most always results in heartache and many tears shed. To expect that anyone will focus only on the happy memories is unrealistic and near to impossible. The only thing that i have ever learned which makes grief a bit more tolerable, is focusing on the good times and happy memories as well as the faith that those who have passed ARE looking downward, watching over us, and even sometimes guiding us at times and/or lending us a bit of strength to carry on when needed. That, and the faith in believing that we will be together again has always been a comfort for me.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Cremate me, and scatter my ashes in the Gulf Stream, so my remains will eventually be distributed around the world. Then go to a bar and lift a glass and say, "We'll miss ya, ya shit... bon voyage!"

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

i hope that we are both senile and in our 90's by the time one of us leaves the other,

The only issue I have here is with an age difference of 12 years, if she's in her 90's, I will be in my 100's, and while I don't see it happening, i can only picture a drooling, Depends wearing Dom, that misses more than I hit!


To the Irish in Geoff, How do ya tell an Irish wedding from and Irish funeral?



ONE LESS DRUNK!

 

[rcfstl]

I know what is going to kill me if I dont die by accidental death. So I want to be burned and dump in the punch bowl at my next family reunion so I can always be part of the people who loved me! but I am a sick twisted fuck

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I have always thought that funerals are over-rated, not to mention overly expensive (vulturing off the emotions of the deceased's family). I do not like the idea of my death to be a reason for everyone to get together when it should be done while I am alive. Yeah I know, it is for closure, last respects, yada yada. Pure bunk in my book. I say, do what you want with me and take the cheapest route. Bury me in the woods, I don't care. Build a pyre, I don't care. I am dead after all and my body is now useless.

One point I do care about, salvage my parts, if possible, for others that need them.

 

[Netzach]

I just want the people saying so long to my remains to take the hint and live more intensely and live every day as though you know you will die. It makes life a lot more intense and joyous, and I'm actually much calmer when I think morbid thoughts. I try my best to keep the fact that this ride does draw to a close in the forefront and make it count and not sweat the small stuf.

I would opt for the Jazz funeral, but I hope I die without a pot to piss in. You can't take it with you, I hope I use it well.

 

[popcorn2721]

When I go I want my body to be literally stripped of all working organs (my family does know Im a doner, leave me on blocks) then cremate my remains (Ill cut yall in on a good used pecker). Looking at my corpse is the not last thing really want my family to do or have to pay for. If they could all talk about the good times (remember when and I saw him do's) maybe have a toast in remembrance. Cast into the sea what you will of me, dust the earth with my ashes.... and leave some hanging in the air above. Care not for my loss of life, embrace my family and move on knowing its the natural order of things.
My ex said she would have to move out of the country so she could have me stuffed. I guess since shes my ex she knows that she cant have me in life or in death.

 

[Vixandra]

I'm of the mentality- use all you can and torch the rest. So my family's free to donate whatever is donatable. That way life continues, even though mine has ended.

At my wake, I want home movies, my fav foods/drinks, etc.
Also, there has to be a keg of something alcoholic that's being passed about freely for about an hour before the speeches, some in red some in blue cups.

If I've any notice, I plan to leave a letter behind, the typical type of love you all, etc letter.
But, in the post script:
"And to those of you who have drank of the beer from the blue cups, you shall always carry a part of me with you. Guess where the ashes were scattered?"

Why- because I'm a devilish little wench like that and though it won't be true, it'd still be funny. Long as its not on carpet (spew factor).

 

[Iron Bear]

Personally, if I survive long enough for it to be feasible I want to be launched into space towards the north star. Failing that, cremeate me and divide it into 7 and drop one into each ocean. That way I'm not pinned down to any one place. But I want the launching or spreading ceremony to be upbeat, a celebration of life. Not grief for me for I will be beyond grief. Nor do I want my friends and family overly grieved that I am gone but concentrating on pleasent memories of the times shared during our lives. Oh yeah...with lots of whiskey.

Good point about grief, SD. The tragedy of death is not for the dead, it's for those of us left behind. Those close to me should mourn for their loss individually. At any funeral type gathering, I would rather be remembered as someone who loved to have a good time. There should be music, laughter, happy memories, good food. A traditional Irish wake would not be a bad idea.

As to my body, it's just where I lived. Cremate me, and pour the ashes on a Florida beach.

As for what comes next, I believe in God, Heaven and Hell, all that. Hopefully, I will go to Heaven, eventually. I've always suspected I'll be one of those unfortunate souls with unfinished business here, though.

Memento mori.

 

[Killishandra]

I'm of the mentality- use all you can and torch the rest. So my family's free to donate whatever is donatable. That way life continues, even though mine has ended.

At my wake, I want home movies, my fav foods/drinks, etc.
Also, there has to be a keg of something alcoholic that's being passed about freely for about an hour before the speeches, some in red some in blue cups.

If I've any notice, I plan to leave a letter behind, the typical type of love you all, etc letter.
But, in the post script:
"And to those of you who have drank of the beer from the blue cups, you shall always carry a part of me with you. Guess where the ashes were scattered?"

Why- because I'm a devilish little wench like that and though it won't be true, it'd still be funny. Long as its not on carpet (spew factor).

Oh Vixandra...! ROFL!

 

[le_kinklet]

I have been to quite a few funerals of late, some were expected deaths, some were sudden and others were long and painful, but the last one i went to was my 24 yo cousin, he died suddenly due to the return of a brain tumour. His funeral will stick in my mind for ever, there was lots of sadness but also lots of laughs and recolloction of just what our boy was. He was a "tagger" so all his friends tagged his coffin, while recalling all the all the things we all will remember him for. The music he went out with was 2pac and Wendy Mathews.

But later at the buriel for some reason every one turned up with an alcoholic drink of some sort and one for our boy, he went out with a full slab of mixed, drinks, texta's and his favorite clothing, at least and ounce of marijuana, he was a smoker, some of his mates blew a joint as the coffin went down.
When it was all done we let off 24 black and red ballons, his fave footy team (AFL) was the Essendon Bombers, it was so upbeat and so perfect that i am sure our boy would have been proud.

The wake following the funeral was a huge party, with loads of hiphop/rap music and we all felt that we had done exactly what our boy wanted. The point being that just cos he is no longer a touchable person does not mean he is not there, rather he is now looking over us saying, don't be sad "i always said i am here for a good time not a long time".

I want to be fairwelled with a huge party, the music (Metallica) at top volume and every one remembering the funny and stupid things i have done (they don't call me blonde in disguise for nothing), i don't want any one to be sad, cos in my mind i am just going to spend some time with my Dad, Nanna, Great Aunt and some much loved others. Don't say good bye to me, just say see ya later, spose i just want a party!

 

[graceanne]

A few weeks after my oldest was born my nephew, Jonathan, died. He was three. He had a really rare (and inpronounceable) blood disorder. He'd been in a coma for a week before they agree do let the doctors pull the plug. My sister in law, Susan, was holding him in her lap when they turned the machines off. He took a deep breath, turned his face into her breast and just . . . died.

For his funeral they played some church songs like Jesus Loves Me, and they had a picture of his handprints on the thing they handed out. But then they played this rap song that was his favorite. I think it's by puff daddy, and it's a play off that old Police song. It goes:

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I’ll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you

Of all the songs to be his favorite, that was so fitting for the funeral of a three year old.

 

[pellso27]

Go out

I just want to go out "In A Blaze Of Glory!" All doped up and cussing all that have wronged me!

 

[His_pita]

I meant to discuss this in my original post, it is important that if you have decided to be an organ donor, you make your family aware of this.

All too many people who chose to be donors don't get to donate after they have died because they didn't express their wishes to their family, if your family doesn't know, it is hard to get permission in their time of grief.

Many states have recently begun to adopt databases for donors, but many healthy organs go unharvested because our families don't know.

I am awaiting a heart transplant, I know this firsthand!

Great point! My family and I have already discussed this and all of us are for donating our organs and having the cheapest possible funnerals.