how do you really know...

[hazel_scorpia]

ok this is probably really stupid but i'v always considered myself a straight girl...until!
Lately i have been really turned on by the thought of bein with another woman, like alot. I don't know why suddenly. The whole problem is i want to try it but at the same time i have no idea how to approach it. Obviously it is a fantasy, but should it affect me so much that i can't get it out of my head?
Help!?

 

[silverwhisper]

hazel:

first, welcome!

second: don't worry about labels. a label pigeonholes you. people aren't just pigeonholes. 35 year old women with 2 kids aren't just soccer moms.

hetero folk periodically do have gay fantasies. the real question though is do you actively fantasize about being w/ another woman, or is it just that the thought pops up? when it does, is it sexual, romantic, both?

relax. for some people it doesn't mean anything.

ed

 

[hazel_scorpia]

thanks Silverwhisper

i know that fantasies are a normal thing, most of them things we may never really try but i am feeling like i really want to try" it " , just don't know how to approach it. And then what if i did have opportunity then chickened out, i haven't shared these thoughts with my bf mind you he'd love to hear it...but thats the the thing i feel guilty that i think of being with a woman, i get turned on with the thought but it is not something i want him to know. its all confusing. guess im what you call bi curious

 

[silverwhisper]

you're pretty young, hazel. i don't know what your relationship w/ your bf is, and really, that isn't any of my business, either. that said, if you have a close relationship, perhaps you could tell him. or if you have a close male friend that you trust, maybe him. it sounds like something that you're only going to sort out by thinking through what you're feeling.

is there someone in your life w/ whom you can talk this through? ideally not a female friend, who might mistake it for you coming on to her?

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

I actually have found my female friends to be quite understanding - well, most of them, anyway. And, if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Enjoy the fantasies, take some time to consider if its something you really truly want to try, talk to your boyfriend...above all, remember its normal.

 

[EJFan]

if you're a lesbian or bisexual, you'll happen on a relationship the same way you'll happen upon a hetero relationship. there's not really any mysticism to it, so try not to sweat the details. if you become close friends with a woman and a physical experience feels "right" it'll just happen. the only question and tension in the matter comes from what silverwhisper said... the pigeonhole. if you avoid the labels, the rest'll fall into place however it sees fit.

 

[SweetErika]

ok this is probably really stupid but i'v always considered myself a straight girl...until!
Lately i have been really turned on by the thought of bein with another woman, like alot. I don't know why suddenly. The whole problem is i want to try it but at the same time i have no idea how to approach it. Obviously it is a fantasy, but should it affect me so much that i can't get it out of my head?
Help!?


thanks Silverwhisper

i know that fantasies are a normal thing, most of them things we may never really try but i am feeling like i really want to try" it " , just don't know how to approach it. And then what if i did have opportunity then chickened out, i haven't shared these thoughts with my bf mind you he'd love to hear it...but thats the the thing i feel guilty that i think of being with a woman, i get turned on with the thought but it is not something i want him to know. its all confusing. guess im what you call bi curious

You've gotten some great advice, but I thought I'd chime in because this sounds so familiar.

In my case, the fantasy became strong enough that I decided it was something I wanted to explore in real life. I had no idea what to do with it though, and somehow felt sharing it with my then bf would cause problems and maybe even make it less exciting. However, I knew I couldn't explore without his blessing, and felt I owed it to myself to check these feelings out before we got married. I think I started by asking him if the thought of two women was a turn on...the conversation progressed from there, and he was very open to me exploring. We eventually agreed it would be best for me to try this on my own a few times. I did a lot of reading, placed some personals, talked to many women in the same situation, and eventually tried it when I was really ready. My husband and I have had to communicate a lot and redefine our ideas on relationships, but it's only led to positive things. For the record, I never considered the possibility of being anything other than straight until a couple of years ago.

So, I guess my point is that I know it can be so exciting and scary at the same time, especially when you're in a relationship. I'd suggest taking one tiny step at a time if you're interested in exploring in RL...talking to some of the folks in GLBT Chatter and Personals might be a good place to start. Go at your own pace, and don't feel guilty.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

You've gotten some great advice, but I thought I'd chime in because this sounds so familiar.

In my case, the fantasy became strong enough that I decided it was something I wanted to explore in real life. I had no idea what to do with it though, and somehow felt sharing it with my then bf would cause problems and maybe even make it less exciting. However, I knew I couldn't explore without his blessing, and felt I owed it to myself to check these feelings out before we got married. I think I started by asking him if the thought of two women was a turn on...the conversation progressed from there, and he was very open to me exploring. We eventually agreed it would be best for me to try this on my own a few times. I did a lot of reading, placed some personals, talked to many women in the same situation, and eventually tried it when I was really ready. My husband and I have had to communicate a lot and redefine our ideas on relationships, but it's only led to positive things. For the record, I never considered the possibility of being anything other than straight until a couple of years ago.

So, I guess my point is that I know it can be so exciting and scary at the same time, especially when you're in a relationship. I'd suggest taking one tiny step at a time if you're interested in exploring in RL...talking to some of the folks in GLBT Chatter and Personals might be a good place to start. Go at your own pace, and don't feel guilty.

It's all great advice, and I think Sweet's is right on the money. At very least you should be open and honest about this with yourself and your SO. If you feel you should go the extra steps to explore this further, I'm sure you'll have all the support you need. Just approach it with some common sense and see how it goes.

Good luck!!!

 

[nycphoto]

Find her in a place like this, post an ad and say that you are interested in your first experiance.
That is what I told my ex once and she found a lover online.

 

[Mary Hall]

I`m bisexual, yet to be with a girl

 

[Etaski]

You don't really know...

...unit you Know!

I understand the "sudden curiosity", though mine happened in the opposite way:
I hardly considered female-only sex at all, though I read about it in stories and wasn't bothered at all. But then I got to opportunity to try it, and I simply had to Know. I had maybe four minutes to fantasize, before I decided to go for it. I loved the different-yet-the-same qualities of touching and tasting. I was still having sex with a person, yet she was so soft....
I didn't label, just did what came naturally, and it really did all fall into place, just like the Wise Ones of this thread have adviced.
And they are right about something else, too: access to this wonderful sight does give an excellent resource for finding like-minded people, if that is your desire. The personal ads might be enlightening.

Good luck!

 

[hazel_scorpia]

thanx all! your replies sound helpful and sweet your past feelings are exactly what i am feeling. Thanx for advice e1!