How do you measure your success??

[matriarch]

I’ve been pondering on my life over the last few weeks. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to do so. I’ve thought about what I’ve done with, and during, my 57 years, and thinking about whether I’d have wanted it any differently.

Would I have wanted a highly successful professional career, that delivered me a high paying job, no shortage of money and all the perks that go with that life style? Would I have wanted the buzz of a successful, best-selling novel and the fame that goes with that? Would I have wanted the accoutrements of a big house, fast car, expensive clothes, perfume, jewellery, frequent and expensive holidays to exotic places??

Would I have wanted all these rather than the day-to day existence of an unimportant office worker, a shop worker, a classroom assistant? Would I have wanted someone else to keep my house and clothes clean, cook my meals?

Actually, no. I wouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t turn down extra money that would enable me to live my life never having to worry about how I was going to pay for that bill and this bill, and new shoes for the kids, and the school outings, theatre trips, sports equipment, the unexpected problem with the car, what mother would?

But to have the success that would enable me the advantages of other people doing my chores for me, possibly looking after my kids – if I have any – would have probable disadvantages of not being at home very much, and not being able to spend so much time with them, watching them grow up, be able to enjoy simple pleasure with them, such as watching the school plays, school sports day, taking them for walks and playing football on the local recreation ground.

So from that, I began to realise that ‘success’ as an entity is a very subjective topic, and means different things to different people.

I’m not a successful professional career woman. I have never risen above the level of a reasonably efficient office worker, a cog in a much bigger wheel. I don’t have the ambition, the 'killer instinct' that is required to move myself up the career ladder. And I’m glad.

What I have done, is learned enough skills to enable me to keep myself at a reasonably comfortable level for most of my adult life.

I married and worked with him at that marriage for 32 years, until the two of us decided we’d gone as far as we could with it, and parted as friends.

I’ve produced two sons of whom I am immensely proud. They are useful members of society. They are sympathetic, compassionate, amenable, hard working young men.

I have a loving and supportive family – parents and siblings and a clutch of good friends who seem genuinely happy to be in my company.

I’ve managed to get through my life without breaking any laws (apart from one speeding ticket 4 years ago), and without (as far as I am aware), angering too many people or incurring the wrath of authorities.

Last, but not most certainly not least, I have a loving partner, a wonderful, beautiful, sexy woman with a gentle soul, who for some inexplicable reason, fell in love with me, and wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

Those are my successes. My real successes. I wouldn’t swap them for any fortune, success or fame.

How do you measure your life success??

 

[3113]

I’ve managed to get through my life without breaking any laws (apart from one speeding ticket 4 years ago)

Gasp! A speeding ticket? I'm going to have to get myself another role model....

 

[oggbashan]

The answers change with age.

Now: Being able to live with myself as I am.

I have three daughters who are reasonable human beings and well established in the lives and chosen careers. They are now able to make their own mistakes and recover from them without help from Dad. Creating independent children is a major success.

At times I hated my jobs and the person/persons that they made me become.

As a manager I had all the shit jobs - making people redundant; firing them; telling them their job had moved 200 miles away; etc. The plus points were very few and the hard skin I had to develop took years to shed.

As a local government officer I was totally alien to my environment. Over five years I struggled to change the environment. To some extent I succeeded but the strain was crippling.

After those high profile jobs financial worries seemed a minor inconvenience but they do gnaw away. A reasonable settlement with the taxman would be a major relief.

As for my writing? Completing any story is great, no matter how bad it is, or how bad anon thinks it is. Once submitted and posted I can forget it.

What I would like, like Mat, is sufficient money to live quietly - IF the taxman will let me.

Og

 

[Guest]

 

[R. Richard]

When I started out in the working world I found that others controlled my life. I had to have my paycheck, so I put up with it for a while. I then began to do some unsupervised work at night and I was damn good at it, up until I got fired for being too good at it. I then started my own company and have had freedom and success ever since. However, I have observed that my freedom grows out of a bankbook.

Money!

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

My greatest success came in midlife, when I discovered and entered a career that allows me to look forward to going to work each day, because the worl enables me to fully exercise my talents and skills in a field that interest me. That the monetary compensation has placed me right in the median of U.S. houseolds in average income for the past 11 years is icing on the cake. Sad to say, I wasted a lot of years before coming to this.

The winner of the Nobel Prize in economists has a column today in which he says the following that is relevent to this issue (plus a lot more):

The concept that people need problem-solving and intellectual development originates in Europe: There is the classical Aristotle, who writes of the "development of talents"; later the Renaissance figure Cellini, who jubilates in achievement; and Cervantes, who evokes vitality and challenge. In the 20th century, Alfred Marshall observed that the job is in the worker's thoughts for most of the day. And Gunnar Myrdal wrote in 1933 that the time will soon come when more satisfaction derives from the job than from consuming. The American application of this Aristotelian perspective is the thesis that most, if not all, of such self-realization in modern societies can come only from a career. Today we cannot go tilting at windmills, but we can take on the challenges of a career. If a challenging career is not the main hope for self-realization, what else could be? Even to be a good mother, it helps to have the experience of work outside the home.

From "Dynamic Capitalism" by Edmud S. Phelps, the McVickar Professor of Political Economy at Columbia, who on Oct. 9 was awarded the 2006 Nobel Prize for economics. WSJ, 10/10/06

BTW, I have one minor quibble with Mat's post. It mentions the "probable disadvantages" of having a rewarding career. I think "potential" would be more accurate than "probable."

 

[matriarch]

Gasp! A speeding ticket? I'm going to have to get myself another role model....

I'm so very sorry to have disappointed.did
It was on a journey home from delivering Mat Jr. back to University. I didn't even know I'd broken the speed limit until a few weeks later when the summons arrived. It was a short piece of the road where they'd dropped the speed limit from 70 to 50 because of a spate of accidents. They didn't advertise it too well.

I am now fully aware of it now. I watch that piece of road avidly every time I drive on it.

For the record, I was recorded as doing 63 in a 50. It got me 3 points on my licence, increased insurance premiums, but now, after the requisite time, its been removed.

 

[matriarch]

BTW, I have one minor quibble with Mat's post. It mentions the "probable disadvantages" of having a rewarding career. I think "potential" would be more accurate than "probable."

*curtsey*.
I stand corrected, and wholeheartedly agree.

And, Ogg, I agree too. I'd love to have enough money not to have to work, and be able to keep myself and my wife in a life of comfort. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening for quite some time, unless the lottery comes up tomorrow.

 

[matriarch]

Okay, I'm going to embarrass myself here, but not only answering a deep question with song lyrics, but song lyrics from a cheesy 80s hair rock song.



To me, success in live is living it. I succeed every day I get out of bed and face a day head-on, despite the black monster of depression.

I succeed every time something I planted in my garden takes root and bloom.

I succeed every time I make a friend a little happier.

I succeed every time I get a hug.

I succeed every time I make one of my nieces or nephews giggle.

I succeed when I make my parents proud of me.

As far as I'm concerned, failing to be there for friends or family is the only true failure.

Beautiful and very profound answer.

Thank you.

That's what I was trying to say. You did it better.

 

[Aurora Black]

To quote Indiana Jones...

"Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory."

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Over here in the states the measure of success by the average, middle class Mr. and Mrs. Smith is, do they have the same material things as the Jones' next door.

That being said, I can categorically state that I, have none of the things which people in my neighborhood appear to value and use to measure their success.

I do not have a fancy new car, I do not have a boat, nor a swimming pool in my backyard. I don't have big fancy patio furniture, nor furniture in the house which no one can sit on. All our furniture is well used by us and the 3 dogs. Come on in and set a spell. Mind the dog hair and don't mind the hole in the armchair the dog bit out.

I do, however, have 3 computers which I use in my work. None of which is brand new.

Some would call me successful, others wouldn't. My current salary allows me to do things I wouldn't be able to do without it. My current job also allows me to work from home.

I have raised two children who are now full grow'ed and contributing members of society. Are they angles, far from it but, my wife and I tried our hardest to instill in them a sense of individuality.

Did we succeed? Only time will tell.

 

[neonlyte]

I’ve been pondering on my life over the last few weeks. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to do so. I’ve thought about what I’ve done with, and during, my 57 years, and thinking about whether I’d have wanted it any differently.
<snip>
I married and worked with him at that marriage for 32 years, until the two of us decided we’d gone as far as we could with it, and parted as friends.
<snip>
How do you measure your life success??

57's a dangerous age - evidently.

I celebrated 32 years of marriage last week - are you trying to tell me something?

I've lived a curious life, I trust it will continue. This last year has tested my confidence, an unshakeable confidence in myself I suppose and I still think my greatest achievements are ahead of me, just as long as I can keep working at them.

There have been plenty of failures, few of a personal nature - though I did get the one obligatory speeding ticket (40 in a 30mph zone at 4.00am!) I've had businesses succeed and fail, even the failures never left anyone owed money. I've worked for myself for all but three years out of 35. Never quite hit 'the big time', and I kind of think that is because it doesn't really matter to me. Money has never ranked No.1 in my life, people do, ideas run a close second.

My immediate family are the most important figures in my life. My wife, an artist, has led her own career, and I hope I've supported her in ever way to achieve her ambitions. She has an exhibition opening in March, in New York and on Tuesday next week she is invited to meet with the President of Portugal as a representative of the nations artists, (not just her - there will be twenty or so), I'm immensely proud for her and of her.

My daughter has just returned from a six week study tour in Brazil, part of her PhD work she has being doing whilst holding down a full time job. She will be the first one in the family to achieve a PhD. On the second night home, her boyfriend proposed. He did the proper thing, came and asked her mother and me for permission - really very sweet. Poor kid was as nervous as hell.

As for friends, multilayered, some close, others occassional (you reprobates included) - I couldn't wish for better. And the cat, who has taken to dragging my slippers to the house door whenever I go out for a walk - and stopped fighting me. He's approaching my age in cat years, maybe he thinks it's time to be buddies.

What would I do different? I'd have found a way to meet my wife several years earlier.

 

[TxRad]

I measure success one day at a time....

Waking up in the morning makes it a good day although some are a lot better than others...

While I was still in Highschool I was told I would never live to see twenty-one.... I was a wild child and ran full bore, head on at anything and everything... How I lived through it I'll never tell.... VietNam alone should have killed me.... three times....

Now that I'm older, I've learned to slow down and smell the roses.... And not just because I have to but because I finally learned that there is more to life...

I've tried everything that I wanted to and succeeded at most.... Am I a success, well, I'm happy so I must be....

Things that go around, come around.... When i was a little boy my grandfather told me "If you're not happy then you are doing something wrong." It took me a while to figure that out... He told me a bunch more stuff that I should have listened to but then life wouldn't have been nearly as much fun....

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Some people may be surprised that the following was not my first answer. Interestingly, there is a bit of a contradiction between my two posts here. The first one describes my reality. This one describes my ideal, or more precisely, what I feel should be my ideal. Because it's not, really. That worries me somewhat, but what can I do? Count my blessings, I guess, that I have been fortunate to have a rewarding career that I love, because I recognize that is an option not available to most, as Charles Murray notes here:

"For most people life acquires meaning (not just or primarily through vocation, but) through the stuff of life: the elemental events associated with birth, death, growing up, raising children, paying the rent, dealing with adversity, comforting the bereaved, celebrating success, applauding the good and condemning the bad; coping with life as it exists around us in all its richness.

"Aristotle was right: Virtue is a habit. Virtue does not flourish in the next generation because we tell our children to be honest, compassionate and generous in the abstract. It flourishes because our children practice honesty, compassion and generosity in the same way that they practice a musical instrument or a sport. That happens best when children grow up in a society in which human needs (that are) part of life around us (are) met by people around us."

 

[past_perfect]

Success is for me having coped with various changing situations and circumstances, achieving some of the goals I set myself and invalidating or reformulating others as I went along - since I am still alive and occasionally kicking that is an ongoing process. In other words - what I might have considered to be a success yesterday could very well be a meaningless event in tomorrow's context for me.

By "objective" standards I had several "successful" careers and no problems leaving them and some sort of security and continuity behind to do something completely different - given what was considered to be "my potential" that would make me a failure.

However, if and when I do the best that I can and am who I am, I feel successful. Sharing moments of joy, of love, of ecstasy, of sadness and truth with others, experiencing what I could only describe as perfect moments in time is what makes me feel successful.

 

[kendo1]

9 inches.
Thanks for asking.

 

[matriarch]

9 inches.
Thanks for asking.

I guess someone had to.

 

[scheherazade_79]

I come from a background in which success was measured purely in terms of academic achievement. I was always expected to get straight As, and I did.

Then at the age of 18 a couple of things happened that changed my way of thinking for good. The most significant was my best friend having a complete nervous breakdown and taking an overdose on A Level results day.

These days I measure success by how many of my heart's desires I achieve. Some of them are materialistic, others are moral, but most of them involve experiences - trying new things, going new places and meeting interesting new people.

Unfortunately I'm not a short-cutter. I get infinitely more satisfaction from my achievements when I've had to work bloody hard to get them.

Six years ago I saw a car in Germany and fell in love with it. My first words were, 'One day I'm going to own a car like that.' Five years later, after working my arse off, I'd saved up enough to buy it outright, and I still get a buzz driving it and even walking towards it in a car park.

An equal achievement in my eyes was getting through my grandmother's funeral without falling apart. I had visions of myself going to absolute pieces, but I even managed to pass round cakes and sandwiches afterwards and make small talk with her friends, which is what she would have wanted

I'm also thoroughly proud of the fact that over the last eight years or so, I've sat down and conversed with prostitutes, convicted murderers, heroin addicts, high profile Yardies, nuns, the Archbishop of Wales, Bryn Terfel and an editor for a well-known woman's magazine... and achieved success by asking the kind of questions that most people want to, but wouldn't quite dare.

Quitting my job and telling my boss exactly why was also one of my biggest achievements.

I guess I measure achievement in terms of becoming the person I truly want to be.

 

[FallingToFly]

How do you measure your life success??

By the number of times in a day that I want to give up and say to hell with it... and don't.

Seriously, I wouldn't trade my life, regardless of how chaotic, slipshod and half-assed as it seems to some people, for anything. I'm proud of my certifiably gifted and completely wild kids, I adore my arrogant shithead of a horse, my students never fail to surprise and delight me every week, my writing is improving in leaps and bounds, and I'm damned if I'm going to be ashamed that I'm getting my degree online. I'm busy, productive, and I have a life full of people that love me as I am, regardless of how bitchy that may be. I have an amazing woman who I call friend and heartmate, a husband who loves, supports, and encourages me, my friends and my peers who never hesitate to call me if I'm wrong and laugh with me if I'm right.

Life is sad, beautiful, insane, infuriating, enthralling and exciting. That's the best I can ask for, now isn't it?

 

[kendo1]

I try, Mat.

 

[matriarch]

I try, Mat.

Yes.
Yes you do.

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[matriarch]

.......
My other real success that peace has shown me is that life is unknowable, but fun, though often painful, to try to learn of it, and so I do.

Peace and love to you and the gosling, sweet auntie Sweetness.

Indeed.

And to you, Missy.

 

[Guest]

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I have been pondering over this all day, thank you Mat I kept thinking about a thread we had a few months back . . . "Legacies" and I went to fetch my post, and altered it to this:

I see myself as a success when I . . .

• am a good mother to my child(ren) Not good in the traditional sense of the word, but good in terms of providing them with a nurturing, safe, fun and wholesome, yet realistic space to grow up in. Helping them to find themselves, and be at peace with who they are.

• share beauty with others - in nature, music, art, literature, friendship and love even in what others might perceive as "ugly" Beauty truly does lie in the eyes of the beholder.

• am being true to myself - think and feel with my heart, rather than my head, feel more than think, and love recklessly and with abandonment.

• am sensitive and gentle - with myself and with others - even under impossible circumstances.

I think we all have times when we don't see ourselves as a success. I don't see being a success as a permanent state of being - it's moments of feeling that you have achieved what is important to you. If I had to be brutally honest, and look at where I was at certain stages of my life, and I know now that I am relatively functioning, and independant, and not completely insane, then I feel I've done well - given where and what I could have been.

Then again, it is important for me to measure my success against myself - am I doing better now than I did before? I don't think measuring your success against someone else is healthy or accurate.