How do you know

[Just-Legal]

When its over?

I just don't know what to do any more...

 

[English Lady]

*hugs*

If I knew the answer you could have it.

I don't however and so can only offer another

*hug*

 

[BlackShanglan]

I once received an excellent piece of advice from a friend - English, as it happens. She suggested that I flip a coin.

I was appalled. Flip a coin? Over a decision that would affect the rest of my life? How could she be so cavalier (even to a horse)?

She insisted I do it. I flipped. She then asked whether I felt relief, or a desire to flip again and call best two of three. Ah. Therein lay the secret.

Once I'd flipped, I knew instinctively whether I liked the answer the coin gave me. I didn't follow the coin. I followed the instinct.

Shanglan

 

[CharleyH]

Hm, tricky question. I had a relationship that was over for 5 years. so, I doubt I should give you my answer. It is different for everyone, sweetie, and as much as it aches . . . the next minute will pass, the next hour, the next week. You go thru mourning: through denial and anger and then suddenly, one day, you wake up accepting.

That is the day it is truly over . . . for you.

I am sorry that this is the best I can offer.

 

[Guest]

I don't mean to be flippant, Helen, just frank. If you're asking the question you may well be there. I've gone far enough at times to have to face up to the fact that the bad outweighed the good, and that I was giving way too much more than receiving. Memory tricks you into thinking you can salvage the good, but the further it looms the more unlikely it is.

Primary: do what is best for you. Take care, P.

p.s. It's also been my sad experience that the men 'forced' me to leave them as they did not have the balls to leave me.

 

[Just-Legal]

And therein lies the problem, P. I've always been the one that's left, never the leaver.

 

[Sunnie]

If at the end of the day, the bottom line is You Just Aren't Happy...that's when it's over.

My 4 year relationship finally ended when I realized that not only wasn't I happy, but I wasn't interested in *being* happy with him anymore.

 

[lewdandlicentious]

And therein lies the problem, P. I've always been the one that's left, never the leaver.

To be frank Helen,

Perhaps it's about time you changed that!

 

[rgraham666]

Can't answer that one JL.

But I think it wise to not make an irrevocable decision in the heat of the moment.

Get some sleep. Treat yourself to a good meal. Wait for the emotional highs and lows to level out.

Then take a good long think to figure it out.

Some physical distance, if possible would be a good idea. Hard to think when the person causing the pain is still close enough to irritate.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision. You're a smart, tough lady.

And enough with the calm dry wisdom. *HUGS*

 

[fifty5]

Eff

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I once received an excellent piece of advice from a friend - English, as it happens. She suggested that I flip a coin.

I was appalled. Flip a coin? Over a decision that would affect the rest of my life? How could she be so cavalier (even to a horse)?

She insisted I do it. I flipped. She then asked whether I felt relief, or a desire to flip again and call best two of three. Ah. Therein lay the secret.

Once I'd flipped, I knew instinctively whether I liked the answer the coin gave me. I didn't follow the coin. I followed the instinct.

Shanglan

Nice, but if you know the trick in advance, it just won't work. It's good to have in reserve in case a friend needs the advice, though.

I'm actually on the "after the fact" stage of this (along with other confusions). If you figure things out, be sure to drop me the answer, huh?

Good luck.

Q_C

 

[R. Richard]

And therein lies the problem, P. I've always been the one that's left, never the leaver.

It's not a contest. I have been both the one who was left and the one who left. Try your best and when you can see it won't work, either leave or accept that being left may be all for the best.

 

[SeaCat]

You have received some great ideas here. Get away for a bit, take some time off. While you are doing this think about how you feel. If you truly are not happy with the situation/relationship then get out. To be blunt, who gives a Rat's Ass if you are the one who seems to be doing all of the leaving. If you aren't happy then you aren't happy. Life is way too short to be unhappy in a relationship.

On the other hand, if after your little vacation, you think the relationship can be salvaged then you will have rebuilt your strength to do so.

Just my paltry two cents worth.

Cat

 

[Bridget69]

I think you're the only one who can determine when it's over.

 

[woodnymph_O]

I just feel bad you're upset during the holidays

Sending a hug , and lots of love. Hope you make the right choice for YOU.
nymph

 

[logophile]

I wish I had an answer for you JLe. I think it varies from person to person.

For me, there was an exact moment when I just knew. I was hanging out with an old friend who I hadn't seen in years. We were standing on a bridge watching water flow over a resevoir and I felt amazing. I felt strong and smart and funny and ... even beautiful. The wind was on my face and I knew I could accomplish anything I wanted to.

Suddenly I realized I hadn't felt any of those things in years. None of them. And I knew I had to make a change for my own good. It was like a switch was flipped.

Good luck sweetie. I hope clarity comes to you soon. I think the "discovery phase" is the hardest part.

 

[doormouse]

Just *hugs* hon

I'm not going to offer my two bobs worth when I don't even listen to my own advice lol