How do you keep a man happy?

[sassylilthang]

not even an issue anymore!

 

[just for fun]

I am talking about things besides sex. I do everything and anything my man wants sexually to keep him happy. But I am failing in other ways.....since he is not the same sweet, happy guy I fell for 3 years ago. I feel like I am losing my mind trying to figure this out.

Ladies.....fellas.....can ya help a Lit girl who is down? What can I do to make my man happy?

Thanks!

That's a big question but the first thing that comes to my mind is that you can't be responsible for his happiness.

That might have been a little vague. Are you sure it's you and not other factors that are contributing to his unhappiness?

 

[jeffalan_002]

Think of a subtle way to remind him what it was like the first (month / year). Time has a way of inflicting a little amnesia on even the most committed/happy partners. I don't have specific suggestions since I don't know what the guy likes. Think of a time when both of you had fun/had a good experience/a good memory, and try to recreate that, but be subtle about it so he doesn't see through it, if possible.

In other words, get him into a space, mentally, where he feels that intimate level of comfort with you and realizes that you know him more than anyone else does. He realizes how much time it would take for someone else to attain that level of closeness, and what a valuable thing that is. And that can be used as a springboard on deciding what direction to go to open even more doors.

Sorry if that was all too obscure lol. Just a thought, anyway...

 

[kaycee217]

Maybe he's taking you for granted.

 

[Inrhapsody]

Maybe he's taking you for granted.

Men love the chase - and sometimes when they get anything and everything without a little work it becomes less challenging. I would back off giving him everything he wants on his time frame and make him work for it.

That said, having been married a long time now, there are lots of things that can make men unhappy. I think with my hubster it was the pressure of being a man and feeling like he needed to provide security for someone besides just himself. Mine would run to his "cave" and kind of disappear for awhile and I use to think it was me, but I read Men are from Mar, Women from Venus and I realised that men and women handle things differently. Talk to him...tell him you are concerned and ask him what you can do to help relieve his stress.

 

[dave's thing]

Men love the chase - and sometimes when they get anything and everything without a little work it becomes less challenging. I would back off giving him everything he wants on his time frame and make him work for it.

That said, having been married a long time now, there are lots of things that can make men unhappy. I think with my hubster it was the pressure of being a man and feeling like he needed to provide security for someone besides just himself. Mine would run to his "cave" and kind of disappear for awhile and I use to think it was me, but I read Men are from Mar, Women from Venus and I realised that men and women handle things differently. Talk to him...tell him you are concerned and ask him what you can do to help relieve his stress.

Excellent book... helped me alot.
and well put Inrhapsody

 

[sassylilthang]

Men love the chase - and sometimes when they get anything and everything without a little work it becomes less challenging. I would back off giving him everything he wants on his time frame and make him work for it.

That said, having been married a long time now, there are lots of things that can make men unhappy. I think with my hubster it was the pressure of being a man and feeling like he needed to provide security for someone besides just himself. Mine would run to his "cave" and kind of disappear for awhile and I use to think it was me, but I read Men are from Mar, Women from Venus and I realised that men and women handle things differently. Talk to him...tell him you are concerned and ask him what you can do to help relieve his stress.

Thank you for the advice. I think the part about being a man and feeling like he has to be the protector and provider makes a lot of sense. I may have to check out the book for myself and see what I can learn! Thanks!

 

[sassylilthang]

thank you all!

No one has been too vague in there responses. They have all been wonderful, and I have been able to take something away from each post. I did not think I would get many responses to this post, and almost did not put it up. But I am glad I did. I knew that I could count on other litsters to help out!


Have a great Sunday!

 

[mark_j]

Men love the chase - and sometimes when they get anything and everything without a little work it becomes less challenging. I would back off giving him everything he wants on his time frame and make him work for it.

That said, having been married a long time now, there are lots of things that can make men unhappy. I think with my hubster it was the pressure of being a man and feeling like he needed to provide security for someone besides just himself. Mine would run to his "cave" and kind of disappear for awhile and I use to think it was me, but I read Men are from Mar, Women from Venus and I realised that men and women handle things differently. Talk to him...tell him you are concerned and ask him what you can do to help relieve his stress.

That is only if he knows what the stress is in the first place... or if he even knows how to express it...a lot of times when we men are confronted with something like that we retreat and try to sort it out... asking him if you can help is a pleasant gesture but and he might appreciate the concern.. but if he knows that you really cant do anything about his concern then just having moral support isn't enough.. he will still lock you out until he figures it out...

 

[Mason_Tr]

I agree if you confront him he will retreat... We go through things being so oblivious... then wonder where out of left field this comment came from

Alot of times for a guy, when the chase and spontaneousness go away guys get into a rut... its just a rut of uselsesness

I would say try to shake things up, do something insane, put a big smile on his face however you have to do it

If something is wrong it sounds like it has nothing to do with you... He'll tell you... eventually... but you have to be patneint. Don't force him or he will retreat

 

[Inrhapsody]

That is only if he knows what the stress is in the first place... or if he even knows how to express it...a lot of times when we men are confronted with something like that we retreat and try to sort it out... asking him if you can help is a pleasant gesture but and he might appreciate the concern.. but if he knows that you really cant do anything about his concern then just having moral support isn't enough.. he will still lock you out until he figures it out...

Hi sweet man. Don't confront him in an aggressive way and I usually do it when every one is very relaxed. Gently (men's egos are very fragile) talk to him. He might not realise what is going on until it is voiced. Like the sweet poster said, he might retreat anyway...give him a little space. Seriously get that book...I might reread it too.

 

[cockycarp]

Men love the chase - and sometimes when they get anything and everything without a little work it becomes less challenging. I would back off giving him everything he wants on his time frame and make him work for it.

That said, having been married a long time now, there are lots of things that can make men unhappy. I think with my hubster it was the pressure of being a man and feeling like he needed to provide security for someone besides just himself. Mine would run to his "cave" and kind of disappear for awhile and I use to think it was me, but I read Men are from Mar, Women from Venus and I realised that men and women handle things differently. Talk to him...tell him you are concerned and ask him what you can do to help relieve his stress.

this is pretty solid advice right here....

 

[Inrhapsody]

this is pretty solid advice right here....

Why thanks kind sir...

 

[mark_j]

I actually never read that book.. always thought the title was kind of presumptuous... but i may have to reconsider my position

 

[Inrhapsody]

I actually never read that book.. always thought the title was kind of presumptuous... but i may have to reconsider my position

it is a presumptuous title, but the darn thing saved my marrage. It is good.

 

[mark_j]

it is a presumptuous title, but the darn thing saved my marrage. It is good.

Good that it saved yours.. a little late for me.. but for future reference

 

[SweetDomme_29]

Hi There.....

" I do everything and anything my man wants sexually to keep him happy. But I am failing in other ways.....since he is not the same sweet, happy guy I fell for 3 years ago. I feel like I am losing my mind trying to figure this out.

Ladies.....fellas.....can ya help a Lit girl who is down? What can I do to make my man happy?"


It sounds to me as if he's taking all of your devotion and kindness for granted

Sooo....the question now becomes not what you can do to make him happy but what you can do to make yourself happy????

 

[sassylilthang]

got it!

it is a presumptuous title, but the darn thing saved my marrage. It is good.

I went out and got the book tonight. Browsed through it a bit.....and already have found some things that pertain to me. Thanks for the advice, I have a feeling it will be very helpful!

 

[avvikande]

I actually never read that book.. always thought the title was kind of presumptuous... but i may have to reconsider my position

Maybe I'm from a whole other planet all together, Saturn per chance, but I didn't agree with the book and didn't find much of any value in it. I found it presumptive and male-centered.

And interestingly enough, the author of the book went to school for his degree at Columbia Pacific University which was later shut down and ordered to refund fees of past students on request. The university was found to be sub-standard. Past degrees were held as valid but does make you think hmmm... doesn't it?

Sorry to derail. I did however enjoy a book entitled "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. A little something for everyone in there.

Hope you find what you're looking for Sassy. Be that with or without him.

 

[mark_j]

Maybe I'm from a whole other planet all together, Saturn per chance, but I didn't agree with the book and didn't find much of any value in it. I found it presumptive and male-centered.

And interestingly enough, the author of the book went to school for his degree at Columbia Pacific University which was later shut down and ordered to refund fees of past students on request. The university was found to be sub-standard. Past degrees were held as valid but does make you think hmmm... doesn't it?

Sorry to derail. I did however enjoy a book entitled "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. A little something for everyone in there.

Hope you find what you're looking for Sassy. Be that with or without him.

I found Passages to be the other extreme... I guess it depends on the point of view of the writer..