How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

shameless *bump* for an important thread
*hugs* for all that need them

Another bump just in case this thread is needed.

 

[kikmosa]

Some of the depression/anxiety meds do have nasty side effects that some people do have. ......
So- could the meds be giving her the urge to hurt herself?..........

I know that when my doctor in Alabama found out I was cutting myself he put me on Prozac. In some ways it helped, I did stop cutting, but in other ways it made it worse. For the first time since my divorce, I was thinking of ending things. I even started gathering the things I would need to do it. Pills, alcohol, and a gun. Wasn't enough to just use one, they might be able to save me then, I was going to use them all. Thank God someone heard me crying out for help, (bless you Gil), and talked me out of doing it. I didn't know at the time that the meds were my biggest problem. Not long after that I stopped seeing that doctor and took myself off of the Prozac. I noticed a difference very quickly. I still wanted to cut myself but I didn't feel as suicidal as before and I could control it better. I know now that I need to deal with the things that caused my self destructive behavior and not just cover up the problem with pills. As Private_Label said, some people do need the meds but they should be careful and honest with their doctors to make sure that they get the right ones.

I hope all of that makes sense, I'm very tired and not thinking very clearly right now.

 

[kikmosa]

Another bump just in case this thread is needed.

This thread, like the one that started it, will always be needed.

 

[mortalwombat]

well i've just started to do what i should have done a while ago-i went back to page one of this thread and started reading. I am horrified at what some of you have been through and found myself in tears a couple of times. i seldom cry and it's even more seldom that i admit it. My heart goes out to all of you, in particular the few of you i've gotten to know pretty well. But while there's alot of horror on the thread there's also alot of hope and inspiration. I will eventually get through the whole thread. This is the most worthwhile thread I've found in Lit. If anyone ever wants a sypathetic ear, my pm box is always available. *big hugs* to everyone
David

 

[Gil_T2]

I know that when my doctor in Alabama found out I was cutting myself he put me on Prozac. In some ways it helped, I did stop cutting, but in other ways it made it worse. For the first time since my divorce, I was thinking of ending things. I even started gathering the things I would need to do it. Pills, alcohol, and a gun. Wasn't enough to just use one, they might be able to save me then, I was going to use them all. Thank God someone heard me crying out for help, (bless you Gil), and talked me out of doing it. I didn't know at the time that the meds were my biggest problem. Not long after that I stopped seeing that doctor and took myself off of the Prozac. I noticed a difference very quickly. I still wanted to cut myself but I didn't feel as suicidal as before and I could control it better. I know now that I need to deal with the things that caused my self destructive behavior and not just cover up the problem with pills. As Private_Label said, some people do need the meds but they should be careful and honest with their doctors to make sure that they get the right ones.

I hope all of that makes sense, I'm very tired and not thinking very clearly right now.

Dear KIKI I'm so glad you called out & that you listened as my life would have not been as happy as it is now if you were not in it even though we have never met you are one of the wonderful ppl I have in my life even with the distance & the fact we have never met, we have a bond that I hope is never broken.

It is wonderful ppl like you who know what others her are going through & you posts help more than us who haven't been there to the extent you have & suvived bless you sweet lady.

 

[Gil_T2]

This thread, like the one that started it, will always be needed.

Sadly there is lady who came to LIT that I & my lady love BANDIT have got to know & have met yet she has vanished from all our contact without a word & I fear for her but at a loss to discover her reasons for vanishing, I can only hope some word comes my way to lessen my concerns for her.

 

[Gil_T2]

well i've just started to do what i should have done a while ago-i went back to page one of this thread and started reading. I am horrified at what some of you have been through and found myself in tears a couple of times. i seldom cry and it's even more seldom that i admit it. My heart goes out to all of you, in particular the few of you i've gotten to know pretty well. But while there's alot of horror on the thread there's also alot of hope and inspiration. I will eventually get through the whole thread. This is the most worthwhile thread I've found in Lit. If anyone ever wants a sypathetic ear, my pm box is always available. *big hugs* to everyone
David

When ever I'm feeling sorry for my self I come here & re read the thread to lead me back to understanding that even though things are tough for me there are others dealing with so much more.It is a great thread for letting go of the tough male status we are lead to follow & tears are not a bad thing to be able to let go of.

 

[mortalwombat]

When ever I'm feeling sorry for my self I come here & re read the thread to lead me back to understanding that even though things are tough for me there are others dealing with so much more.It is a great thread for letting go of the tough male status we are lead to follow & tears are not a bad thing to be able to let go of.

you are a very wise man-but be honest do i ever (here or rl) come across as tough?

 

[Gil_T2]

you are a very wise man-but be honest do i ever (here or rl) come across as tough?

Never meant that at all just that in my era alol boys were told you don't cry.

 

[kikmosa]

you are a very wise man-but be honest do i ever (here or rl) come across as tough?

Actually, yes. Being tough doesn't mean you don't cry or that you don't hurt, for yourself or another. It means that despite the pain and the tears, you've survived. It means that no matter what life has thrown at you, you kept going and didn't quit.

And Gil, shedding tears doesn't mean your weak, it means your strong. Strong enough to not care what someone else thinks or says. Strong enough to not be afraid to show that you can feel pain and saddness. Strong enough to admit that your as human as everyone else.

"Shared joy is doubled, shared pain is halved." One of my favorite quotes these days. Those who are afraid to share are burdened to carry the load alone. And it can be a very heavy load. For some, too heavy. For those lucky enough to find a place like this, the load has been shared by so many that care, that it no longer drags us down. We are the lucky ones and we thank you all so much.

A for each of you.

 

[Noor]

I know that when my doctor in Alabama found out I was cutting myself he put me on Prozac. In some ways it helped, I did stop cutting, but in other ways it made it worse. For the first time since my divorce, I was thinking of ending things. I even started gathering the things I would need to do it. Pills, alcohol, and a gun. Wasn't enough to just use one, they might be able to save me then, I was going to use them all. Thank God someone heard me crying out for help, (bless you Gil), and talked me out of doing it. I didn't know at the time that the meds were my biggest problem. Not long after that I stopped seeing that doctor and took myself off of the Prozac. I noticed a difference very quickly. I still wanted to cut myself but I didn't feel as suicidal as before and I could control it better. I know now that I need to deal with the things that caused my self destructive behavior and not just cover up the problem with pills. As Private_Label said, some people do need the meds but they should be careful and honest with their doctors to make sure that they get the right ones.

I hope all of that makes sense, I'm very tired and not thinking very clearly right now.

I probably have a rather unorthodox view of cutting, but its been my experience that cutters cut to feel something, so they don't shut, go into deep depression and/or kill themselves. I am not saying that cutting is a good thing, but in certain situations it maybe a way of surviving, just as becoming a multiple personality or disassociating came be.
Some people use sex that way, but eventually as one goes further into depression the ability to be sexual seems to shut down, your automatic reaction to pain rarely does that.
Some people can shut off feeling to their body in very physically painful situations, but most can't. Sharp, acute pain can sharpen thoughts and can cut through depression at least for the moment.

 

[Don K Dyck]

I probably have a rather unorthodox view of cutting, but its been my experience that cutters cut to feel something, so they don't shut, go into deep depression and/or kill themselves. I am not saying that cutting is a good thing, but in certain situations it maybe a way of surviving, just as becoming a multiple personality or disassociating came be.
Some people use sex that way, but eventually as one goes further into depression the ability to be sexual seems to shut down, your automatic reaction to pain rarely does that.
Some people can shut off feeling to their body in very physically painful situations, but most can't. Sharp, acute pain can sharpen thoughts and can cut through depression at least for the moment.

Geez . . . this is just craziness, Noor . . .

Why beat up on yourself in any way whatsoever, when the rest of the world will do it for you . . . and for free!!

From personal experience; life was meant to be fun, enjoyable, and it is our "duty" indeed to pursue that goal.

Pain of any sort is not natural . . . it is nature's warning that something is wrong within the system . . .

<OK, OK . . . let's not get into a B&D debate here, it is not helpful>

When we find ourselves in any position where that "duty" is not being pursued and pain is occurring, then it may be time to change what we are doing becuase insanity results from thinking that doing the same time will give different results . . .

If a person finds that they are "depressed" or "blue" or "down" or however it is expressed, one of the most effective "cures" is strenuous physical exercise for about an hour a day.

This burns up the chemicals in our bodies that are responsible for these emotions and actually cause the depression. No chemicals, no depression. It is real easy logic . . . and it works

Another way of dealing with this situation is to hang out with cheerful people . . . because chereerfullness is infectious . . .

 

[Don K Dyck]

well i've just started to do what i should have done a while ago-i went back to page one of this thread and started reading. I am horrified at what some of you have been through and found myself in tears a couple of times. i seldom cry and it's even more seldom that i admit it. My heart goes out to all of you, in particular the few of you i've gotten to know pretty well. But while there's alot of horror on the thread there's also alot of hope and inspiration. I will eventually get through the whole thread. This is the most worthwhile thread I've found in Lit. If anyone ever wants a sypathetic ear, my pm box is always available. *big hugs* to everyone
David

Hi Batty, welcome to Gil's thread . . . It won't take long to lower that 62.5% . . .

 

[Gil_T2]

Geez . . . this is just craziness, Noor . . .

Why beat up on yourself in any way whatsoever, when the rest of the world will do it for you . . . and for free!!

From personal experience; life was meant to be fun, enjoyable, and it is our "duty" indeed to pursue that goal.

Pain of any sort is not natural . . . it is nature's warning that something is wrong within the system . . .

<OK, OK . . . let's not get into a B&D debate here, it is not helpful>

When we find ourselves in any position where that "duty" is not being pursued and pain is occurring, then it may be time to change what we are doing becuase insanity results from thinking that doing the same time will give different results . . .

If a person finds that they are "depressed" or "blue" or "down" or however it is expressed, one of the most effective "cures" is strenuous physical exercise for about an hour a day.

This burns up the chemicals in our bodies that are responsible for these emotions and actually cause the depression. No chemicals, no depression. It is real easy logic . . . and it works

Another way of dealing with this situation is to hang out with cheerful people . . . because chereerfullness is infectious . . .

DON I think NOOR was pointing to the fact that some abuse victims / survivors use cutting to release the demons rather than suicide more than anything.

Remember many are not thinking straight trying to deal with their situation they are / were in.

 

[Don K Dyck]

DON I think NOOR was pointing to the fact that some abuse victims / survivors use cutting to release the demons rather than suicide more than anything.

Remember many are not thinking straight trying to deal with their situation they are / were in.

Maybe Gil . . . but that medical practice was totally discredited about two hundred years ago . . .

 

[kikmosa]

I probably have a rather unorthodox view of cutting, but its been my experience that cutters cut to feel something, so they don't shut, go into deep depression and/or kill themselves. I am not saying that cutting is a good thing, but in certain situations it maybe a way of surviving, just as becoming a multiple personality or disassociating came be.
Some people use sex that way, but eventually as one goes further into depression the ability to be sexual seems to shut down, your automatic reaction to pain rarely does that.
Some people can shut off feeling to their body in very physically painful situations, but most can't. Sharp, acute pain can sharpen thoughts and can cut through depression at least for the moment.

For me the pain was part of it but it was more about control. It was the one thing in my life that I controled. No one else could tell me to do it or not. I decided when, where, how deep and how often. Yes, that shiver of pain told me I was alive but that was just an extra to me.

 

[Don K Dyck]

For me the pain was part of it but it was more about control. It was the one thing in my life that I controled. No one else could tell me to do it or not. I decided when, where, how deep and how often. Yes, that shiver of pain told me I was alive but that was just an extra to me.

I can understand the control thinggy . . . but that alone does not change the fact that there are enough people out there willing to walk on your face that doing silly things to yourself is just negative karma and self destructive . . .

But then, Kiki, you had the courage and the strength to get yourself out of that situation . . .

 

[Gil_T2]

I can understand the control thinggy . . . but that alone does not change the fact that there are enough people out there willing to walk on your face that doing silly things to yourself is just negative karma and self destructive . . .

But then, Kiki, you had the courage and the strength to get yourself out of that situation . . .

KIKI is an inspiration with the courage she has shown.

 

[mortalwombat]

bump for a great thread

 

[captain snakebite]

edit.

 

[Gil_T2]

edit.

It's just me again bumping the thread again.

 

[Lyrical Fool]

Gil, did I read that correctly? Bandit simply vanished? From the thread or from your home? I hope I'm simply confused.

As for me, I'm not even sure what to say. Just seems like all the signs had been there for so long, I'm still somewhat reeling with the shock of realization even though it's been almost 2 months now.

My foot finally healed enough so that I could start walking. Which turned out to be a blessing...I was so angry I needed some sort of healthy release. The plus side is that I've lost nearly 30 lbs since the hurricane hit Most days I still don't feel like walking, but I need to just to get some of the energy out.

Suddenly, I seem to be having a problem with men, as in, uncomfortable around them. This has been going on ever since the epiphany. I didn't seem to have a problem with it before -- either I was ignored by them, friends with them, or went slap the hell off, as the expression goes, on them.

And suddenly, I'm frightened. I'm ok in their presence, not threatened or anything...but suddenly I'm back to having people asking me out, etc., and I balk. I'm thinking it's temporary, everything is, after all, only temporary, but still...

I think of how far I've come, progress wise, in the past three years, and I'm frustrated. I'm to the point where I want to date again, and I back off. Guess I'm just not as ready as I thought.

 

[Noor]

Gil, did I read that correctly? Bandit simply vanished? From the thread or from your home? I hope I'm simply confused.

I think you are confused, it was a friend of Gil and Bandit's that vanished. As far as I know Bandit is with Gil.

As for me, I'm not even sure what to say. Just seems like all the signs had been there for so long, I'm still somewhat reeling with the shock of realization even though it's been almost 2 months now.

My foot finally healed enough so that I could start walking. Which turned out to be a blessing...I was so angry I needed some sort of healthy release. The plus side is that I've lost nearly 30 lbs since the hurricane hit Most days I still don't feel like walking, but I need to just to get some of the energy out.

Suddenly, I seem to be having a problem with men, as in, uncomfortable around them. This has been going on ever since the epiphany. I didn't seem to have a problem with it before -- either I was ignored by them, friends with them, or went slap the hell off, as the expression goes, on them.

And suddenly, I'm frightened. I'm ok in their presence, not threatened or anything...but suddenly I'm back to having people asking me out, etc., and I balk. I'm thinking it's temporary, everything is, after all, only temporary, but still...

I think of how far I've come, progress wise, in the past three years, and I'm frustrated. I'm to the point where I want to date again, and I back off. Guess I'm just not as ready as I thought.

It sounds like you are finally in a safe place now and beginning to heal. Walking is great for you.
People are asking you out and you are not used to that yet, its reasonable for it to feel strange. Dating can be scary, just wait until you are ready, or until the right person asks you.

 

[Gil_T2]

Gil, did I read that correctly? Bandit simply vanished? From the thread or from your home? I hope I'm simply confused.

As for me, I'm not even sure what to say. Just seems like all the signs had been there for so long, I'm still somewhat reeling with the shock of realization even though it's been almost 2 months now.

My foot finally healed enough so that I could start walking. Which turned out to be a blessing...I was so angry I needed some sort of healthy release. The plus side is that I've lost nearly 30 lbs since the hurricane hit Most days I still don't feel like walking, but I need to just to get some of the energy out.

Suddenly, I seem to be having a problem with men, as in, uncomfortable around them. This has been going on ever since the epiphany. I didn't seem to have a problem with it before -- either I was ignored by them, friends with them, or went slap the hell off, as the expression goes, on them.

And suddenly, I'm frightened. I'm ok in their presence, not threatened or anything...but suddenly I'm back to having people asking me out, etc., and I balk. I'm thinking it's temporary, everything is, after all, only temporary, but still...

I think of how far I've come, progress wise, in the past three years, and I'm frustrated. I'm to the point where I want to date again, and I back off. Guess I'm just not as ready as I thought.

LF yes you miss read & BANDIT is still here although at times I do wonder how she copes with me & my health causing her many worries.

As for the dating thing (scary stuff at the best of times) I avioded anything but the physical with ladies right up till BANDIT & I started exchanging PMs,emails & chatting still thinking only friendship but once we met all the resistance was gone & we both allowed the heart to take control of us......so i guess i'm saying when your ready you will find it easy to accept these offers, we all need our own time to get these things sorted in our selves.

 

[Lyrical Fool]

I'm glad to know that I *did* misread it, although I'm sorry to hear about your friend

As for the dating thing goes, what'll be will be.

Just feeling too good these days...worried that the other shoe will drop.