How do you feel about writing as you are writing?

[TheRedLantern]

This is my first time being around so many other writers, and this is the question I've always wanted a broad sample of answers to.

As you're writing, especially during the hyper-creative drafting stage, how are you feeling about what you're writing? And is your writing affected by how you're feeling?

I find myself going through extreme swings with no middle ground and no steady state. I'll go from feeling excited and motivated to feeling revulsion and disgust at the idea of sitting down to write. This is been very consistent over the last 5 years since I started writing more seriously, and I've also noticed no difference in the quality of what I produce (during the high points, it's easy to sit down and write, during the low points, I give myself permission to stop after writing one good sentence but I always keep going).

I've asked around in workshops and to other writing partners over the years, and so far no one goes though the same thing as me. I'm wondering if that's a sign that I'm maybe more temperamentally suited for digging recyclable cans out of curbside trashbags for the $0.05 deposits.

 

[SexyInMy60s]

Dorothy Parker said, “I hate writing. I love having written.” That sums it up for me.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Personally...
I love to write. I love the process. The pleasure of seeing my thoughts appear on the page in front of me...
I feel a sense of euphoria as I slip into the characters. Seeing the story evolve, the characters develop personalities. I enjoy the story going off into places I never expected. (I never know until it's staring back at me) I plan nothing.
Once it's complete, though. I lose all interest in it.... I never re-read anything I've posted. Submit and forget...

Posting my first stories, I held a certain anticipation to see if others enjoyed it, but these days, sometimes I don't even check on them.

Cagivagurl

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've asked around in workshops and to other writing partners over the years, and so far no one goes though the same thing as me. I'm wondering if that's a sign that I'm maybe more temperamentally suited for digging recyclable cans out of curbside trashbags for the $0.05 deposits.

Could be.

I write because I enjoy it. If I didn't, I wouldn't bother, there's plenty of other things to do.

I don't get all the angst folks like you express. If you don't like doing something, why don't you stop doing it?

 

[iwatchus]

For me, the creative pre-writing happens subconsciously or in the middle of the night when I am barely awake.

Once it is in there, when I am actually producing words, it is a compulsion. I need to get the words out and I get irritable if anything gets in the way of doing that. And I feel every word that comes out very deeply. I cry. A lot. I get horny. Sometimes I share the character's elation, which make me cry tears of joy. Did I mention I cry a lot while I write?

My SO will see me coming, tear streaks down my cheeks, and just say, "You have been writing, haven't you?" Sometimes, I need a hug. Other times I want to explain what just happened in the story.

 

[ycym]

For me it's more that there is suddenly an idea that must be written down. And I need to put it down and end it. So far the ideal way... but I also have some ideas with only a few sentence or one or two chapters. These can be iced a long time until i pick up one of these because there is the inspiration again to go on.

 

[Cagivagurl]

I think almost everybody creative, regardless their medium goes through times where it is hard to stay focused. I'm a musician, and love signwriting, but sometimes, it's hard. You end up playing the same things over and over. No fresh ideas...
That's the time to take a step back...
Do some gardening... Baking... Anything other than even thinking about the creative process.
when I'm writing, I become a little obsessed, and lose track of time. Sometimes, it's good to sit and read... Quell the mind...
If writing is only a hobby, then take a break... If the fun stops... what's the point?

Cagivagurl

 

[Rob_Royale]

That initial creative rush is a joy. Seeing it come to life from my mind to the page is amazing. Where I lose that joy is thirty pages in, after the characters are set, the setting is explained, the plot is begun and now I really have to work to develop everything into an actual story that's engaging and flows well.

But the joy returns in the editing process. I love this step where I really get to polish things, add a little more personality, pump up the sex scenes a bit and see the entire story unfold.

 

[GrantBricksly]

For me, my emotions are relatively steady. I'm typically excited when I write. Both excited to get the words out, and excited to find out what people will think of it.

I also feel the moods of my characters to an extent. My characters are very real to me. Either because they are based on real people (often my wife and I) or because I've written about them for so long (published or not) that they've become real to me. The idea of them has been in my head for decades. I've watched them live out the things I've written about and so much more. So when they are excited, so am I. When a tragedy befalls them (Not common in my stories, but it happens), I feel sadness.

That being said, we all go through times when we have trouble writing. My most recent story just got published 2 weeks ago. Before that, the last one was 2 years ago. Why? Because I couldn't find the motivation to write... I wanted to... but every time I tried, it just didn't work. And if my mood isn't right... if my motivation isn't there... then the writing won't be up to my standards, or up to the standards that my readers expect from me.

 

[ThatNewGuy]

I find myself going through extreme swings with no middle ground and no steady state. I'll go from feeling excited and motivated to feeling revulsion and disgust at the idea of sitting down to write.

I'm surprised no one in your workshops has copped to feeling the same thing. I know I do. The problem lies, I think, in the tension between the Platonic ideal of what's possible and the messy, practical reality of actually creating something.

In that initial hypercreative phase, I'm super excited about the idea, the plot, the characters. I can't wait to get them onto paper. This is going to be the best story ever!

And for a while it goes really well. Until it doesn't. I hit my first serious stumbling block, and suddenly the prose that seemed so flawless is chock full of problems. Why didn't I see them before? How could I have been so blind? This was a half-baked idea to begin with and I'd be better off just abandoning it and moving on to something else.

I try to remind myself that both extremes are equally unrealistic. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. Sometimes taking a break and getting some distance helps with regaining perspective. But there's also the risk that "taking a break" becomes "abandoning the thing entirely."

Michael Swanwick wrote a very short piece called "A Few Words to New Writers" that speaks a bit to this problem. I've found it helpful when I'm mired in the disgust and revulsion stage. Maybe you will too.

 

[Noks]

I'm surprised no one in your workshops has copped to feeling the same thing. I know I do. The problem lies, I think, in the tension between the Platonic ideal of what's possible and the messy, practical reality of actually creating something.

In that initial hypercreative phase, I'm super excited about the idea, the plot, the characters. I can't wait to get them onto paper. This is going to be the best story ever!

And for a while it goes really well. Until it doesn't. I hit my first serious stumbling block, and suddenly the prose that seemed so flawless is chock full of problems. Why didn't I see them before? How could I have been so blind? This was a half-baked idea to begin with and I'd be better off just abandoning it and moving on to something else.

I try to remind myself that both extremes are equally unrealistic. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. Sometimes taking a break and getting some distance helps with regaining perspective. But there's also the risk that "taking a break" becomes "abandoning the thing entirely."

Michael Swanwick wrote a very short piece called "A Few Words to New Writers" that speaks a bit to this problem. I've found it helpful when I'm mired in the disgust and revulsion stage. Maybe you will too.

I envy you. You still get to enjoy that initial surge of hypercreativity at the initial phase.

Mine usually lasts only seconds, maybe minutes, when the scene plays vividly in my head. But the moment my fingers touch the keyboard, most of the magic slips away.

What little remains is still enough to keep me going, but the joy quickly turns into a stubborn, exhausting struggle for every word. The euphoria dissolves into a muddy battle.
On the rare occasions when the "magic" carries over into the actual writing, I lose all awareness of my emotional state. It’s as if I’m in a trance, barely conscious of what I’m doing. Only days, sometimes weeks later, can I look back with clear eyes and assess the quality of what I wrote in that moment.

 

[GrantBricksly]

I envy you. You still get to enjoy that initial surge of hypercreativity at the initial phase.

Mine usually lasts only seconds, maybe minutes, when the scene plays vividly in my head. But the moment my fingers touch the keyboard, most of the magic slips away.

What little remains is still enough to keep me going, but the joy quickly turns into a stubborn, exhausting struggle for every word. The euphoria dissolves into a muddy battle.
On the rare occasions when the "magic" carries over into the actual writing, I lose all awareness of my emotional state. It’s as if I’m in a trance, barely conscious of what I’m doing. Only days, sometimes weeks later, can I look back with clear eyes and assess the quality of what I wrote in that moment.

That seems so odd to me...

I couldn't write like that...If I am struggling like that...I don't write. I literally didn't write a word for 2 years because I struggled to do it.

I enjoy every second of writing. And when I don't, I stop. There are days that I am angry that I have to stop. I've run out of time, and I have other things I have to do... but I am so in a groove... so much in the mood to write that it angers me to have to walk away...

 

[SimonDoom]

I experience a range of feelings when I write. Sometimes it comes surprisingly easily. The words flow. It's a rush. Lots of fun. Other times it's a slog. It's more likely to be a slog as I get closer to the end of the story.

It's almost always satisfying, however, so I don't stop. I tell myself from time to time that I don't have to do it, so sometimes I don't. As a consequence I write more slowly now than I did before.

You don't achieve success at anything without putting some work into it. An activity can be fun and worthwhile, overall, without every single minute spent doing it bringing you pure joy. That's how it is for me.

 

[Noks]

I don't get all the angst folks like you express. If you don't like doing something, why don't you stop doing it?

That’s a rather hedonistic take. I don’t enjoy brushing my teeth or wiping my ass, but I still do it. Definitely not smiling during the last sprint of my daily run.

We do plenty of things we don’t necessarily enjoy. Creative people need to channel their hypervigilance into something, just like a Belgian Malinois needs to burn off its energy through exercise.

Some stories simply need to see the light of day.

 

[crookedletter]

I often don't enjoy writing for the first stretch of any given writing session, unless I'm really burning with an idea that needs to get on paper. Usually I have to force myself through an initial block with the hope/faith that I'll hit a head of steam. Often I do, and when things get going, it feels great. I love writing when I get to that point. And I love the feeling of satisfaction after a good writing session.

If I only wrote when I wanted to I probably wouldn't write much. If at all. If I only ever did what I wanted to at any given moment -- without consideration for any feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment -- then I wouldn't get much done in general. I'd check a lot more video games off my to-play list, I suppose.

 

[jpro56]

I have a muse that will randomly visit and bestow ideas into my brain and leave it up to me to create.
All my stories over the last 5 years or so have come from her.
She currently has me on chapter 14 of a story that I converted from having full on sex scenes to suggested interaction with the intention of writing an epilogue that would have those scenes included by chapter.
Family stuff has curtailed my writing for the last several weeks but I’m starting to get the itch to get back into it.
The people I let read it for suggestions both love it.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

When I'm actually writing, I love it. Keyboard clicking, words appearing on the screen, characters coming to life... it's amazing.
When Im staring at a word doc and have no idea what happens next... I fucking hate it and wonder why I bother.

 

[ycym]

When I'm actually writing, I love it. Keyboard clicking, words appearing on the screen, characters coming to life... it's amazing.
When Im staring at a word doc and have no idea what happens next... I fucking hate it and wonder why I bother.

Exactly.

 

[NuclearFairy]

There are times when my hands can't move fast enough to keep up with the flow of words coming out of my brain. Then there are times when I want to write, desperately want to write but I can't focus well enough to get the pictures in my head to turn into words. Those times I find some music to fit the scene, light a candle, and then let the beat sink in while I watch that candle until a few words at a time, I can get it out.

 

[Bamagan]

I don’t enjoy... wiping my ass, but I still do it.

I feel it is my doody to inform you that you seem to be doing it wrong, then.

 

[Bamagan]

As you're writing, especially during the hyper-creative drafting stage, how are you feeling about what you're writing? And is your writing affected by how you're feeling?

For me, by the time I sit down to produce the physical (well, digital) existence of my story, most of it has already been written in my head. Granted, the particular form it takes between brain and fingers and computer is mutable, and sometimes elements change, but my general feeling is relief from releasing the pressure. Given that we're talking smut, comparing it to sex is logical... although one person, who is not overfond of my products, likened it to popping a pimple into their brain.

 

[Noks]

I feel it is my doody to inform you that you seem to be doing it wrong, then.

I’ve considered a bidet, but I couldn’t get behind the idea of abandoning my post at such a critical moment.

 

[filthytrancendence]

Interesting question.

Over the last year, I've become a photographer as well. I feel like what I've learned about creativity through developing myself in another creative field is salient to your question. It's going to be a long, meandering answer, so buckle up I guess.

Part of what I love about photography is I can do it just pretty much whenever, regardless of what frame of mind I'm in. I can pick up the camera, take some photos, cull them, edit them, and almost no matter how interesting or boring the nature of my shoot was, or how depressed/frustrated/uninspired I was feeling that day, I always get some end product that I feel has enduring creative value. As in, I can look back at it a month later and say 'shit, I forgot about that, but that's pretty good.' Even from very early on when I didn't know shit about cameras/lenses/composition/editing, I still took a few photos that I absolutely love to this day.

This is because a lot of photography is a technical skill that can achieve pleasing results even if all you do is follow your muscle memory. And there is a very structured process that must be followed, in order, to create an output. Pick up a camera, take an image of something, decide which images are worth editing, and edit them. Always those things in that order, you can't ever skip any of them because they are all load bearing. You can improve at each stage individually, and each stage requires a different kind of creativity that gives you the opportunity to exert a slightly different kind of creative energy.

There's some obvious similarities to writing, but the most fundamental difference exists before the starting point of both. Photography, no matter what genre, no matter what style, no matter what skill level, always, always, always starts with something in the physical world that you can see. The core creative skill, to me, is learning to find something compelling within what already exists. The starting point must necessarily exist in the real world. The difference between good and bad is your capacity to find something good.

Writing is always more like summoning a creature from the formless void. You can write about literally anything. Doesn't need to exist. Doesn't need to make sense. Doesn't need to be plausible. Writing is free from the burden of reality. It is also burdened with that formlessness. Pulling a character and a narrative out of the void requires an irreducible bonfire of creativity, the intensity of which is never even touched by the entire field of photography. The difference between good and bad writing is an infinity of axes that all start from the void and stretch into infinity.

For this reason, I (and I suspect most writers) am much more sensitive to mood, surroundings, frame of mind, mental health, blood sugar, dehydration, quality of sleep, mind altering substances, etc. All these things can help or hinder my capacity to summon a creature from the void. I've gone years where the most interesting thing I've written was a stealth passive aggressive email. And if I'm just not in the right mental place, I just physically cannot write something I am happy with. I can construct a sentence that parses. I can construct a paragraph that contains a compelling thought. I cannot make those paragraphs fit together into something I feel is worth a damn.

So after god knows how many words that was, I have finally constructed the context for my answer to your actual question. I pulled a tadpole from the void.

To write fiction I am happy with, I have to be in the right place mentally and physically. The capacity to nudge myself into the right place is built by a multitude of skills that often have nothing to do with writing itself. When I'm in that place, it feels amazing to get the words out of me, and I usually find that I value the output. Sometimes it's nothing short of euphoric. Sometimes it's 'yeah, that's pretty good, glad I did that'. But when I try and force myself to write when the mental/physical conditions are not right, it always sucks, and I always hate it. Actually, usually about 80% of it sucks, and I always hate it. The 20% can still be useful.

There are technical skills that can be developed to help get me into the right place. A lot of them are about removing hurdles from myself, as in noticing where I consistently trip and smash my face in creatively and then figuring out a way to jump or just swerve left. Sometimes it's just accepting that I'm not in the right frame of mind that day, walking away, and coming back tomorrow. Sometimes it's making myself take a break between scene transitions. Sometimes it's something as dumb as remembering to eat or drink water.

Part of the value of cultivating skills in different creative mediums is you begin to see clearly where the challenges and strengths of each lie. To me, writing fiction is absolute max difficulty and most creatively demanding. It's summoning creatures from the void, and you always have to stare into the void in order to perform the ritual. Other disciplines which are more directly dependent on reality can depend upon reality itself for a kind of consistency that writing will never offer.

The other side of that coin is, writing is unbound from the limitations of reality. The limits of what you can do are no more and no less than your own self. This is why writing is deeply, unavoidably personal in a way that no medium I've ever tried can even be. And it is why it can feel so difficult to create something worthwhile when your self is not in the right place.

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

For this reason, I (and I suspect most writers) am much more sensitive to mood, surroundings, frame of mind, mental health, blood sugar, dehydration, quality of sleep, mind altering substances, etc. All these things can help or hinder my capacity to summon a creature from the void. I've gone years where the most interesting thing I've written was a stealth passive aggressive email. And if I'm just not in the right mental place, I just physically cannot write something I am happy with. I can construct a sentence that parses. I can construct a paragraph that contains a compelling thought. I cannot make those paragraphs fit together into something I feel is worth a damn.

So after god knows how many words that was, I have finally constructed the context for my answer to your actual question. I pulled a tadpole from the void.

To write fiction I am happy with, I have to be in the right place mentally and physically. The capacity to nudge myself into the right place is built by a multitude of skills that often have nothing to do with writing itself. When I'm in that place, it feels amazing to get the words out of me, and I usually find that I value the output. Sometimes it's nothing short of euphoric. Sometimes it's 'yeah, that's pretty good, glad I did that'. But when I try and force myself to write when the mental/physical conditions are not right, it always sucks, and I always hate it. Actually, usually about 80% of it sucks, and I always hate it. The 20% can still be useful.

This resonated with me. I'm somewhat struggling with a current WIP, which I think coincides with the fact I've been pretty sedentary the past couple of weeks, trying to force myself to make progress on my story. I've been hoping writing would lift my spirits/mental health, but am realizing I might need to touch more grass and be more social to inject some creative juices back into my keyboard fingers. Thanks for sharing!

 

[filthytrancendence]

This resonated with me. I'm somewhat struggling with a current WIP, which I think coincides with the fact I've been pretty sedentary the past couple of weeks, trying to force myself to make progress on my story. I've been hoping writing would lift my spirits/mental health, but am realizing I might need to touch more grass and be more social to inject some creative juices back into my keyboard fingers. Thanks for sharing!

I'm glad!

It's funny because the other day I ruined my writing capacity for the day by exercising too much. I hadn't done much physically for a while, went for a too-long bike ride, was excited to come back and write. And then my dopamine dropped hard and I was physically exhausted and my brain said, "not today, buddy."

Having to exist in a body is just an obnoxious amount of work sometimes.