How do you deal?

[Belegon]

I've been hit hard by life events this past week. Not all negative, just forceful. Most of them due to a few moments on Sunday morning but not completely so... more on that at the end here.

It sparked some musings about the way we all deal with events of different types. For example, I am one that can and will be very vocal about the successes and, occasionally, the failures of others. I would like to think I am very supportive of my friends and encourage them when things are bleak.

Certainly, if I were "collecting favors" to be cashed in at some future time, or investing in good will, or anyway you wish to put it, I have a large positive balance sheet. Some of it originating right here at Lit.

Yet, I don't ever seem to take advantage of this bank of goodwill. Indeed, the more difficult or frightening a situation, the more likely I will keep it completely to myself or within my immediate family. By which I mean Alessia and my children. Even my parents are a secondary source.

Whats so odd about this is that for more minor things I am out there actively soliciting the opinions of even casual friends. And the people whose opinions I really trust get absolutely inundated.

Others that I know and respect are much more forward. They need support, they ask and they get it. Sometimes we might even consider some of them whiners, thinking that they ask for that support over things that really aren't as desperate as they sound.

So we have two extremes... on the one hand there are people who barely mention even the best/worst of circumstances. On the other, people who trumpet and/or bemoan every event in their life as being of major importance.

Then there are the fluctuations in the center, like with myself and my active and dedicated discourse on small events and my near-secrecy on major ones.

So, what do you think your style is? Do you share actively across the board? Do you share major events and stifle minor musings, or are you vocal about the mundane and silent about the big stuff?

And what opinions do you form about others based on how they share?

 

[Recidiva]

When I'm in trouble I tend to contract more than expand. Like a flower closing up when the sun goes down. I very rarely reach out for help, because in many cases...if I can't help it myself, it's very unlikely someone else can help me.

For me this pattern is reinforced by my migraines. I know there's no cure, I know inviting someone else in is usually an invitation to pain and despair and they will be company, but not a solution to the problem. It's like inviting someone to watch me be tortured.

So I might reach out for company, occasionally advice from people I trust because sometimes they might see something I don't. I'll be looking for the answer, but not necessarily with faith that the answer is there or even findable, just in faith that I get better results if I ask and if I try, than if I don't. When I know I don't know the answer, but I think the answer's out there by some form of intuition, I will find a million ways to ask a million people if necessary.

But usually I'll just ask for hugs in general. And pull myself in, close up until the sun comes out. Sometimes it doesn't, so I spend a lot of contracted time.

I'm more comfortable there alone because very often I don't want to share the pain I'm in with the people I love. Because I want to spare them that. I'll express it so people aren't curious or concerned or afraid I'm hiding something. But in general, I try to do what I can on my own. I try to set other people at ease that I am doing what I can, and if I need help I'll ask. But the real thing is - so many of life's problems...can't be solved. They can only be endured. And although I never reject help or comfort when it's offered, I do know that sometimes seeking help or comfort on certain things will result in sharing despair, not easing a burden.

I generally consider it a more noble thing to bear certain burdens as a matter of course as the price I pay to consider myself an adult every day.

As for good karma, that's for the world, not me. I do truly believe that no good deed goes unpunished, and that I can't let that stop me from doing good deeds. Because mediocre deeds are boring and bad deeds lead bad places.

My husband knows me best. Other people...not so much at all. People who ask questions will get straight answers. But I rarely solicit questions or sympathy.

As a result of my chronic pain issues, I don't think inviting real people into my life is in their best interests. Online, sure, they don't have to deal with realities of day to day life and I can have a meeting of minds, which is great for what it is. It is not, however, reality.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I'm not sure, which is a bit surprising. I know in reality, I clam up, and bear it all in silence. I am suppose to be the rock, the foundation that holds everything else up. Then again I have a pretty public thread that documents all kinds of trials and triumphs. A very few friends know what goes on inside my head, but even they sometimes have to ask and badger before I admit to whats bothering me.

I may take some time to go over my posts, and see what is my persona here. I know that this is the place I am most open, but I think there is a good bit of hiding and facade here as well.

Interesting way to start the new year.

 

[Belegon]

Hmmmmm... Diva, I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to share your pain with those you love because you don't want them to hurt as well. I do that and I actually have been trying to do less of it. My relationship with Imp is an example of this, because it began at a time when I was first making that effort.

In the beginning, it wasn't just about sharing with her... it was a more general thing. But that more general thing led to us becoming closer and then... I share more of me with her than I ever have with anyone and it has been a very good thing.

And the nobility of endurance also rings true for me. I would say that it is, if not a part of my innermost being, at the very least a part of what I show the world. And it may be a true quality of mine. I'm not sure. At 44 years old, I feel like I am just now starting to really discover some of who I am.

Some things I have learned to share because I have learned that I hurt others if I don't. It is part of what is sparking this line of thought in me. I hit a patch of black ice on Sunday and totaled my truck. I'm fine: completely unharmed.

But as I have gone through the thought processes involved with the accident, I have had to face some things... for example, my primary emotion about the wreck, other than those involved with the financial repercussions, is embarrassment. I consider myself a good driver and good drivers aren't supposed to end up driving on anything other than the tires.

So I have conflicting things... the embarrassment makes me not want to share. But the experience is made for storytelling, and I am most definitely a storyteller. And I have pictures to share and there is that little thrill of getting the reaction from people... that little gasp that fuels the desire to bring them on the ride with me, if you know what I mean. Not for sympathy, but because I enjoy entertaining people.

But the other side of this is that I start to realize that my silence about it could actually hurt people. There are people who care about me that I haven't told about it. Are they going to be hurt that I didn't share it with them? And will they understand when I tell them why?

So, as you can tell by my rambling, the whole thing sparks a renewed interest not just in HOW people communicate, but WHY.

 

[Belegon]

Sal, I think that I am variable in that regard.

There are times when I just pour it out, in public and in private. And others when I wrap myself in silence.

And honestly, because I was unharmed on Sunday, my perception of the crash is all about what happened to the vehicle and all that comes out of that.

It takes me stepping back and looking at the pictures to realize that, yeah, it was actually life threatening. And that the people I have shared the picture on my phone with who then give me the "Thank God you're alright!" thing are reacting in honesty, not in "tut,tut" sympathy.

I mean, it doesn't look that bad to me, and I was in the vehicle. But yeah, if I had been speeding around the corner like I (being honest) often do? If I had hit harder and/or not been strapped in? It would have been bad.

 

[driphoney]

Some things I have learned to share because I have learned that I hurt others if I don't. It is part of what is sparking this line of thought in me. I hit a patch of black ice on Sunday and totaled my truck. I'm fine: completely unharmed.

But as I have gone through the thought processes involved with the accident, I have had to face some things... for example, my primary emotion about the wreck, other than those involved with the financial repercussions, is embarrassment. I consider myself a good driver and good drivers aren't supposed to end up driving on anything other than the tires.

So I have conflicting things... the embarrassment makes me not want to share. But the experience is made for storytelling, and I am most definitely a storyteller. And I have pictures to share and there is that little thrill of getting the reaction from people... that little gasp that fuels the desire to bring them on the ride with me, if you know what I mean. Not for sympathy, but because I enjoy entertaining people.

So glad you're fine and nobody was hurt.

Interesting thread.

I'm not sure, which is a bit surprising. I know in reality, I clam up, and bear it all in silence. I am suppose to be the rock, the foundation that holds everything else up. Then again I have a pretty public thread that documents all kinds of trials and triumphs. A very few friends know what goes on inside my head, but even they sometimes have to ask and badger before I admit to whats bothering me.

I may take some time to go over my posts, and see what is my persona here. I know that this is the place I am most open, but I think there is a good bit of hiding and facade here as well.

Interesting way to start the new year.

I find that to be true, and interesting as well. I come here and I'm pretty much just me. No baggage. (For the most part.) That gives an unintended false impression, but it allows me to be more open in some ways.

As for the topic. Everyone on the planet knows the shallow, for example, I have a cold and my government class is killing me ... but if someone in my life died, you'd never hear about it. Well, a couple of you would, privately.

 

[Boota]

Since I got married a little over a year ago I have actively tried to change the way I handle things. I have always been a very private I'll-handle-it-my-damn-self kind of guy. Successes or failures. I tend to keep the successes even closer to the vest unless it is something really big and certain. I've also been the one to be supportive of friends and family, very vocally, concerning their successes or perceived failures. (I say perceived because our failures aren't always failures. Like my youngest boy thinking he wasn't a very good baseball player because he wasn't very good in the outfield. I just had to let him see he was really a pitcher. And a damned good one.) Like you, Bel, I think my bank would be full if I were to think in those terms. And I would also never call it in.

Not everyone needs to know everything. Some things are just for me, most will include my wife. Few others. Some things I just can't talk about until the statute of limitations runs out. I don't know your details, but I would say just from reading the little bit here, you'll tell those who need to know when they need to know it. No one is required to be an open book.

As far as car wrecks, they happen to good drivers every day. I drive a truck for part of my living right now. I consider myself a very good driver, but I could be in a big wreck, my fault or otherwise, just like anyone else. I'll use my abilities as a good driver to avoid them, in the event of a wreck I'll use those abilities to do the least damage possible, and to make the best snap decision I can. But in the end that won't stop me from wrecking or damaging things or hurting someone. There's too much chaos in the kinetics to have any really control over a vehicle in certain situations.

 

[Recidiva]

Hmmmmm... Diva, I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to share your pain with those you love because you don't want them to hurt as well. I do that and I actually have been trying to do less of it. My relationship with Imp is an example of this, because it began at a time when I was first making that effort.

In the beginning, it wasn't just about sharing with her... it was a more general thing. But that more general thing led to us becoming closer and then... I share more of me with her than I ever have with anyone and it has been a very good thing.

And the nobility of endurance also rings true for me. I would say that it is, if not a part of my innermost being, at the very least a part of what I show the world. And it may be a true quality of mine. I'm not sure. At 44 years old, I feel like I am just now starting to really discover some of who I am.

Some things I have learned to share because I have learned that I hurt others if I don't. It is part of what is sparking this line of thought in me. I hit a patch of black ice on Sunday and totaled my truck. I'm fine: completely unharmed.

But as I have gone through the thought processes involved with the accident, I have had to face some things... for example, my primary emotion about the wreck, other than those involved with the financial repercussions, is embarrassment. I consider myself a good driver and good drivers aren't supposed to end up driving on anything other than the tires.

So I have conflicting things... the embarrassment makes me not want to share. But the experience is made for storytelling, and I am most definitely a storyteller. And I have pictures to share and there is that little thrill of getting the reaction from people... that little gasp that fuels the desire to bring them on the ride with me, if you know what I mean. Not for sympathy, but because I enjoy entertaining people.

But the other side of this is that I start to realize that my silence about it could actually hurt people. There are people who care about me that I haven't told about it. Are they going to be hurt that I didn't share it with them? And will they understand when I tell them why?

So, as you can tell by my rambling, the whole thing sparks a renewed interest not just in HOW people communicate, but WHY.

Right, I get that.

I will in fact confess the most awful thoughts I have, in order to sort of "innoculate" myself against them. And I've thought some horrible things. But once I confess them, they're out in the open and not festering secretly. Being brought to light makes it hard for some things to grow.

What I find though, is that I'm forgiven by other people for things I have difficulty forgiving myself, and I've learned from that. And that's the difference between people who love me and want me to thrive, and those who don't consider me, on the whole, to be worth it in the end.

So I will in fact flash my flaws and see who lunges at them...as a strategic move. And I have plenty of them, I don't have to fake those. But I don't flash a raw flaw I haven't accepted yet...publicly. Because that's a bit like going to play naked with snakes without an immunity to their venom. Not wise.

If I think I'm hurting someone by silence, I'll share. I think that's a sensitivity to someone else's state of mind. So for me, if I'm not sure I should keep this to myself...I will share everything that bothers me at least once. I will be clear, I will say it several ways, and I will not be manipulative with it.

If no new information comes in, say with my headaches...if nothing has changed, I'll just keep it to myself.

If it's new, and it's new to me and it's not fully understood yet, I'll talk. But probably to those closest to me, until I process it. I might give a version of it online when I know I'm shielded from the worst of it.

In my case, things I haven't shared on Lit. I disappeared and didn't talk about...for a very long time...when I was forced to put my dog to sleep. Because I knew some people would dive on that sensitive spot and the grief I had, and I didn't want to subject myself to that. I knew I'd get tons of sympathy, but it was too soon and too fresh and I knew I'd be murderous if someone said something negative. And that's the vulnerability in myself I detected and wanted to steer clear of putting myself in the position of having to defend...not myself...but my dead dog?

So I understand protecting feelings you haven't sorted out yet. That are still pulsing through your brain and heart. You don't know which way you'll jump and trauma and emotion makes it hard to look at it with any distance or perspective or be mature about it. That takes time.

I've even stopped sharing many positive things because it gets this weird jealousy that I experience on Valentine's day with single people shouting at me that I'm just being happy to spite them.

So my online life has made me back off a great deal from sharing everything. I'll find different ways to express it. Mostly long after they've happened. There are certain things that are too raw and too personal and even if I want to "share" it for what it is, it can often be twisted into something it isn't and I will become offended by that.

I may come here to share something, but I don't appreciate putting something out there and having it twisted while I'm vulnerable to the ugly seeping into it and taking hold. I need to get to where I'm immune to the ugly and then I'm cool.

 

[Belegon]

As for the topic. Everyone on the planet knows the shallow, for example, I have a cold and my government class is killing me ... but if someone in my life died, you'd never hear about it. Well, a couple of you would, privately.

Yeah, I can be totally that way. Perhaps not to as great an extent. But, for example, my current situation. It took three days for me to share it with anyone other than immediate family, five on here...

...but if the truck had just blown a gasket? It probably would have been tweeted about in minutes.

 

[glynndah]

Yeah, I can be totally that way. Perhaps not to as great an extent. But, for example, my current situation. It took three days for me to share it with anyone other than immediate family, five on here...

...but if the truck had just blown a gasket? It probably would have been tweeted about in minutes.

Perhaps because you aren't supposed to have control over when a gasket blows so that can be thought of as a freak occurrence, but the handling of the truck, even on black ice or other treacherous conditions, is something you're supposed to be in charge of so you think of it as your responsibility/fault, even if it wasn't.

 

[Belegon]

Perhaps because you aren't supposed to have control over when a gasket blows so that can be thought of as a freak occurrence, but the handling of the truck, even on black ice or other treacherous conditions, is something you're supposed to be in charge of so you think of it as your responsibility/fault, even if it wasn't.

Yeah, I get that. Because no matter how much people tell me that it was just freak chance and there is no way I could have known and that I was both lucky and showing myself to be a good driver by minimizing the impact... I still feel embarrassed about it.

Mechanical failure isn't something I can second guess... this I have been second guessing since... oh, since about the time I felt my back end start to slip to the left.

I was on my way to work at the time, so I have been able to share my story with everyone there... that's been where I've indulged my entertainer side. Imp, of course, was mostly concerned with ME. And she is, quite frankly, not upset that the end result is a more reliable vehicle for me, just that there was such a sudden and scary way of achieving it.

The entertainer and the "want to be light-hearted" part of me probably came out most in my message to work. I took a cel phone pic and txtd my boss with it and the words..."I think I'm gonna be late."

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Most of us sense the difference between important and bullshit, and plenty of folks place their convenience ahead of your emergency. But we know the difference.

On the otherhand I've seen seriously wounded soldiers comforting and calming other soldiers who had small pieces of shrapnel in their asses. The flame that tempers steel melts butter.

The other extreme is being inappropriately stoic and brave when your world has just collapsed around you, or youve had a close call with a child or your dog or wife or yourself.

I think what matters is to cut yourself some slack when you over-react or underre-act, and do better next time.

 

[Guest]

Glad you weren't hurt.

 

[Recidiva]

There is something else I do when I want to write but I don't feel like myself and I don't know what I think yet and I don't even want full ownership of what I am thinking.

I will make up a blog ID and just write some stuff for a few days or weeks. A "theme" personality that's just going to talk about something with no intent of being actually heard, just putting it in an anonymous state of being readable and trying to communicate something. I am basically talking to myself as if I were a stranger and trying to provide an introduction, individual human context and freedom.

I don't build up anonymous personas online, because that's really not me. I do want to share. But there are times when anonymity relieves all the pressure of having to frame things in a certain way and I re-evaluate my choices about how I frame things.

I probably don't remember the blog IDs after a month or two. But for a couple of days I just churn out words that I don't plan on owning for long and I get a look at what I would want to say if there were absolutely no consequences.

I'll usually get to some "aha" moment and I have just been reading what I want to say with fresh eyes and it helps.

Then I work on integrating that "aha" into my life in a constructive way. Not that what I write is hateful or destructive, but it can be all about the pain I don't express until I re-discover why it is exactly why I don't express it, or until I feel like I've heard myself and gotten at that pebble in my shoe. It's mundane, it's not new, it's a pebble. But DAMN.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Serious matters get shared with the SO, one or two close friends, and people they affect directly. Light matters get shared with whoever is handy. It's a matter of scale, to me. I respect serious issues by dealing with them in serious ways, which to me does not include using them as topics of casual conversation until some time after they've been resolved.

Lest that sound severe (for I am not, I think, a severe person), I should explain that I grew up with a family member who tends to use other peoples' tragedies as dramatic attention-seeking devices. Because I do not wish to emulate this behavior, privacy and quiet in dealing with personal difficulties are important to me. Otherwise, I feel uncomfortably as if the events are being used to seek atttention, which to me suggests a lack of sincerity.

 

[Recidiva]

Serious matters get shared with the SO, one or two close friends, and people they affect directly. Light matters get shared with whoever is handy. It's a matter of scale, to me. I respect serious issues by dealing with them in serious ways, which to me does not include using them as topics of casual conversation until some time after they've been resolved.

Lest that sound severe (for I am not, I think, a severe person), I should explain that I grew up with a family member who tends to use other peoples' tragedies as dramatic attention-seeking devices. Because I do not wish to emulate this behavior, privacy and quiet in dealing with personal difficulties are important to me. Otherwise, I feel uncomfortably as if the events are being used to seek atttention, which to me suggests a lack of sincerity.

Right, I grew up in a family where sharing was judged as exhibiting weakness and having flaws was considered unacceptable. My impulse toward confession started young and I remember confessing that I had a tendency to steal and I wanted to change that. My dad said "Why do kids think their parents want to know stuff like this." Then he got up and walked away. Didn't want to discuss it, thought the entire thing was distasteful. My mother had the medical flip side. Having migraines and being unable to bear them was a curse from God probably in the first place, and then being unable to bear them with dignity was a lack of willpower. (Didn't find out until later that her solution was...a hidden bottle of vodka.)

I've adapted to that myself, with a recognition that I wish to avoid drama, but don't wish to be stunted to that extent. I've worked out some decent compromises. Confess to or involve only those who wish to be involved.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Right, I grew up in a family where sharing was judged as exhibiting weakness and having flaws was considered unacceptable. My impulse toward confession started young and I remember confessing that I had a tendency to steal and I wanted to change that. My dad said "Why do kids think their parents want to know stuff like this." Then he got up and walked away. Didn't want to discuss it, thought the entire thing was distasteful. My mother had the medical flip side. Having migraines and being unable to bear them was a curse from God probably in the first place, and then being unable to bear them with dignity was a lack of willpower. (Didn't find out until later that her solution was...a hidden bottle of vodka.)

I've adapted to that myself, with a recognition that I wish to avoid drama, but don't wish to be stunted to that extent. I've worked out some decent compromises. Confess to or involve only those who wish to be involved.

Ugh, poor Recidiva. I respect anyone with a problem who is willing to work on it; children particularly need that sort of guidance. I've never had a problem with people coming to me for help, although I'm not sure how useful the advice of a horse generally is. But it seems cruel to walk away from someone who is asking for help to become a better person.

Perhaps it's because that feels so cruel that one tends to be cautious whom one asks. Fortunately, I've got the SO, who is extremely sensible about such things. As you say, it's a matter of compromise - one tries to balance what people want to know with what one wants to share and with what various people need to know or are likely to discover.

 

[sr71plt]

I hunker down and internalize when life gets hectic, highly intense, or pushy. But if there something going on that I have to do, I break it down into little chunks of steps, and start chipping away at it rather than procrastinating or trying to ignore it altogether--and I usually take the hard chunks first, so that that it's progressively getting easier.

And, oh, yeah, if there's any chance I can make it my wife's problem to fix, I do.

 

[Recidiva]

Ugh, poor Recidiva. I respect anyone with a problem who is willing to work on it; children particularly need that sort of guidance. I've never had a problem with people coming to me for help, although I'm not sure how useful the advice of a horse generally is. But it seems cruel to walk away from someone who is asking for help to become a better person.

Perhaps it's because that feels so cruel that one tends to be cautious whom one asks. Fortunately, I've got the SO, who is extremely sensible about such things. As you say, it's a matter of compromise - one tries to balance what people want to know with what one wants to share and with what various people need to know or are likely to discover.

Thank you! I tend to agree. And I worked through my stuff as a kid. I did have a tendency to lie and to steal and I felt very isolated and alienated. I thought my way through it and that was mostly without assistance. What I'd been taught about the world was not really working when I tried to interact with the world. I no longer wanted to lie and deny and steal and hide. I wanted to leave those patterns behind.

So again that's why I tend to fall back to that position at least as my first option. Then when I think I've at least...formulated the problem correctly, and eliminated hurt feelings and bad motivations, I'll go gather more information and perspective with a mind to solving the problem, not reinforcing the pain. I can usually work through stuff on my own. But help and support is never taken for granted.

I know many people take for granted that their family will love them and support them and give advice that reflects that world view...that honesty is always met with support and appreciation. But the reality is that if you go to the wrong person for support in a crisis, you're very vulnerable to being spun off course.

I know the family I have now...my husband, my children, love me. Getting from where I was to where I am now was a long haul, and entirely worth every step.

But you can't shut down or shut off, and you can't be cynical and closed. You also can't be oversharing and overburdening others. If you want to give and receive love and support, you have to know the structural integrity of your relationships. You have to work on maintaining that just as much as you do letting it bear what weight it can without having it collapse under the strain.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I like to talk a lot, about everything. I am the most open person I have ever met. I don't hide secrets very well. not about myself anyway. I don't see the point. I'm also not afraid to ask for or offer up help. I don't always have the skills to help out, and I will say so in those events. But when I do have the ability to help, I am right there offering.

Unfortunately, I have never had the support group that I need, and whenever I have asked for real help with something, I haven't gotten any. I have had to do most everything myself, and that sucks a lot when you know that family and friends aren't there for you wqhen you have been for them.

 

[Freefall_mc]

Thee... Happy New Year
Don't be alarmed sweetie. I'm just a big pussy cat at heart.
http://www.gigglechick.com/erin/blog/TigerHug.jpg

 

[PublicAffection]

Online I am a lot more honest about what is going on with me. The anonymity of the interwebz makes it easier for me to bare all because even if I get a horrifically negative response (which does happen) in the end no one knows who I am and it's not like I am going to bump into any of you in the grocery store.

In my day to day life I keep things within a small circle of friends. Everyone else gets a pretty muted view of my existence 98% of the time. The other 2% is when things are so overwhelming and I snap because someone makes a comment about something trivial and then I explode. Then it becomes a rage of, "Oh, you don't think I sound chipper enough on the phone? Well how about we take a look at why I don't sound like Susie Sunshine today? ... <insert diatribe about how the world is collapsing around me>"

 

[Trinique_Fire]

I've learned to keep a lot of shit to myself. I have the misfortune of living with my parents right now, and am very good at putting on a happy face in their presence and dealing with my own problems after my daughter and my parents are asleep for the night. I used to spill a lot of what was wrong to anybody who would listen, but now I really just shut down or focus on work, or upcoming appointments, or cleaning, so that everything else fades into the background. I try not to ask people for help. It's not a matter of pride so much as I can't stand the perception I have of myself in that position...I think of myself as weak and childlike, so I do what has to get done and I try to steel my heart and emotions in those situations. I don't trust very many people any longer, and those I do trust are chosen EXTREMELY carefully. Even so, the chances of me even asking the few that I trust for help or advice or what have you is very very very slim.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't share much about the daily things in my life, big or small. I just-- not on the internet. And certainly not on lit. I have seen outpourings of sympathy and support-- but I can remember when one woman told us about a truly life-threatening illness and someone-- another perfectly good person-- claimed she was a liar. It was so unnecessary, and she was telling the truth. And we lost a good regular-- two, more or less, over that ugly little controversy.

Those of us who have strong personalities have also acquired enemies or rivals. Someone who has been sarcastic and dismissive of the problems that the rest of us face when we have lost our jobs will not get any sympathy when he tells us that he has lost his. Or if I talked about my life, you can bet someone would take it into his unmedicated mind to insult me for my troubles.

But more than that, I am just not used to chronicling things as they happen. By the time I think; " this might amuse my friends" a few days have usually gone by, and the urgency is lost....

 

[MagicaPractica]

*hugs* Glad things turned out okay. I think I tend to share quite a lot. I turn to my friends, I shout to the heavens (sometimes through the boards here, and I write in my journal. I have turned some of my experiences into essays that have gotten great feedback here. I do believe that sharing lessens pain and helps exorcise the devils. I read something that stuck with me though, that if you're angry about something, going over it with other people up to three times can be helpful. After that it starts to turn into wallowing and can keep you stuck in those emotions. I've paid attention to that ever since.

I wasn't always someone who shared. I was very insular before I came here. I think I'm a much more healthy individual now, mentally and emotionally. I believe it has helped me let good things into my life.