mr_burns01
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I walked in on my GF fucking another guy today, they didn't even see me standing there for about 10 seconds. How do I deal with it, I feel like crap and am thinking about killing myself?
How do you deal with catching your GF sleeping with another guy ?
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G
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Give yourself time!
I know this is awful to you right now but it will get better. Talk to your girlfriend and ask all the questions you feel you need to, I am sure you have a thousand questions. Usually when someone does something like this it has less to do with you and more to do with them.
Don't even think about hurting yourself. You are so much more than what happened today.
Hugs to You!
I know this is awful to you right now but it will get better. Talk to your girlfriend and ask all the questions you feel you need to, I am sure you have a thousand questions. Usually when someone does something like this it has less to do with you and more to do with them.
Don't even think about hurting yourself. You are so much more than what happened today.
Hugs to You!
MathGirl
Cogito
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Dear Mr Burns,
We've had fun on here in the past, but this is serious. The first thing to do is NOT do it. Then, after some time passes (minutes, hours, days) you can deal with it. Just don't do something that you wouldn't be around to regret. Death isn't something you can try out to see how you like it.
MG
We've had fun on here in the past, but this is serious. The first thing to do is NOT do it. Then, after some time passes (minutes, hours, days) you can deal with it. Just don't do something that you wouldn't be around to regret. Death isn't something you can try out to see how you like it.
MG
sailorm72003
Really Experienced
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Walk away, even if only for thinking time- don't hurt yourself because she's hurt you.
Sailor
Sailor
KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
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You have two choices. You either forgive her or you kick her ass out. Simple. You deserve a woman you can trust.
If you choose to let it kill your self-esteem, then you've got serious problems and you should look into a therapist.
Don't forget to get an AIDS test done soonest. If you don't know where the twat has been, you don't know what sort of a "gift" she might have given you.
If you choose to let it kill your self-esteem, then you've got serious problems and you should look into a therapist.
Don't forget to get an AIDS test done soonest. If you don't know where the twat has been, you don't know what sort of a "gift" she might have given you.
G
Guest
Guest
Mr. Burns, call on someone - a friend, a family member, a neighbor, your local bartender (but order water or soda), a suicide hot-line. Do not close yourself off with your pain and anger.
I don't know you, but based on my brief reading of your previous posts I thought you a real gentleman, and a loving and gentle man. Given this I am certain you have at least one or two good friends, or at least someone else who cares deeply for you.
Betrayal of any kind is one of the worst experiences in life, and one of the most common. Do not hurt yourself, or her. Cry, holler, curse, break things (anything replaceable, but you choose). Walk. Remember to eat, simply perhaps, but your body reacts to psychic pain so keep it nourished. Do not get drunk, however it may appeal; alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse once the high point has been reached.
Keep in touch here, please. I, and probably everyone else here, know exactly how you are feeling. I hope that means something.
with high regard, Perdita
I don't know you, but based on my brief reading of your previous posts I thought you a real gentleman, and a loving and gentle man. Given this I am certain you have at least one or two good friends, or at least someone else who cares deeply for you.
Betrayal of any kind is one of the worst experiences in life, and one of the most common. Do not hurt yourself, or her. Cry, holler, curse, break things (anything replaceable, but you choose). Walk. Remember to eat, simply perhaps, but your body reacts to psychic pain so keep it nourished. Do not get drunk, however it may appeal; alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse once the high point has been reached.
Keep in touch here, please. I, and probably everyone else here, know exactly how you are feeling. I hope that means something.
with high regard, Perdita
CWatson
Not in a band.
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Hell, talk to us if you want. Maybe it's presumptuous for me to say, since I'm new here, but if there are any board members you trust or think of as friends, I have no doubt they'd be willing to work with you over this.
And absolutely no self-killing. As the saying goes, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem."
Best wishes to you.
And absolutely no self-killing. As the saying goes, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem."
Best wishes to you.
cahab
Ms
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mr_burns01 said:
It all depends on what sort of relationship you had with your GF, and to find that out means talking to her when you are both calm. Thise people that say let it calm down for now are aabsolutely right.
If you want a monogamous relationship with her you have presumably said so in the past, and if she is abusing that trust then the right thing to do is find out the exact circumstances that led to the sex. If she just is not able to be happy with one person you have to accept that about her, and then decide whether or not that is something you can cope with. The advantage would of course be that that would be a two-way street.
We write on Lit so often about non-exclusive relationships that it seems hypocritical in the extreme to all be assuming the worst.
FlyontheWall99
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Hey Mr Burns, I know exactly what you're going through buddy, and if you need someone to talk to about it, I'm all ears. I had the same thing happen to me with my former fiance and I admit the same thoughts crossed my mind at the time.
The only thing I can say, even though it is cliche, is get out of the situation on the short term and force yourself to think things through. At the time you'll feel clouded and not sure what to do, but self harm isn't the way forward, and neither is going after the persons involved.
It may not seem like much but time does heal all the pain, despite how much it hurts at the moment. The above suggestions from other posters is precisely what you should do, find family or friends to talk to about what has happened. It does help, eventually when you know how to tackle the situation confront your g/f on your terms, when you can think rationally and express yourself properly. At the very least you deserve an explanation.
In my experience though, a person who does this kind of thing, isn't worth your time or effort. There are much better people out there who won't treat you like that ....
Fly ...
The only thing I can say, even though it is cliche, is get out of the situation on the short term and force yourself to think things through. At the time you'll feel clouded and not sure what to do, but self harm isn't the way forward, and neither is going after the persons involved.
It may not seem like much but time does heal all the pain, despite how much it hurts at the moment. The above suggestions from other posters is precisely what you should do, find family or friends to talk to about what has happened. It does help, eventually when you know how to tackle the situation confront your g/f on your terms, when you can think rationally and express yourself properly. At the very least you deserve an explanation.
In my experience though, a person who does this kind of thing, isn't worth your time or effort. There are much better people out there who won't treat you like that ....
Fly ...
Svenskaflicka
Fountain
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I won't tell you what to do, because you're not me, and maybe you need a different solution than me. But I agree with the others - stay alive. This may seem like a catastrophe right now, but in the long run, it's most definitely not a deal big enough to die for.
As you can see from all these posts, we're here for you. Even those of us who don't know you.
As you can see from all these posts, we're here for you. Even those of us who don't know you.
TheEarl
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William Wallace once asked his men to think of a maxim that would cheer him up when he was feeling depressed and would temper his enthusiasm when things were going well. They came up with: This too will pass.
It's very true. I won't provide any platitudes about 'she wasn't worth it' or 'time will heal' but I will guarantee you - This too will pass.
The Earl
It's very true. I won't provide any platitudes about 'she wasn't worth it' or 'time will heal' but I will guarantee you - This too will pass.
The Earl
Lovepotion69
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Sorry to hear about this. We're here for you if you need us. Stay alive and like Earl says; this too will pass. I'm not saying it won't hurt, take a long time or leave lasting scars, but yes, it too will pass.
I do believe you should turn to someone. Friend or family. Whoever you feel comfortable with. Talk and get it out of your system. When you've calmed down a bit, talk to her if you feel that's what you want to do. You'll have tons of questions in your head, and you do deserve answers to at least some of them. Some you may get replies to, others not. At least you asked.
Hugs
/LP
I do believe you should turn to someone. Friend or family. Whoever you feel comfortable with. Talk and get it out of your system. When you've calmed down a bit, talk to her if you feel that's what you want to do. You'll have tons of questions in your head, and you do deserve answers to at least some of them. Some you may get replies to, others not. At least you asked.
Hugs
/LP
Victoria_2001_02769
I'm done.
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Mr. Burns
Mr. Burns ~
You've received a lot of good advice so far. While it does not salve your immediate humilation, pain, shock, or whathaveyou feelings ~ some of the suggesitons are quite valid.
What would killing yourself prove? True, it would end the feelings you have of being betrayed and general "let-down" by the woman you love .... but first order of business should be: GET TESTED!
I totally agree with whomever suggested it! You don't want residual effects to harm you. Then Secondly - KISS HER GOOD-BYE!
You don't know if this is a random thing; a first-time only thing; or has happened behind your back in the past. Neither you, nor any man, deserves to find he's been "cockholded".... and definitely NOT in HIS bed!
Pick yourself up my dear, for you are a worthwhile human ~ to whom a blow has been dealt. Don't make it a life-threatening one, please.
Call some of your best friends, male and female alike, order in a pizza and enjoy life. Friends care about friends.
Take care of YOU ~ emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Keep us posted, if you think of it.
Mr. Burns ~
You've received a lot of good advice so far. While it does not salve your immediate humilation, pain, shock, or whathaveyou feelings ~ some of the suggesitons are quite valid.
What would killing yourself prove? True, it would end the feelings you have of being betrayed and general "let-down" by the woman you love .... but first order of business should be: GET TESTED!
I totally agree with whomever suggested it! You don't want residual effects to harm you. Then Secondly - KISS HER GOOD-BYE!
You don't know if this is a random thing; a first-time only thing; or has happened behind your back in the past. Neither you, nor any man, deserves to find he's been "cockholded".... and definitely NOT in HIS bed!
Pick yourself up my dear, for you are a worthwhile human ~ to whom a blow has been dealt. Don't make it a life-threatening one, please.
Call some of your best friends, male and female alike, order in a pizza and enjoy life. Friends care about friends.
Take care of YOU ~ emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Keep us posted, if you think of it.
Victoria_2001_02769
I'm done.
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MathGirl said:
It's Dwight DAVID Eisenhower, Mathgirl
pop_54
The young Aviator LOL
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Ok pops angle
Can't add much mate except to reiterate others comments, don't take it as the end of the world, it isn't, walk away and think before you act.
Then decide.
Do you still think you love this woman in some way and wish to continue with her??
If you do you have some very deep soul searching and attitude modification to go through, if you think you can handle the anguish of not knowing what's going on at all times, OK.
If it will send you round the bend sitting thinking she's at it all the time, WALK AWAY.
I can't tell you what to do for sure friend, my attitude to such things is all wrong for giving firm advice to others.
All I can say is don't harm yourself over it, or anyone else for that matter, life's precious so's your health and welfare.
Sounds crule at this time friend I know, but there's plenty more fish in the sea.
Can't add much mate except to reiterate others comments, don't take it as the end of the world, it isn't, walk away and think before you act.
Then decide.
Do you still think you love this woman in some way and wish to continue with her??
If you do you have some very deep soul searching and attitude modification to go through, if you think you can handle the anguish of not knowing what's going on at all times, OK.
If it will send you round the bend sitting thinking she's at it all the time, WALK AWAY.
I can't tell you what to do for sure friend, my attitude to such things is all wrong for giving firm advice to others.
All I can say is don't harm yourself over it, or anyone else for that matter, life's precious so's your health and welfare.
Sounds crule at this time friend I know, but there's plenty more fish in the sea.
mr_burns01
Experienced
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- Jul 3, 2003
- Posts
- 36
Thank you all so much
I even pretended not to cry when reading your advice
Like someone once said "When a man unburdens his heart to a stranger he reafirms the love that unites all mankind"
I didn't mean to scare anyone, I just havent been online for a while, I don't think she has aids, we both had our first time with each other (thats what my story was gonna be about) and she says that it was the first time with this other guy too. I ignored her for days and eventually answered one of her calls, when I did she immediately started crying.
She tried to explain but im not quite sure I understand, she says she wanted me to catch her? Almost as if she didn't want to confront me about the real problem. She says everthing was too perfect and predictable with us, which pisses me off cause while fucking another guy is gonna liven things up, its not a very nice thing to do. "don't play with peoples hearts and don't put up with people who play with yours!" `the sunscreen song`. Shes not a slut and so i don't have to worry about aids (you may think im crazy seeing as i live in the "State" with the highest infection rate in the world, but trust me I live her and I know so dont wprry about that).
The trouble is she says she loves me and shes begging me to take her back, And I want to (u'll understand y from my first story wen its aproved), shes gorgeous and the only girl ive ever really loved, I dont love people easily. Only how do I know she wont do it again ? They say that there are 2 kinds of cheaters, The kind that cheat cause of problems in the current relationship and those who cheat because of the challenge and the excitement of not getting caught (only 1 type will not cheat again) Fortunately shes the type that should'nt cheat again, it sounds as if she did it to get my attention? Im still kinda confused
I said we could stay friends for the time being, i can see she really is sorry, and shes not going to loose anything if she leaves me, so shes not using me and getting her sex somewhere else, I think it was just a cry for help (a very fucked up manipulative one).
It's going to take a long time , but either way I agree
"This will pass"
And as for the "time heals all wounds" saying they for got the part about "scars are forever"
Thank you every1 for your support it really means alot to me, im even pretending not to cry right now
Miserable melodramatic misguided Mr burns
I even pretended not to cry when reading your advice
Like someone once said "When a man unburdens his heart to a stranger he reafirms the love that unites all mankind"I didn't mean to scare anyone, I just havent been online for a while, I don't think she has aids, we both had our first time with each other (thats what my story was gonna be about) and she says that it was the first time with this other guy too. I ignored her for days and eventually answered one of her calls, when I did she immediately started crying.
She tried to explain but im not quite sure I understand, she says she wanted me to catch her? Almost as if she didn't want to confront me about the real problem. She says everthing was too perfect and predictable with us, which pisses me off cause while fucking another guy is gonna liven things up, its not a very nice thing to do. "don't play with peoples hearts and don't put up with people who play with yours!" `the sunscreen song`. Shes not a slut and so i don't have to worry about aids (you may think im crazy seeing as i live in the "State" with the highest infection rate in the world, but trust me I live her and I know so dont wprry about that).
The trouble is she says she loves me and shes begging me to take her back, And I want to (u'll understand y from my first story wen its aproved), shes gorgeous and the only girl ive ever really loved, I dont love people easily. Only how do I know she wont do it again ? They say that there are 2 kinds of cheaters, The kind that cheat cause of problems in the current relationship and those who cheat because of the challenge and the excitement of not getting caught (only 1 type will not cheat again) Fortunately shes the type that should'nt cheat again, it sounds as if she did it to get my attention? Im still kinda confused
I said we could stay friends for the time being, i can see she really is sorry, and shes not going to loose anything if she leaves me, so shes not using me and getting her sex somewhere else, I think it was just a cry for help (a very fucked up manipulative one).
It's going to take a long time , but either way I agree
"This will pass"
And as for the "time heals all wounds" saying they for got the part about "scars are forever"
Thank you every1 for your support it really means alot to me, im even pretending not to cry right now
Miserable melodramatic misguided Mr burns
G
Guest
Guest
Mr. Burns: thank you so much for writing back. I'm going to PM you soon. Keep 'not' crying.
best to you, Perdita
best to you, Perdita
Victoria_2001_02769
I'm done.
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- 15,239
mr_burns01 said:Thank you all so much
I even pretended not to cry when reading your advice
I didn't mean to scare anyone, I just havent been online for a while, I don't think she has aids, we both had our first time with each other (thats what my story was gonna be about) and she says that it was the first time with this other guy too. I ignored her for days and eventually answered one of her calls, when I did she immediately started crying.
She tried to explain but im not quite sure I understand, she says she wanted me to catch her? Almost as if she didn't want to confront me about the real problem. She says everthing was too perfect and predictable with us, which pisses me off cause while fucking another guy is gonna liven things up, its not a very nice thing to do. "don't play with peoples hearts and don't put up with people who play with yours!" `the sunscreen song`. Shes not a slut and so i don't have to worry about aids (you may think im crazy seeing as i live in the "State" with the highest infection rate in the world, but trust me I live her and I know so dont wprry about that).
The trouble is she says she loves me and shes begging me to take her back, And I want to (u'll understand y from my first story wen its aproved), shes gorgeous and the only girl ive ever really loved, I dont love people easily. Only how do I know she wont do it again ? They say that there are 2 kinds of cheaters, The kind that cheat cause of problems in the current relationship and those who cheat because of the challenge and the excitement of not getting caught (only 1 type will not cheat again) Fortunately shes the type that should'nt cheat again, it sounds as if she did it to get my attention? Im still kinda confused
I said we could stay friends for the time being, i can see she really is sorry, and shes not going to loose anything if she leaves me, so shes not using me and getting her sex somewhere else, I think it was just a cry for help (a very fucked up manipulative one).
It's going to take a long time , but either way I agree
"This will pass"
And as for the "time heals all wounds" saying they for got the part about "scars are forever"
Thank you every1 for your support it really means alot to me, im even pretending not to cry right now
Miserable melodramatic misguided Mr burns
Thank you for writing back. I agree with Perdita as well. Now, my dear ~ follow your own words, yet don't forget that "Scars are forever". Just cause it may have been HER first time cheating on you, what about HIM? Is she going to demand that all her one-timers get AIDS tested? I bloody well don't think so!!
Love, schmove ~ people fall in love on an average of 7 times in their lives ~ and some even more. Don't risk your heart again ~ maybe she had hopes you had a tinge of Voyeurism in you ~ which I don't see.
You take care of YOU ~ screw the rest who can't/won't. They won't watch out for you ~ but you will always take care of yourself first. Remember that.
"To thine own self ~ be true!"
*hugssss*
I want to hear from you again, Mr. Burns!
Got it?? mr_burns01
Experienced
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- Jul 3, 2003
- Posts
- 36
Thanx Vic
Its sweet of you to worry about me, but seriously its alright, shes a clever girl she wouldnt go fuck just any guy, fells weird saying it but...shes not a slut.IM pretty sure the guy she slept with dosent get around much, he was a guy she knew from school and he had always liked her thats y she chose him.
Im still confused thought, she trying so hard to be nice and make me feel better, I think that she is hurt too by her own guilt. MAybe she realises just how bad a thing she had done.
Oh well we'll see, at the moment im thinking about becoming a monk...no more sex for me or cheating gf's.
Its sweet of you to worry about me, but seriously its alright, shes a clever girl she wouldnt go fuck just any guy, fells weird saying it but...shes not a slut.IM pretty sure the guy she slept with dosent get around much, he was a guy she knew from school and he had always liked her thats y she chose him.
Im still confused thought, she trying so hard to be nice and make me feel better, I think that she is hurt too by her own guilt. MAybe she realises just how bad a thing she had done.
Oh well we'll see, at the moment im thinking about becoming a monk...no more sex for me or cheating gf's.
mr_burns01
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2003
- Posts
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You could be right
What do you think I should do ? Shes being so nice and shes all cuddly and affectionate, so far ive kinda given her the frost bitten shoulder, but I can see she really feels bad, she was balling her eyes out the other night over the phone , and wen i went to talk to her, as soon as she saw me she started crying. And shes go nothing to gain from staying with me, so I dont think its an act ?
What u think ?
hows sunny californIA?
What do you think I should do ? Shes being so nice and shes all cuddly and affectionate, so far ive kinda given her the frost bitten shoulder, but I can see she really feels bad, she was balling her eyes out the other night over the phone , and wen i went to talk to her, as soon as she saw me she started crying. And shes go nothing to gain from staying with me, so I dont think its an act ?
What u think ?
hows sunny californIA?
The_Fool
smiling for the camera
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Mr. Burns,
Hadn't seen this thread until today, but wanted to respond. It sounds like you are headed the right way. Wanted to offer up a couple of observations. Based on what has been posted, she was trying to get your attention....for whatever reason. To me, such drastic actions imply someone that might have serious emotional problems. If you choose to remain in the relationship, I would suggest that you consider counseling as a couple, and maybe probe why she felt the need to take such drastic actions. Just an observation. And please do get tested. Bad things happen to nice people too...
Hadn't seen this thread until today, but wanted to respond. It sounds like you are headed the right way. Wanted to offer up a couple of observations. Based on what has been posted, she was trying to get your attention....for whatever reason. To me, such drastic actions imply someone that might have serious emotional problems. If you choose to remain in the relationship, I would suggest that you consider counseling as a couple, and maybe probe why she felt the need to take such drastic actions. Just an observation. And please do get tested. Bad things happen to nice people too...
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