How do you cope with a low sexdrive partner?

[HerMessenger]

Hey everyone Long time reader, but this is my first post so apologies in advance for any mistakes! I've been in the situation for a fair few years now where my partner and I have had very different sexdrives. Everything else is great in our relationship, but we just don't see eye to eye on what a normal amount and variety of sex should be. It's such a normal story you hear time and time again, and we've come to terms with it over the years through lots of communication and efforts made by both of us. The sad reality is, it's not something you can necessarily fix.

But what I was really wondering is, how do different people manage the difficult situation of having a partner with a lower sex drive than you? What coping strategies have people tried any had they worked for you? I've seen so many relationships destroyed by this, and I think it would be great if this gave people a resource to use if they find themselves here?

For my wife of 7 years and I, we manage it by trying to put time out for each other at least once every month or two for an very physical evening (thank god for the board game monogamy, it's a relationship saver!) and my wife (after years of talking and opening up) being an angel and just trying every few weeks to get into the mood. It doesn't always work, but most times it does and we both enjoy it then. Other times we just abandon ship and accept that today was not the day.

But what about you, how do you cope? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and hopefully have a bit if a chat. There is such an amazing group of people on this forum, I'd love to hear from everyone!

Thanks,
HM

 

[NikonWriter]

It's been a long time for us too. Honestly, there has been a lot of anger, hurt feelings, resentment between my wife and I. For me, because I feel like she just doesn't care. For her, because she IS trying and she just doesn't think about it. I once explained to her it's like feeding your fish. No, you don't HAVE to. But if you don't your fish will die. Intimacy is the food to our relationship fish.

Problem is, she thinks about it for a while, but then stops. We then end up on a three or four month (up to 3 year) dry spell. Once I thought doing household chores and other things around the house might help her think about US more (she's one of those who shows her love through effort)... NOPE. I end up doing all the work AND getting increasingly needy. Which just ends up with me angry and her not knowing why.

Honestly, I've dealt with it by increasing physical activity. Working my ASS off until I was too tired to be horny. Haha. Not a GREAT healthy way to deal, but it's a bandaid.

 

[turbocs37]

I get the same feelings of anger and resentment. After about 7 years of my needs being largely ignored, I started sucking cock as an outlet for my sexual needs. She puts out once every week or 10 days but I want it twice or three times a week. So I just go for a "run" to a local cruisy park and hook up with some guy who is there for the same reason.

 

[Lollygirl26]

Opposite here.... I have the sex drive and he doesn't. I offered to bring a friend to share and to try new things and do new things. Let's just sayi have a great collection of toys and friends. I'll even play with the toys with him around. Sometimes it works. Wish u luck

 

[Anakin20]

Opposite here.... I have the sex drive and he doesn't. I offered to bring a friend to share and to try new things and do new things. Let's just sayi have a great collection of toys and friends. I'll even play with the toys with him around. Sometimes it works. Wish u luck

Listen, you Bri g the friend, I make sure everyone goes home satisfied...

 

[SexyLitForAll]

Opposite here.... I have the sex drive and he doesn't. I offered to bring a friend to share and to try new things and do new things. Let's just sayi have a great collection of toys and friends. I'll even play with the toys with him around. Sometimes it works. Wish u luck

This one made me smile! I do hope "he" appreciates what he has.

 

[Lollygirl26]

This one made me smile! I do hope "he" appreciates what he has.

I wish

 

[SexyLitForAll]

I wish

You clearly deserve his appreciation for who you are. I certainly hope he comes round. If not, i'm sure you will not let him endlessly take you for granted.

 

[RockyRoll]

One way to cope is by seeking outlets like this one.

 

[greyjim]

Find another

 

[HerMessenger]

Turbo, Nikon: Sorry to hear that others are in the same place in their relationship. I fully instead about after and resentment, it feels like there's always a constant battle to keep that out of your relationship. And thanks for replying, I was a bit worried NJ one would!

Lolly: It did make me feel glad to hear that women can have the same problem! Though I can and do sympathize with you, out sounds like you're an amazing partner for offering what you do. A common argument from my wife is that it's songs fundamental problem with men, and it's nice to hear that it's not.

I suppose part of my coping strategy is also reaching out here, we all seem to be a fairly like minded bunch. Have any of you ever seriously considered splitting up with your partner over this? The thought has passed through my mind now and then, but never seriously. Though I've often wondered whether 'outsourcing' the problem might be the way to go. I've never discussed it with my wife, to be honest not sure how she would take it. (I lie, I know exactly how she'd take it!

 

[HerMessenger]

Turbo, Nikon: Sorry to hear that others are in the same place in their relationship. I fully instead about after and resentment, it feels like there's always a constant battle to keep that out of your relationship. And thanks for replying, I was a bit worried NJ one would!

Lolly: It did make me feel glad to hear that women can have the same problem! Though I can and do sympathize with you, out sounds like you're an amazing partner for offering what you do. A common argument from my wife is that it's songs fundamental problem with men, and it's nice to hear that it's not.

I suppose part of my coping strategy is also reaching out here, we all seem to be a fairly like minded bunch. Have any of you ever seriously considered splitting up with your partner over this? The thought has passed through my mind now and then, but never seriously. Though I've often wondered whether 'outsourcing' the problem might be the way to go. I've never discussed it with my wife, to be honest not sure how she would take it. (I lie, I know exactly how she'd take it!

 

[HerMessenger]

Oops, sorry about the double post!

 

[Madmar]

Turbo, Nikon: Sorry to hear that others are in the same place in their relationship. I fully instead about after and resentment, it feels like there's always a constant battle to keep that out of your relationship. And thanks for replying, I was a bit worried NJ one would!

Lolly: It did make me feel glad to hear that women can have the same problem! Though I can and do sympathize with you, out sounds like you're an amazing partner for offering what you do. A common argument from my wife is that it's songs fundamental problem with men, and it's nice to hear that it's not.

I suppose part of my coping strategy is also reaching out here, we all seem to be a fairly like minded bunch. Have any of you ever seriously considered splitting up with your partner over this? The thought has passed through my mind now and then, but never seriously. Though I've often wondered whether 'outsourcing' the problem might be the way to go. I've never discussed it with my wife, to be honest not sure how she would take it. (I lie, I know exactly how she'd take it!

Oh, yeah, it can be a problem for the wife, too. That's largely why I'm here. And , if I lose my own libido, I plan to not just accept it as most wives do. I don't understand accepting feeling less alive.

 

[joe432]

The age old problem...

 

[Ubernaught]

Have any of you ever seriously considered splitting up with your partner over this? The thought has passed through my mind now and then, but never seriously.

After many attempts at communication, yes. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. For me it became painfully aware that the situation was not going to get better, and I was not ready to live the rest of my life like that, plain and simple. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[fullservice65]

My hand.

 

[LadyVer]

Wrong forum. More suitable for How To.

 

[NikonWriter]

Well... you might be entertained to hear... tonight. I pulled her aside (after we put the kid to bed). Tied her up to a kitchen chair, blind folded her, teased her with the hitachi I got her (in hopes it would increase her sex drive).

After... well... let's just say our neighbors got quite an ear full.

Maybe the trick is taking the bull by the horns? I'm sure this euphoria will only last 24 hours though. See ya on the way down!

 

[fullservice65]

Well... you might be entertained to hear... tonight. I pulled her aside (after we put the kid to bed). Tied her up to a kitchen chair, blind folded her, teased her with the hitachi I got her (in hopes it would increase her sex drive).

After... well... let's just say our neighbors got quite an ear full.

Maybe the trick is taking the bull by the horns? I'm sure this euphoria will only last 24 hours though. See ya on the way down!

Nice!

 

[HerMessenger]

Sorry ladyver, you're totally correct-my bad. Is they're any way I can migrate this one over? Sorry, bit of a noob on the technicalities

Glad to see others taking matters head on madmar! And Nikon: Job well done! I hope it lasts too! Thanks again everyone for the replies, great to see others stories and hear of their successes (woohoo Nikon!) and failures...