How do you break up with someone?

[_Rapier_]

I've been with this guy since about January.. we've lived together since then as well. He moved in with me and my roommates, we were all mutual friends. Well... to keep this fairly short, most recently I've discovered that he is planning to meet an ex-girlfriend for what I can only assume is sex, less recently I found him having explicit text conversations with another ex. I confronted him about the text messages, and he copped out of it saying he doesn't know what he wants, he values what we have, and I didn't get the whole story from the texts. At the time I knew this was crap, but I gave him the benefit of a doubt. Well, now we haven't had any physical relations in months, and we barely talk so I followed my gut and discovered the planned meeting. I'm tired of this... How do I break up with someone? I've never had to before, and I'm afraid of putting undue stress on the relationship I have with my other roommates. I'm also afraid of the financial implications of breaking up; I won't be able to afford my share of the rent here which means everyone will have to move. What should I do?

 

[JohnMBrowning]

Just stop fucking him. (Hopefully you are able to relocate to separate rooms.) Tell him no hard feelings, but continuing a sexual relationship with him makes you less happy, not more happy, so you're not going to do it anymore. There is no possible response to that besides "OK." You don't have to rub his nose in his own dishonesty - you can't upgrade his character so there's no point, really, and the momentary satisfaction of doing so will only generate long-term hostility.

 

[_Rapier_]

Well, there is no sexual relationship between us anymore. We haven't been intimate in months so if that's all it took we'd be done with already.

 

[Mac98]

Are you in love with him and his he in love with you? If not, this shouldn't be too much of a big deal... Just tell him things aren't working out between the two of you (which he should understand if he's cheating or seeing other people).

I say just break up and keep living in the same place (in separate rooms, obviously) and maintain that status quo until one of you can afford to find another place. It helps that you're not alone and have other people living with you guys. Sucks for them, but it's great for you...

 

[fire_breeze]

I'd suggest that you tell him that it's over. That for whatever reason (you can't trust him, you need to move on,) it's not working out. Then sit down and see if you can't resolve this diplomatically and rationally. If there's a separate bedroom, one of you move into it, and then you continue as roommates. If there isn't a space available, then either see if there's a relatively private corner (or even a large storage closet), or if you can't negotiate something, until your lease is over and one of you moves out.

Break-ups can be hard, it can hurt, but if both parties are polite, kind and honest, it doesn't have to be painful.

Good luck.

 

[CherryBomb24]

recently discovered - before or after you stopped having sex with him?
not to sound rude or anything but i dont know a better way to word it.
but if you found out recently <<after months of no intimicy then he's straying.
It means he never really gave a damn about the relationship, just the sex.
My opinion - dump his sorry ass, and if i means kicking him out - do so.
if you cant afford the place you're living, then i would suggest looking for another job.
I work third shift, 9 bucks an hour with a 4 year old and i'm living on my own, yes its a struggle but it can be done, just gotta put your mind to it.

 

[Cathleen]

I've been with this guy since about January.. we've lived together since then as well. He moved in with me and my roommates, we were all mutual friends. Well... to keep this fairly short, most recently I've discovered that he is planning to meet an ex-girlfriend for what I can only assume is sex, less recently I found him having explicit text conversations with another ex. I confronted him about the text messages, and he copped out of it saying he doesn't know what he wants, he values what we have, and I didn't get the whole story from the texts. At the time I knew this was crap, but I gave him the benefit of a doubt. Well, now we haven't had any physical relations in months, and we barely talk so I followed my gut and discovered the planned meeting. I'm tired of this... How do I break up with someone? I've never had to before, and I'm afraid of putting undue stress on the relationship I have with my other roommates. I'm also afraid of the financial implications of breaking up; I won't be able to afford my share of the rent here which means everyone will have to move. What should I do?

There are ways to make money that don't include being with someone who is utterly and positively disrespectful to you. From what you shared he's being a shit at best. I'm sure you know this but there's a lot more to a relationship than sex nor the amount, people can still screw you and at the same time screw you.

When you next see him, at home, take the key to your home off his keyring (no sense spending money changing locks, and if I was a roomie, I'd want them changed), and tell him to pack it up and go live with an ex.

Next time don't move someone in until you know them, at the very least, a few seasons. Also, respect yourself more...you deserve it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Just say what you've already said here: There's no trust, you're not sleeping together, it's not working out so it's time to move on. If he feels the need to move out of the shared house, that's up to him. Once you have your own room, he's nothing more than a housemate and you should make sure that's crystal clear. It's not an ideal situation but it's not the end of the world and if he's fooling around anyway, he's hardly going to be distraught.

I'd say that unless he's a total retard he'll know this is coming anyway.

 

[subwannabe]

Sounds to me like you just need to tell him you don't want to be a couple anymore. He can see whoever he wants (fucking them at your residence) and you can see whoever you want (fucking them at your residence) and just me roomies. If neither one of you can handle that then you are going to have to move on, and by that I mean at least one of you is going to have to move out. You can't take into account what will happen to everyone else. You should have all realized from the get go that something like this could happen. The status quo cannot be maintained. If you try it will eventually blow up anyway.

 

[collar_corset]

deleted

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Reason for editing: leant on the keyboard, sorry

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