How do people this dumb live this long?

[LadyFyre]

I was reading the darwin awards (www.darwinawards.com), and this personal account amazed me...I guess I underestimate the stupidity of the human race


Last year my medical internship at a local hospital brought me a patient who deserves recognition. His problem was listed as "FBIP" which a nurse explained meant "Foreign Body In Penis." I found a middle-aged, slightly disheveled hippy lying on the bed looking dazed. His girlfriend was standing silently behind him. His story was as interesting as I'd expected.
Several days previously he was smoking marijuana while his girlfriend was out of town, and he decided to see what would happen if he snaked a three-foot length of aquarium tubing into his penis. When 6 inches still protruded, he tried to pull it out -- but it was stuck!

This predicament apparently didn't teach him a complete lesson. He then threaded wire from a Weed Wacker through the center of the tubing, which also became stuck. He decided to sleep on it and hope for the best.

The next day, it was still stuck. He tried to go about his day as usual, hoping it would just fall out on its own, but had trouble doing his gardening with tubing hanging out of his penis. So he cut the tubing flush with his skin. Another day went by.

He finally realized that the foreign objects were impeding the flow of urine, and despite his embarrassment he needed to go to the Emergency Room.

We tugged and pulled on what little we could grab of the tubing, and he wasn't kidding when he said it was stuck. X-rays showed the tubing and Weed Wacker wire kinked and knotted in his bladder. A urologist took the man to surgery and, using a scope forced through the already-crowded urethra, managed to cut the knot and pull out the tubing. Needless to say, that is one stoned experiment the hippy will not try again.

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2001
Submitted by: Matthew Harris

 

[cactiphile]

people this stupid live so long because of....

the welfare state.

 

[Closet Desire]

Arrrrggghhh!!!

What a RIOT!!!

What do you 'spose he'll do for an encore?

 

[Renegade]

Good lord.

And here I used to think that I did weird things. Well.... I do.... but damn!!!

 

[Bluenose]

Now that is sick, but i have seen all kinds of strnge things like that working in the ER and in ICU.

 

[Andra_Jenny]

I think I do need meds now.
What about the pain?
So much for comparing childbirth to shoving a grape up your...

 

[*Lazer*]

Pleassssseeeeee this is not a new thing as anyone in the medical field will tell you. We have pulled everything from Barbie dolls to acorn squash out of people's assholes. Most were not drug impaired when they did it either. My personal favorite is the lady who brought in her fourteen year old son with a cumcumber up his ass and said he "fell into the salad bar". Lots of "holes" in that story don't ya think?

 

[Ask For More]

This is crazy....

Fifteen Minutes of Flame
2001 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(1 April 2001, New York) A literary agent found himself dazed and patting out flames shortly after arriving at a two-alarm house fire equipped with a sandwich, a bullhorn, whiskey and a lawnchair. He climbed to the roof of a nearby house, perched on his lawnchair, and proceeded to lecture the startled emergency crew while enjoying his drink.
Three firemen had just finished clearing the house, locating the residents' young golden retriever in the process, when they heard Frank's imperious command. "Drop the dog and open the hydrant this instant!"

They turned in surprise and dropped the yelping puppy, which fell through the burning timbers and burst into flames. Onlookers mobbed the base of the heckler's house and threw cans and shrubbery at the obstreperous critic, who batted the projectiles aside with his bullhorn while continuing to drink whiskey and issue commands.


"The north side is engaged!"
"Position the hose along the azalea bushes!"
"Stop picking your nose!"


Sorely provoked, the the senior fireman, currently on administrative leave, picked up the dead (but still burning) dog and flung it onto the roof. The flaming animal landed in Frank's lap, igniting his spilled whiskey and severely burning his crotch.

Frank heaved the dog off himself, but neglected to brace his feet on the slanted roof. The lawnchair toppled and fell from the house, miraculously avoiding onlookers, who watched aghast while the prostrate man suffered further injuries from falling embers and his own roof-top accoutrements.

The house fire was eventually subdued, and paramedics transported the injured man and his loudspeaker to the hospital. Although he is recovering from his injuries, the prognosis is that he will never again be able to procreate with quite the same gusto .

 

[Thumper]

Re: people this stupid live so long because of....

the welfare state.

And another Darwin award for you.

So being poor equates with stupidity?

23 percent of TANF recipients are children with no adults recieving aid in the household...i.e Grandparents, aunts and uncles or foster parents raising the children.

There are other reasons for being indigent...death of primary wage earner, mental illness(we no longer are keeping the mentally deficient in jails) physical impairments, age, living in a severely economically depressed area (when a town depends on one large plant for most of the employment and it closes)

Do a little research on a subject instead of just buying into the rhetoric.

Now....I am guessing this is one of the good effects of smoking dope eh The things we can think up when gettin' stoned...

I have been catheterized twice and both times it hurt like hell even though I was anesthetized with morphine, and this guy did gardening work with that hanging outta him!!?? That musta been some GOOOOOD SHIT, MAN!

 

[Dillinger]

I check out the Darwin Awards on a regular basis. Point is most of these people don't live all that long! But yes, its amazing that they manage to survive as long as they do! *lol*

 

[Mistress]

LOL! I love the Darwin awards...I have that book hehehe

 

[Blackbich]

LMFAO!!!!!

Those are too funny.

 

[Angel]

Re: people this stupid live so long because of....

the welfare state.

And that is supposed to mean what, exactly?

 

[OUTSIDER]

"Then the soldier said sir the ace remind's me that there's only one god".......!!!

 

[Siren]

hahaha * Lazer* that is funny as hell.

 

[Guest]

 

[Renegade]

A day later, and it's still funny.

 

[LadyFyre]

ass, yes...penis, ow!

Pleassssseeeeee this is not a new thing as anyone in the medical field will tell you. We have pulled everything from Barbie dolls to acorn squash out of people's assholes.

I can understand (to a point!) putting things up your ass... at least, I can sort of imagine why you would be so dumb...
HOWEVER, this guy stuck it up his penis...that, I simply don't understand. Wouldn't it hurt like hell?
*sigh* what people do to get off...

 

[Guest]

Sorry - wrong topic - I thought this was a Bush thread when I read the subject.

 

[doctor_insanus]

Here's another endorsement of the Darwin Awards!

As far as how they manage to live so long, it beats me. You'd have thought that more of them would have been weeded out by now! Oh well, I guess Darwin still has some unfinished business.

 

[Weird Harold]

As far as how they manage to live so long, it beats me.

The Medieval pholosphy was, "God watches out for fools and madmen." They may have been right.

 

[OUTSIDER]

How "DO" people this stupid live so long..?

 

[Unclebill]

This doesn't come close to classifying as a Darwin Contender, but ...

A friend found this several years ago published in a magazine and sent me a copy. I can't remember which magazine but it purports to be an actual case. I know it was (and still is) enough to make me cringe!

UNUSUAL CASE
BY WILLIAM A. MORTON, JR. MD
Scrotum Self-Repair

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about forty, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul smelling stained gauze wrapped around his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged, zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to the hospital; gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic chord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum was suddenly caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification

William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania

 

[Laurel]

Ouch! That story made my ovaries ache...

 

[april-wine]

a strapping young man showed up on the operating table in the room i was working in....he had managed to get a rather large apple stuck in his rectum....and then required surgery to remove it....however thats not the best part, not 3 days later guess who arrived back on the operating with another apple lodged in his rectum......sheesh you think he would have learned the first time....well the good news is we haven't seen johnny appleseed since.......wonder if he figured out that apples were not the right thing to shove up his rectum.....ouchhhhhhhhhhhhh