How do I woo a wife?

[spiralarm]

I need advice on how to impress/win back the affections of my wife! I have made a massive bish and i need assistance on how to fix a potential split after 10 years of having got to know each other. Guidance please! Guidance for a limited budget

 

[desertslave]

I think 'massive bish' got lost in translation, but I'll assume it's not a Good Thing.

First of, just try to talk with her regarding whatever this Bad Thing was. If she's not ready to talk about it, though, you might try being extra helpful with whatever 'about the house' things you usually do, or are supposed to do. If there's a repair needing to be done, do it. If there's a project she's asked for, complete it. Don't make a big fanfare over the doing, but tell her nicely that it's been taken care of.

This is from my own POV, of course, but I find that I'm much less unhappy about the big picture things if the little picture things like housekeeping are going well. If my home is messy, it becomes a grim reflection of my life in general.

Obviously, your mileage will vary, but I hope this helps.

 

[missgiter]

Pay Attention To Her. If she's stressed - do something to lighten the load. Give her a back/foot-rub. Offer to wash her hair. Do up the dishes. Do things she's been asking you to do.

Talk to her.

But most importantly - PAY ATTENTION! There isn't anything that bothers me more than when I'm being ignored. I want to know that I'm -everything- to him.

 

[LadyVer]

The main thing is she needs to be able to trust you. Depending on the "bish", it might take a while.

 

[Miles Long]

What is the nature of your transgression? And in the past when you have needed to apologize to your wife, what sorts of apologies did she accept? Not everyone forgives in the same way, and not all attempts at atonement are equal in the eyes of the aggrieved. More details please.

 

[nakdsub]

This is very good advise...

What is the nature of your transgression? And in the past when you have needed to apologize to your wife, what sorts of apologies did she accept? Not everyone forgives in the same way, and not all attempts at atonement are equal in the eyes of the aggrieved. More details please.

Without any details at all, it's pretty hard to give good advise. If you did something that makes her question your love, you have to convince her you love her. If you did something that makes her question your untrustworthy, then you have to prove she can trust you.

Most of the time, flowers, candy, or dinner out is not nearly enough of any apology. Be honest, be sincere.

 

[Vixandra]

Kind of depends on what you did really. Some things are nearly impossible to forgive and get over.

Having a four way with her sister, her best friend and her therapist is one of those hard to forgive things. Cheating on her with another person is hard to forgive. Having her find your stash of lesbian hobo-core porn is easier to forgive in general. Calling her family a crazy waste of time, forgivable with time. What you did makes a big difference in how you successfully woo her back, if it is even possible.


You have to PROVE you are worth trusting after whatever fiasco a "bish" is. Follow through on what you say you'll do, do things that help out (which you should be doing anyway IMO), behave like a responsible adult that's worth having a sustained relationship with.

 

[Goldeniangel]

Wooing isn't about expense, it's about little things. I knew my hubby was the one when he brought a bunch of books that I'd never read, over to my house for a date. Not flowers. Not candy. Things that he thought I would enjoy based on his conversations with me.

Anytime you can show that you've paid good attention to her feelings / likes / dislikes... that's always a good thing.

No idea what a bish is, but you aren't going to be able to fix it with material items. You're going to have to concentrate on fixing the root of the problem and showing her that you aren't going to make the same mistake again, that you care about her as a person, that you know her and have listened to her throughout the years, and that you're willing to show her all of that.

 

[bailadora]

I knew my hubby was the one when he brought a bunch of books that I'd never read, over to my house for a date.

\hijack

That had the bookworm in me saying, "Awwww!"

/hijack

 

[LucyH]

Wooing isn't about expense, it's about little things. I knew my hubby was the one when he brought a bunch of books that I'd never read, over to my house for a date. Not flowers. Not candy. Things that he thought I would enjoy based on his conversations with me.

Ditto - that's the kind of thing that impresses me too.

 

[ratherabsurd1]

.....

 

[PhilGarlic]

if you don't

If you don't know how to win back your wife after a ten year relationship then don't bother.

 

[djyak]

One thing that always impresses me about my hubby, is he still does those little things he did when were just dating. Opening doors for me, (which the kids have learned to do now too), putting the paper down to listen to me, (and I mean really listen), and for no reason what so ever, I can come home to see flowers in the house for me and his daughters. That's what woo's me all the time. Little things that are done all the time.

Tifani

 

[chipcarver]

I have realized over the years that most women like to feel secure. There is some very good advice being presented to you. Especially the one that said "f you don't know how to win back your wife after a ten year relationship then don't bother." You should have it within you to know your wife if you have been paying attention at all. You should know her dislikes from the disagreements you've had over the years. You should also know what she requires from you in the relationship.
If you haven't split yet then you have a fighting chance. Use your head, think, you already know what you have to do. Do not try to cut corners just to make it easy on yourself. The the rest of your life depends upon what you do now and the sooner you do it the better it will be.
Wishing you good luck and please keep us informed.

 

[Thefamiliar]

Hold nothing back.

Love has no room for pride.

You have nothing to lose, remember each day may very well be the last you have together.

In the end if shes already gone, its not the end of the world, its the beginning of new adventures.

I thought my ex was the love of my life, until fate handed me the soulmate of a lifetime.

Fear cannot be a factor in your choices. Just dont forget the patience to let her make the choices best for her.

 

[Miles Long]

I still want to know what a massive bish is.

 

[nakdsub]

Since the poster...

Has not checked in, or at least appeared so, I'm sure we've all been taken in again by someone who gets his kicks by posting BS.

 

[spiralarm]

Thanks for the advice, I have checked back a couple of times in fact and do not really wish to go into detail. A "bish" is a "mistake", an error of judgement. Thanks again.

 

[Goey]

If a bish turns out to be some kind of sexual fling with another woman, well - your fucked. You can promise to change and buy her a castle but what happens is really up to her.

 

[njlauren]

Thanks for the advice, I have checked back a couple of times in fact and do not really wish to go into detail. A "bish" is a "mistake", an error of judgement. Thanks again.

One note for the OP and for anyone asking this kind of advice, it is kind of stupid to ask for this kind of help then refuse to give any details, that is like asking someone for help and then saying "mind you own business". If this was a question about wooing a potential girlfriend it is a lot easier to give generic feedback (though the more detail the better the response), but when you are talking about saving a marriage then the key is going to be in the details. As others have pointed out, if you got caught cheating with another woman, the way to handle that is different then if you got drunk with your buddies and lost a grand playing poker in a casino, or if you made the mistake of telling her she looked fat or something like that.....To be honest, if you are that private a person, then why are you asking for advice on an erotic website? It is also kind of weird because quite frankly, unless you gave people your name and where you lived, no one would know it was you posting and you prob could make it generic enough it could be any number of husbands asking for advice.

 

[subwannabe]

It's hard to help you unless we know what a bish is.

 

[bailadora]

It's hard to help you unless we know what a bish is.

Ahem. See post 18. But it's moot anyway: the OP didn't really want help, after all.

 

[Damana]

I have two things to say 1. Don't ask the questions you don't want the answer to and 2. How the hell can anyone give advice if you refuse to tell even in a coded way what you did. Hell for all we know he could have called her fat or slept with her two best friends and filmed it.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

you won't

You won't get very far "wooing" her until and unless she is convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that you understand how much your "crime" hurt her and demonstrate repentance and a willingness to do whatever it takes to make it right.