How do I initiate my husband?

[crosscultures]

I want to see if I can get my husband into being a submissive. He's REALLY boring sexually, although a good lover. I can't seem to get him interested in sex lately, and thought maybe some bd might help. Any advice where to start? How to initiate it?

crosscultures

 

[Marquis]

What makes you think he'd enjoy being more submissive in bed?

 

[crosscultures]

Husband submissive?

What makes you think he'd enjoy being more submissive in bed?

I don't know -- I think it's that he always likes me to make decisions, and that he likes strong women. I think he isn't very sexually adventurous, and I think it's something he would like if I could only break past the conservativism. It's not that I want to dominate (I don't know how I would even do that at this point) -- it's that I'm trying to think of ways to get him interested in sex again.

 

[Betticus]

How long have you been married?

Changing things up can keep married sex more interesting and exciting. So can just whispering your naughty fantasies to each other in bed. The point though is to keep it somewhat new so that you can always keep the excitement of the courting and mating game intense.

How do you know that he wouldn't want to tie you up and take you like an object put on this Earth only to serve him? He is your husband of course and you will know him, not us.


To answer your question though. You can test his acceptance of this kind of submissiveness by just being more aggressive and confident in bed with him. See how he reacts to what you are doing. Bite him a little when he is cumming or claw him at that time. Men are usually at our most honest and open when we are at or very near orgasm. That is when we are at our most perverted and have the least control over our darker desires.


These are just baby steps though and only suggestions. Use your own devious little imagination. Think of things that you would want him to do to you if he were in control and let a little fantasy creep into your mind when you are feeling naughty.

 

[le_kinklet]

I'm with Betticus,, he said everthing i would have said and some!

 

[snasu]

try printing off stories your interested in and leave them where he will see them. If nothing else, it may bring up the conversation or introduce him to Lit where he will start picking out his own fantasies. (This could go place you may not be ready for).

If the lack of interest is connected to traditional reasons (like stress, being tired, etc, ) then applying pressure to perform won't help.

 

[crosscultures]

Stamina

Actually, I found out tonight that his asthma has been bothering him so he doesn't have the stamina he used to have. I told him that he could just lay there and I would do the work! LOL!

 

[crosscultures]

I've been married 22 years. It's always been great but very vanilla. Tonight I tried reading to him from Exit to Eden, a little sm novel by Anne Rice, and he liked it. Started a great discussion! Turns out that he thought smbd was deviant, in fact role playing was deviant, artificial. We talked about that for a long time. I feel like I'm turning him on to some stuff he hasn't thought about. Maybe he'll admit some new fantasies to me, huh?

My mind is getting more devious every day! I can, as you suggest, let it run wild and see where it takes me! (us)

crosscultures

 

[FurryFury]

Actually, I found out tonight that his asthma has been bothering him so he doesn't have the stamina he used to have. I told him that he could just lay there and I would do the work! LOL!

That's fun sometimes. Letting them lie there and doing the work pulling it out of them, watching them get surprised, hard, dripping and then explode. Thier eyes shining with pleasure and surprise at what a little naughty wonder you are being.

Now me? I like the tease. I swear to Gawd! My husband can't pass me or be in the same room that I'm not teasing him some kinda way. He pretty much STAYS ready. It's fun, sweet and very hot! Words, touches, flashes all combine to keep my man on sizzle. Yeah I like that!

The other thing is I am always looking for new things to do! I always find them too! Only thing is sometimes, too often lately, I'm too tried and stressed. Fortunately, he has been all sizzling and damned if he doesn't often take things back into his own hot hands!

Best thing for a headache is some hot sex imo.

Best thing for the blues is a spanking imo.

But that's just me...

Have fun breaking your bronko in or putting a burr under his saddle which ever ya need to apply.

Fury

 

[crosscultures]

got him motivated

Well, I FINALLY did get him motivated, by reading to him the first two chapters of Exit to Eden. But he had all kinds of questions about the slaves and the trainers (what's the difference between a master and a trainer?) some of which I could and couldn't answer. He feels anything but vanilla sex is "contrived" and I tried to explain that it isn't any more contrived than putting on nice lingerie or planning an encounter. He just couldn't get into all that planning, so I asked him if THINKING about it ahead of time doesn't get him hot, and he said yes. So maybe there is some hope.

crosscultures

 

[Jay Davis]

Novels like Exit to Eden, the Gor books, and the Marketplace series present very elaborate, ritualized, formal systems of BDSM, where dominance and submission take center stage in the world, 24/7. They can be fun fantasies, if they line up with your personal kinks, but they shouldn't be looked at as blueprints for real-life BDSM. Don't let your husband get too bogged down in how any of those books define roles--slave, trainer, master, etc.--because that's just not how it really works in our world.

I understand what your husband says about certain things feeling "contrived." While nothing is more fulfilling to me than an intense D/s encounter (which may or may not include bondage, pain, sex, etc.), roleplaying does nothing for me. Some people are very into it, but for me, it feels silly. Part of the appeal to BDSM, to me, is the emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and intimacy it can offer--playing Lady and Stableboy interferes with that to me.

If he's not into planning, at least for now, then don't make him do it. Make your plans and arrange your toys in advance, out of his sight, and then "surprise" him. Keep it tame at first--maybe a couple of ropes to the bedpost to tie up his hands. Some of your best BDSM toys are the least intimidating, and the easiest to acquire--teeth, nails, hands, feet, etc. Get him in the mood, and at an opportune moment, tie his hands and go to work on him--stroking, caressing, nipping, scratching, kissing, sucking, lightly spanking, making love... If you take control like this, you may be able to free him from any shame he feels for enjoying submissive activities.

For now, I'd suggest not pressing him with any hardcore BDSM literature, either fiction or non-fiction. You don't have to be a 24/7 slave to enjoy taking a submissive role in the bedroom from time to time, no matter how much novels give that impression. Just take a more confident and aggressive role in your love making, and see how he responds. As you find things that work for him--maybe he likes having his nipples pinched or bitten--you can gradually ramp up the intensity. Eventually--and we may be talking a period of months here--if he's really interested, he'll voice an interest in learning or doing more.

 

[FurryFury]

Jay gives good advice as usual!

Checking out the blank manual and this thread might help too!

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=355230


Fury

 

[Jay Davis]

Thanks, Fury. It's just common sense, really. Sometimes we forget that common sense applies in uncommon circumstances, but it usually does.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks, Fury. It's just common sense, really. Sometimes we forget that common sense applies in uncommon circumstances, but it usually does.

Oh I agree Jay that is why I want my kids to have more wisdom than intelligence!

LOL!

 

[Jay Davis]

Intelligence gets you into trouble, wisdom gets you out of it.

Sure wish I had more of the latter, and less of the former.

 

[FurryFury]

Intelligence gets you into trouble, wisdom gets you out of it.

Sure wish I had more of the latter, and less of the former.

He he!

ROTF!

Fury

 

[oddity83]

Intelligence gets you into trouble, wisdom gets you out of it.
l.

I'll have to remember that one.

 

[Sheaf_Beast]

I want to see if I can get my husband into being a submissive. He's REALLY boring sexually, although a good lover. I can't seem to get him interested in sex lately, and thought maybe some bd might help. Any advice where to start? How to initiate it?

crosscultures

Why dont you ask him?