How do I handle rejection by the Literotica team? *sob*

[AshenGirl]

I must be hyper-sensitive.

I just got one of my stories rejected by Literotica and realize I have to just throw it away or basically rewrite the whole thing. And I'm just shaking with anxiety and feel so sad and angry and frustrated etc., and I just want to cry my eyes out.

This exact thing happened once before: I spent ages writing a story, putting my whole soul into it, then it got rejected and I just went bananas.

The writing process itself is meaningful enough for me to continue writing, even in the event that none of my future stories ever get published on Literotica, and I guess I can't change my writing style much, but I would hope to change my reaction to being rejected.

So, what do I do? How do I handle this? How do I avoid turning into a nervous wreck every time I'm rejected? Any tips?



P. S.: This is not meant as criticism toward the Literotica team, I deeply admire their dedication.

 

[sr71plt]

What was the reason given for rejection (you can find that by clicking on the "rejected" statement)? It could be that it's for something simple that can be simply fixed and doesn't have anything to do with your writing style. What are the genre and wordage. And it doesn't have underage (under 18) sex in it, does it?

And as far as story selection/rejection, by the way, there's no "team." It's just Laurel.

 

[lovecraft68]

If you can give us some details about why it was rejected we might be able to help you out, could be a quick fix.

If its any consolation, my first story here was rejected twice, once for formatting, once for improper use of dialogue tags-and shitty grammar

And look at me now! I still....suck at grammar

 

[Gorza]

Dear Ashen,

I'm sorry to hear about your story's rejection. Do tell us the reason given, and we might be able to help you sort it out.

 

[AshenGirl]

Thanks for your kind replies.

I don't think the reason for rejection was all in error, which is why I've sort of accepted it and wanted to focus more on how to deal with my bad reaction rather than my bad writing.

Anywho, the reason the story was rejected:

1. Is there excessive degradation, violence, snuff, or abuse of characters in your submission? If it is submitted as a Horror story, is it more snuff than actual horror? 2. While we do accept submissions with graphic violence, we don't accept "snuff" - i.e. death & extreme torture with the aim of sexual titillation. We generally do not accept submissions of nonconsensual sex in which the "victim" gets absolutely no sort of thrill or enjoyment from the acts, or is seriously and /or permanently physically harmed/abused.

Well, there were a few scenes that were sort of violent, non-consensual and degrading, one with forced orgasms that were enjoyed at first but then became "too much".

My problem is I can't help but use psychologically and/or physically painful scenarios in order to play out metaphors. I think pain and pleasure in sex are extremely potent as symbols of what's going on in the minds of a story's characters. I want to intertwine sex and drama, and I guess that crosses the line sometimes (no wonder Lars von Trier gets so much shit, eh?!)

Oh, well.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

There's not much reason to be nervous because Laurel rejected your story. I gather she's pretty harmless and just about never drinks anyone's blood. ~waves to Laurel~ You didn't do anything wrong; Laurel simply has some fixed rules she follows. One is no characters under the age of 18 can be in sexual situations of any kind. Others involve bestiality and sexualized murder. If you're story centers on any of those, you have to take it to another site if you want people to see it. It's not the end of the world.

I'm not trying to trivialize your distress; when she rejected one of my stories I was furious for a day and thought she was being unfair. Ultimately though, it's her website and her rules; it has nothing to do with fair or unfair.

If you enjoyed writing it, write something new. Work with one of the volunteer editors here as you write. Or run ideas past people here; we can at least tell you if it's likely to set off Laurel. You can ask Laurel directly for a definitive answer, but she gets rather busy and might be slow to answer.

 

[Gorza]

Well, there were a few scenes that were sort of violent, non-consensual and degrading, one with forced orgasms that were enjoyed at first but then became "too much".

My problem is I can't help but use psychologically and/or physically painful scenarios in order to play out metaphors. I think pain and pleasure in sex are extremely potent as symbols of what's going on in the minds of a story's characters. I want to intertwine sex and drama, and I guess that crosses the line sometimes (no wonder Lars von Trier gets so much shit, eh?!)

Oh, well.

Your posts on the forum show you can write. We get some asking why their story was rejected, and their forum post is in such shabby English that it's too sad.

Laurel lays down the rules. It's her site, so she can do whatever she wants. It's not that she wants to censor writers, but takes responsibility for the effect our writing might have on readers.

In your case, the degradation is too much. You can keep your central desire to explore pleasure and pain, but the degraded character should get something positive out of it. Put yourself in the position of your degraded character, and ask what would be the thing that would make you want to do it again (perhaps not every week, but sometime special). Sometimes non-consent is a fantasy because one doesn't have to be responsible for one's sexuality. Sometimes pain and pleasure is about breaking that barrier where they blur to one, to an almost spiritual experience. Make sure no one dies in a sexual manner (no snuff). If you need someone to read over your story before you resubmit it, just ask here or over on the editor forum.

 

[Nathan_Brazil]

If I cared about my story, I'd attempt to rewrite the parts that are causing problems.

But then again... I don't write non-consentual stories, and taming your story might wreck it for you.

Good luck.

 

[NotWise]

You're asking how you should handle rejection? It's a little difficult to say anything about that without knowing you.

It sounds like you may be very emotionally tied to your story. As a generic sort of suggestion, set it aside for a while before you submit it so that the emotional link dulls a little. How long that rest period needs to be depends on you; it could be weeks or months. It might help if you find something else to do or write while the story rests.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Rejection can be degrading so if that's your thing, you should be about to come, not cry.

 

[AshenGirl]

Ultimately though, it's her website and her rules; it has nothing to do with fair or unfair.

If you enjoyed writing it, write something new. Work with one of the volunteer editors here as you write. Or run ideas past people here; we can at least tell you if it's likely to set off Laurel. You can ask Laurel directly for a definitive answer, but she gets rather busy and might be slow to answer.

Thanks for the informative answer; I'll keep those things in mind.

Laurel lays down the rules. It's her site, so she can do whatever she wants. It's not that she wants to censor writers, but takes responsibility for the effect our writing might have on readers.

I understand; I'd probably be at least as strict if I was running this site.

In your case, the degradation is too much. You can keep your central desire to explore pleasure and pain, but the degraded character should get something positive out of it. Put yourself in the position of your degraded character, and ask what would be the thing that would make you want to do it again (perhaps not every week, but sometime special). Sometimes non-consent is a fantasy because one doesn't have to be responsible for one's sexuality. Sometimes pain and pleasure is about breaking that barrier where they blur to one, to an almost spiritual experience. Make sure no one dies in a sexual manner (no snuff). If you need someone to read over your story before you resubmit it, just ask here or over on the editor forum.

Well, the degraded character does indeed get something positive out of it. The whole story is centered on a woman who's filled with fear, insecurities and anxiety; she then falls for false security, goes too far, is sent into terrible mental turmoil (which is played out in physical sexual ways), but is saved by love and comes out as a more grown-up, experienced and happy person in the end. *wipes tear* But I guess that even if the overall plot is a positive story, the details could get people uncomfortable. Or something.

If I cared about my story, I'd attempt to rewrite the parts that are causing problems.

But then again... I don't write non-consentual stories, and taming your story might wreck it for you.

Good luck.

I'm afraid a rewrite would totally wreck it. But thanks.

 

[jomar]

...

So, what do I do? How do I handle this? How do I avoid turning into a nervous wreck every time I'm rejected? Any tips?

...

Sure, no one died. It's just a story and the rejection is probably technical. So, data, not feelings.

 

[AshenGirl]

It sounds like you may be very emotionally tied to your story. As a generic sort of suggestion, set it aside for a while before you submit it so that the emotional link dulls a little. How long that rest period needs to be depends on you; it could be weeks or months. It might help if you find something else to do or write while the story rests.

That's a really good suggestion, actually. Thanks.

 

[jomar]

Ah, denigration. Note to self to read the thread before responding.

Yank out a few paragraphs or is it to embedded?

 

[SamScribble]

Well, the degraded character does indeed get something positive out of it. The whole story is centered on a woman who's filled with fear, insecurities and anxiety; she then falls for false security, goes too far, is sent into terrible mental turmoil (which is played out in physical sexual ways), but is saved by love and comes out as a more grown-up, experienced and happy person in the end. *wipes tear* But I guess that even if the overall plot is a positive story, the details could get people uncomfortable. Or something.

Perhaps, one day, someone could explain to me why I'd want to read something like this. (No offence intended.)

 

[sr71plt]

Perhaps, one day, someone could explain to me why I'd want to read something like this. (No offence intended.)

I understand. I lost interest too in possibly helping to clean that up for posting here at Lit.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Rejection bites, whatever the reason. You have my sympathies

Some options you might consider:

(1) Shelve it and move on. Write other stuff. In a year or two you might find yourself coming back to that story and thinking "hey, I can use bits of this in a way that won't be rejected." Today's darling is next year's spare parts

(2) Find a different site with different content rules and post it there.

(3) Think about whether you can rework it to satisfy Laurel's requirements without destroying the elements that matter to you. On that...

Well, the degraded character does indeed get something positive out of it. The whole story is centered on a woman who's filled with fear, insecurities and anxiety; she then falls for false security, goes too far, is sent into terrible mental turmoil (which is played out in physical sexual ways), but is saved by love and comes out as a more grown-up, experienced and happy person in the end. *wipes tear* But I guess that even if the overall plot is a positive story, the details could get people uncomfortable. Or something.

If it were my story, and I was trying to salvage it for Literotica, I might think about whether managing reader expectations could help here.

In general, a traumatic situation is more uncomfortable for the reader when they don't know how it's going to turn out. It's easier to cope if they know it's going to end well (cf William Goldman's "she doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time") and if you've signalled that it's not going to end well, at least they know not to get too close to the character who's going to meet a horrible end.

In this case, it might be helpful to package that as a recollection: "This is a story about one of the worst times in my life, and how I nearly (died/ended up as Donald Trump's love slave/etc)" sort of thing. While describing the worst bits, you can add occasional interjections from the present day to remind the reader that it will eventually get better: "saying yes to Donald was the worst decision of my life, but I was young and foolish back then" sort of thing. Just remind readers every so often that this is a survivor looking back on a bad experience, not a pit of eternal misery - and if you have a "saved by love" ending, maybe hint at that in advance.

With changes like that, you might be able to get the story through moderation without a huge rewrite. But if you think something like that might be the way to go, your first step should be to PM Laurel and ask her if that would be acceptable. In my limited experience, she's pretty helpful to authors who want guidance on how to work within the site rules.

 

[NaokoSmith]

You're asking how you should handle rejection? It's a little difficult to say anything about that without knowing you.

It sounds like you may be very emotionally tied to your story. As a generic sort of suggestion, set it aside for a while before you submit it so that the emotional link dulls a little. How long that rest period needs to be depends on you; it could be weeks or months. It might help if you find something else to do or write while the story rests.

You could also find an editor who would help you think through how to re-write the story so it fits the site rules, while satisfying you emotionally? Plus, they will share your rage and disappointment when people fail to recognise your work for the genius that it is.

Some of the stories I am (still! ) working on started as non-consensual. I gained a lot of satisfaction from turning them around to become strong women stories. I did that partly with the readership in mind. Although I, like other women, found the Mills-and-Boon strong male/dependent female dynamic appealing, I wanted to put something more positive out in the market place. (This was about thirty years ago!) So I started turning my stories around.

Oh, and you could come on here and blurt about it and get some support.

 

[Handley_Page]

Laurel lays down the rules. It's her site, so she can do whatever she wants. It's not that she wants to censor writers, but takes responsibility for the effect our writing might have on readers.

I think she has a responsibility in Law.

 

[lovecraft68]

For Laurel to invoke the rape/sex violence rule, the story had to be pretty extreme. You're also new meaning she is going to look at your story more closely than a veteran author who she figures knows and plays by the rules.

That content is not my thing, but what I would suggest is you mention forced orgasms being enjoyed at first, then too much. Get rid of the too much and take it down a notch.

As for the extreme sexual abuse being a metaphor, Laurel goes by her rules and has no interest in avante garde style writing where rape is the 'meaning' of something else in life, its straight up black and white for her.

I sent you a PM with the name of a site that will take it as is, if you're intent on keeping it as is. Or you could water it down for here.

Best of luck either way.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Well, the degraded character does indeed get something positive out of it. The whole story is centered on a woman who's filled with fear, insecurities and anxiety; she then falls for false security, goes too far, is sent into terrible mental turmoil (which is played out in physical sexual ways), but is saved by love and comes out as a more grown-up, experienced and happy person in the end. *wipes tear* But I guess that even if the overall plot is a positive story, the details could get people uncomfortable. Or something.

Perhaps, one day, someone could explain to me why I'd want to read something like this. (No offence intended.)

I wouldn't have to read it. I knew someone who lived it, in very similar manner to the outline quoted.

It didn't turn out well. There was no happy ending or positive outcome. Person descended into alcohol fueled insanity.

 

[eric60red]

I must be hyper-sensitive.

I just got one of my stories rejected by Literotica and realize I have to just throw it away or basically rewrite the whole thing. And I'm just shaking with anxiety and feel so sad and angry and frustrated etc., and I just want to cry my eyes out.

This exact thing happened once before: I spent ages writing a story, putting my whole soul into it, then it got rejected and I just went bananas.

The writing process itself is meaningful enough for me to continue writing, even in the event that none of my future stories ever get published on Literotica, and I guess I can't change my writing style much, but I would hope to change my reaction to being rejected.

So, what do I do? How do I handle this? How do I avoid turning into a nervous wreck every time I'm rejected? Any tips?



P. S.: This is not meant as criticism toward the Literotica team, I deeply admire their dedication.

I had a similar experience a while back, so what did I do well I picked myself up dusted myself down and found another web site, who now have no 14 of my stories.

i still come back ever day to Lit because its so erotic, and I like the people.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

Perhaps, one day, someone could explain to me why I'd want to read something like this. (No offence intended.)

You never will. Many people don't. Some that do, it's because they've been abused and are seeking to come to terms with it by reliving it, or seeing it happen to others. Others are, in a dark way, celebrating the power of male sexual aggression and dominance. (I said male because that's the aspect I understand, but I've seen females get off to a video of one female binding, slapping and insulting another.) Some just want physical pain as a way to overwhelm the emotional chaos of their own existence. Many just feel safer being controlled by an authority figure, even a mean one, because they don't have one and crave the reassurance that comes from someone else in control.

If you look at those reasons, you'll see the roots of D/s, the masochism aspect of BDSM, there's a relation to incest when the victim becomes so crippled they want more... a desire to be made to experience what someone else demands you experience, instead of always being in (possibly poor or no) control yourself, grows in a lot of different directions and ends up in a lot of different places, some better than others.

(That last paragraph is not meant to imply that incest victims choose to be abused. But the ones that accept it are, I think, looking for reassurance by binding with their tormentors and trying to find love and meaning in the abuse because abuse is all that's offered.)

In Orwell's 1984, there's a vicious little speech about how you can't know you control someone unless you can make them tolerate accepting your hatred and inflicting pain on them. (I'm paraphrasing and it's been awhile, so that might be an unfair summary.) What it doesn't say is, some people accept that simply so they can feel like someone's in control.

Most of my writing is about strong male figures talking control of a female's sexuality. I approach it from different angles - sometimes it's utterly consensual and can be very loving (my D/s stories) and sometimes the male basically kidnaps and hijacks (my noncon stories) and forces his will on women. But in the end, all of my stories except one in this general area, the woman ultimately accepts the man's dominance (and in many of my stories, but not all, the man turns out to be ok.)

The vast majority of my fans are female (or at least I've been contacted by I think three males, but dozens of women.) Ignoring some obvious self-selection bias there, there is a hunger in many people for authority to still the existential fear or angst or pain of their own existence, and expressing that sexually isn't exactly uncommon in (at least) females.

Obviously not everyone feels that way. And I'm only writing about male dominance here, because while I assume a male's desire to be dominated by a female is somehow similar, I draw a blank even trying to think about it. But I do understand that some guys essentially worship femaleness in a way that (if they deconstructed it) is almost religious, and those folk are horrified and revulsed by stories that see girls get spanked or slapped or otherwise abused, because they are in effect seeing their goddess made powerless and they need to feel that power. Where that desire to worship comes from I have no idea; I'll guess it's some offshoot of the desire males feel to support and protect females, bringing them offerings of food and shelter, gone somehow astray and turning to almost religious adoration. If you write mommy incest, you tell me. At any rate, if you feel that way you'll certainly never want to think about females like this.

Or, if you're life is ok and you've had a stable childhood and never had to worry about food, if you're parents spanked you only when you really had it coming and never abused their power, if you'd never been raped and your boyfriend/father/whatever is respectfully loving, and above all if you are so self-confident and sure of yourself and your place in the world you don't need or want any other voices in your life, and never have; and if you lack empathy and can't see how other people feel, maybe none of this makes sense.

But some people crave those other voices. A lot of my readers at least are females from (some have admitted they started young) below 18 to late 20's. They feel sexual pressure and haven't come to terms with themselves yet, or haven't come to terms with their place in a (still very male dominated) world, and want to read about a powerful male who will buffer them from the world. And if he spanks them, at some level it's because daddy spanks because he cares. (This is metaphorical - I'm not supporting incest or even Daddy play.)

I know a lot of females who get very turned on by angry and even threatening males. If you swallow a bunch of PC crap about how gender doesn't matter and everyone's equal and everyone just wants respect and an equal footing, and men are supposed to fart rainbows and support the weak, and all women really just want equal power in bed and society, there's a lot you won't understand about human behaviour.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I know a lot of females who get very turned on by angry and even threatening males. If you swallow a bunch of PC crap about how gender doesn't matter and everyone's equal and everyone just wants respect and an equal footing, and men are supposed to fart rainbows and support the weak, and all women really just want equal power in bed and society, there's a lot you won't understand about human behaviour.

There's something in there that helps explain why some of the hottest of the hot girls go for the lowest, meanest, most hateful assholes of men on the planet.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

People haven't evolved far during the last few thousand years. Females settle for sissy-boys but most females prefer men who confront danger rather than beat gals in the race to the tall trees. All the equality bull shit ended when men stopped fleeing, and faced the lions, to buy time for the females and kids to escape.

A few gals want bullies and assholes but we're not speaking of bullies; we're speaking of sane men who take care of business and forfeit the feminists to the sissies..