How do I get him out of my head?

[MsQuote]

I know this sounds like a Dating 101 question but I'm throwing it out there anyway ...

First of all, I'm seeing someone. It's a long-distance relationship. I've never been happier with any other man, but there's no happily-ever-after for a number of reasons on both of our ends.

However, there's someone I've had my eye on for about a month or so. We run in the same circle of friends. I've seen him twice in the past week or so. The first time he was flirting with me ... seriously, big time ... but I played it a little coy because he was pretty tipsy. I just thought it was a prudent move. The next day I gave him a hint that I'd like to see him. He ignored it.

I saw him again on Sunday at a morning get-together with some mutual friends. We all had plans to continue the day with lunch, but the others bailed out except for me and him. It was three hours of awesome conversation ... so many things, interests and values we're passionate about and have in common ... but none of the flirting from him like last week although he said said something about a "next time" in a vague and friendly way.

The most ironic thing of that day is when he said, "You may be frustrated looking for someone and he or she can be right in front of you." I wanted to say something, but I didn't.

Whatever reasons he has for not taking things further than the fun flirting that took place last week, I can respect and understand, he's still a great guy and a great friend, but I can't get him out of my head.

 

[Chaingun]

Whatever reasons he has for not taking things further than the fun flirting that took place last week, I can respect and understand, he's still a great guy and a great friend, but I can't get him out of my head.

He's probably writing his version of this on Pirate4x4.com or GlockTalk.com.

Why won't she respond to me?

But on one of those forums, the guys are calling him a wuss and telling him to get after you.

You keep doing what you're doing. He'll wise up. Or if he doesn't, he didn't deserve you, right?

 

[Jett_73]

Chaingun's right.

Take it slow and consistent. It may well be that he regrets his tipsy remarks and is deliberately backing off a bit to gauge your reaction. Either way, continue the conversations and see where it leads.

As for your existing relationship, you need a conversation there too. If there's no way it can work, you need to release each other to pursue other romantic interests. No reason a valuable friendship can't continue if you do it respectfully and openly.

 

[ConstantineIII]

I concur with the other posters. Be consistent with how you approach him. He may not be interested, or he may be and is too shy/fearful to say anything. As for getting him out of your head if you decide to go that way, I would suggest just moving on completely. Find another object for your affections even though you will probably think about this guy. Eventually, you won't think about him as much and then you won't think about him hardly at all.

 

[MsQuote]

He's probably writing his version of this on Pirate4x4.com or GlockTalk.com.

Why won't she respond to me?

But on one of those forums, the guys are calling him a wuss and telling him to get after you.

You keep doing what you're doing. He'll wise up. Or if he doesn't, he didn't deserve you, right?

\

Ha! I'd like to think that!

Realistically, if he's not into me, it's not because he doesn't deserve me. People have their reasons for not reciprocating secret (and not-so-secret) crushes, and it's probably better that I don't know why.

 

[Noor]

Nice guys usually don't actively pursue woman who are attached/seeing to other men.

I don't think you will get any response from him until you are out of your LDR.

You don't have to get him out of your head, just enjoy what there is now, and later if you decide to free yourself, then ask him out.

The problem with asking someone out when they know you are in a relationship is that they tend to figure that you don't take your agreements very seriously and might do the same to them if they were in a relationship with you.

 

[Chaingun]

Ha! I'd like to think that!

It's better for the ego if you do, Dear. That's what I would do and I have an absolutely huge...ego.

 

[bluebomber]

Hi Ms. Quote, i'll try and give you my 2 cents from a guys point of view.

Seeing how you have the same circle of friends he has probably noticed you before. He might be shy when it comes to women. that might be why when he was a little tipsy he had the courage to flirt with you and the next day he ignored it.

And again when you were just having lunch and hanging out. It sounds like you both had a good time cause he didnt just eat and run or come up with some reason to leave. And to say "next time" in a vague friendly way sounds to me like he wants to see you again.

But this is really why i think he is the shy type of guy when it comes to women "You may be frustrated looking for someone and he or she can be right in front of you."

Shy guys really don't go AFTER women, they aren't aggressive, they let things play out, usually that means the woman has to make the 1st step towards starting something. Then they will loosen up.

He's probably one of those nice guys that doesn't want a woman to think he is just after a piece of ass and will wait for the right woman to come along to (for the lack of better words) hit him in the head and say, yeah i like you, would you like to see each other more often.

The only reason i say that is because i'm that shy guy. I wouldn't HIT on women, I would respect them,talk to them,be friendly,would only really flirt when i had a few drinks in me, and always waited till they made the 1st move, yeah yeah i know i'm the 1%. But truth be told there are guys out there like that. I hope that helps or maybe it doesn't apply at all i don't know cause i don't know the guy but i hope it does

 

[MsQuote]

Nice guys usually don't actively pursue woman who are attached/seeing to other men.

I don't think you will get any response from him until you are out of your LDR.

You don't have to get him out of your head, just enjoy what there is now, and later if you decide to free yourself, then ask him out.

The problem with asking someone out when they know you are in a relationship is that they tend to figure that you don't take your agreements very seriously and might do the same to them if they were in a relationship with you.

He doesn't know I'm seeing anyone, but if things were to move forward with him, I would definitely break things off with Mr. LDR. As silly and insecure as I may sound, I don't want to toss aside that relationship for something that may not happen. It's not that I'm actively looking for someone, but I haven't had a crush on a man like this in 30 years. That's why he's so hard to shake.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

MsQuote, As a guy here is my opinion for what you think it is worth. Since you were rather neutral when he was flirting the first time he may think you are not interested in him.

I think a contact with him in someway may get his interest. Perhaps something less than flirting but to show some degree of interest in him. Perhaps an email if you can find his addy.

"Hi Jim (or what ever) I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed our chatting last weekend. I had a good time talking with you and was pleasantly surprised at how many of the same things we agreed on. I enjoyed our time talking. Thank you for a very nice three hours"

MsQuote

Or something along those lines. Let him know you are somewhat interested and see how he reacts at the next got together. From there it is up to you and him.

Mike

 

[MsQuote]

Hi Ms. Quote, i'll try and give you my 2 cents from a guys point of view.

Seeing how you have the same circle of friends he has probably noticed you before. He might be shy when it comes to women. that might be why when he was a little tipsy he had the courage to flirt with you and the next day he ignored it.

And again when you were just having lunch and hanging out. It sounds like you both had a good time cause he didnt just eat and run or come up with some reason to leave. And to say "next time" in a vague friendly way sounds to me like he wants to see you again.

But this is really why i think he is the shy type of guy when it comes to women "You may be frustrated looking for someone and he or she can be right in front of you."

Shy guys really don't go AFTER women, they aren't aggressive, they let things play out, usually that means the woman has to make the 1st step towards starting something. Then they will loosen up.

He's probably one of those nice guys that doesn't want a woman to think he is just after a piece of ass and will wait for the right woman to come along to (for the lack of better words) hit him in the head and say, yeah i like you, would you like to see each other more often.

The only reason i say that is because i'm that shy guy. I wouldn't HIT on women, I would respect them,talk to them,be friendly,would only really flirt when i had a few drinks in me, and always waited till they made the 1st move, yeah yeah i know i'm the 1%. But truth be told there are guys out there like that. I hope that helps or maybe it doesn't apply at all i don't know cause i don't know the guy but i hope it does

He's not a shy guy. He's more of a life of the party guy but in a classy and cerebral way.

Like I said, I threw out a hint that I'd like to see him, and he ignored it, yet we get along really, really well ... as friends.

 

[Weaseldiesel]

My favourite line to woman is, we are guys we don't pick up on hints. Only the lucky ones pick up on hints lol. No matter how big you thought the hint was I can assure you he didn't pick up on it. A previous poster said you have to he a lot more obvious! Also does nobody in your circle of friends know about your ldr? Cause if he was intrested he would have been testing the waters with your friends trying to sus out if you are attached. Make it obvious and not woman obvious, man obvious!!!!

 

[Edensgarden]

He doesn't know I'm seeing anyone, but if things were to move forward with him, I would definitely break things off with Mr. LDR. As silly and insecure as I may sound, I don't want to toss aside that relationship for something that may not happen. It's not that I'm actively looking for someone, but I haven't had a crush on a man like this in 30 years. That's why he's so hard to shake.

That's the type of mentality that bugs the shit out of me. You're like the friend that makes tentative plans with you just in case something "better" comes along. If nothing does, then they'll go ahead and hang with you for the evening.

As for getting this guy out of your mind....sometimes you can't regardless of what does or does not happen between the two of you. Only time and/or another interest will cure that.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

I know this sounds like a Dating 101 question but I'm throwing it out there anyway ...

First of all, I'm seeing someone. It's a long-distance relationship. I've never been happier with any other man, but there's no happily-ever-after for a number of reasons on both of our ends.

However, there's someone I've had my eye on for about a month or so. We run in the same circle of friends. I've seen him twice in the past week or so. The first time he was flirting with me ... seriously, big time ... but I played it a little coy because he was pretty tipsy. I just thought it was a prudent move. The next day I gave him a hint that I'd like to see him. He ignored it.

I saw him again on Sunday at a morning get-together with some mutual friends. We all had plans to continue the day with lunch, but the others bailed out except for me and him. It was three hours of awesome conversation ... so many things, interests and values we're passionate about and have in common ... but none of the flirting from him like last week although he said said something about a "next time" in a vague and friendly way.

The most ironic thing of that day is when he said, "You may be frustrated looking for someone and he or she can be right in front of you." I wanted to say something, but I didn't.

Whatever reasons he has for not taking things further than the fun flirting that took place last week, I can respect and understand, he's still a great guy and a great friend, but I can't get him out of my head.

If it was me and I liked him I would make sure he knew it........

I promise you guys that are life of the party types like girls that are secure in their sexuality and have the confidence to go after what or who they want.

Just my opinion.....

Good luck and Happy New Year......