How do I encourage him?

[lilbitsjr]

So don't get me wrong, I love my man with everything I am but he's not very adventurous when it comes to sex. He knows that I'm into the whole bondage thing and he knows that I really enjoy being dominated, but he doesn't enjoy doing it. He fears that he will hurt me and I've explained to him that I would tell him if he hurt me in a way that I didn't enjoy. I have tried everything to get him to be a little more kinky, any suggestions.
Thanks!

 

[Eilan]

Welcome to Lit!

It's difficult to try to make someone into something he/she isn't (or at least isn't sure about doing). You definitely want to keep the lines of communication open, which it sounds like you're trying to do, but you also don't want to force the issue.

You may find some answers to your questions on the BDSM forum. Perhaps you could look through some threads with your SO, if he's open to that.

Good Luck!

 

[Tap-Out]

You could try downloading some of the Bondage porn that you like off the web. Then turn the volume up to a level where your SO can hear it. When he comes over to take a look at let him watch it with you. It may arouse him enough to try it.

Another way would be while you're engaging in your more "Safer" sexual activities try suggesting some things while you're in the heat of the moment. You would be suprised what you can get a bloke to do while he's all worked up. Start slow, don't just try to get him to go full on right away. Perhaps start by getting him to tie your ankles apart so he always has free access to your vagina at all times.

But most importanly would be to keep talking about it and let him know of your interestes. Start slow and work your way up. You never know what you can unlock.

Best of luck

Tap

 

[SweetErika]

My husband feels the same, and is doesn't like the idea that he'd really hurt me before I'd stop him. So we use the word "yellow" when he's getting close and should back off a little, and "red" to stop everything immediately (though it's never gotten to that point).

We also started with just verbal domination, and if there's bondage, he always ties it so I can slip my hands out if necessary. That gives him the peace of mind that he's not actually forcing anything on me. Reading some of the more mild BDSM stories and reversing roles (so I'm dominating him) has helped to give him ideas and define a few boundaries as well.

 

[Stefani]

Great ideas Erika.

Another possible suggestion...

I don't know what you feel about writing, but you might want to write all of your fantasies out in a story for your husband. Tell him exactly what it is you are day-dreaming about. If you write it down in a story format, and maybe even read it to him out-loud, it may turn him on, especially as you describe how excited you get when he does certain things to you (whatever they are).

By doing this, you're just upping the level of communication, telling him exactly what it is you want. Maybe know specifically what it is that turns you on, will make him want to please you that way.

 

[Guest]

So don't get me wrong, I love my man with everything I am but he's not very adventurous when it comes to sex. He knows that I'm into the whole bondage thing and he knows that I really enjoy being dominated, but he doesn't enjoy doing it. He fears that he will hurt me and I've explained to him that I would tell him if he hurt me in a way that I didn't enjoy. I have tried everything to get him to be a little more kinky, any suggestions.
Thanks!

You know, I used to think that sex wasn't very important in a relationship until I turned 30 (now almost 33) If this is your boyfriend that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should get out of it now, and meet someone who is willing to satisfy all your needs. I was with a man for 5 years who couldn't and WOULDN'T satisfy me in the bedroom, so eventually I had to leave. Making love, sex or whatever you'd want to call it is very important in a relationship. Of course, this is just my opinion.