How do i decide?

[Lucrice]

hi everyone I hate to bother but i have a problem and need advice. My wife and i have been together for almost ten years now and we are happy together, however the sex has just about stopped. She is 11yrs older than me but that hasnt been a pro lem before, but over the past year she just dosnt have the want any more. There are a couple of women that would like to screw me on a daily basis, but i dont know what to do. should i go for it or stay faithful? Ive never cheted on anyone before but i have a rather large sex drive but get no release how do i handle this?

 

[Hunnyberry]

Lu,
Can you live with yourself when you witness the excruciating pain you have chosen to bestow upon her?
You will have not only torn her world apart but her heart as well.
Her faith, security, future and all that she believed to be real will vanish.
You will change her forever.
Why not try open and honest communication from your heart.

 

[Lucrice]

I can see what u are saying but ive teied talking to her about my desires n wants but she just explains it as shes older n just dosnt like it that much anymore. its gotten to where we have to be in the dark together once every couple of months if im lucky. i really enjoy sex and forplay and just admiring the female form but it seems as though she has lost all interest in me. Im not like a supper hunk or anything but im attractive and other women have showed interest in me but ive never done anything bc i dont wanna hurt my wife.

 

[night&day]

Some Women Just Lose Their Desire For Sex

Are you going to give it up for masturbating in the shower for the rest of your life. If so good luck, as you may not live to be 100, it will just feel like it!

Go out and fuck those women that are interested in having sex with you and move ahead. Or, send me their contact information, LOL

 

[Hunnyberry]

I can see what u are saying but ive teied talking to her about my desires n wants but she just explains it as shes older n just dosnt like it that much anymore. its gotten to where we have to be in the dark together once every couple of months if im lucky. i really enjoy sex and forplay and just admiring the female form but it seems as though she has lost all interest in me. Im not like a supper hunk or anything but im attractive and other women have showed interest in me but ive never done anything bc i dont wanna hurt my wife.

Can she get on a hormone replacement therapy? Bio-identical.
Libido is driven by a healthy balance of hormones.
Do you think she is truly happy with her low/no interest?
Can you exhaust all measures before doing something that can never be undone ?

 

[NippleMuncher]

You need to find a resolution to your problem because if you don't, your relationship is in jeopardy.

Scenario one, things stay as they are, you become embittered and eventually leave the relationship.

Scenario two. You have an affair, she finds out and ends the relationship.

Scenario three. You find a way to honestly communicate with her and resolve the issue in a manner that's beneficial to both parties.

 

[Lucrice]

thats why im here asking this is my first thread since i starte back in08. id be willing to try anything that dosnt involve me hurting her thats kinda a no other options to try situation. Ive talked to her about that n she seems intersyed but wants to talk to a doctor. Thanks again for all the help n advice

 

[subwannabe]

I gotta admit I'm having trouble believing you. You say you've been together with your wife for about 10 years now but you talk like a 16 year old. In any event, you also act like a 16 year old. You only seem interested in selfishly getting your rocks off instead of trying to fix your so-called marriage. Assuming you are telling the truth, you need to either work on your marriage or get the hell out. Cheating means you have given up on the marriage so you might as well go all the way, get divorced, and find someone new.

 

[bailadora]

thats why im here asking this is my first thread since i starte back in08. id be willing to try anything that dosnt involve me hurting her thats kinda a no other options to try situation.

*scratching my head* If you don't want to hurt her, then why bring up cheating in the first place? Because unless she's given you express permission to go outside your relationship, that's what it is. And unless she has no love left for you, how could she NOT be hurt? Color me confused, but your logic defies reason.

Ive talked to her about that n she seems intersyed but wants to talk to a doctor. Thanks again for all the help n advice

Talking to a doctor sounds like a reasonable start. There could be a number of factors that have lead to the demise of her libido: hormones, meds, stress, depression, big life changes.

Barring a medical problem, counseling may be in order (if she's willing) because sometimes problems in the bedroom are symptomatic of larger issues within the relationship. Something may have changed (about you, her or your relationship) that has caused her to feel this way and she's scared to bring it up or admit it for fear of rocking the boat or hurting your feelings.

Without being belligerent or accusatory, your first step is to openly and honestly communicate how much the lack of sex hurts you emotionally. I think that sometimes, women don't always understand how important sex is to a man and how it can make him feel connected to his partner, so his requests or concerns sometimes get brushed off as him being oversexed. If you find she's willing to work with you to find a solution, that's half the battle right there. If she's not, then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker and how you want to proceed from there. In any case, there are no short and easy fixes. Whether the problem is medical or mental, realize that it's going to take love, time, patience, commitment, and money (tests or counseling) to diagnose and resolve the issue(s). Whether or not she's worth it is something that only you can decide.

Good luck.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Talking to a doctor sounds like a reasonable start. There could be a number of factors that have lead to the demise of her libido: hormones, meds, stress, depression, big life changes.

Barring a medical problem, counseling may be in order (if she's willing) because sometimes problems in the bedroom are symptomatic of larger issues within the relationship. Something may have changed (about you, her or your relationship) that has caused her to feel this way and she's scared to bring it up or admit it for fear of rocking the boat or hurting your feelings.

Without being belligerent or accusatory, your first step is to openly and honestly communicate how much the lack of sex hurts you emotionally. I think that sometimes, women don't always understand how important sex is to a man and how it can make him feel connected to his partner, so his requests or concerns sometimes get brushed off as him being oversexed. If you find she's willing to work with you to find a solution, that's half the battle right there. If she's not, then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker and how you want to proceed from there. In any case, there are no short and easy fixes. Whether the problem is medical or mental, realize that it's going to take love, time, patience, commitment, and money (tests or counseling) to diagnose and resolve the issue(s). Whether or not she's worth it is something that only you can decide.

Good luck.

Those are the words I was looking for!

 

[bailadora]

Those are the words I was looking for!

You just said it more succinctly than I did. I can get a bit....verbose at times.

 

[mtwain4u]

Don't cheat on your wife, period. Or, don't be a hypocrite. If you are going to start banging other chicks do the honorable thing and tell her in advance and offer to give her a divorse.

You can have a conversation where you tell her that you are only X age and still very interested in sex. If you love her, tell her so, but ask what can be done because you don't want to go the rest of your life jacking off in the john. If she says "sorry 'bout that" but offers no solutions then you have a choice to stay in the marriage or get out. But, and this is what galls me about most people, when you got married you probably uttered "for better or for worse." It would be a novel idea nowadays to adhere to your oath.

Soapbox dismount, carry on

 

[Lucrice]

Thanks for all the advice I started being more open with my wife about how the lack of sex is bothering me, and she is making a doctors appt next week. Hopefully ill get good news there. I thank you all again, u were all there when i couldnt figure out which way to go and i greatly appreciate it.

 

[Lust Engine]

If your wife truly loves you as much as you love her, she would at least be somewhat sympathetic to your needs in this case. Just sit down and explain to her you have cravings too. Why should you be the one feeling the shame and guilt for it? See what she would suggest you do. Ask her to help solve this issue as well; she has an obligation in this partnership to help out- whether it be finding medical help for herself, couples counseling, or just setting you free to go find a sexual surrogate.

 

[MrChris87]

If your wife truly loves you as much as you love her, she would at least be somewhat sympathetic to your needs in this case. Just sit down and explain to her you have cravings too. Why should you be the one feeling the shame and guilt for it? See what she would suggest you do. Ask her to help solve this issue as well; she has an obligation in this partnership to help out- whether it be finding medical help for herself, couples counseling, or just setting you free to go find a sexual surrogate.

Pretty much just took the words from my mouth. This should be your course of action. Don't just go out and cheat on your wife. Sit down and talk to her instead.

 

[hellsgate]

Hookers, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits. Or...try divorcing the lame fuck. The wife made the choice to leave you high and dry. You only have so many years on Earth, you have the right to live those years to their fullest regardless of anyone else's feelings about it.

As I said in the other thread that led me here, your wife is a fully-realized adult and has to accept responsibility for the clear conscious choice she's made on both partners' behalf obviously without consulting you. Be ready to divorce your wife and live your life guilt-free and available to women in the same place in life as you. Sink or swim time, Ms Bitch.

Your wife has every right to go find an enclave of bankrupt, spent, dried-up prudes like herself somewhere located as far away from you & cut loose from family finances as possible. Let's see how far sitting on your ass electing to do nothing with your life takes you in a recession.

Ladies -- Its SO not right to fully expect everyone in your life to increase/decrease libido in perfect lockstep with you, get upset at the fact people don't like being sexually starved for a non-hand-related orgasm and then get upset back at you if you decide to back-peddle at your (dead stop at this point in this guy's case) convenience.

Kick her ass out and get a no-contact restraining order against her. Better to be getting laid guilt-free in your own bed in your own home, than constantly subject to mental/emotional abuse, humiliation, denigration, rejection and stress by a gutless uncaring soon to be ex-spouse.