How do I deal with a partners ED?

[Wetpinkpetals]

I have started seeing someone after seperating from my hubby in the spring. This new guy and I are very into each other and we're fooling around for the first time. We had a really hot kissing/fingering session that resulted in me squirting and when I went to reciprocate the attention I found him semi-flaccid. I didn't think much of it initially but after attempting a blow job I am fairly certain there may be some ed going on. I am curious if anyone has any techniques they can share, pointers or just general info. He hasn't has sex in a really, really long time so I don't know if nerves alone could have killed the moment for him. I've never encountered this and do plan on eventually communicating with him about it, but this was our first time being intimate and I didn't want to bring it up. Help!

 

[blowit]

I have started seeing someone after seperating from my hubby in the spring. This new guy and I are very into each other and we're fooling around for the first time. We had a really hot kissing/fingering session that resulted in me squirting and when I went to reciprocate the attention I found him semi-flaccid. I didn't think much of it initially but after attempting a blow job I am fairly certain there may be some ed going on. I am curious if anyone has any techniques they can share, pointers or just general info. He hasn't has sex in a really, really long time so I don't know if nerves alone could have killed the moment for him. I've never encountered this and do plan on eventually communicating with him about it, but this was our first time being intimate and I didn't want to bring it up. Help!

You don't mention his age or physical/mental condition. But my take is that if he very much loves you it could very easily be that he is afraid of hurting you by making you feel he wants only sex. I didn't describe that well at all but I think it not uncommon for a man in the early stages of a serious relationship. He may also of course be suffering a bit of performance anxiety and is frightened he may let you down. That might be tied into what sort of physical relationship he had/endured in his previous partnership. Initially I would just go with the flow and try not to make an issue of it because that could easily make things worse for him as he may feel a pressure to perform. If it goes on for any length of time then perhaps you need to ask him if he is suffering from 'issues'. But maybe too early in your relationship just yet.
Good luck. Be positive and hopefully all will come good for you both.

 

[twister947]

Once is not ED. Patience.

 

[blowit]

Once is not ED. Patience.

That should have been my first point lol.

 

[suckonsimon]

Given the circumstances as you describe, it could well have been performance anxiety alone with no physiological reason at all. Thing is, with that having happened, he'll likely be even more anxious the next time you get really hot with each other.

While this is the case, please keep in mind that these days all but the most severe instances of ed can be sorted. From what you say, he can pleasure you well; give him loads of affirmation about that. And signal to him your patience and readiness to explore with him this issue, if he gets a no boner more than twice or thrice more.

 

[KayceeCharles]

Just one time is not necessarily ED.

But if you were playing with his balls and cock and he's NOT getting hard even with your ministrations, that may be a problem.

You need to know if he's on any meds. LOTS of meds can cause ED, and the only way to solve that is for him to not be on meds, and that's up to him and his doctor(s). Heck, lots of OTHER factors like diabetes and alcohol (the proverbial "whiskey dick") can cause ED too.

Just one point to make: if he's that good in making you come, he should know his body pretty well. Did you ask him how to make him come?

 

[Privates1stClass]

There's always the 'little blue pill' standby, or a cock ring. But as many other comments have said, it could be male anxiety. Been there, did that.

Give it a little time and see if it really is ED or something else. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Good luck!

 

[Wetpinkpetals]

Thanks for the input guys. I don't mean to jump the gun on my conclusions; it's not anything I've dealt with before in past encounters. I just like to be armed with lots of information just in case. Thanks for the replies!

 

[Heavenlybodiesa]

It's not YOUR problem.

 

[KayceeCharles]

It's not YOUR problem.

Good point. It's fine to be concerned, but don't "solve" his problem for him.

 

[twister947]

It's not YOUR problem.

That sums up the difference between friends and acquaintances.

 

[JamesRTickit]

I have been through ED.

I am told half of all men 60 plus have ED.
In my case it was emotional stress after a separation.
I had to learn a whole new way of making love.
Hands fingers, tongue.
Primarily I set the target that my partner gets satisfied.
If I come afterwards well and good but that is a bonus.

1) talk to the guy
2) let him explain how he feels
,3) seek alternatives , Viagra which I hate or a different approach to sex.

 

[annabellsmith]

It's not YOUR problem.

Your man doesn't have ED? ED IS a couples problem. Just ask any woman who has a man with ED.

 

[FelicityJohns]

Your man doesn't have ED? ED IS a couples problem. Just ask any woman who has a man with ED.

Truth.

 

[WatcherRob]

I have started seeing someone after seperating from my hubby in the spring. This new guy and I are very into each other and we're fooling around for the first time. We had a really hot kissing/fingering session that resulted in me squirting and when I went to reciprocate the attention I found him semi-flaccid. I didn't think much of it initially but after attempting a blow job I am fairly certain there may be some ed going on. I am curious if anyone has any techniques they can share, pointers or just general info. He hasn't has sex in a really, really long time so I don't know if nerves alone could have killed the moment for him. I've never encountered this and do plan on eventually communicating with him about it, but this was our first time being intimate and I didn't want to bring it up. Help!

Being in my 70s I have that problem. My wife loves to give me oral even if I can't rise to the occasion. We found that with a little patience I can have fabulous orgasms. She is OK with what I can do with my hands and my mouth.
Vacuum erection devises work wonders when all else fails. They give me better erections than pills ever did and not ot the side effects.

 

[FelicityJohns]

I have started seeing someone after seperating from my hubby in the spring. This new guy and I are very into each other and we're fooling around for the first time. We had a really hot kissing/fingering session that resulted in me squirting and when I went to reciprocate the attention I found him semi-flaccid. I didn't think much of it initially but after attempting a blow job I am fairly certain there may be some ed going on. I am curious if anyone has any techniques they can share, pointers or just general info. He hasn't has sex in a really, really long time so I don't know if nerves alone could have killed the moment for him. I've never encountered this and do plan on eventually communicating with him about it, but this was our first time being intimate and I didn't want to bring it up. Help!

The bottom line is, IF you come to the conclusion that that is in fact what you're dealing with, you handle it with compassion, mercy, laughter (not the point and laugh kind!) and communication. It is his problem, but you can make it so much worse for him, or so much better. Remember that he's a man, and his ability to fuck you is likely wrapped up in his self-image/worth. That no more makes him a man than having the perfect body makes you a woman.

Is it a big deal? Of course. Is it a deal breaker? Not when handled with care for him as a person.

 

[Sir Victor]

Thanks for the input guys. I don't mean to jump the gun on my conclusions; it's not anything I've dealt with before in past encounters. I just like to be armed with lots of information just in case. Thanks for the replies!

Dirty talk should help a lot, it starts in the mind. Find out what he likes of course.

 

[KayceeCharles]

Depends on how open he is to phone sex, talk with him, get him hot and bothered, then show up at his doorstep without panties.

 

[lickmyrim]

I am told half of all men 60 plus have ED.
In my case it was emotional stress after a separation.
I had to learn a whole new way of making love.
Hands fingers, tongue.
Primarily I set the target that my partner gets satisfied.
If I come afterwards well and good but that is a bonus.

1) talk to the guy
2) let him explain how he feels
,3) seek alternatives , Viagra which I hate or a different approach to sex.

I like the way you think... hubby is the way thank goodness

 

[Rachel_X]

When my old tv stopped working, I used to hit it repeatedly until it started working again.
I assume the two aren't much different.

 

[Sir Victor]

Dirty talk should help a lot, it starts in the mind. Find out what he likes of course.

Let me clarify this a bit, for me and for most of my life I have to click with a girl that I'm having sex with. If there is any doubt and it is a silent interaction I might not get that aroused at all, partly because vanilla sex does not do a lot for me. On the other hand, even if I have some doubt about clicking and she says I want to be your fucktoy (or princess sub, etc.) please use me - I'll probably be rock hard in about 2 seconds. Moaning and sounds are as much of a turn on if not more than visuals for me.
No ED involved in this at all.

 

[Wetpinkpetals]

4 attempts later and the same results. I'm cuming my brains out and my poor guy has blue balls. We talked, I kindly reassured him during our cuddling and he brought up going to the doctor to have it checked out. We are hoping he doesn't have any underlying conditions, and will be trying some horny goat weed this weekend. My heart goes out to him, he's so frustrated and has been hard on himself. No pun intended We most certainly click really well and have fantastic foreplay.


Any advice on how to pick out and use a cock ring? Drugs for ED?

 

[MaybeTwins]

4 attempts later and the same results. I'm cuming my brains out and my poor guy has blue balls. We talked, I kindly reassured him during our cuddling and he brought up going to the doctor to have it checked out. We are hoping he doesn't have any underlying conditions, and will be trying some horny goat weed this weekend. My heart goes out to him, he's so frustrated and has been hard on himself. No pun intended We most certainly click really well and have fantastic foreplay.


Any advice on how to pick out and use a cock ring? Drugs for ED?

If he is frustrated and being "hard" on himself that is going to make things worse. This happened to me with one partner when I was in my mid 20s. I think the first time we had sex I had a little bit of performance anxiety, and because I had never experienced anything like it before with any partner, I didn't take it in my stride but became a little obsessed with it. All I could think about was why it was happening, and getting annoyed at my penis for not cooperating.

This created a vicious cycle where I wasn't getting into the swing of things sexually, but rather thinking "come on, come on, get hard, get hard", which is not a recipe for erections. But it resolved itself naturally after a couple of weeks and a couple of tries.

Never tried a cock ring and never used drugs for it. What I recommend to calm him down is do what my then-lover did. Next time you are in the mood, get him to agree there'll be no penetration. Just playing and him making you come. Do that the next few times you fool around. Only playing, no prospect of penetration. That will calm him down and take the pressure off and "reset" him. Worked perfectly for me and that was maybe 10 or 11 years ago.

EDIT: I would also add - don't medicalise it if you can possibly help it. If he has never experienced it before then more likely than not it is psychological and can be overcome without resorting to drugs, which he may end up having to rely on.

 

[pplwatching]

Simon is the resident cock ring expert, but in my experience they only make erections harder. If he's not getting an erection in the first place then it may not be very helpful.

Talking to a Dr is a great idea. I would wait for a diagnosis before trying any herbal supplements. Herbals are unregulated and many have no clinical studies behind them. You don't want to exacerbate an underlying medical condition. His Dr will most likely order a full blood panel, but your new beau might also want to ask to have his testosterone checked at the same time if it's not on the list.

If there is no obvious medical reason behind the problem, then an ED drug may still help overcome a performance anxiety problem. His Dr might prescribe something if asked, but those drugs are expensive.

You say that you haven't been dating him very long. Emotional issues can interfere with intimacy. If he is pining for a former lover, has his head still in a previous relationship, or is coping with some sort of previous trauma then that could be part of the problem.

Best

 

[suckonsimon]

Agree about cockrings: they can fabulously enhance an erection and keep it at full grandeur for longer, but they can't set it away for starters. [Neat description of me, pal! ]