How do I convince my wife to MMF?

[friendami]

I know what you’re going to say...
"You can't make her do anything she doesn't want to."
"Just talk to her and explain your desires."

I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to. I've been suggesting that we invite my best friend to join us. All three of us have been close friends for 20 years.

She will only talk about while we are hot and heavy, and then only every 3 months or so. (I've been working on this for 3-4 years).

The thing is, I'm very bi-curious. I know she would freak if I told her that (so would my best friend). But I know that if we MMF one thing will lead to something.

If she won't MMF with me, I know eventually I will just have a MM without her. I'm sure this would be 'wrong' and would eventually do serious damage to our relationship.

So, I've been searching the net for stories about MMF, without any bi-sexual stuff, about old friends ending up in bed together. After hours of searching, I have 4 descent ones. I changed the names to our three names. My plan is to ask her to read them and pick out her most favorite and least favorite parts. Then I can ask my buddy to do the same (as a way of introducing the idea to him).

So, can you offer me any advice? Do you know where I can find stories like this? Have you succeeded where I have failed?

Thanks in advance.

A

 

[cmarlowe01]

If you can't convince her to mmf with you then you will have to do it on your own and in secret. If I were you I would do it in secret and leave it a secret. If you need to experiment go right on ahead. Plan out the day and be safe, but don't stop yourself from doing it.

 

[pink swirl]

She will only talk about while we are hot and heavy, and then only every 3 months or so. (I've been working on this for 3-4 years).

The thing is, I'm very bi-curious. I know she would freak if I told her that (so would my best friend). But I know that if we MMF one thing will lead to something.

If she won't MMF with me, I know eventually I will just have a MM without her. I'm sure this would be 'wrong' and would eventually do serious damage to our relationship.

It doesn't sound like she wants a MMF. If you've been bringing this up during sex for 3-4 years and that's the only time she will talk about it, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE A MMF.

It doesn't sound like you really do, either. Your primary motivation is to be with another man.

Believe me, if you somehow manage to convince her to do this with you, she will see that you mostly want to be with the other man. That will be the end of your marriage. If you do it on your own and tell her, that will be the end of your marriage. If you do it on your own and don't tell her, if you like it, you will seek it out again and that will be the end of your marriage.

Are you prepared for that? Or is that what you really want anyway?

 

[londonaberdeen]

I get the impression that you are prepared to risk your marriage, your wifes feeling do not matter, that she must come round; you will have you way.

I hope I'm wrong.

As for the advice from cmarlow01, what CHEAT. Good option. If you wife and your vows mean nothing then carry on. If on the other hand you are in the minority and respect the women you once took to honour and cherish then you won't do this without her consent. If you never get her consent, and believe me your probably won't, then you don't get to try mmf. You gave up the "choice" when you took your vows.

Back to your question HOW DO YOU CONVINCE, errr you don't. I think though your going about this the wrong way and trying to decive your wife into trying something. I suggest an open talk with her. Tell her its your desire but if she's uncomfortable then you understand and will drop it once and for all.

Being deceitful, including trying to coerse your spouse into something, puts a strain on your relationship like nothing else can. If your prepared for that I suggest you split with your wife first, as you clearly don't love her, then have your experiment with men all you like.

 

[Bobmi357]

Get yourself a lawyer.

Why did you enter a monogamous relationship if you don't plan on being faithful? Why didn't you tell her before you got married that you may be bi?

Sounds like when you're done, your wife will leave you and your best friend will deck you. If you're really unlucky, she'll leave you and hook up with him.

 

[friendami]

Quick Easy Answers Show Lack of Understanding

My wife and I started as a couple when she was 13 and I was 16. We dated (without sex) for 4 years and then got married (she was 18, I was 21). We have been married for almost 18 years. We have three smaller kids.

I like to travel, eat at ethnic restaurants and try have new sexual experiences. She does not. However, after much prodding, she does now have a favorite dish at every restaurant in town. I haven't left the country for 5 years. I told her I wouldn't travel and grow emotionally without her. She still refuses to go, and I'm off to Europe/Bosnia this summer.

The basic question (which by no means has an easy answer) is what does one do when ones hopes and dreams are divergent from their partner's?

I have been patient, I am not making any rash decisions. These questions have spanned years for me.

I don't need to "get a lawyer" because my conclusion that in the long run with either find a way to combine our hopes and dreams or we don't; and I an trying to combine them.

I used to have to whine to get her to eat and the Indian Restaurant, now sometimes she gets hungry for it. Why not sex?

Is there anyone in the Lit community that can speak from personal experience, instead of just throwing out cheap, minimal thought answers?

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Is there anyone in the Lit community that can speak from personal experience, instead of just throwing out cheap, minimal thought answers?

Maybe minimal thought anwsers to you because it seems your mind is to small to even know what the fuck is going on. Listen good...No one is going to tell you it's alright to cheat on your wife with another guy, no one will say you should do this to turn her around. Basically the issue is with yourself.

If you don't like the fact your wife and you have nothing in common, then maybe you should have thought about that when you got married. But hey, this is just another minimal thought out answer right?


Ravin

 

[Ezzy]

I think you are going to most likely fuck it up big time, all the way around.

Do you know if your best friend is "Bi" or "Bi curious"?

If you don't know in advance you may end up breaking the friendship apart if he doesn't swing that way. Admitting to your wife that you are "bi curious" should be a first, if you can't tell her you are not communicating, and that is going to break your marriage apart if you allow it to go on too long.

All in all I would talk to her about it, and see what she is willing or interested to go a long with, maybe it has always been her fantasy to see you with another guy, maybe the thought is enough to make her throw up, but unless you talk to her you will never know which way she is going to jump on the issue.

If everything works out for you all, don't forget to protect each other, both for STD's and pregnancy.

 

[stingray61]

Show her a nude picture of me. LOL joking. Are you sure your bi-curious and not actually completely gay? I'm thinking you should have figured this out before you met your woman.

 

[Alyx]

Have you ever tried talking to her about this when you're not in bed or having sex? Remove the topic from the bedroom and have a talk with her about your desires.

If you're truly looking to do this without causing problems when it's over, then be honest with her about being bi-curious. Trust me, if you and the wife invite a second guy into your bedroom, she'll know when it's over about your feelings. If you present it to her as the typical two-men-sharing-one-woman scenario, then spend more time with the guy than with her during this activity, she's going to be a little annoyed, don't you think?

Take it out of the bedroom, be up front and honest with her, and abide by her choice. If she's not interested, don't press. That builds resentment and hard feelings. If she's not interested in joining you, and isn't interested in letting you explore your bi-curious nature, then you need to make a decision. Which is more important: sexual exploration outside of marriage, and without your wife's consent, or keeping your marriage whole? Only you can answer that.

Oh, and eating a dish you've never tried before and having sex with someone when you really don't wish to are two completely different things. If you don't like the dish you've eaten, you can always stop eating it, or throw it back up. If your husband pressures you into having sex with another man when you really don't wish to, it can leave lasting scars that no Indian dish can compare to!

My advice is be honest, be open, keep the discussion out of the bedroom, and don't pressure your wife into doing something she does not wish to do. That way lays heartache.

Relationships sometimes mean sacrificing ones desires for the sake of ones mate. You've been married for 18 years and have three children. Is fucking another man worth destroying your marriage and subjecting your children to divorce? Is it worth it, knowing that if you do divorce over this, your children may find out why the marriage broke up? Think about that for awhile, then talk to your wife.

Good luck to you.

 

[Eilan]

I think that, for the most part, you've gotten some pretty good advice. Just because it isn't what you want to hear doesn't mean it's bad.

My husband and have have some VERY limited experience with MMF's (it was a fantasy for BOTH of us), and it's not something that you jump into lightly. You have to have a very stable relationship to make it work, and even then, you don't know how the fantasy might play out in reality.

You've used your wife's lack of desire to try new foods as an example of her general lack of adventurousness. I can only imagine that if she's that picky about foods, she probably wouldn't be too thrilled with getting naked with another man, no matter how worked up she gets about it during sex.

Do you have reason to believe that your best friend would be open to your advances? I can see this ruining a longtime friendship if you gamble and lose. I can also see you ruining your marriage if you act on your bisexual tendencies. But, ultimately, you're gonna do what you're gonna do, no matter what we think.

 

[Ezzy]

Just reminded by Eilan to add, I have been in 30 MMF romps and in none of them was MM an item on the aggenda. I did not want you to think my answer was with minimal thought or experience!

 

[Bobmi357]

Sometimes when people ask for advice when they are not really asking for advice, but looking for justification or permission. So go ahead, hurt your wife and ruin your friendship with your bud. You have our permission.

Personally I hope your wife discovers your lit account and checks out what you've been posting. Your word obviously means little to you, and your relationship with her even less.

There are people here on lit that are openly screwing around on their spouses and there are a lot more of us that are faithful to our spouses and use lit as a community to learn more about human sexuality. I'm afraid you'll find little in the way of support for your scheme, both at home and here on lit.

When you post something to lit, you have to take what you get. Advice both against and for. If the fact that 90% of the advice your idea is against your idea, then maybe its not such a great idea afterall. To be honest your posts reek of a selfish attitude, damn everyone else you're gonna do what you want to do. There's nothing wrong with that if it were just you, but it isn't. You have a wife and a family to think about. The attitude stinks.

Sex isn't food. You might have convinced a cautious eater to eat in places she wouldn't have ordinarily chosen, but that doesn't mean she's going to go for a MMF encounter. It doesn't even suggest she's willing to consider it.

Maybe you should do your wife a favor, come clean about your desires and offer her a divorce before she discovers from some friend you've been sleeping around with another guy. Try to avoid hurting her anymore than is absolutely necessary.

 

[Lynxie]

Maybe you should do your wife a favor, come clean about your desires and offer her a divorce before she discovers from some friend you've been sleeping around with another guy. Try to avoid hurting her anymore than is absolutely necessary.

I have to agree with Bob on this one. Relationships are about communication, and it's not fair to your wife for you to keep this information from her. Sure, maybe she'd freak out if she found out you were interested in other men... but isn't that her right? How would you feel about it if she did something behind your back without telling you? I personally don't think there should be any secrets in marriage ~ if you're afraid to tell your spouse something, then maybe that person should not be your spouse.

Either be honest with her, or be prepared to end up in divorce court. If she'd freak at you mentioning your desire for other men, imagine her reaction when she finds out you've actually been sleeping with them behind her back.

 

[jradek75]

Relationships are about communication, and it's not fair to your wife for you to keep this information from her. Sure, maybe she'd freak out if she found out you were interested in other men... but isn't that her right? How would you feel about it if she did something behind your back without telling you? I personally don't think there should be any secrets in marriage ~ if you're afraid to tell your spouse something, then maybe that person should not be your spouse.

Either be honest with her, or be prepared to end up in divorce court. If she'd freak at you mentioning your desire for other men, imagine her reaction when she finds out you've actually been sleeping with them behind her back.

The fact that he's willing to act out on this with or without her means your absolutely correct. If this was entirely a fantasy and he had no intentions of acting it out, I'd disagree with you. Some fantasies/secrets should remain that way. No marriage has to be honest to the point that every single fantasy has to be out in the open.

 

[friendami]

Lit Members Living in Denial

I knew I would take heat from lit members for wanting to persuade my wife to have a new sexual experience--but give me a break. Flippant responses like "get a lawyer" and "you should have thought about this before meeting her" Your not listening. I started with her when I was 16. I didn't have the kind of clarity that you hold me responsible for. I have been happily with her for 22 years-more than 25% of my life expantancy.

I think you'll are off base.
There's a reason that there are over 2,400 replies to straight men/gay sex and over 160,000 views.

Also, we all know how rare/scarce it is to find a married couple that both participate in Lit activities.

The basic question of divergent sexual preferences INSIDE of marrage - and how to resolve them - has no easy answers. She says no, so I must say no FOR LIFE. Its just not that simple.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

 

[Eilan]

OK, if you knew what we were going to say, then why did you even bother to start the thread in the first place? Don't blame us because we're not giving you the validation that you're seeking. You need to be talking to your wife about this, anyway--and NOT during sex. Oh. Wait. You said you knew we were going to say that and you didn't want to hear it. Never mind.

You've established that your wife's not an adventurous person. That's the way she is. She can't help it, and she won't (can't) change overnight. You, of all people, should know that, having spent most of your life with her. You've also established that you're likely bi, or at least very bi-curious. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, either. But quite honestly, I don't see how you're going to be able to reconcile your desires. And therein lies the problem.

Am I safe in assuming that since you and your wife have been together for so long that you've been her only partner? If that's the case, you'd be asking her to step out of her comfort zone and into something completely foreign to her if you found a third person. When my husband and I had our first MMF, I was extremely nervous. My only partners up to that point had been my husband and my ex-husband. Although the decision to have the threesome was mutual, I'd never before been in a situation where I'd had to try to separate love and sex. If you haven't been in that situation and you're not sure if you can handle it, it can be scary as hell.

If you've asked her and she's said no repeatedly, then out of respect for her you have to drop it. Threesomes have to benefit everybody involved; if she agrees to do it only to please you she won't be happy, and I suspect that deep down, you won't be, either.

The thing is, it isn't all about you, no matter how much you'd like it to be. If anyone's in denial here, it's you.

Just be thankful you didn't start this thread over on the General Board.

 

[Bobmi357]

I knew I would take heat from lit members for wanting to persuade my wife to have a new sexual experience--but give me a break. Flippant responses like "get a lawyer" and "you should have thought about this before meeting her" Your not listening. I started with her when I was 16. I didn't have the kind of clarity that you hold me responsible for. I have been happily with her for 22 years-more than 25% of my life expantancy.

I think you'll are off base.
There's a reason that there are over 2,400 replies to straight men/gay sex and over 160,000 views.

Also, we all know how rare/scarce it is to find a married couple that both participate in Lit activities.

The basic question of divergent sexual preferences INSIDE of marrage - and how to resolve them - has no easy answers. She says no, so I must say no FOR LIFE. Its just not that simple.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Yep denial is not just a river, its what you'll be trying to pull when you wife finally gets wise and kicks your sorry ass to the curb.

What most of us are saying, and complaining about, isn't your sexuality. Hell, most of us wouldn't care if you humped big horn sheep while singing Aida. Its your callous feelings to your spouse. You know you should come out and tell her. You know EVERYONE here was going to tell you to tell her. Instead you fight against that advice even though you know its the right advice.

No, you're going to be sneaky. You'll pull your wife into a MMF with her thinking she's going to enjoy two men at once and what do you suppose she'll think when she's left sitting there watching you trying to blow your friend?

She has a right to say no. She has the right to divorce you if you decide to go out on your own. THE ONLY WAY THIS WILL WORK IS IF YOU TALK TO HER FIRST! And if she says no, you claim you'll go ahead with it anyway. Sorry, but this doesn't exactly portray you in a good light. In fact it makes you look petty, with little regard to how your spouse feels. The lit community, even the gay and lesbian portion of it, will tell you its not good to deliberately hurt your spouse.

Couples work out differences by communication, which seems to be a path you're not willing to take. What will you do if she hands you back all three stories and says they are repugnant to her?

You need to sit her down and lay it all out on the table in front of her. But don't be surprised if her reaction isn't one of joy. There is probably nothing more ego crushing than to find out after 20+ years that your spouse wants to explore her/his gay side. She'll end up questioning the entire relationship and her ability to please her chosen mate.

And your wrong, there are quite a few couples that actively participate here on lit. My own wife has posted to this thread telling you your making a mistake. There are several married couples posting here and all will tell you that with an relationship stressor, the key is always going to be communication. Not being sneaky.

 

[Alyx]

I tried to be nice in my first post. But this guy just isn't getting it and is pissing me off!

<RANT>
After having read your replies to the advice given to you, the more it sounds like you don't really want a MMF experience. You want a bi experience, and are inviting your wife to join you to disguise the fact that it IS a bi experience you want, not the experience of watching another man have sex with your wife.

You're not really looking for advice though, are you? You're looking for validation and permission to do whatever you want to satisfy your own desires, regardless of your wife's thoughts or feelings about the subject. If she says she's not interested, you'll do it anyway, even if it means sneaking around and cheating on her.

From your join date, you should have read enough of the boards to know that you're not going to get what you seek. The folks here tend to take a dim view of cheating on ones spouse and the use of coercive tactics to get him/her to comply with ones desires.

Take the advice given to you. Turn off your damn computer, walk out to your wife and have the balls to sit her down and tell her what's going on in your head and what you'd like to do. If she doesn't want that, be man enough to accept her word on it without pouting, throwing a tantrum or acting like a child and cheating on her.

Your wife has gone through the pain and discomfort of three pregnancies and births, giving you three children. Yet you have the gall to whine about having to forgo the possible pleasure of being fucked/fucking another man, and say you'll do it, even if you have to sleaze around on her to do it? Grow the hell up, would you? People like you make me ill.
</RANT>

 

[SweetErika]

I knew I would take heat from lit members for wanting to persuade my wife to have a new sexual experience--but give me a break. Flippant responses like "get a lawyer" and "you should have thought about this before meeting her" Your not listening. I started with her when I was 16. I didn't have the kind of clarity that you hold me responsible for. I have been happily with her for 22 years-more than 25% of my life expantancy.

I think you'll are off base.
There's a reason that there are over 2,400 replies to straight men/gay sex and over 160,000 views.

Also, we all know how rare/scarce it is to find a married couple that both participate in Lit activities.

The basic question of divergent sexual preferences INSIDE of marrage - and how to resolve them - has no easy answers. She says no, so I must say no FOR LIFE. Its just not that simple.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

I don't understand what you think Lit members are in denial about...no one has denied MM experimentation is a common fantasy or judged your curiosity (or even acting on it) as wrong.

I agree that you can't be expected to have thought about this before meeting her or getting married...everyone comes to understand who they are, grows, and changes over time. That said, IMO marriage is a committment, and if you promised to be faithful, honest, avoid inflicting pain intentionally, etc., you need to stick to that for the duration of the marriage. I don't know about you, but when I got married, I KNEW I would be giving up some things, sacrificing, and compromising a whole lot, and I made the choice to do so. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't act on your curiosity for life, but it does mean you need to act with integrity and give her the option of getting out of the relationship BEFORE you break your promises. But perhaps if you're honest about it right now, she will support you and want to keep the marriage together. If she doesn't, at least she'll have a choice and it's somewhat equitable. Wouldn't you want her to be honest and give you a choice if she decided she wanted to screw around with other people? Does your wife really deserve the pain you'll cause if she finds out you're cheating? Don't you think she'd be less upset by your honesty than your lies?

The basic question (which by no means has an easy answer) is what does one do when ones hopes and dreams are divergent from their partner's?

Again, it's all about choices and doing what's right. You give up on those for the good of the person you love. Or, you are honest and work out a solution together. Or, you are honest and agree to end the relationship.

All of these are easy answers, but I agree, they're hard to follow through with. Have you tried counseling alone and jointly to get a more "qualified" opinion and help working through your situation? Perhaps a therpist can also facilitate some productive conversations and solutions regarding your differing interests and curiosity.

 

[Ezzy]

I really wonder if he goes ahead and tries to make out with his friend, whether he will come back in here and admit he took a beating, as his friend is not "Bi" and after refusing friendami's offer, just takes out his feelings with no further thought to the beautiful friendship.

As I and others have said communication between both partners is what keeps marriages going, and failure to communicate is the biggest splitter of relationships, I hate to say where I think you are headed if you don't grab the chance you have, to make the approach in one of a million ways, and put in front of your wife the opportunity to work with you through it.

Walk her through your ideas, even a step at a time, like asking her to use some anal play and roll playing perhaps, right out to an admission that you are turned on by the thoughts you are having about bisexuality. But you know her best, and it may be that the only way you can have your cake and eat it too, is to move out and separate and move on with living your fantasy.

There are "NO" methods that you can employ to "make" your wife do anything outside of her comfort zone, that are not abhorrent or considered morally reprehensible to the rest of us, even in "reality" to the “non-consent” readers among us.

If you cant walk down this road with your wife, you had better be ready for walking down it without her, and without your kids, and probably without the self-respect you now have.

You can ask for advice, and you did. The advice came back and you don't like it, well tough shit! When the shit hits the fan, if you try and slide this past your wife without her finding out about, (and make no mistake that shit will hit the fan), please be sure to come back and find this thread and add a post with the details, I am sure someone will care enough to add a single post after yours.

Now here I shall predict what that three-line post will most likely say...


















We told you so, but you were in denial and you wouldn't listen!

Oh well!

Shit happens!

 

[jasperscribbler]

This isn't a direct reply to the original question, nor a response to the various thoughts expressed thus far in the thread, but is a thought that I believe is at least relevant to all that.

As far as I've seen, a couple including a habitual sex-stories reader and one who doesn't are like an atheist and devout theist living together. The frames of reference about reality and normal behavior are vastly different.

Simply reading the stories at sites such as this one changes the reader's way of understanding sex and relationships. What was unfamiliar or seemed abnormal becomes familiar and apparently normal through repetitive exposure.

I've noticed that effect on something as nonstrange as cunnilingus. It was strange for me when I hooked up with my current wife because my first wife simply didn't want me to do that. So when my new partner made it clear she expected it as a regular part of sex, I did it but didn't enjoy it. There was some lingering idea that there must be something wrong with this kind of contact. So I kept strictly to the clit area and tried to keep away from any fluids. I also couldn't relax when receiving fellatio, because that was something my ex also wouldn't do and I couldn't believe anyone could actually like sucking a cock.

Fast-forward through an uncountable number of sex stories featuring licking and lapping up of any bodily fluids that happen to excrete from any orifice. At some point it all seemed utterly normal and desirable. I couldn't thrust my tongue deep into her love tunnel, as some stories might put it, but I found that lapping up whatever happened to ooze out tasted pretty good. It was normal. I liked it, she liked it, and we had sex stories to thank. Lying there letting a man probe her pussy with his tongue was something already within her frame of reference.

Contrast this with swinging. When we exchanged fantasies early on, my current wife's involved people sitting in a group playing some game that led to nudity and public sex with one's own partner. Mine (not expressed in so many words) involved being with a variety of women, one at a time.

Fast-forward through dozens or hundreds of stories in "loving wives" and "group sex" categories, and my fantasies began to edge toward my wife being with other men, whether I'm there to watch or participate or not. Somehow that seemed a normal enough solution to my wife's customary sex style of starting slow and easing into an inert, reactive lump as she becomes more aroused. I read about these women who are ignited by lust, and I wanted a woman like that.

Trouble was, I read about this sort of thing, but she didn't. I tried reading a story to her about soft swinging, which was within her frame of reference. I anticipated that she would get all turned on and active and fuck my eyes out. She drifted off to sleep by the time the first character's clothes came off.

Maybe if my wife latched onto sex stories on her own and they became her guilty, secret pleasure, her ideas of normal sexual behavior, her fantasies, might evolve. Of course, she might get hooked on BDSM stories or pony-girl stories, and the gulf between us would be just as big.

 

[SweetErika]

This isn't a direct reply to the original question, nor a response to the various thoughts expressed thus far in the thread, but is a thought that I believe is at least relevant to all that.

As far as I've seen, a couple including a habitual sex-stories reader and one who doesn't are like an atheist and devout theist living together. The frames of reference about reality and normal behavior are vastly different.

Simply reading the stories at sites such as this one changes the reader's way of understanding sex and relationships. What was unfamiliar or seemed abnormal becomes familiar and apparently normal through repetitive exposure.

I've noticed that effect on something as nonstrange as cunnilingus. It was strange for me when I hooked up with my current wife because my first wife simply didn't want me to do that. So when my new partner made it clear she expected it as a regular part of sex, I did it but didn't enjoy it. There was some lingering idea that there must be something wrong with this kind of contact. So I kept strictly to the clit area and tried to keep away from any fluids. I also couldn't relax when receiving fellatio, because that was something my ex also wouldn't do and I couldn't believe anyone could actually like sucking a cock.

Fast-forward through an uncountable number of sex stories featuring licking and lapping up of any bodily fluids that happen to excrete from any orifice. At some point it all seemed utterly normal and desirable. I couldn't thrust my tongue deep into her love tunnel, as some stories might put it, but I found that lapping up whatever happened to ooze out tasted pretty good. It was normal. I liked it, she liked it, and we had sex stories to thank. Lying there letting a man probe her pussy with his tongue was something already within her frame of reference.

Contrast this with swinging. When we exchanged fantasies early on, my current wife's involved people sitting in a group playing some game that led to nudity and public sex with one's own partner. Mine (not expressed in so many words) involved being with a variety of women, one at a time.

Fast-forward through dozens or hundreds of stories in "loving wives" and "group sex" categories, and my fantasies began to edge toward my wife being with other men, whether I'm there to watch or participate or not. Somehow that seemed a normal enough solution to my wife's customary sex style of starting slow and easing into an inert, reactive lump as she becomes more aroused. I read about these women who are ignited by lust, and I wanted a woman like that.

Trouble was, I read about this sort of thing, but she didn't. I tried reading a story to her about soft swinging, which was within her frame of reference. I anticipated that she would get all turned on and active and fuck my eyes out. She drifted off to sleep by the time the first character's clothes came off.

Maybe if my wife latched onto sex stories on her own and they became her guilty, secret pleasure, her ideas of normal sexual behavior, her fantasies, might evolve. Of course, she might get hooked on BDSM stories or pony-girl stories, and the gulf between us would be just as big.

I think you have many excellent points, but I'm not sure story reading behavior is necessarily the best indication of how good or bad of a match people are sexually. My husband doesn't read stories, but he's open to trying new things. Granted, he's become more adventurous since I joined Lit, but I credit the fact that it gave us an opening to communicate on different acts and our preferences. I do think asking, "Can you believe a lot of people like/do _____?" helped him put his own desires in perspective, but all of our growth has come from talking about various topics.

 

[friendami]

Thank You Jasperscribbler

Thank you for the glimpse into your personal life.

It gives me hope that convergence of sexual tastes, inside a marrige, is neither an improper, nor impossible, goal.

 

[jasperscribbler]

It gives me hope that convergence of sexual tastes, inside a marrige, is neither an improper, nor impossible, goal.

It's probably not even all that difficult, unless, like me, you're too timid to talk about your own, to the extent they differ from your spouse's. In my case, I can blame my own scaredy-cat attitude on my wife blowing hot and cold on ideas I did dare to suggest as more than fantasy, and leaving me frostbitten during the cold phases. I can assign that blame to her, but it's really my own fear to further rock the boat that makes me so passive about it.

If you're willing to take risks, I admire you for it.