How did your first time go for you?

[BabyLucy88]

Hi everyone,

Just wondering how was everyone's first time exploring BDSM with their partner? I'm with someone, we have been together roughly 4months now. The first time was pretty hot. Got him cuffed to the bed, blindfolded and gave him his first experience of anal play. He loved it!
Last night though...didn't go as planned. It's made me feel like a failure. Maybe I mis-read a few signals or just tried too hard.

It's so tough I think to try and get synchronised..or in the same rhythm as your partner.

Any thoughts, ideas or maybe just share your stories would be greatly appreciated

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

***deleted***

 

[BBbumboy]

I don't think you should worry about it too much. I know for me at least my first time subbing was incredibly intimate because you're giving up a huge part of yourself to another person, doing things that are new and scary to you. If he was willing and enjoyed it, he's hopefully pretty devoted. But I do agree that communication is absolutely 100% the most important thing. D/S is a relationship, it works because both parties are in it for the enjoyment of the other. Subs like being subs, dommes like being dommes, but if you're a masochist and he's not a sadist for example, and you try something it could be very serious. If you're just starting out safe words and idea sharing are a must! Just know what eachother are into, you can expand from there but always with consent!

 

[deedee94]

Get a safe word that when used, you know playime time is over.

 

[EroticMasseur]

My first time was pretty tame. She sat on my face and made me pleasure her (I pretended to be squeamish). When she came all over my face she got down between my legs, stripped off my pants and started scolding me because I had pre-cum without permission. She slapped me for a while and I tried to obey. Finally I was whimpering and groaning from a tender penis and sore balls, so she relented and sucked me off. She held my semen in her mouth and then made me take it from her in a kiss. She had to force me since I don't like to eat my own cum.

 

[MsAmative]

My first time was rather horrific to be honest. We did not get far because I spent the entire time thinking about what I horrible mistake it was. In some ways it was, because submission wasn't for me - but that did not have to mean that I was a failure or that the top I was involved with was either. That was the last time I have ever bottomed, but it is certainly not because either of us failed.

I don't know your situation (and I don't expect you to answer any of these questions) but there are a few things that cross my mind when things go wrong for me or a friend.

Did you both go in to it expecting the same thing? Perhaps this is what you meant by synchronized? If you are just starting out it can be hard for each of you to know what to expect. If its a spur of the moment thing, were both people in the mood for the situation at hand? If the relationship has been established for the other partner to normally be open for that type of play than it can be easier to just into that head space. If it is something that is still new (or even if its been known and done for ages) sometimes scheduling just works best for some people. Then each person gets to look forward to what is coming up later that day/week/month etc.

Anytime you are learning something new or doing something new with a new partner there is always going to be some low moments. The two have to learn each other, learn what they like and what they don't like and how to read each other. If something is new for the both of them, then they have to be able to even process it to know if they even like it sometimes. Communication really helps here. Talk to him about how he felt (and how you felt about it if you are comfortable with it.) Sometimes communication really is the key to fixing or moving on from a lot of things.

I am assuming that you were approaching this time as a female dominant again - I just want to point out that most of us really do have our moments when we feel like we've failed (or something similar.) I have had a lot of moments in the past where I struggle with being confident or I think I just botched a scene or couldn't live up to my own expectations. In a lot of those situations, the partner involved would have told you they felt the exact opposite about the situation... so try not to beat yourself up or get to negative. In the end, even the bad things are something you can try and learn from.

 

[Okletsgo]

We are learning and exploring too.
It's highs and lows. I swing wildly between utter despair about why this won't work and absolute elation about being fulfilled in a way I didn't think possible.
I'm lucky in that I've had somewhat of a mentor (from lit), really a sane voice who has been there done that and truly experienced. What I try to remember:
1. Honest communication. Which is harder to do than you'd think.
1. To forget any preconceived idea of how it's supposed to be. Everyone is different, every couple is different- there is no right or wrong.
3. Patience.... There is no mad panic to do and experience everything at once. Enjoy.
4. Don't be hard on yourself or each other.

We still have a very long way to go but a worthy journey (scenic and memorable too!)

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[kittiGoddess]

Don't expect too much, my first time was just like vanilla, I was a little worried beforehand about whether I would be able to take it, in fact the hardest part was actually staying awake

 

[seela]

My first time doing BDSM was also the first time I had (penetrative) sex. It was pretty great, no regrets at all. It was fun and fumbly, I don't think either of us had very high expectations so it was easy not to feel let down. It was bondage and pain, done very carefully and nervously, but it was more than enough to make me realize it really is what I want.

It can be difficult to find a rhythm with a new partner sometimes, especially if you are still trying to figure things out for yourself. That's perfectly normal and talking about it afterwards usually helps clear the air. Even with a partner you know you sometimes have off days and things just don't flow like they usually do.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I would recommend that you remove the age reference.
Things like that can get posts removed.

From the forum rules:
You may not post sexually explicit pictures or stories featuring anyone under 18 years old. Literotica does not allow the posting of underage or animal sex pictures - or links to such, or text/story posts/links to advocation thereof - on the forum. This includes discussions and/or accusations involving pedophilia and/or child sex abuse.

http://www.literotica.com/support/forum_rules.shtml

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I was fortunate to have an experienced and patient man as my first Dominant partner. We didn't do much the first time we met in person, and I was so incredibly nervous, but I left happy and proud and very much wanting more.

 

[StateandMain]

Mine was rather interesting. I went to a dungeon where you could select the mistress you would like to session with. Through some crazy glitch, I almost ended up with a man! Not long after I arrive, this dude walks in and starts asking what type of session I want. I tell him that I am a straight male looking to be dominated by a female. HE says "oh, wel, have you ever thought about trying it with a guy?". My reply was a resounding NO. He said something like how I would be surprised at how similar it is. I said "NOT TRUE". Eventually the whole thing was straightened out and I got the female domme that I requested.