My ex-wife and I have been divorced for more than two years and separated for three. In recent months, we have had coffee together and have dined together with our three children (ages ranging from middle school to college) at each other's house. Nearly all of our conversations have centered on children, but they have been pleasant. Almost enjoyable, in fact. We also text regularly; again, mostly about the kids. We have been looking at each other more when we talk. And, we are beginning to smile when facing one another. At our most recent dinner, she held my hand tightly during the blessing, and I had to tug at my hand for her to let go. I also felt a strong urge to touch her and kiss her. I am clueless as to if I am reading too much into the relationship. She is the one who sought the divorce, so I am uncertain if she is just trying to be nice. I don't know what to do.
How can I tell if ex-wife is Interested in me romantically?
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Jada59
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Why would you want to know this? She is an ex for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but unless one or both of you (depending on the situation) made some major changes in their life, then getting back together with her will bring on the same problems.
I do know that people get back together just for the familiarity of the situation. They often have sex for the same reason.
It's a good thing that you two are on speaking terms and seem to be getting along but getting back with her would probably not be a good thing.
Since she is able to speak, I would assume if she felt romantically inclined with you, you'd know it.
I do know that people get back together just for the familiarity of the situation. They often have sex for the same reason.
It's a good thing that you two are on speaking terms and seem to be getting along but getting back with her would probably not be a good thing.
Since she is able to speak, I would assume if she felt romantically inclined with you, you'd know it.
Redneckgirl79
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Depends on what you want. You can geuss all day long the only person that can really say for sure is your ex wife. Sometimes time itself heals wounds but it is also difficult to not follow down the same rabbit hole once traveled down before.
Que
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Couples can and do reconcile. It does sound like there is some signaling going on but it's hard to say why.
It could be that she's seeking validation and is simply going to put you off once she gets that affirmation.
Presumably at some point you seduced her and should know what her buttons are. If it's something you want and you want reconciliation and you don't think that's a horrible idea then seduce her. If it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't.
I would strongly suggest that if you go that route you leave it playful with a lot of plausible deniability built-in.
"Why Mrs. Ex-robinson, I believe you are trying to seduce me!"
It could be that she's seeking validation and is simply going to put you off once she gets that affirmation.
Presumably at some point you seduced her and should know what her buttons are. If it's something you want and you want reconciliation and you don't think that's a horrible idea then seduce her. If it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't.
I would strongly suggest that if you go that route you leave it playful with a lot of plausible deniability built-in.
"Why Mrs. Ex-robinson, I believe you are trying to seduce me!"
I feel like bad because I want to seduce her, but I don't want a meaningful relationship. I don't like her, but I want to have sex with her. I just want to screw her. The point of keeping in contact with her has been to help the kids through the divorce and after. At least that's what she pushed for when the divorce was finalized. She wanted to stay friends because, she said, I was was funny, intelligent and a nice guy. (But she was divorcing me? I never understood that. I just wanted to run away.) But as time has gone by, my sexual desire for my ex-wife has heated up, yet hearing from her is like listening to fingernails grind on a blackboard. I hate this predicament. From what I understand, this kind of thing is somewhat common. What's more, I've read that the actions my ex-wife have made toward me are similar to those of a someone who is attracted to another. I know I should just ask her what she wants out of this relationship, but I don't want to screw things up. If I said the wrong thing, she would pull the kids into a conflict. Maybe I need to neuter myself when it comes to her.
Happy4yourclam
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That's right..WTF...take charge!
Vixandra
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Yup. As others said, she’s an ex for a reason. You yourself said you just want to fuck her, not spend time with her. Don’t waste energy and drama on it, it will probably explode in your face. Focus on finding a woman you like being around and want to have sexy times with. Let ex know you’re looking, that should be a clear back off sign. Yes, staying friends for the kids is a wonderful thing but trying to relight a fire she extinguished isn’t worth it. She could suck the chrome off a tow hitch and it still would not be worth it in my opinion.
But then I’m pretty polarized on stuff like that- if you two broke up it was for a good reason at the time, even if your side was in the dark on it. Don’t go to the dark side, the cookies will have chips of bitter recriminations and if your kids find out, explosive centers.
BabygirlGA68
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I'd definitely let the ex remain the ex. Especially with kids involved.
ncgentledom
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Great advice. You are wise beyond your 'years' as a babygirl.
Que
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Okay that makes more sense now you are a source of comfort to her when you were married she wants to be friends without benefits. This is no different than the hot girl flirting with several guys who are all just friends waiting and hoping that something's going to happen even though it never does. She's trying to play you like that because it's a nice boost to the ego.
She is not going to be attracted to a guy that she can throw over in a divorce who is still going to want her. She wants to be wanted so don't bother.
Zeb_Carter
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Maybe she just needs to get laid and she hadn't the time or the nerve to go out and find another man.
curioustxn
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And some people are still fuckmates after they're divorced. Me, for one. With my first wife, our sex life was in the toilet for the last year of our marriage, for various reasons. But after the divorce was final, we started balling again. There was never any talk of reconciliation, but we were familiar with each other and the pressure to "make this work" was off.
pplwatching
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It's impossible to know what's going on in her head. It could be anything; "plan A" didn't pan out so "plan B" (you) is looking better, missing being part of your family, being lonely and wondering if you still have feelings for her, or just trying to prove something to herself that has nothing to do with you.
Since you wrote that you don't want a meaningful relationship that's a petty good argument for not saying anything or starting anything sexual, especially if she's trying to figure out if reconciling is an option.
It's been pointed out that it's not uncommon for exes to continue to have sex because of familiarity, but if either of you is the kind of person who develops romantic feelings from sex then things could get messy if the feeling is unwelcome and not mutual.
I don't know either of you, but if you think the two of you can have "no strings" sex then your best option seems to be just asking her if she's game. Asking is probably better than seducing so you can get both of your expectations on the table before getting in bed.
Since you wrote that you don't want a meaningful relationship that's a petty good argument for not saying anything or starting anything sexual, especially if she's trying to figure out if reconciling is an option.
It's been pointed out that it's not uncommon for exes to continue to have sex because of familiarity, but if either of you is the kind of person who develops romantic feelings from sex then things could get messy if the feeling is unwelcome and not mutual.
I don't know either of you, but if you think the two of you can have "no strings" sex then your best option seems to be just asking her if she's game. Asking is probably better than seducing so you can get both of your expectations on the table before getting in bed.
lightspeedd
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My first wife and I got married at 18. we were both really too young. Our sex life was great, but we just couldn't get along in day to day life. we split after a year, she went her way I went mine. We got a divorce and didn't keep in touch. About 2 years later we ran into each other at a bar and had a drink. We were never bitter about the marriage, it was an agreed divorce. On thing led to another and we both agreed we had not since found a better sex partner. Long story short we went to her place, had wonderful sex. We decided to hook up when we really needed great sex, and ended up fuckbuddies for the next 4 years, Sometime once a month, or we may go 3 months without each other. We both dated, but to this day 40 years later I can say she was the best lover I ever had.
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Not every marriage works and not every divorce sticks.
That said, in an ideal world, both parties can remain friends. (You were friends before you became anything else, right?). And some couples work better as friends than as husband and wife. Some even, as noted, work better as friends with benefits.
So, IMO, you need to take an objective look at yourself. What's the best possible outcome? Would you be happy with that? What risks are you willing to run and how hard are you prepared to work to get it?
Based on what you say, your kids are not toddlers, they're adults or nearly so. By now, their opinions sbout you are fixed and, even if it all goes south, my gut tells me you won't lose them - and certainly not forever.
In your place, once I'd figured out where I stood WRT my feelings about her, I'd have that discussion others have suggested. Women have terrorized men for a long time with the words, "We need to talk about our relationship." Maybe it's time for a man to turn it around.
Good luck!
That said, in an ideal world, both parties can remain friends. (You were friends before you became anything else, right?). And some couples work better as friends than as husband and wife. Some even, as noted, work better as friends with benefits.
So, IMO, you need to take an objective look at yourself. What's the best possible outcome? Would you be happy with that? What risks are you willing to run and how hard are you prepared to work to get it?
Based on what you say, your kids are not toddlers, they're adults or nearly so. By now, their opinions sbout you are fixed and, even if it all goes south, my gut tells me you won't lose them - and certainly not forever.
In your place, once I'd figured out where I stood WRT my feelings about her, I'd have that discussion others have suggested. Women have terrorized men for a long time with the words, "We need to talk about our relationship." Maybe it's time for a man to turn it around.
Good luck!
lovecraft68
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If she was she wouldn't be your ex.
I mean, seriously.
I mean, seriously.
HampshireBoy
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100% this, and I don't mean blurting out "do you want to get back together or just fuck?"
Have a natural conversation and see where it goes. It may be that she wants a friendship and is remembering when you were friends, before your divorce.
Be grateful that you have a friendly relationship with your ex, so much better for you and the kids, do you want to jeopardise that for your leg over when there are loads of other women for that?
For what it is worth, after a couple of years of "difficult" relations my ex and I finally got to the friend stage, part of the difficult time was when we leapt into bed together basically because we were both horny and no one else was available. We get on far better now as friends, she even wished my second wife and I the best of luck when we got married and seemed to mean it.
One more thing. If you don't want to reconcile, and she doesn't want to reconcile, be clear that reconciliation is off the table, and then go for it. Otherwise, one of you has a hidden agenda, and it won't work.
In this day and age, sexual attraction is what brings many people together. If it had stayed that way, things would have worked out. But as one of the people start thinking about long-term commitment, the other feels pressured into that same commitment for fear of losing the sexual component. That's often where marriages go bad.
I think that resuming sexual relations with ex-spouses is a good way to "reboot" a friendship, by going back to what made it inviting in the first place.
In this day and age, sexual attraction is what brings many people together. If it had stayed that way, things would have worked out. But as one of the people start thinking about long-term commitment, the other feels pressured into that same commitment for fear of losing the sexual component. That's often where marriages go bad.
I think that resuming sexual relations with ex-spouses is a good way to "reboot" a friendship, by going back to what made it inviting in the first place.
pumperguy191
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I can honestly say, I don't care if my ex wife is interested, I ain't doing it. Been there, done that, that's why she's the ex.
Now, if your situation is different, which from the OP's post, I assume it is, then make a move. See how she responds. I wish you the best.
Now, if your situation is different, which from the OP's post, I assume it is, then make a move. See how she responds. I wish you the best.
