How can I become an amazing lover?

[lonelychemist]

I am searching for that special person, but in the meantime, I want to learn how to be the most amazing lover I can be. Because men are so very different, I was wondering if you guys out there can tell me what it would take from a woman for you to say that "she was the best you had ever had because she.........." What would it take for me to be someone's most memorable?

 

[knightstalker]

I think you have asked the impossible Question for someone to answer..Sometimes it is the feeling two people share together that makes it the best and not how goods you are..I am in over my head here I have no answer for this Question

 

[LusciousRedLips]

You might want to get a copy of the book "How to Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend to Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind" by Lou Paget. The title speaks for itself.

 

[Eric623]

1. Be comfortable with your body and your sexuality
2. Be willing to try new things
3. Enthusiasm, enthusiasm, enthusiasm

Dear Abby has said that the most important sex organ we have is our brain. Now well into my fourth decade of life, and twenty some-odd years of marriage I can tell you she's right.

 

[DevilBoy79]

once u find out , let me know, then i can work on finding out how to be a better friend etc recently

 

[SnoManX]

The women that I would say were "Amazing" were girlfriends or friends before we had sex. The fact that I knew them before exploring sexually made the sex that much better. But some other tips would be:
1. Communicate - letting him know you are enjoying it (or not) vocally or physically will only turn him on more
2. Constantly touch him...especially during that awkward moment when putting on the condom
3. Don't be afraid to be aggressive or experiment (as long as you are comfortable with it)

Just my 2 cents..

 

[lonelychemist]

Surprised but pleased

Thank you for your advice. The book is on its way. Lots of research for me there.

Even though I said I was expecting the answers to my question to vary, I really thought that they would somehow all involve swallowing a BJ. I was surprised to not hear that at all. Surprised but pleased. Not that I am opposed to oral sex!

Variety and enthusiasm, huh? I think I can do that.

But let me rephrase my question: what is the most memorable thing a woman has done for you sexually?

Just trying to build up a base of techniques.........

 

[Persephone36]

As a woman...

just to throw in my two cents -- I can tell you that the Lou Paget book is great! That's super that you're getting it.

I think being as comfortable with your body as possible is also brilliant advice (and one most women rarely heed -- but for that matter it's pretty hard to, considering the images being foisted on us all the time.) But no matter what you don't like about your body (and believe me I've got a laundry list for myself) I do think it's true that once you're in the bedroom, most men are no where near as judgmental about women's bodies as we are about our own. It's certainly more of a turn on for you to allow yourself to *be* turned on -- than for you to be worrying about the size of your breasts/stomach/backside.

It's all about being *in* the moment. Focus on what sensations you're feeling and the person you're with.

I'll tell you what my best male friend told me -- that the women he's been with who masterbated regularly (vs. the ones that never did) we're more knowledgable, familiar and comfortable with their bodies and it's responses...and therefore more comfortable communicating their desires to him. And yeah, lol, -- he did mention that the quickest way to seduce most men was for them to find out that "she swallows" But hey, he's still only 28 (I've got almost 10 years on him) and although pretty insanely sensitive, he was also giving me some down and dirty advice. About seduction in general, not about finding a long lasting relationship, enslaving a man, or anything else that dramatic. Oh yes, wait -- his other top five suggestions for seducing men were:
1. get naked
2. get naked
3. get naked (I think you can see where this is going...)

However *ahem* to get back to the real matter -- as much as we all *know* men are mindreaders (right, they are, aren't they?) it's great to not be afraid or inhibited about asking for what you want/need. He sees and hears you getting off on what he's doing to you -- then he gets off.

And yep, as you are directing your question this way -- of course finding out what is pleasurable for your partner is great. Besides, giving pleasure generously is pleasure in and of itself. But everyone is an individual. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Besides, lol, as my gyno would say (and he's a man) there's no such thing as a magic penis (sorry all) -- the biggest sexual organ *is* the brain.

Enjoy your sexuality and your partner's -- and you're most of the way there already.

 

[Eric623]

The most memorable erotic moments are those when my partner looks me in the eyes and smiles while in the middle of some fun activity, say a bj or the most recent; she climbed up on me, put me between her ample, lubed breasts, kissed my belly button and then she looked at me with the most beautiful, yet devious smile.

 

[nokraenom]

I was wondering if you guys out there can tell me what it would take from a woman for you to say that "she was the best you had ever had because she.........." What would it take for me to be someone's most memorable?

Eye contact, that is huge.

Touch, to often women let men do all the exploring, we enjoy the same type of attention in areas other than the obvious one ;p

Communicate, let him know what pleases you. A good man is highly aroused by his partner's pleasure.

Keep the lights on, the female body is arousing in all of its shapes and sizes.

But most importantly: Trust. The best you will ever have is with someone you care completely about.

 

[lonelychemist]

I feel better and better about men everyday, thanks to comments like these. And in turn, they make me feel better about myself.

Just thinking about looking, touching, talking and exploring has me excited right now. But that is nothing new. It seems I can get aroused by the least little stimulation. All day long...........gets in the way of concentrating on work. What can I do?

 

[Eric623]

Take a nice bubble bath, light some candles and let your fingers do the walking.

 

[Persephone36]

I feel better and better about men everyday, thanks to comments like these. And in turn, they make me feel better about myself.

Just thinking about looking, touching, talking and exploring has me excited right now. But that is nothing new. It seems I can get aroused by the least little stimulation. All day long...........gets in the way of concentrating on work. What can I do?

JOIN THE CLUB!!

Seriously -- *revel* in it -- realize you have no reason to be insecure in what you offer a lover...you offer him SO much more by being and enjoying yourself -- and him! And there are no special *techniques* required for that.

And the more you revel in who you are and your sexuality...the less likely you are to be alone for much longer.

Oh, and the concentrating part and what to do...*enjoy it!* And consider the fact that it should put a secret smile on your face. Look a few guys in the eyes with that smile on your face...they won't know what hit them.

 

[ronde]

Some of this has been said before but I will corroborate.

- Don't be afraid to respond to things that make you feel good, no matter what they might be. Dont try to sound like a porn star or he'll know you're faking. Just be yourself. Your response to what he is doing will drive your partner wild.

- Don't assume he knows what turns you on. Suggest what makes you feel good, or gently guide him to the right place. Face it, we men are pretty simple creatures, and sometimes need help. Even after a lot of experience, I'm still learning, so teach him what you like. You will respond more, and he'll love it.

- If you don't like his finger tickling your rosebud or doing something else that doesn't feel right, try very hard not to scream "Stop that". That almost always wilts the old tree, and he may really think you should love it. Instead, whisper or guide him to where you would like him to be.

- As has been said before, most men love to be touched. This doesn't mean you should yank away like you're pulling weeds (which happened to me once), just be gentle and show him you like the feel of his body. We like to be touched elsewhere also, just like you ladies.

- For the absolute best loving experience, you have to love your partner. The best sex in my life has not always ended in mutual orgasms, we didn't see stars or hear bells, and sometimes, even the sex was almost an afterthought (but not quite). Call me wierd if you want, but the true pleasure for me is in giving pleasure.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

2. Constantly touch him...especially during that awkward moment when putting on the condom

Alright, I've been told by a few people that i was the best they'd ever had.. and I've heard from these people's friends that they meant it. So, I can't say that I really am the best they've had, I'm going on some faith here.

to begin with, SnoManX mentioned touching your man while he's putting on the condom. My current SO and I put the condom on together. We use all 4 hands and lots of sensuality, and so there is no awkward moment, and he's even harder by the time it's on.

When I started having sex, I did so with the intention of being very good at it. Not just enjoying it, but becoming good so that my lovers would enjoy it as well. I am submissive, naturally, so I often asked what my partner wanted.

Recently, a girlfriend of mine was asking me for tips on giving oral sex to a man. She's only done it twice, and she wants to be good for her next time. The best advice I could give her was:
be honest.. say that you've not done this a lot, but that you want to please him. If he wants anything specific, ask him to guide you, with words or gentle motions, so that you get the idea. But pleasing him is the goal (with oral, anyway).

I decided that I would learn what my lovers like, and then I would learn to enjoy it. That involved a lot of 'opening my mind' (as well as my mouth), and I know that my lovers have appreciated it. I took up yoga to keep limber, and I began reading books and websites on technique. I don't just want to be good at one thing. I aimed to be good at everything. So I learned oral techniques, both for men and women (I'm bi). I've been lucky enough to have a lot of practice. (I have an oral fetish). When my first partner asked for anal sex, I read up on it (for risks and such), and then I agreed to it, cus it would make him happy, and I was willing to try it for him. Turns out, I happen to love it! When partners ask for different positions, I tried them, because that is what my partner wanted...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should be your bf's fuckdoll. Not at all. You are a human being with wants and desires, which need to be satisfied as well. But- there's always something to be said for a partner who's willing to please. And that goes for male and female partners.

I always revert back to one thing, though, if you're unsure: ask. Ask what he really enjoys.. or try something, and ask him if he's enjoying it. If he says no, then ask him what he'd like. If he says yes, then BINGO, you're in business.

 

[Persephone36]

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Alright, I've been told by a few people that i was the best they'd ever had.. and I've heard from these people's friends that they meant it. So, I can't say that I really am the best they've had, I'm going on some faith here.

to begin with, SnoManX mentioned touching your man while he's putting on the condom. My current SO and I put the condom on together. We use all 4 hands and lots of sensuality, and so there is no awkward moment, and he's even harder by the time it's on.

When I started having sex, I did so with the intention of being very good at it. Not just enjoying it, but becoming good so that my lovers would enjoy it as well. I am submissive, naturally, so I often asked what my partner wanted.

Recently, a girlfriend of mine was asking me for tips on giving oral sex to a man. She's only done it twice, and she wants to be good for her next time. The best advice I could give her was:
be honest.. say that you've not done this a lot, but that you want to please him. If he wants anything specific, ask him to guide you, with words or gentle motions, so that you get the idea. But pleasing him is the goal (with oral, anyway).

I decided that I would learn what my lovers like, and then I would learn to enjoy it. That involved a lot of 'opening my mind' (as well as my mouth), and I know that my lovers have appreciated it. I took up yoga to keep limber, and I began reading books and websites on technique. I don't just want to be good at one thing. I aimed to be good at everything. So I learned oral techniques, both for men and women (I'm bi). I've been lucky enough to have a lot of practice. (I have an oral fetish). When my first partner asked for anal sex, I read up on it (for risks and such), and then I agreed to it, cus it would make him happy, and I was willing to try it for him. Turns out, I happen to love it! When partners ask for different positions, I tried them, because that is what my partner wanted...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should be your bf's fuckdoll. Not at all. You are a human being with wants and desires, which need to be satisfied as well. But- there's always something to be said for a partner who's willing to please. And that goes for male and female partners.

I always revert back to one thing, though, if you're unsure: ask. Ask what he really enjoys.. or try something, and ask him if he's enjoying it. If he says no, then ask him what he'd like. If he says yes, then BINGO, you're in business.

Damn Vixen! Girl, you ARE good.

Really -- she just summed a lot of great advice. Print her post out, read it over every once in a while. I agree with everything she's said. And what's more -- I've known some satisfied men who would agree that I would naturally be agreeing with everything she wrote. Hehehehe.

P.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thank you, Persephone.. I gave all that advice thinking that people would throw it in my face.. glad to know someone finds it useful..

 

[Persephone36]

Thank you, Persephone.. I gave all that advice thinking that people would throw it in my face.. glad to know someone finds it useful..

Oh, I think people should know that it's not only useful -- it works and it's the truth!

But it took me until I reached my mid-thirties to realize all that. If people can learn it earlier -- YOWZA!!

By the way, Vixenshe -- you are *more* than welcome.

P.

 

[lonelychemist]

I want to be the best.....

Thanks for putting things in perspective, Vixen.

You and I are alike in the respect that I want to be the best I can be: from school (--years ago), to work, and now to sex. I think they call that being an "over-achiever". But in order to be good, don't you have to practice, practice, practice? And to practice, I guess I need to know the good moves.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

*bump* for Cirrus

 

[Jaded1]

Wow, you asked the mind blowing question of the century.....

Becoming a great lover takes time. I would recommend a book like the Kama Sutra by Sir Richard Burton can be found at your local Barnes and Noble. Another interesting book is Sensual Massage, The Joy of Touching by Susan Mumford. After all love making is all about seduction and sensuality. To excite your partner gently caress and tease your partners most sensitive area the mind. All pleasure is recorded in the brain the body is merely a series of sensors. It will be your touch, your lips, your tongue, your kiss, and your caress that will drive your partner's desire for you. Listen to your partner's requests. Your partner is trying to tell you what excite them. When you do find an area of your lover that send he or she bouncing off the walls remember it. There will be many times slow sensual teasing movements are best. Object is to heighten the sensitivity. Your aim is to take you partner to a new level of sexual excitement each time your together. Don't be affaid to explore your lover's body. Touching and soft caresses are very important. Never be affaid to experiment. You may be opening totally new areas of excitement and pleasure you never new existed. One of the greatest thing is no two lovers are identical. The fun is to find that maybe small insignificate thing the cause them to explored in exstacy. The rewards to you will be incredible. Most lovers enjoy returning the pleasure given. After all isn't all about extreme pleasure....

Jaded1, CT