How can I avoid being published?

[shereads]

People keep stealing my work and publishing it under their own names. I first noticed it years ago when my novel, "The Heretical Mr. Rose," appeared renamed "The Name of the Rose" and credited to Umberto Eco. There was no way to prove the story was mine, because Eco was damned clever at covering his tracks. First, he translated my manuscript into Italian. Then he had his publisher assign it to another translator to put it back into the original English. I have to admire his persistence; I didn't go to that much trouble writing the thing.

My vampire novel, "Thanks a Lot, Salem," made a fortune for Stephen King.

I originated the line, "I should sell the house," which appeared in the movie, "American Beauty" as the line that won Annette Bening an Academy Award nomination: "I will sell this house today."

Those were my high heels she wore while vacuuming the carpet.

A few years ago I wrote a story about visiting Paris and staying at the Hilton. Suddenly some bimbo heiress is calling herself Hilton N. Paris.

How have other authors handled this? I'm not hungry for wealth, but it's annoying to see other people get rich from my hard work. Except for Umberto Eco, who did at least add the Latin parts.

Edited to add: The killer monk was Eco's idea, too. That was cool. (My killer was Babette, a 19th century Parisian whore who suffered from amnesia.)

 

[rgraham666]

Write stuff where semiotic deconstruction reduces your story to "He cummed all over my face!"

 

[yui]

Someone named fuckysuckyasiangurrlslut33390 keeps stealing my stuff for pay porn sites. Your losses are much more impressive.

 

[NoJo]

People keep stealing my work and publishing it under their own names. I first noticed it years ago when my novel, "The Heretical Mr. Rose," appeared renamed "The Name of the Rose" and credited to Umberto Eco. There was no way to prove the story was mine, because Eco was damned clever at covering his tracks. First, he translated my manuscript into Italian. Then he had his publisher assign it to another translator to put it back into the original English. I have to admire his persistence; I didn't go to that much trouble writing the thing.

My vampire novel, "Thanks a Lot, Salem," made a fortune for Stephen King.

I originated the line, "I should sell the house," which appeared in the movie, "American Beauty" as the line that won Annette Bening an Academy Award nomination: "I will sell this house today."

Those were my high heels she wore while vacuuming the carpet.

A few years ago I wrote a story about visiting Paris and staying at the Hilton. Suddenly some bimbo heiress is calling herself Hilton N. Paris.

How have other authors handled this? I'm not hungry for wealth, but it's annoying to see other people get rich from my hard work. Except for Umberto Eco, who did at least add the Latin parts.

One of my stories was a ripoff of one of your posts, where you were in the oven with some glue. I changed the oven to the town of East Grinstead in Sussex, and the glue to a horse, and the joke of it is, you read the story, voted (four, I think), and didn't even catch on!

 

[shereads]

Write stuff where semiotic deconstruction reduces your story to "He cummed all over my face!"

Doesn't work. If I write, "I'm ccccccuuuuummmmiiinnngggg!!!!" it's just a matter of time before someone takes out the extra letters, deletes the eclamation points and uses my line in the climactic scene of a best-selling erotic novel.

 

[shereads]

One of my stories was a ripoff of one of your posts, where you were in the oven with some glue. I changed the oven to the town of East Grinstead in Sussex, and the glue to a horse, and the joke of it is, you read the story, voted (four, I think), and didn't even catch on!

You have me confused with someone else. I always one-bomb your stories.

 

[NoJo]

one bomb is plenty.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I wrote a lyric paean to my early days, when I was still learning my art, and what happened?

Rowland Barber, Norman Lear, Sidney Michaels, and Arnold Schulmando stole it — in alphabetical order — and produced a risque satire which they entitled, “The Night They Raided Minsky’s”

 

[shereads]

By the way, Joe, your sly use of my idea for a parcheesi-obsessed white slaver with a wheat allergy did not go unnoticed, just because you tweaked it a little for "A Woman of Edo."

 

[NoJo]

I have to admit I'm guilty of it too. I based my own real life story on the Mammy from Tom and Jerry.

 

[shereads]

I have to admit I'm guilty of it too. I based my own real life story on the Mammy from Tom and Jerry.

I borrowed heavily from the classic film, "It Happened One Night" in my rough draft for a pantyhose fetish story that later appeared almost rough-word-for-rough-word as Chapter 4 of the best-selling book, "Life of Pi." Great book, by the way.

 

[shereads]

The character of Michael Jackson is based on a scary dream about a clown that I had when I was three years old.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I borrowed heavily from the classic film, "It Happened One Night" in my rough draft for a pantyhose fetish story . . . .

That was obvious, once I understood the Walls of Jericho allusion.



Walt Disney stole the story of my life for his animated feature, “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs.”

The Apple Witch was my real life eighth grade teacher, but Walt had to clean up the dwarfs that I lived with. Motorcycle hoods haven’t really made successful subjects for a movie since “The Wild Angels.”

 

[shereads]

Walt Disney stole the story of my life for his animated feature, “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs.”

I know, Sneezy, and you've been brave about it. How is the new allergist working out?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I know, Sneezy, and you've been brave about it. How is the new allergist working out?

Thanks, but it's not really an allergy. It's the cocaine that is rapidly eating away my septum.

 

[cantdog]

I love this place, and you in it.

 

[Guest]

I miss sher.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I miss sher.

Ditto. And echo Cant's quote, "I love this place, and you in it."

 

[Stella_Omega]

She was one of the Usual Suspects.

It got to where she couldn't write anything-- not even about her house-- without the wingnuts screeching themselves hoarse at her.

So she left for Salon.com.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And that was a serious loss. I met her at Chicago last year and thought she was a complete sweetheart. Nobody should have to put up with abuse. Nobody!