How best to try this.....?????

[Maizie29]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and are both 28 years old (29 in a month or so) and have 2 kids. We have been through a lot in our relationship and are very open with each other about our likes and wants. We are very secure in our relationship and as I said have been through many hardships in our relatively short relationship. We know neither of us is going anywhere. I have a fantasy of MFM and he has every man's fantasy of FMF. Neither of us has a problem with either of these scenarios, or our participation in them, but we disagree on the details. He wants a stranger for both so that he wouldn't have to worry about seeing the person again, having it thrown in his face, the uncomfortable/embarassing moments of the days/weeks/months after, worrying about whether his performance will be as good as the other guys ( he has nothing to worry about, but worries anyway) etc. I want someone I know for both. Someone I feel secure with, someone I can trust, I feel that I know the personality/tendencies of and that I know I won't be any getting any horrid diseases from. This is our obstacle. And once we get over this, whichever way we decide to go, how do we go about it? Any suggestions, helpful stories, etc.?? I would really appreciate it.....

 

[sunandshadow]

How about someone you know but doesn't live nearby so you don't see them often?

 

[SweetErika]

He wants a stranger for both so that he wouldn't have to worry about seeing the person again, having it thrown in his face, the uncomfortable/embarassing moments of the days/weeks/months after, worrying about whether his performance will be as good as the other guys ( he has nothing to worry about, but worries anyway) etc. I want someone I know for both.

Have you considered getting to know potential candidates on your own? That way, they'd be a stranger to him, but not to you.

Someone I feel secure with, someone I can trust, I feel that I know the personality/tendencies of and that I know I won't be any getting any horrid diseases from.

You don't know that. EVER.

Even people we know well and trust completely can give us STIs. Think of all of the longtime spouses and significant others who get STIs from the partners they are absolutely positive are monogamous, healthy, use protection with others, etc.

Regular testing is a good idea, but it's far from a guarantee since false negatives, acquiring something between tests and cheating are always possibilities. Barriers are great, but plenty of people still get STIs while using them. Knowledge and trust are wonderful, but people lie and break our trust.

If you go into any kind of sexual relationship thinking your partner is safe/healthy, you may be very unpleasantly surprised (and possibly dead!). It's best to assume they have something you don't want and do everything reasonable to protect yourself while accepting the fact that you're putting yourself at risk with each instance of physical contact. It's true that the only safe sex is no sex (yes, even with our spouses).

And once we get over this, whichever way we decide to go, how do we go about it? Any suggestions, helpful stories, etc.?? I would really appreciate it.....

Have you already been through some of the other threads on threesomes? There have been some really excellent ones in the past.

 

[Maizie29]

Have you considered getting to know potential candidates on your own? That way, they'd be a stranger to him, but not to you.

No, I guess that really hadn't occurred to me actually.

You don't know that. EVER.

Even people we know well and trust completely can give us STIs. Think of all of the longtime spouses and significant others who get STIs from the partners they are absolutely positive are monogamous, healthy, use protection with others, etc.

Regular testing is a good idea, but it's far from a guarantee since false negatives, acquiring something between tests and cheating are always possibilities. Barriers are great, but plenty of people still get STIs while using them. Knowledge and trust are wonderful, but people lie and break our trust.

If you go into any kind of sexual relationship thinking your partner is safe/healthy, you may be very unpleasantly surprised (and possibly dead!). It's best to assume they have something you don't want and do everything reasonable to protect yourself while accepting the fact that you're putting yourself at risk with each instance of physical contact. It's true that the only safe sex is no sex (yes, even with our spouses).

You're right of course, and I know that, and I wouldn't be (nor would he be) unprotected, it's the emotional things that get me more I think. I need to know the personality, the PERSON, not just the cock size or what have you, you know??

Have you already been through some of the other threads on threesomes? There have been some really excellent ones in the past.

I've looked some, but haven't gotten too far. Still trying to find my way around. I tend to get pulled in other directions........LOL

 

[feliciacosmina]

It looks like you're not fully decided to do it yet!

 

[Maizie29]

It looks like you're not fully decided to do it yet!

What makes you say that?? I would do it tomorrow. I just have to have the right person and our versions of the right person aren't meshing. I'm not sure why you think I haven't decided to do it??

 

[Eilan]

My husband and I had a few MFM/MMF experiences about 4 1/2 years ago. I think he would have been perfectly happy if I'd just brought in some random person off the street, but he understands that I'm not wired that way. I guess the saying "If mama ain't happy, no one's happy" applies here!

If you're looking for another man, you'll probably have more offers than you can keep up with, but many of them will be all about instant gratification and won't want to take the time to get to know you a little better via email/IM/phone calls or be willing to meet in person before any sex occurs to discuss ground rules.

I hope that you and your husband can reach a compromise. Good luck to both of you.

 

[Maizie29]

Thank you Eilan If nothing else, you give me hope!

 

[Maizie29]

To the person who messaged me about the emotions of sharing, (don't want to name names since it was a PM after all) I am not ignoring you, but you need to change your options to accept PM's, not just send them......cause I can't answer you

 

[frisky-leo]

it's the emotional things that get me more I think. I need to know the personality, the PERSON, not just the cock size or what have you, you know??

I totally agree with you on this one. My SO and I have been considering a three some of one configuration or another for some time. While he would be happy with almost anyone, I want someone that I know I can 'mesh' with, dosent have to be someone that I long-term know.
SweetErika always gives great advice and her idea of you meeting the prospects youself is wonderful. I will have to keep this idea for myself as well.
Good luck on your hunt and play!