how about my story

[Guest]

"Fifth new school in the past three weeks," Blaine thinks to himself as he walks up the steps to his new school.
The halls are packed and he spots a girl with a tight leather skirt out of the corner of his eye. He grabs her instinctively shoving her against the locker. He begins to grind his body against her then starts to hump her dry. They both begin to moan and writh as he picks up speed fucking her hard as they both come close to cumming. They reach their climaxes he lets her go and lets back into his mind the sound of the crowd. A teacher grabs him by the arm and drags him in to the principals office.
"No wonder you can't ever stay in the same school," Principal Burly says slamming down on the table.




It would be a series potentially with this story idea. Of course it would be more detailed and in depth. Just want comments. I don't come here often because I don't have much time, but if the replies would mind emailing me their comments it would be greatly appreciated. kickboxergurl77@hotmail.com

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Time

It seems to me that if you have enough time to post here, then you have enough time to register and come here to read the replies. If you want confidential replies, just ask for them.

But as the story stands now: I've seen police reports that were more erotic.

All the best,
---dr.M.

 

[sirhugs]

Nicely put, Doc.

In addition, if 'unregistered' wants to play (s)he should register so the story can be posted. I often wonder about Forum folk who post partial stories for comment, whether here, at Story Ideas, or the Authour's Hangout, but never submit. Lit needs submissions daily, so we ought to encourage everyone to unleash their muse.

 

[SlickTony]

To begin with, her characters need development, and furthermore, she needs an editor...

 

[weed]

Jeez....give a girl a break. So she doesn't come here often and hasn't registered. She's got a story idea she wants to get feelers on. Obviously if she decides to go with her concept and submit it to Lit she will have to register. She left her addy....she's not hiding or something.



Welcome, kickboxergurl, hopefully you will want to come back and play....your theme you have draughted here has potential but would need some development. I can see a series but only if you develop the characters enough to carry it through. Isolated adolescent quickies in themselves won't be very entertaining. And please, I hope you make sure it's understood that these are not minors.

Good luck!!!

 

[PaulX35]

Kickboxergurl,

Writing good erotica is not easy. Even a great idea need not always produce a great story, let alone a series of stories.
And while your idea is not totally without potential, you'd have to come up with a bit more than just this to trigger any serious response from a forum like this.
We're happy to discuss ideas, as long as there's stuff to chew on. So why don't you give us a little more idea-wise?
So far, we have a character who seems very successful in switching schools. He also appears to possess an offensive sexual drive.

Now use your imagination. Convince us why we should read on from here. Tickle the imagination of the reader.
It's not easy, especially not with story-concepts that do not generate immediate appeal. And yours is in that category. So it's you who has to paint the picture that tickles us.

We're a pretty imaginative and creative bunch of minds here. You can make better use of us than you did with this post, but that might be inexperience.

I wish you good luck,

Paul