Hotwife Again

[WolfKry]

Okay, so I'm in my second marriage and we are really happy. We love each other very much. (I know it'll likely come up even though it is not directly related to this post. My first wife died several years ago, and I have re-married.)

My current wife is rather vanilla when it comes to sex. My first wife, however, was the one that introduced me to a lot of kinks I currently have. She was a bisexual hotwife. So, here's the problem. I miss having a hotwife.

Should I suggest this to my current wife? How do I even bring up such a sensitive subject? Should I just let her be her own self and sacrifice my kinky fantasy? Am I being selfish to suggest to her to be a hotwife? Am I hanging on to memories of my late wife too much?

 

[sixfoot4]

One tiny tiny step at a time, initially just the two of you, trying new things together...with your antennae full on receive!

 

[Rob_Royale]

Discussing kinks and fetishes is dating 101. If you're just doing it now, you are behind. However any sort of "I want to watch you get fucked by the UPS driver" is a bit of a bomb. Go slow. Ask her about her sexual fantasies while telling her that nothing will make you love her less.

And yes, you very well might have to give up on the fantasy, you had it before and it's in the past. Move on.

 

[Wife4MMF]

I'm not sure if you're right. It well may be the case that ,for a lot of couples, bringing up fantasies late in the relationship will never lead to them being actually realised. They remain fantasies. But in our case, I didn't really start telling my now husband anything about my previous boyfriends/lovers until a couple of years into our marriage. He was obviously curious and I know aroused when, one evening, I told him that someone we had seen reminded me of a particular boyfriend and especially the great sex we used to have. He asked me to tell him more and, of course, that night, we had non-stop sex! This was the start of everything. My husband opened up aout his fantasies & desires and I told him more about my previous sex life and particularly about my favourite ex.

 

[policywank]

If you want to discuss this with her I suggest that you make it about your kinks and your past experiences - not what you want her to do. If it is something that interests her she will obviously infer that you would be supportive of her becoming a hotwife. But if it is not something that interests you don't want her to feel any pressure to do so just to please you. And as is often the case with a hotwife it may take time for her to internalize and embrace the possibilities. She needs time and space to do that and you want her to embrace it because it is something that she wants.

If you make it about expressing your kinks and experiences there is less likelihood that she will get uncomfortable. Then the question becomes whether or not you think that she will be judgmental. If her response might be to judge you negatively for having this desire then you need to go slow. Introduce kinks in small increments starting with mild stuff so that you can see how she responds and, if necessary, back off before you drop a bomb on her that might permanently change her view of you. If she is less judgmental but just not very adventurous herself you can go much faster as long as she doesn't feel pressured to engage in these activities herself.

It is unfortunate that some people just can't accept their partner having certain kink - I wish I didn't have to even comment on the possibility but it is real. But there are also lots of people who are fairly vanilla themselves while being very accepting of other people's preferences. As a hot wife I see this all the time. There are people who do or would look askance at me for my lifestyle while others who are just as vanilla and unwilling to be non-monogamous who find it interesting and fascinating.

 

[KinkStevens]

Discussing kinks and fetishes is dating 101. If you're just doing it now, you are behind. However any sort of "I want to watch you get fucked by the UPS driver" is a bit of a bomb. Go slow. Ask her about her sexual fantasies while telling her that nothing will make you love her less.

And yes, you very well might have to give up on the fantasy, you had it before and it's in the past. Move on.

Spot on

 

[bimale1980ca]

I can relate to not being sure what to say or do about those ideas. My wife is super conservative but before she and I met we both were virgins. She was 100% she doesn't know that I experimented a time or two trading bjs with guys or have become more into and have a coupe fwb (men I met since married she thinks are just freinds) If you had been married before and other encounters, unlike me, you could try softly and slow bringing up that you miss some aspects of your previous marriage and sex life.

 

[Islander55]

I think the key is to go slow and do not push. Perhaps discuss some fantasies or maybe share some stories from Lit and see what interests both of you. If she is up to it, maybe some porn that can get a discussion started. The key is to talk about it without pushing or judging. I don't think most men realize that women get just as horny as men. We do have to hide it better.

 

[twister947]

If you want a cheater, marry one.

 

[MarkSilver]

Okay, so I'm in my second marriage and we are really happy. We love each other very much. (I know it'll likely come up even though it is not directly related to this post. My first wife died several years ago, and I have re-married.)

My current wife is rather vanilla when it comes to sex. My first wife, however, was the one that introduced me to a lot of kinks I currently have. She was a bisexual hotwife. So, here's the problem. I miss having a hotwife.

Should I suggest this to my current wife? How do I even bring up such a sensitive subject? Should I just let her be her own self and sacrifice my kinky fantasy? Am I being selfish to suggest to her to be a hotwife? Am I hanging on to memories of my late wife too much?

I'm really not one to be giving advice as I have screwed up most if not all relationships I've had with women and may be in the process of doing it again. If you are happy in your marriage count your blessings. You don't want your good missus viewing your fantasy or ex as a threat. It has to be all about her. Thread carefully, it's a minefield.

 

[cheney_dude_2022]

I think the key is to go slow and do not push. Perhaps discuss some fantasies or maybe share some stories from Lit and see what interests both of you. If she is up to it, maybe some porn that can get a discussion started. The key is to talk about it without pushing or judging. I don't think most men realize that women get just as horny as men. We do have to hide it better.

I am curious, Islander55, why you make the statement of "We do have to hide it better."??

What makes you say that statement?

 

[Islander55]

I am curious, Islander55, why you make the statement of "We do have to hide it better."??

What makes you say that statement?

Probably not an accurate statement but I do think most women do not want friends and neighbors to think of them as sluts. I know I like to keep my private life private and work at not being too obvious about my lifestyle choices.

 

[JohnCash123]

Subscribing so I can see how this goes. Trying to ask my wife to be "hot" too

 

[live4thebj]

Okay, so I'm in my second marriage and we are really happy. We love each other very much. (I know it'll likely come up even though it is not directly related to this post. My first wife died several years ago, and I have re-married.)

My current wife is rather vanilla when it comes to sex. My first wife, however, was the one that introduced me to a lot of kinks I currently have. She was a bisexual hotwife. So, here's the problem. I miss having a hotwife.

Should I suggest this to my current wife? How do I even bring up such a sensitive subject? Should I just let her be her own self and sacrifice my kinky fantasy? Am I being selfish to suggest to her to be a hotwife? Am I hanging on to memories of my late wife too much?

We love the ones we choose to be with for who they are. If you need something missing go elsewhere.

I was married to an ugly fat woman. But she kept me satisfied with constant blowjobs and a lot of sex. I married thinking with my dick.

Then I got divorced and had a lot of fun. I been with okay looking woman to hot woman. I could have stayed with woman that would suck and fuck me daily but I didn’t. I stopped thinking with my dick and started thinking with my heart.

I am now in a 12 year relationship. We used to fuck a lot but that slowed down a lot in the last few years. But I have no regrets and while it was nice being with woman fucking you like they are a porn star in a movie I wanted more and I got that.

So stop thinking with your dick and think with your heart. If you are not in this marriage for who they are then move on. Don’t try to change her. Accept her or bail.

 

[Ravinder40]

Okay, so I'm in my second marriage and we are really happy. We love each other very much. (I know it'll likely come up even though it is not directly related to this post. My first wife died several years ago, and I have re-married.)

My current wife is rather vanilla when it comes to sex. My first wife, however, was the one that introduced me to a lot of kinks I currently have. She was a bisexual hotwife. So, here's the problem. I miss having a hotwife.

Should I suggest this to my current wife? How do I even bring up such a sensitive subject? Should I just let her be her own self and sacrifice my kinky fantasy? Am I being selfish to suggest to her to be a hotwife? Am I hanging on to memories of my late wife too much?

Change previous sex positions......

 

[bimale1980ca]

Change previous sex positions......

I can understand your desires to want some of the fun you has before

 

[KentBloke]

I had a ex who was game for anything. We were very active in a, group of singers and explored our sexualities frequently.
The woman I am married to is now disabled by motor neurone diease, has no sex drive and is deteriorating before my eyes. We will celebrate 30 years msrtiage later this year BTW.
She would have followed Mrs Bobbit's example if I had ever suggested her and other men or me and other women when we were younger.
But I am still here, caring for her and have some amazing memories of my previous life. She has repeatedly told me to leave her and to find someone with whom I can "have a life"... but I refuse every time!
The decision as I see it is... do you want your previous life or the woman who sleeps next to you every night!?

 

[desire30]

As someone above said, this should all have been discussed long before walking down the aisle again. But that ship has sailed, so the only important question is how to proceed. People are different and the methods that worked for some may not work for you. Hopefully you know her well enough to choose the right approach.

As I see it, there are 3 possibilities.

1) Go slow. This would involve "discovering" things along with her so she doesn't think you're pushing her to "be like your ex." If the subject of what the ex did or didn't do comes up, you might have to modify the truth a little to keep things on course. I don't love this approach because it will be painfully slow and might require some deception.

2) Just say it. Quick, honest, and potentially risky. I favor this one because of the women I've been with. They would appreciate it and react well to it. This one involves a discussion of "things we both like/want/fantasize" and could lead to some interesting things. This is the conversation you should have had early on, and I would use that as the intro. "Y'know, when we were dating, we never really talked much about our sexual desires. Maybe we ought to now..."

3) Say nothing. Since the conversation wasn't had earlier, I suspect you had reason to think she wouldn't be receptive. If that's the case, there's probably no reason for her to be more receptive to new ideas now that you are "locked down." You may be stuck with fond memories of the past. If so, bear it with dignity and honor.

And for all you single people reading this. If you want to have a kinky/pervy marriage... the best way to accomplish it is to marry someone who is already kinky and pervy. It's certainly possible to pervert a vanilla person. After all, you are offering them pleasure and excitement. But it's so much easier if they're already on the path. Marry the kinky slut. You won't regret it.

I agree # 3 is the way to go

 

[Hornyhusband2017]

I'm sort of in the same boat only my wife isn't exactly vanilla but values to vows to our marriage so much so as to not have any desire to be intimate with another man. She has had threesomes in the past, FFM, but apparently got burned each time . I've told her my desire but have yet to succeed in getting her to even try it once. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Scotchlander]

If you want a cheater, marry one.

It’s not cheating if the husband consents to it, joins in, or even just watches.

 

[Justfantasies]

It’s not cheating if the husband consents to it, joins in, or even just watches.

Sometimes genuine cheating can be a turn on

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

I had a ex who was game for anything. We were very active in a, group of singers and explored our sexualities frequently.
The woman I am married to is now disabled by motor neurone diease, has no sex drive and is deteriorating before my eyes. We will celebrate 30 years msrtiage later this year BTW.
She would have followed Mrs Bobbit's example if I had ever suggested her and other men or me and other women when we were younger.
But I am still here, caring for her and have some amazing memories of my previous life. She has repeatedly told me to leave her and to find someone with whom I can "have a life"... but I refuse every time!
The decision as I see it is... do you want your previous life or the woman who sleeps next to you every night!?

Good luck brother. You are honorable.

 

[Lugnut59]

It all depends on the kind of relationship you have. With my first wife, even tickling around the subject would've brought on a screaming argument. Plus, we never had a deep, sharing sort of relationship in the first place.

My second wife . . . talking and sharing with her was different right from the very start. Much deeper and closer. For us it started with some hot and hotter pillow talk after sex. Fast forwarding, she was my hotwife off and on for almost 20 years. Just wonderful, hot fun. It takes the right blend of personalities to make it happen, though. It's not going to work for everybody.

 

[Goddess_of_Sunshine]

Okay, so I'm in my second marriage and we are really happy. We love each other very much. (I know it'll likely come up even though it is not directly related to this post. My first wife died several years ago, and I have re-married.)

My current wife is rather vanilla when it comes to sex. My first wife, however, was the one that introduced me to a lot of kinks I currently have. She was a bisexual hotwife. So, here's the problem. I miss having a hotwife.

Should I suggest this to my current wife? How do I even bring up such a sensitive subject? Should I just let her be her own self and sacrifice my kinky fantasy? Am I being selfish to suggest to her to be a hotwife? Am I hanging on to memories of my late wife too much?

Yes, let her be her own self. And whatever you do, do not compare your current wife to your ex, or tell her what your ex used to do that you want her to start doing.

 

[bobsyouruncle55]

As someone above said, this should all have been discussed long before walking down the aisle again. But that ship has sailed, so the only important question is how to proceed. People are different and the methods that worked for some may not work for you. Hopefully you know her well enough to choose the right approach.

As I see it, there are 3 possibilities.

1) Go slow. This would involve "discovering" things along with her so she doesn't think you're pushing her to "be like your ex." If the subject of what the ex did or didn't do comes up, you might have to modify the truth a little to keep things on course. I don't love this approach because it will be painfully slow and might require some deception.

2) Just say it. Quick, honest, and potentially risky. I favor this one because of the women I've been with. They would appreciate it and react well to it. This one involves a discussion of "things we both like/want/fantasize" and could lead to some interesting things. This is the conversation you should have had early on, and I would use that as the intro. "Y'know, when we were dating, we never really talked much about our sexual desires. Maybe we ought to now..."

3) Say nothing. Since the conversation wasn't had earlier, I suspect you had reason to think she wouldn't be receptive. If that's the case, there's probably no reason for her to be more receptive to new ideas now that you are "locked down." You may be stuck with fond memories of the past. If so, bear it with dignity and honor.

And for all you single people reading this. If you want to have a kinky/pervy marriage... the best way to accomplish it is to marry someone who is already kinky and pervy. It's certainly possible to pervert a vanilla person. After all, you are offering them pleasure and excitement. But it's so much easier if they're already on the path. Marry the kinky slut. You won't regret it.

and maybe he'll just have to face facts his wife might not want to become a hot wife and is happy being
a one man woman.