Hot and Bothered

[madamecasanova]

My name is Geri and I'm a twenty-three year old college student. I've been single for nine months. Yes, this also means I haven't had sex for nine months. I used to jump to the possibility of a one-night stand, but it just doesn't seem to be happening anymore.

Let's flashback here for a moment. Two years ago I started losing weight. I started at 300+ lbs and needless to say I've lost 150 lbs thus far. I'm told that I'm beautiful, funny, blah blah blah. I have two degrees, two dogs, a great job. I'm funny [sarcastically of course]. Intelligent.. SINGLE.

I'm at a loss here. If I were lesbian, I'd be all over myself. I'm 5'4, 38D, 147 lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes, pierced. I'm self-sustaining and I like to have fun.

I had more dates when I weighed three hundred pounds. Now I'm told that men won't confront me because I'm "intimidating". Okay, from the guys out there - what exactly does that mean? Or heck, if the ladies could oblige as well it would be appreciated.

TIA
Geri Bear

 

[ShyGuy68]

Hi Geri, and welcome to Lit. I can see you are jumping right in here, and I do hope you'll have a good time here.

Via your profile I went and looked at your homepage and your yahoo profile page, and from what I can see, the people who tell you that you look great, are right. I saw a very beautiful face, which is one of the things I go after.

I know from myself, that I often don't approach good looking women, because my self esteem isn't to high, so I don't see a reason to put myself in a situation where I most likely will be turned down.

 

[Henry]

My name is Geri and I'm a twenty-three year old college student. I've been single for nine months. Yes, this also means I haven't had sex for nine months. I used to jump to the possibility of a one-night stand, but it just doesn't seem to be happening anymore.

Let's flashback here for a moment. Two years ago I started losing weight. I started at 300+ lbs and needless to say I've lost 150 lbs thus far. I'm told that I'm beautiful, funny, blah blah blah. I have two degrees, two dogs, a great job. I'm funny [sarcastically of course]. Intelligent.. SINGLE.

I'm at a loss here. If I were lesbian, I'd be all over myself. I'm 5'4, 38D, 147 lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes, pierced. I'm self-sustaining and I like to have fun.

I had more dates when I weighed three hundred pounds. Now I'm told that men won't confront me because I'm "intimidating". Okay, from the guys out there - what exactly does that mean? Or heck, if the ladies could oblige as well it would be appreciated.

TIA
Geri Bear

Hi Geri and Welcome to Lit.....

I have never taken looks of a women over personality - but you sound like a complete package to me.

My self esteem and worth value is low, hence i would be a little afraid to approach you if i saw you at a bar.

Typical thing for me maybe to send a drink your way or something similar.

Hope some of this makes sense...

Henry....

 

[Bobmi357]

Perhaps you should rethink how and where you are meeting potential partners. This is something that always amazes me about people. They meet some slime in a particular place, and when they finally break it off, they go right back to the same place and meet another clown. And then they go through the same routine over and over again.

If you are having problems meeting potential partners, then THINK ABOUT other places you could meet them. Places tend to attract classes of people. If the place you currently enjoy doesn't have the right kind of guy, then you better start looking elsewhere for him.

I firmly believe there is at least ONE someone for everyone, you just have to keep looking til you find them.

 

[I_Edwards]

Beautiful women intimidate men.

It's a fact. I'll shout something like "Call me!" at an attractive lady (all in jest) and almost any friend that I'm with will find it funny, but not have the courage to do the same.

I'm sorry to say it, but perhaps men have the idea that a prettier woman will be harder to please and keep, and someone who is larger is therefore easier to approach and engage?

Pretty girls have guys hitting on them all day long, and usually its only jerks and severely drunk men have the balls to try it on, and then it's only things like, Lets go to bed, or, Nice rack. Things that focus solely on sex. So pretty girls undeservedly get a rep for being "ice queens" or "snobs" when really the nice guy isn't even giving it a shot; then when he does, Pretty Girl thinks "Oh no, not another jerk/drunkard" and it takes awhile for a guy to break through, and if he says "I think you're really pretty"... well, it's been done by many a jerk before you, and a jerk line equals a jerk right?

(Another issue may be, well, when you're hot, the pressure's on because you have a rep for being hot, leading to insecurities, which leads to that unapproachable exterior. A surprisingly high number of really attractive girls are really insecure and shy)

I find that women with somewhat larger figures are sexier for a start - you know, voluptuous curves and all that, lovin' it - but mostly, have better and more enjoyable personalities.

Go out and get 'em.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

This may be way off base

but what is wrong with you asking the guy out? One of my favorite pieces of advice is this, "Go forth and be Bold!" You have nothing to lose. If you are worried about rejection, Well then you will better understand what the guys are going through. However there isnt' any guy that I know that would not be attracted to a woman that was confident enought to ask him out. I hope that makes sense.

Sometime things sound really good in my head but my fingers screw it up when typing!

Holden

 

[wishbone96]

You sound interesting-can't say whether I would be intimidated or not as lot depends on the demeanor of the woman I approach-A lot of times she wears an expression that says " don't even try" or "buzz off"-I really hate rejection so I pick my battles carefully-
Oklahoma City huh?-I am not too far away-just across the river- maybe we could hook up if your interested.

 

[Carnus]

There could be lots of things. I could say tell me where you are and I will come take you on a date, have sex with you and then write you a small review of the event, but hat would be rather presumtuous. I think others are right, take a look at where you are trying to meet people. I have a feeling if a woman who looks like you describe yourself to (feel free to post pictures here too) would be around me I would most likely do my best to get you on a date. But that is just me. Seriously though, look at the places you choose to find people and see if maybe you are now older or in some other way seperate from that group.

Carnus

 

[Icingsugar]

Flirt. Don't wait to be swept off your feet. Go ahead and sweep some lucky bastard off his feet.

I can only speak from my own exprerience with the sensationally attractive. And the best example of this would be how my current (and hopefully last ever) girlfriend and I got together.

We met by coincidence, and I was totally dumbstruck by her looks. And because I was convinced that a girl like her must be able to do much better than a slightly bland, slightly overweight and only moderately successful man like myself, I dared not approach her for more than some polite chit-chat. Luckilly, she had other plans, tracked me down a few weeks later and practically ordered me to date her.

We men are cowards. Especially the Nice Guys Finish Last breed. Men are also territorial, especially when it comes to their significant others. We go for what we think are the safe bets, those girls that we think we won't have to defend from too many other wooers.

But I assure you, that if you scout out a good candidate, and are upright enough about being interrested, very few would resist you simply because you look good. And like HoldenMcCrank said, nothing is more attractive than confidence and some good natured boldness.

 

[ReadyOne]

Pick a guy.

Tell yourself that you're his firend and that you've know each other for ages and that he can do no wrong.

Now go sit with him, and just let yourself go into the role. Be very sympatico.

After he relaxes (which shouldn't take long) you can start doing the get to know you thing and decide if you want to go sit somewhere else.

It's breaking the inaproachability barrier so you can start communications.

 

[Bobmi357]

I have to wonder about the women that continually pick the wrong type of guy. During my life I've had a number of women that have treated me like a brother and revealed intimate details about their intimate lives. I've watched them go from slimeball to slimeball, pointed it out to them and still watched them get emotionally hurt, bruised, beaten, walked on. I've watched daughters of friends repeat the patterns of Momma. And frankly I don't understand it....

I've watched beautiful women waste their lives on married men that had no intention of getting a divorce, on heavy drinkers, on emotional and physical abusers. You'd think that one exposure to such people would make them swear off those types forever, but it doesn't. What is it about some people that they instinctively seek out the wrong kind of person?

 

[madamecasanova]

Where I meet my guys...

Yea, I have to admit that at times I guess I could seem like a snob, but I'm really not. As for meeting guys - well, I hang out with my gay male friends a lot and hit the drag shows, or sometimes I'll just go to a party and have a few drinks. Yea yea yea, I won't lie - I go out and get wasted too!

However, I work at a university and that is exactly the type of place I want to meet a guy. I'm a tutor and I always have that fantasy that the stud o' mah dreams is gonna walk through the door and ask me for "private lessons".. jokingly of course, but ohhhh how I love humor.

Believe me, I've been around the block with the jerks at the bars and I make it an option to only befriend any men I meet at such said areas. Why? Because I will sit there, look at them and wonder, "Now, is he asking me out because he's had too many drinks that he thinks he may be asking out a grandmother? A dog? A three headed mule?" Or, I'll ask myself, "Yea, he's funny when he's drunk but I bet he's an ass when he's sober."

Honestly - I like the nerds with the firm, wiry builds. My computer geeks with the glasses, the scruffy beards trying to grow in, the computer jargon and stuff like that. But they never talk to me, and when I go and speak to them, they always look away like I'm some sort of monster.

I can only push so far before I start to look desperate. LOL

Thanks guys - you've been so much help. My girlfriends up at the college wanted to hear some of your answers. Apparently I'm not the only woman to ever hear that I'm "intimidating."

 

[Bobmi357]

Re: Where I meet my guys...

Honestly - I like the nerds with the firm, wiry builds. My computer geeks with the glasses, the scruffy beards trying to grow in, the computer jargon and stuff like that. But they never talk to me, and when I go and speak to them, they always look away like I'm some sort of monster.

I can only push so far before I start to look desperate. LOL

Thanks guys - you've been so much help. My girlfriends up at the college wanted to hear some of your answers. Apparently I'm not the only woman to ever hear that I'm "intimidating." [/B]

OK this is something I CAN talk about from experience, since I have been a card carrying nerd for a long long time. I was one of the first nerds. In fact I met Bill Gates at a byte shop in NYC when he was part of a fledging Microsoft company, hawking a basic to all the other nerds.

Nerds are sex maniacs! We're perverts. BUT you have to break through the shell. If you don't, the poor nerd will lose billions of sperm in the palm of his hand because he is afraid of you. Yes, he's terrified of women, his insecurity about woman gives him solid foundation to build his nerd career.

If you do manage to break through his shell, hold onto your panties because you'll awaken a monster that will love for hours, then play computer RPG's all night long, then want to make love again.

Nerds are strange people. We tune the world out when we're programming. A nerd in program mode will ignore you giving him a blowjob, but the moment that bug is killed and the code is in the can, watch out! He'll be all over you like an octopus on speed.

We tend to walk around muttering to ourselves, frequently need silence for work or take a walk just to air out our minds and get a fresh view of our programming problem. But our ultimate goal is to kill the bug, then celebrate by jumping your bones.

So if you want to see what life is like with a nerd, you have to take the first step.

Signed
A Nerd since 1974 and proud of it.

 

[CWatson]

*points to Bobmi*
Exactly what he said. Though I haven't exactly been a nerd for that long 'cause I haven't been alive that long...

Geri, from the way you post, I can tell that you're the sort of person who knows what she wants and will pursue it. That's good. I, as a nerd, wish I could do that. But, since I'm a nerd, I can't.

The nerd philsophy is almost completely opposite--if we see something we want, we're almost sure we can't get it. We just don't have the confidence to jump up and grab something by the throat and wrestle it to the ground. The best we can do is maybe throw pebbles or something.

Confidence scares us, because we don't have it and don't understand it. Maybe the dictionary definition of "nerd" should have to do with that lack of confidence.

So here's your key, again drawn from bobmi's brilliant analysis:

if you want to see what life is like with a nerd, you have to take the first step.

We respect people who will go for what they want. It is easy to make us feel threatened, so you'll have to tone yourself down a bit--think of your average nerd as more of a shy, frightened kitten than a scruffy lion. But make it obvious what you're interested in. We do respond to direct statements; we're just really easy to terrify.

Good luck. The world needs more women who like nerds.


~CWatson
(card-carrying underconfident person)

 

[BirdsWife]

What is it about some people that they instinctively seek out the wrong kind of person?

Because, for whatever reason, they have a low sense of self-worth and don't feel that they deserve the happiness being with the right person would bring them.

 

[Bobmi357]

*points to Bobmi*
Exactly what he said. Though I haven't exactly been a nerd for that long 'cause I haven't been alive that long...

Oh sure rub it in.... Hell, they called the microcomputer revolution, but I remember it well, I was there in the trenches, having owned computers like the Altair 8080 and the Cosmac ELF, I drooled over the photos in Byte Magazine for the SOL 1 computer, and could read my Imsai 8080 front panel from 60 feet away (The leds were huge on that sucker). I remember attending a Long Island Computer Association meeting where we went gaga over some guy that managed to do a full floating point multiplication routine in less than 60 bytes of code. I remember a guest editorial in Byte by Sol Libes that said if you can't do it in less than 8K of memory, it wasn't worth doing!!!

While other kids my age were busy dating and running down to the local lovers lane to get laid. I was building computers and programming. I didn't discover girls til AFTER I graduated from college.

Ah... those were fun days....

We now return you to your regularily scheduled pervert session.

 

[madamecasanova]

Soooo close...

I went into work today all dressed up, ready to get the show underway on "catching a nerd - part one". I'd like to think of it as a pre-Debbie Does Dallas sort of act, but anyways....

We were so busy today and I have read all of the ideas and statements and, yes, I put them to good use. Since I get to stand in a little glass box and watch over my section of testers, giving them orders and whatnot, I made eye contact with as many of those fineeeeee nerds as I could. I would wink and smile and my coworkers thought I was joking - I quickly let them in on my experiment.. well, my wants and determination.

When it was time for some to come in and some to go out, I was sure that I was the one to work the front. And the outcome of today....

Nothing. I flirted, I winked, I licked my lips, I did my little waves, and I offered cleavage. I got a few frightened faces - but mostly blushing and looking away. You were right!! They are like shy little kittens. And here I am.. an aggressive LEO!

But, some good news for the day. After conversing with some of my closest female friends at work, I have found out there 4 out of 5 look for nerds/find them attractive. Hey! We are products of the 80's! Some of our first sexual experiences while watching movies was to "Revenge of the Nerds".

I even found out that my 50 year old supervisor prefers "Boogers" over "Fabios". Can you imagine that?

So while some women might not know what they are missing in a nerd - the nerds definitely don't know what they are missing with one of us nerdseeking ladies!

 

[ReadyOne]

Need some way to get the word passed that you are serious. Perhaps coworkers could let it drop?

Move them across the line form "she just playing with us" to "she's actually going to pick one of us" and see what competition starts!

 

[CWatson]

Re: Soooo close...

Originally posted by madamecasanova
After conversing with some of my closest female friends at work, I have found out there 4 out of 5 look for nerds/find them attractive.

YESSS! YEESSSSS! AFFIRMATION! Picked the right path after all WHOOHOO!!
*dance*
...Oh crap, I just knocked my glasses off my face.
*scrabble*

Err. ahem. Anyway.

Originally posted by ReadyOne
Need some way to get the word passed that you are serious.

I think that's a going to be major. We nerds tend to laugh off our dreams, since we don't think we can fulfill them. To some extent, the categories of "What I Want" and "What I Can Actually Get" are mutually exclusive. So you really need to convince them that you belong in both categories.


~CWatson
(trying to be helpful without dislodging his glasses)