Hoping for feedback

[evil_from_cssa]

So since I joined I've posted 5 stories. I hope you guys like them and I'm basically begging for feedback here.

All in the celeb section :

Alternative Therapy starring bridgit mendler and Debby Ryan

Happy 25th starring aj Michalka

Passion over the Atlantic starring Sasha Banks

Who owns you part 1 starring zendaya

Who owns you part 2 starring kat graham

Thanks

 

[sr71plt]

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=3464194

 

[8letters]

Your English isn't very good.
From your story "Happy 25th":

"There you are." The smiling face of AJ Michalka said she we hugged.

I had just gotten off of work and she had finished her birthday party at the bar where I worked at on the Sunset Strip.

"Where you headed doll?" I asked, trying to sound like Humphrey Bogart, AJ giggled.

"Um, mom and Aly are heading home but I'm still ready to go. What are you up for?" AJ asked, I was stunned when she had invited me to come out and celebrate with her.

"I dunno, what's even open right now?" I said shrugging.

"We'll figure something out." AJ said as her mom Carrie and sister Aly drove off in their car leaving AJ and I to find out own fun at 2am.

Correct English:

"There you are," said AJ Michalka with a smile. We hugged.

I had just gotten off of work and she had finished her birthday party at the bar where I worked at on the Sunset Strip.

"Where you headed, doll?" I asked, trying to sound like Humphrey Bogart. AJ giggled.

"Um, Mom and Aly are heading home but I'm still ready to go. What are you up for?" AJ asked.

I was stunned that she would invite me to come out and celebrate with her.

"I dunno. What's even open right now?" I said shrugging.

"We'll figure something out," AJ said. Her mom Carrie and sister Aly drove off in their car, leaving AJ and me to find our own fun at 2am.

Then you have a logic problem:

"Well this is a bust." AJ said driving down a nearly deserted road. Los Angeles much like a lot of cities shut down in the middle of the night.

"Well, now what?" I asked as I sat back in the passenger seat.

"I guess my place, I've got some beers." AJ said starting up her car again and drivng toward the valley.

How is she driving down the road if she needs to start her car?

Then I have a hard time figuring out the relationship between AJ and the narrator. At first, I thought he was just a bartender working at the bar where she decided to celebrate her 25th birthday. In the next section, they sound like old friends. Without that context, the story is hard to follow.