Honesty not Fantasy about Cuckolding

[Cardinal]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Slippery slope! But intriguing!

 

[MikeForYourWife]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

Have you and your wife tried role playing in the bedroom? Maybe add a dildo as her “boyfriend”. I have had relationships with couples online where chatting with the wife has helped them return to a sexual relationship. I would recommend these before entering the lifestyle.

The physical aspects of the cuckold lifestyle are small compared to the mental aspects. The “slutwife” scenario is actually easier to navigate because it is mostly physical.

When you look at an emotional connection it gets more complicated. How can you ask 2 people to create a romantic bond and not expect them to want to be together on a more permanent basis.

 

[Himileage]

This about sex not love so make sure you both agree about that and make sure you talk about that fact before and after. It has to be about sex and nothing more.

 

[LMWM321]

Oh please only honest feed back.

Honest feedback?

Before opening your marriage, you and your wife should see a sex therapist, together. A therapist will share with you what they have learned from other couples who have done this, including consequences you probably never even considered. And they will know what questions you both need to answer before taking such a huge leap.

I'm not saying that allowing your wife to have NSA sex with other men is certain to ruin your marriage, but it certainly could. What you need is an opinion from an expert who is qualified to assess the strength and durability of your relationship - not the opinion of (mostly) horny old dudes on a kink website who see only the kinky upside to other peoples decisions.

Good luck.

 

[BillyWalrus]

horny old dudes on a kink website who see only the kinky upside to other peoples decisions.

Nailed it on that one!

 

[J_Bone]

The age old phrase be careful what you wish for leaps to mind. Not that it's a doomsday, but it's not always like all the stuff we read here on lit, much of which is bullshit.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

If 'Honesty' is what you want, then you will have to stop treating the cuckold lifestyle as something more than a joke. You will first have to have a serious discussion about her taking on a boyfriend for sex. Both of you will have to be honest and open with each other about your expectations and limits. Remember this is not only about your thoughts on the matter. Be prepared for her to have her own set of desires, which may, or may not, align with yours.

You have written that "she would want gentle, loving, care with a man." Do not take this for granted. Maybe that is what she wants from you, but from another man, she may want "wild, lustful, fucking." This is about "real" sharing of your ideas, and hers, not just what you think she would like. When I first discovered my wife's texts with an old b/f of hers, I was shocked to read the dirty, nasty, filthy things they wanted to do to/with each other. Not just him, but both of them. Was I surprised? No, I was shocked. Her explanation was that no one had ever talked to, or treated her that way before, and she loved it. It was exciting for her to be thought of, and treated like a "naughty" girl. Not that this will apply in your situation, but be prepared for a few curveballs, if this discussion is going to be about her desires, not just what you think she will want.

Also be prepared for the questions on just about every wife's mind when her husband suggests that she find a boyfriend. "Does this mean you no longer find me sexually attractive?" And, "Is this your way of saying you want to fuck other women?" Just saying, be prepared.

Also take heed to the advice given by "MikeForYourWife," regarding the difference between physical and emotional connections. He is spot on with his assessment that the emotional aspect has the most potential for negative outcomes.

Bottom line is that cuckolding, has its risks, and its rewards. Just so you know where I am coming from, my wife and I are both in our 70's and have been married over 50 years. We are, and always have been in love with each other. She last had sex with her boyfriend two years ago, and still exchanges texts/sexts with him.

P.M.s are always welcome.

 

[policywank]

It is likely very difficult for her to be truly open with you now about what she would want from another man. She naturally wants to assuage any jealousy or insecurity. And she wants to see herself and the potential dynamics of this in a certain way. But even if she is being totally honest with you and herself, that doesn't mean things might not change later on. Recognize that we do not control our feelings. We can try to manage them and determine how to respond to them, but we cannot simply switch them on or off.

Whatever balance works right for you as a couple must be enforced by her with her lovers. You can't be hovering every minute and it isn't the other man's responsibility to protect your marriage. When we are single women often flounder in this regard. We let the man take the lead, criticize him for not reading our minds or being who we hoped he would be, then just absorb the consequences if things go sideways. The consequences for a married woman are much higher, so she must own it and face things head on.

She is highly likely to develop feelings for a lover. I am not saying it will be love and those feelings need not interfere with your marriage. But you can't expect her to be completely indifferent (like I said even if she tries to be she can't be sure of controlling her feelings). We all have feelings for people outside our marriage (friends, family) that don't affect our marriage. The premise that the same cannot be true of a sexual partner is flawed. She needs to get used to that because it is up to her to not confuse those feelings with an indication that there is a problem in the marriage (i.e. the silly notion that if she loved you she wouldn't have such feelings and so the presence of those feelings equals trouble).

Set boundaries but go easy on the rules as long as she accepts the responsibility to ensure her actions do not jeopardize the marriage and maintain a reasonable balance. She is a grown woman. She doesn't need a curfew or someone tracking her every move. And if she doesn't have enough common sense to keep herself safe she isn't ready to make this move.

 

[TryingTooHard]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

A couple of observations,

I am a cuckold, more or less. I brought up the idea of having another man join us and it was certainly my fantasy before I was able to persuade my wife to entertain this fantasy.

Firstly, a wife will question a husband's love for her if he repeatedly brings up sharing. She will wonder why he would want thus if he truly loved her.

Secondly, many husbands have this fantasy and may have told their wives but, in the end, it never gets fulfilled for a variety of reasons which I probably don't need to spell out here. However, if things do lead to another man entering the marriage, the husband will experience many intense and mixed emotions, no matter how strongly he believes that he can handle watching and listening to his wife being fucked and used by another man. These will run from intense sexual arousal to humiliation and jealousy.

The wife may react in many ways too. She may find herself emotionally confused and have strong feelings of guilt, even if sex with the other man is good. She may feel abandoned once she is alone again with her husband. On the other hand, she could be sexually awakened and realize that having another man fuck her is both liberating and enjoyable. This could alienate her from her husband unless he is prepared to accept his cuckold role as not even second best but sexually useless.

It is possible that if the marriage is loveless, then neither the husband nor the wife will feel any particularly strong emotion apart from physical sexual desire.

Fantasy is fun and adds to a relationship. Fulfillment of this particular fantasy is not for everyone, believe me.

 

[LMWM321]

@Cardinal

There have been some thoughtful replies to your post, replies that took time and effort. Are going to respond or at least acknowledge them?