Honesty not Fantasy about Cuckolding

[Cardinal]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Slippery slope! But intriguing!

 

[MikeForYourWife]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

Have you and your wife tried role playing in the bedroom? Maybe add a dildo as her “boyfriend”. I have had relationships with couples online where chatting with the wife has helped them return to a sexual relationship. I would recommend these before entering the lifestyle.

The physical aspects of the cuckold lifestyle are small compared to the mental aspects. The “slutwife” scenario is actually easier to navigate because it is mostly physical.

When you look at an emotional connection it gets more complicated. How can you ask 2 people to create a romantic bond and not expect them to want to be together on a more permanent basis.

 

[Himileage]

This about sex not love so make sure you both agree about that and make sure you talk about that fact before and after. It has to be about sex and nothing more.

 

[LMWM321]

Oh please only honest feed back.

Honest feedback?

Before opening your marriage, you and your wife should see a sex therapist, together. An experienced therapist will share with you what they have learned from other couples who have done this, including consequences you probably never even considered. And they will know what questions you both need to answer before taking such a huge leap.

I'm not saying that allowing your wife to have NSA sex with other men is guaranteed to ruin your marriage, but it certainly could. So, what you need is an opinion from an expert who is qualified to assess the strength and durability of your relationship - not the opinion of (mostly) horny old dudes on a kink website who see only the kinky upside to other peoples decisions.

Good luck.

 

[BillyWalrus]

horny old dudes on a kink website who see only the kinky upside to other peoples decisions.

Nailed it on that one!

 

[J_Bone]

The age old phrase be careful what you wish for leaps to mind. Not that it's a doomsday, but it's not always like all the stuff we read here on lit, much of which is bullshit.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

If 'Honesty' is what you want, then you will have to stop treating the cuckold lifestyle as something more than a joke. You will first have to have a serious discussion about her taking on a boyfriend for sex. Both of you will have to be honest and open with each other about your expectations and limits. Remember this is not only about your thoughts on the matter. Be prepared for her to have her own set of desires, which may, or may not, align with yours.

You have written that "she would want gentle, loving, care with a man." Do not take this for granted. Maybe that is what she wants from you, but from another man, she may want "wild, lustful, fucking." This is about "real" sharing of your ideas, and hers, not just what you think she would like. When I first discovered my wife's texts with an old b/f of hers, I was shocked to read the dirty, nasty, filthy things they wanted to do to/with each other. Not just him, but both of them. Was I surprised? No, I was shocked. Her explanation was that no one had ever talked to, or treated her that way before, and she loved it. It was exciting for her to be thought of, and treated like a "naughty" girl. Not that this will apply in your situation, but be prepared for a few curveballs, if this discussion is going to be about her desires, not just what you think she will want.

Also be prepared for the questions on just about every wife's mind when her husband suggests that she find a boyfriend. "Does this mean you no longer find me sexually attractive?" And, "Is this your way of saying you want to fuck other women?" Just saying, be prepared.

Also take heed to the advice given by "MikeForYourWife," regarding the difference between physical and emotional connections. He is spot on with his assessment that the emotional aspect has the most potential for negative outcomes.

Bottom line is that cuckolding, has its risks, and its rewards. Just so you know where I am coming from, my wife and I are both in our 70's and have been married over 50 years. We are, and always have been in love with each other. She last had sex with her boyfriend two years ago, and still exchanges texts/sexts with him.

P.M.s are always welcome.

 

[policywank]

It is likely very difficult for her to be truly open with you now about what she would want from another man. She naturally wants to assuage any jealousy or insecurity. And she wants to see herself and the potential dynamics of this in a certain way. But even if she is being totally honest with you and herself, that doesn't mean things might not change later on. Recognize that we do not control our feelings. We can try to manage them and determine how to respond to them, but we cannot simply switch them on or off.

Whatever balance works right for you as a couple must be enforced by her with her lovers. You can't be hovering every minute and it isn't the other man's responsibility to protect your marriage. When we are single women often flounder in this regard. We let the man take the lead, criticize him for not reading our minds or being who we hoped he would be, then just absorb the consequences if things go sideways. The consequences for a married woman are much higher, so she must own it and face things head on.

She is highly likely to develop feelings for a lover. I am not saying it will be love and those feelings need not interfere with your marriage. But you can't expect her to be completely indifferent (like I said even if she tries to be she can't be sure of controlling her feelings). We all have feelings for people outside our marriage (friends, family) that don't affect our marriage. The premise that the same cannot be true of a sexual partner is flawed. She needs to get used to that because it is up to her to not confuse those feelings with an indication that there is a problem in the marriage (i.e. the silly notion that if she loved you she wouldn't have such feelings and so the presence of those feelings equals trouble).

Set boundaries but go easy on the rules as long as she accepts the responsibility to ensure her actions do not jeopardize the marriage and maintain a reasonable balance. She is a grown woman. She doesn't need a curfew or someone tracking her every move. And if she doesn't have enough common sense to keep herself safe she isn't ready to make this move.

 

[TryingTooHard]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

A couple of observations,

I am a cuckold, more or less. I brought up the idea of having another man join us and it was certainly my fantasy before I was able to persuade my wife to entertain this fantasy.

Firstly, a wife will question a husband's love for her if he repeatedly brings up sharing. She will wonder why he would want thus if he truly loved her.

Secondly, many husbands have this fantasy and may have told their wives but, in the end, it never gets fulfilled for a variety of reasons which I probably don't need to spell out here. However, if things do lead to another man entering the marriage, the husband will experience many intense and mixed emotions, no matter how strongly he believes that he can handle watching and listening to his wife being fucked and used by another man. These will run from intense sexual arousal to humiliation and jealousy.

The wife may react in many ways too. She may find herself emotionally confused and have strong feelings of guilt, even if sex with the other man is good. She may feel abandoned once she is alone again with her husband. On the other hand, she could be sexually awakened and realize that having another man fuck her is both liberating and enjoyable. This could alienate her from her husband unless he is prepared to accept his cuckold role as not even second best but sexually useless.

It is possible that if the marriage is loveless, then neither the husband nor the wife will feel any particularly strong emotion apart from physical sexual desire.

Fantasy is fun and adds to a relationship. Fulfillment of this particular fantasy is not for everyone, believe me.

 

[LMWM321]

@Cardinal

There have been some thoughtful replies to your post, replies that took time and effort. Are going to respond or at least acknowledge them?

 

[Justusnluv]

We have enjoyed our cuckold marriage for 29 years now. A few things come to my mind. I believe that a true solid marriage requires four cornerstones. Love, respect, trust, & Communication. Cuckold marriage are not based on cheating. Cheating will ruin trust. Communication is extremely important. This means open, honest, and mature conversations. I think this is the hardest part. My wife and I openly discuss desires, rules, and of course sex. Set rules that you BOTH agree with. Openly discuss what you BOTH want and need.

 

[lc69hunter]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

communication and the strength of the bond between you, are the factors which make it work, or not work. I have been with many married women over the years, and it is up to the woman to ensure proper respect for the husband by the lover. I believe that to be critical.

 

[jchtlit]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

I have been thinking the same for some time.

 

[Justusnluv]

I have been happily married for almost 30 years. 29 of which we have enjoyed a cuckold marriage. This lifestyle tends to eliminate cheating and feeling betrayed due to cheating. Love, trust, communication, and yes even commitment are cornerstones. The couple needs to be able to have open and honest conversations. Being able to not confuse sex with love or love with sex is important. Even as a true cuckold our sex life has always been an US thing and not just a HER thing. It just is accomplished it differently than most marriages.

 

[bjlatx]

My wife and I have been married/together almost 30 years and began the hotwife lifestyle almost 3 years ago. We love it and kick ourselves for not just doing this from the beginning.

 

[TryingTooHard]

I have been happily married for almost 30 years. 29 of which we have enjoyed a cuckold marriage. This lifestyle tends to eliminate cheating and feeling betrayed due to cheating. Love, trust, communication, and yes even commitment are cornerstones. The couple needs to be able to have open and honest conversations. Being able to not confuse sex with love or love with sex is important. Even as a true cuckold our sex life has always been an US thing and not just a HER thing. It just is accomplished it differently than most marriages.

You seem to have handled it very well indeed. All your comments about openness, honesty , trust and communication are absolutely on the nail.

However, in my case, while all these things do exist in my own marriage ( to my second and younger wife ), there is an element of humiliation that occurs whenever her exboyfriend comes to visit. Jealousy also plays a part of it.

Strangely enough, both the humiliation and jealousy aspects add to the sexual arousal I experience.

 

[Kolejdayz]

You seem to have handled it very well indeed. All your comments about openness, honesty , trust and communication are absolutely on the nail.

However, in my case, while all these things do exist in my own marriage ( to my second and younger wife ), there is an element of humiliation that occurs whenever her exboyfriend comes to visit. Jealousy also plays a part of it.

Strangely enough, both the humiliation and jealousy aspects add to the sexual arousal I experience.

I have never felt jealous. It's more curiosity about what she does with him and the little noises she makes

 

[Justusnluv]

I am not a jealous person by nature. I'm surebthat helps. If I've been jealous of anything I would say I am jealous of her and the pleasure she gets.

Humiliation is a different aspect. Many cucks enjoy humiliation on some level. I can be included in this group. When my wife's Bulls are in our house a role is secured right away. He is the Man, she is the woman, and I am the cuckold. I love when I am compared to him. I love serving them and being in my place.

 

[Dearelliot]

My thoughts, so many women I know feel slutty if they fuck a guy they don't like, so to ease their conscience, they will start to like the guy and that worries me...Not like ladies I screw, in my mind, faceless, nameless sex objects.

 

[UtilityCurve]

My thoughts, so many women I know feel slutty if they fuck a guy they don't like, so to ease their conscience, they will start to like the guy and that worries me...Not like ladies I screw, in my mind, faceless, nameless sex objects.

Really intriguing theory. Gotta mull that over.

 

[bjlatx]

Why would a woman fuck a man she doesn’t like at least at some level?

 

[Daiseee]

Oh please only honest feed back.
My with and I have been married for 33+ years, together for 40. Sexually things are slow or nonexistent, unfortunately. We do sometimes joke about her having a boyfriend but nothing beyond that. Also, I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her happy.
So my question is, if we go down this road and she sleeps with another man what are we in for? Both of us.
I would NEVER leave her, that’s not an option, and I don’t think she would ever leave me but this is a big step in a marriage and a huge experience together.
I think she would like the thrill of dating and being treated like a lady by another man, it wouldn’t be a “slutwife” scenario at all, she would want gentle, loving, care with a man, and then I assume back to me.
What should we expect as a couple? As a husband, I think I can handle it because I love her and I’m t makes me happy when she’s happy. Women have you experienced this and what are your emotions? Still strong for your husband? Is your marriage still the number one most important thing in your life?
Thank you

Well first and foremost you need to be talking about this with her and making sure this is something she might want as well as you. A lot of times men seem to want this naughty side for their wives and their wives do not want the same thing and things get pushy and go bad. I also recommend this chat happens after a good orgasm so your heads stay a bit more clear.

If you both do want to test these waters I usually say arrange a threesome with a neutral party or have your wife take a fun vacation and give her a hall pass with no strings attached. What happens, happens well within reason. This will usually give you the experience and let you see what emotions you are going to be going through.

From there you can judge if this was a fun experience or an emotional nightmare. But granted this advice is the tip of the iceberg of getting into a lifestyle like this.

 

[hiker283]

We have been married 30 years. When she has sex with someone else I am pretty fine with it. It is especially okay if she has sex when on an out of town trip. I do expect to be told it about it, although I do not demand details.

 

[lc69hunter]

Cuckolding, at least on this site, encompasses everything from ethical nonmonogamy, polyamory, swapping, swinging, hall passes, to the traditional cuckolding, where the wife has freedom and the husband does not. All have a different dynamic, and its own set of issues. I am not a fan of the term to start with as it is used inappropriately as a pejorative to belittle others.
As said earlier, you do not know what she needs or wants, and as @policywank mentioned, she may not want to tell you, to protect your feelings. The bond between the two of you MUST remain strong.

In my second marriage, she and I both traveled a lot, and each of us had a hall pass while on the road. It worked for us. When I was deployed either on ship or overseas, I know she could not remain celibate, so I told her, no std's, no new kids, don't embarrass me, and be safe.

What I am saying is, what ever your path, do it with love and respect.