"His work life is killing him but I feel we need the income"

[LJ_Reloaded]

http://www.salon.com/2010/06/27/husbands_job/

I’m holding my husband hostage to his job
His work life is killing him but I feel we need the income

Hi Cary,

Welcome back. We missed you.

Yesterday, my daughter suggested I write to you for advice, so this morning I am doing exactly that. I need a lyrical yet sane voice to guide me.

I’m afraid you’ll tell me I’m selfish and domineering, but if you find me so, please do tell.

My husband of 10 years (we’re in our early 50s) and I have followed similar life paths. We both married as teenagers, raised families in our 20s, got divorced and went to college in our 30s. I continued after my bachelor’s degree and earned a graduate degree. We reinvented ourselves at midlife, became professionals, found each other, married, and began to build a very middle-class life together, complete with the house in the suburbs and the annual trip to Europe. Our combined salaries make our lifestyle enviable, no money problems, no worries. After decades of being young parents with cars that broke down weekly and not enough money to pay all the bills every month, it’s been amazing and I’ve been grateful every day that my life turned out this way.

However, my husband I are both creative people, people who have successfully reinvented ourselves and continue to do so in many ways. I have had a major creative breakthrough this year and am enjoying artistic success that is beyond any hope I had for my life. Everything is peachy for me.

But not so great for my husband. He earns a great salary for sitting in a cubicle. But it is killing him daily. He has an easy, unchallenging job, but it is a job where he is not using any of his numerous gifts. Remember, he’s a guy who thinks outside the box, a guy who raised three kids and worked in a warehouse 40 hours a week while he commuted to a state university to earn his B.A. He is the most creative guy I’ve ever met. It’s not possible for him to climb the ladder in his current workplace. His younger boss and colleagues have plugged him into his boring little job and they do the things he could do better. He is miserable.

And it’s not because he wants a different job. He is tired of earning money for the man. He has his own ideas, good ones, but risky ones. In short, my husband wants to quit his job and become an entrepreneur. He wants to live on our savings (not extensive, a year or maybe two of replacing his salary) and take the plunge of earning real money and preparing for a decent retirement. He’s right that it’s not looking good for us in 13 years. I am earning a pension, but he is not. Who knows about Social Security payments by then? And as comfortable as we are now, it’s because we have decent paychecks coming in every month.

We’ve been fighting about this for nearly three years. He won’t quit without my blessing and I am loath to give it. He earns more than I. If his business doesn’t work, how will he find another job in this economy at his age? If he was lucky enough to find a new job, it would be entry level at half or less his current salary. And our retirement prospects will be bleaker than ever....

If I were this dude I would quit and empty the bank account and flee to Kazakhstan where there's no extradition treaty with the US. Live on the fucking land, but by God, live free of this fucking Strigoi.