Hint for my boyfriend to dominate?

[welh005]

I have always felt submissive in every aspect of my life. Every so often, my boyfriend gets rougher during sex, and it drives me wild. I've always fantasized about being completely submissive to someone.

Without outright saying this to him, is there any way I can bring it up, or subtly hint for him to just take me?

And no, nothing is wrong with our communication, I'm just not sure if this is really something he wants, so I don't want to bring it up and make it really awkward for him.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I have always felt submissive in every aspect of my life. Every so often, my boyfriend gets rougher during sex, and it drives me wild. I've always fantasized about being completely submissive to someone.

Without outright saying this to him, is there any way I can bring it up, or subtly hint for him to just take me?

And no, nothing is wrong with our communication, I'm just not sure if this is really something he wants, so I don't want to bring it up and make it really awkward for him.

Next time he does it, tell him how much you enjoyed that. People (dominant or not) generally like to be told they did a good job, and it's likely he'll do it again.

You can't expect a "change" (you shouldn't have to change HIM) overnight, but just telling what he's doing that you're liking can redirect his efforts.

And if even that puts him off and he has no desire to be aggressive and it's a "lapse" that he's "ashamed of"....you MAY hve to resign yourself to the fact that it's just not going to happen. And then you have to decide whether that matters to you.

 

[wicked woman]

Awkward for him or you? Havent you heard than men don't do hints/subtle well? (Apologizes in advance to the men that do but I'm only repeating what men have said.)

I'm all for being honest and open about it. I don't see why discussing something that excites you means that there's an automatic assumption that he'll be able or willing to accommodate you. But by not speaking up you don't even give him the option of trying to please you in more ways than he already does.

Sorry no help from me. My vote is for an honest tactful discussion sharing what excites you.

 

[Loverskitten]

I wish there was a sticky for these kind of posts
Here's some ideas that have been brought up in the past...
1. Tell him. Maybe something like "it really turns me on when you take charge in the bedroom, I want more"
2. Send him a story from lit with a note "wow this story turned me on, what do you think?"
3. There's a thread here called "your favorite BDSM photos" find one you really like (it doesn't have to be one of the rougher ones, there are very tender D/s pics in there) and send it to him.
4. Mid doggy style blurt out "SPANK ME!..... HARDER....HARDER!" this one's my favorite.

Or, how about when he comes home/over be on your knees, nude and tell him, "I am at your service, Sir" surely the look on his face alone would be worth any embarrassment.

The more I experiment with BDSM I realize that in the past I've been frustrated when a Top wasn't rough enough, but didn't want to "Top from the bottom" so I got mad and more bratty than usual. However, experimenting with Topping I now completely understand that I AM NOT A MIND READER. Respond to him, when he does something you like.

 

[StrayKat]

The more I experiment with BDSM I realize that in the past I've been frustrated when a Top wasn't rough enough, but didn't want to "Top from the bottom" so I got mad and more bratty than usual. However, experimenting with Topping I now completely understand that I AM NOT A MIND READER. Respond to him, when he does something you like.

This. None is a mind reader.
Yes, women do take hints sometimes even where there are none, but men definitely need to be told exactly what you want.
I have no problem telling my Top what suits me and what I dislike, if I want to learn more about myself I have to make things clear for him too. I am never bratty in such situations though, saying out loud what exactly I want to try, intensify or stop I dont see as topping from the bottom but very much needed communication.

So, talk, talk, talk. Then talk some more. Then put all that talk into practice and talk even more after that.

 

[midwestyankee]

Tell the boyfriend that unless he continues to grab your hair (or whatever it is he does that excites the hell out of you), you plan to run off with the Disney cartoon character The Beast (from Beauty and the Beast).

 

[DVS]

Awkward for him or you? Havent you heard than men don't do hints/subtle well? (Apologizes in advance to the men that do but I'm only repeating what men have said.)

I SERIOUSLY hate it when I'm required to take a hint. I'm sure I've made more than one woman upset when I didn't "catch" what they were "saying".

This. None is a mind reader.
Yes, women do take hints sometimes even where there are none, but men definitely need to be told exactly what you want.

Ain't that the truth? I've also had women misunderstand me when I was saying something. I don't do hints. I want it outright so there's no chance of a misunderstanding. And I try to do the same, when explaining something to someone else. Call me blunt, Ethel.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Can we sticky this post?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Give him "the smile of submission". If he is a dominate, his subdar will pick it up.

If that fails, try oral servitude. If he doesn't "get it" after that, he's hopeless.

 

[StrayKat]

I SERIOUSLY hate it when I'm required to take a hint. I'm sure I've made more than one woman upset when I didn't "catch" what they were "saying".
Ain't that the truth? I've also had women misunderstand me when I was saying something. I don't do hints. I want it outright so there's no chance of a misunderstanding. And I try to do the same, when explaining something to someone else. Call me blunt, Ethel.

Only you and every other male out there.
I dont really hate so much when I have to spell every word and then draw a picture for my husband to understand things. I do hate when I say "good morning" to my Mother and she accuse me of telling her I hate her because she didnt change my diapers that one time 40+ years ago. I got to the point I hardly want to talk to women anymore. At least that kind.
On the other hand dealing mostly with men made me probably too straightforward and direct. I was talking to my Dom/Top guy the other night and I could clearly see him blink a few times. Good thing he didnt say anything

 

[YourCaptor]

Give him "the smile of submission". If he is a dominate, his subdar will pick it up.

If that fails, try oral servitude. If he doesn't "get it" after that, he's hopeless.

Smile of submission. What?

 

[StrayKat]

Smile of submission. What?

I am wondering the same thing.
Cheesy grin maybe?

 

[Loverskitten]

Give him "the smile of submission". If he is a dominate, his subdar will pick it up.

If that fails, try oral servitude. If he doesn't "get it" after that, he's hopeless.

I think it's when ANY woman smiles, just a guess. hehe


And hello? Grammar Doms someone needs a spanking.

 

[StrayKat]

someone needs a spanking.

Hand them over I am just in a mood.

 

[BiBunny]

And hello? Grammar Doms someone needs a spanking.

Lulz, I feel certain it was intentional.

 

[Loverskitten]

Lulz, I feel certain it was intentional.

Y'all are sleepin on the job. Dominates are running wild, people want to be Dominanted... It's anarchy!

 

[subwannabe]

I really don't want to criticize you or make you feel bad but you say there is nothing wrong with your communication and yet you are afraid of communicating. Just tell him. Don't beat around the bush. Explain to him while telling him that you respect his thoughts if he's not interested. I'll bet a hundred dollars it won't go down bad and you will be glad you did.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Lulz, I feel certain it was intentional.

Ah yes I thought he was taking the piss, too.

Rosco

 

[DVS]

Y'all are sleepin on the job. Dominates are running wild, people want to be Dominanted... It's anarchy!

I don't text. Would the shortcut for that be dom-n8? I can't seem to pronounce dominanted. My tongue doesn't go that way.

 

[satindesire]

Hit him with a clue-by-four. If it makes him uncomfortable, he'll get over it. He's made of sterner stuff than you're giving him credit for love.

 

[nayia]

I can understand about the communication thing, but sometimes having a whole conversation about it makes the whole thing feel staged. With my boyfriend, when he does something I like, I encourage him. In the beginning, I waited until things got intense then I asked him to pull my hair, and put his hand on my throat, and showed my appreciation. Really, I think showing how much you like something really encourages him and can get you what you both want.

 

[DVS]

I can understand about the communication thing, but sometimes having a whole conversation about it makes the whole thing feel staged. With my boyfriend, when he does something I like, I encourage him. In the beginning, I waited until things got intense then I asked him to pull my hair, and put his hand on my throat, and showed my appreciation. Really, I think showing how much you like something really encourages him and can get you what you both want.

Make a list of things you would like to do and give it to him. Tell him to surprise you with what he does from that list. That might be a way to remove the staged aspect of it. The longer your list is, the less staged things will be.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Hit him with a clue-by-four. If it makes him uncomfortable, he'll get over it. He's made of sterner stuff than you're giving him credit for love.

Clue-by-four. that.

 

[satindesire]

Clue-by-four. that.

What can I say? I'm full of clever bullshit like that.

 

[DVS]

What can I say? I'm full of clever bullshit like that.

Did you say you're full of shit?