Hi all!

[tongueswillwag]

I am completely new to this whole writing thing, and thought that here might be a good place to start I have been reading on this site for a while and thought I might give it a try.

Most everyone here on the forum seems nice and friendly so I thought I might throw something out there and see what came back to me.

I keep writing and rewriting this, and was hoping for a bit of input (I know it is short) and maybe, if I am really lucky, someone to volunteer to edit when there is more.

So here goes...


She shuddered as she rose higher and higher, unable to prevent her body’s response to his ministrations, despite her own voice screaming in her mind for this to stop. She knew that there was no turning back. Completely aware yet utterly helpless to fight his touch upon her skin she could feel her body at war with her mind, craving completion and utterly terrified of the consequences. He wouldn’t fuck her until she asked for it, but with the drug coursing through her veins she knew it wouldn’t be long before she begged to feel his long hard cock inside of her. And then, with a satisfied smirk on his glorious face, he left the room.

Thank god for small mercies. Left to lie there on her own she took the time to reflect upon how much she hated Angels. What really got to her was their sense of entitlement. He honestly believed that he had every right to force these feelings upon her, that his ends justified his means. He hadn’t even undressed as he had dragged her in here and cuffed her hands, not uncomfortably, to the bedhead. She pressed her legs together as she fought a surge of heat at the memory...

 

[sr71plt]

"ministrations" popped out right off the bat as a mood killer. It's too big a word for the context, and "ministrations" has the context of "taking care of the needs of"--rooted in "ministry." Reading on, I don't get the sense that the "angel" is concerned with anyone's needs but his own.

"angels" isn't capitalized in this context.

You might get more response in the Story Feedback forum section.

 

[tongueswillwag]

thankyou

 

[mynameisben]

Every time I read the word ministrations I immediately think of minestrone. In the context of an oral sex scene, I find myself apalled at encountering beans and peas and chicken bits in broth down there. That's probably more me than you, though.

 

[lovecraft68]

In addition to ministrations the word "bedhead" jumped out at me. Makes me think of cowlicks and unruly curls in the morning. Try head board.

Also I think she had too much going through her mind while enduring his ministrations. The thoughts while on the verge of an orgasm should be short and sweet.

When you describe him leaving and her being left tied to the bed it reminded me of something similar I had written. If you would like to take a quick look at my version click on my story link and go to Breaking of Allison part one. The intro is very much like your scene. Not saying it's great (wrote it a year and a half ago and have come along a bit since then.) but it could give you some more ideas.

Funny thing is you are using Angels where as in mine she is at the mercy of a Satanist.

 

[lovecraft68]

Every time I read the word ministrations I immediately think of minestrone. In the context of an oral sex scene, I find myself apalled at encountering beans and peas and chicken bits in broth down there. That's probably more me than you, though.

I just keep thinking sick priest. Must be me.

 

[tongueswillwag]

I did deliberately use ministrations because of the whole religious thing, thought it was kind of funny. Thanks for the heads up (pun completely intended) about the bed end.