Hi, all. Looking for feedback please.

[Ron Marsh]

I've been working out some characterization and enriched setting issues in the following two stories. Let me know how that's working out please. I would like to spend a little more time exploring the places and people of NM.

thanks.

Wild Sunflowers 1.
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=223873

Wild Sunflowers 2.
http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=225947
Edit/Delete Message

 

[CopyCarver]

Oops

Bad links there, Ron. Try again.

 

[MichelleLovesTo]

Found the Stories...

What can I say? I'm a Good Samaritan:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=223873

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=225947

 

[Ron Marsh]

Thank you, Michelle. You are a darling.

I too, try to be literate in my writing. Thanks for going to the trouble of fixing my links. I don't know what went wrong with them.

Be well. I'd be glad to take a look at your stories, by the way, if you should desire. My email is y7704521@yahoo.com

What can I say? I'm a Good Samaritan:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=223873

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=225947

 

[Flashlight7.5]

Needs trimmed

It's good, but you need to trim it. Every line of your story needs to either reveal character or advance the action. Everything else can be, and often should be, eliminated. You don't need to describe the wine, almond oil, omelets, cello piece, La Fonda hotel, and other such things in such detail. Most readers won't care. These things aren't essential to the story. I don't think the first three paragraphs are essential to the story either. His ex-wives are never mentioned again, nor does their memory affect his actions much later in the story. He's an interesting enough character in that he drives a big F350 and plays cello. Go with that.

Also, you should strike the word "literally" from "She climbed, literally, into the truck." Most adverbs are useless.